Arianna had to smile through her grief. Everything had to be entirely normal. Go to school, endure the whispers, get home, and chatter away over meaningless topics to avoid the elephant in the room. Tears were dangerous. Anguish was a minefield. She sat in her room, night after night, constantly waiting to hear the gentle breaths and sleepy murmur from another person across the room. Yet, they never came, and the room felt utterly sterile without them. The bed was gone. The bookshelves were gone. The room was hers alone, and she didn’t know what to do with it, So she did nothing, waiting endlessly for the weight in her chest to disappear. Hoping and praying that one day she would be able to breathe again without feeling like her chest cavity was going to collapse.

  Yet, that night was different. She finally could get away from all the memories, and while a part of her was thrilled at the chance to escape, the other part of her couldn’t imagine leaving the room. She glanced around, imagining it as it had once been. There had been pages of notes strewn everywhere, with endless amounts of information about the other planes written in the tiniest of scrawl. She could hear their whispering voices, words fast and excited as the two of them imagined their next adventure into the spirit realm. The memories were warm and soft and burned with a vigor, unlike anything she had felt before. It was beautiful, and awful, and all too confusing.

  A rapping at Arianna’s window stirred her from her thoughts. She crept over, doing her best to avoid the creaky panels in the wooden flooring. She slid the window open and stepped aside, as she had many nights before. This time, however, her usual glee was missing because she had been waiting for that familiar sound entirely alone. Instead, as Ziki slipped through the window, their corporeal form slithering through like water, she found a sob stuck in the back of her throat.

  They simply stood there, illuminated by streaks of moonlight, communicating with their eyes. Within them was everything. Their loss. Their horror. The incomprehension of the reality they now faced. Silent tears streamed down Arianna’s face. Her vision blurred, her mind flashing to happier times, knowing that they would never be quite the same. Even this simple ritual felt entirely vacant, missing a key part of the puzzle that had once made it so comforting.

  Ziki stepped forward, leaning down to lay their forehead against hers. “Come, Little One, they are waiting for us.”

  Arianna’s frame shook. “I can’t.”

  “You must. Everyone has their time, we must say goodbye. Your sister would want you at her final gathering.”

  The young girl wiped her eyes. “I’m scared.”

  Ziki pulled back, a bittersweet smile stretching across their face. “Me too. We’ll go through it together.”

  “Promise?”

  “Of course.” Ziki wrapped their tail around Arianna’s form. “Are you ready?”

  She took a steadying breath and nodded. Her eyes fell closed. “Ready.”

  ~~~

  When she opened her eyes again, she was standing in a grand field lit by floating candles. Spirits were mulling about, their eyes downcast as they murmured condolences to each other. She glanced down, quickly reaching up to stop the flower crown that had appeared on her head from falling off. Her nightgown had been changed into a flowing white dress. It glittered under the light of the moon.

  “Do you like it?”

  Arianna blinked up at Ziki. “Shouldn’t it be black?”

  Ziki started leading them towards the group of spirits. “Wearing black as a sign of mourning is a relatively young human tradition. Spirits adhere to the traditions of our youth.” They glanced down at her. “I can change it if you wish.”

  Arianna shook her head, thumbing the soft fabric. “No, thank you, Cassandra would have liked it.”

  Ziki nodded, before turning to the spirits in attendance. “Arianna is here.” A deep breath. “We can begin.”

  There was a moment where nothing happened, no one wanting to begin the final rites. It seemed as if even the candles could sense their grief, their flames weighed down by its enormity. After a moment, Ziki stepped forward. “Tonight we are here to honour Cassandra. A sister, companion, and friend.” Their voice shook as they spoke. “She was taken from us, like so many before her, from the Earthly plane. She was a kind soul, one taken too soon.” The spirit’s gaze landed on Arianna. “She will be missed, by spirit and human alike.”

  “She will be missed.” Arianna sniffled as the chorus of voices echoed the words. For a moment it was as if she could feel Cassandra beside her, her brown hair flowing beneath a flower crown of her own, marvelling at the spirit plane and all the wonders it held. She would be hopping from foot to foot, pointing out how the stars seemed to glitter with a rainbow iridescence or the mountains that stretched out in the distance. Then that moment was over, and Arianna found herself even more exhausted than she was before. She felt like she was being sucked toward the ground.

  One by one, the spirits stepped forward to lay small gifts in the center of the circle they had formed. There were simple things that Cassandra would have enjoyed. Notebooks and pens, books and trinkets. Then there were things the teenager would have never imagined being bestowed in her honor. Magical gems and maps of the planes. Things that would have fascinated her endlessly. When it was Arianna’s turn, she stepped forward slowly, kneeling in front of the small mound of gifts. Slowly, she pulled the flower crown from her head and placed it on top. Her hands shook as she pulled them back.

  “I love you, Cassandra. I’ll miss you always.”

  Eventually, she found herself leaning against a tree, her eyes raised toward the starlit sky. She knew she would have to go back soon, and yet she never wanted to leave. A part of her wanted to scream, to yell out so that all the beings of the Earth knew of her fury. Another part of her, though, was too exhausted to muster the energy. It demanded she sit there, as still as the tree she was leaning against, and soak in her boiling anger. She closed her eyes, digging her fingernails into her arms.

  “You’re going to ruin your teeth if you tense your jaw like that.” Arianna didn’t move. If anything, her form tensed further. “What are you doing over here?”

  Arianna leaned her head against the tree. “I don’t know.”

  Ziki moved closer, curling their trail around the tree. “Well, what are you thinking about?”

  She swallowed, her voice coming out quiet. “She should be here.”

  “You’re right, she should be.”

  “Then why wasn’t she?”

  Ziki hummed. “Humans are mysterious creatures that grieve in mysterious ways.”

  “It isn’t right.”

  “She needs time, Little One.”

  Arianna’s eyes shot open, her face twisting in anger. “What about Cassandra?” Her hands swung in wild gestures. “She’s dead, and Mom is acting like she’s going to walk through the door as if nothing happened.” She slumped, her angry words turning into sobs. “She’s gone.” Ziki pulled her close, gently rubbing their tail across her back. The young girl rubbed her face against their scaly form. “I want my sister back.”

  “I’m sure your family feels the same way.”

  She wiped at her eyes. “It doesn’t seem like it. Mom hasn’t spoken one word about it since she was buried. She just stares vacantly at whatever wall is nearest.”

  “Tell me about her.”

  “Mom?”

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  “Cassandra.”

  Arianna opened her eyes and raised a brow. “You knew her too.”

  “Of course I did.” Ziki’s voice was heavy with an emotion that Arianna couldn’t quite place. Maybe it was beyond human perception, developed through eons of life. Whatever it was, it weighed heavily upon her shoulders as it washed over her. When no answer was forthcoming, they added, “Humor me.”

  “She was warm, constantly had her nose in a book. She wanted to learn everything there was to know about the spirits.” She bit the inside of her cheek harshly, the taste of iron coating her tongue. “Mom had to take her flashlight away at night so that she couldn’t read beneath the covers. I was always so excited to get my own room so that that stupid light wouldn’t keep me awake.” Her fingers trailed over the grass as she took a shaky breath. “Now the room feels so empty without her.” She took a deep breath. “What about you? What do you remember?”

  Ziki was silent for a moment, their ever-changing eyes falling on her. She could feel their gaze latch onto her before it slipped away again, tugging on some hidden part of her as it left. They sighed. “She was one of the brightest humans I have ever seen.” Their words were stilted, as if their forked tongue was weighed down in the same manner Arianna’s limbs were. “She was utterly alive, glowing from the inside out, and she made you feel alive by extension.”

  Arianna pulled her knees up to her chest. “Do you think she was scared?”

  She didn’t specify when, but they both knew. Maybe the weight sitting between them acted like a bridge, or maybe it was the sorrowful look in the young girl’s eyes. Whatever it was, it stung immensely but also tasted of hope.

  “I don’t know.”

  Arianna glanced at Ziki, watching the way the moon’s rays stretched across their semi-solid form. “You miss her.”

  “Every day.”

  Arianna sighed. “Me too.”

  They sat there for a while longer, listening to the leaves dance in the breeze, as they soaked in each other’s emotions. It was jagged and stung but was also comforting in some indescribable way. All Arianna knew was that as she sat there, staring up at the full moon, it felt like she was closer to Cassandra than she had been since her death. Her chest still festered with pain, but for just a moment it felt like she could breathe.

  ~~~

  When Arianna first blinked open her eyes after Ziki had returned her to her room, all the air left her body. Her mother was standing in the doorway, her blank eyes staring right through her. Her lips were thin, and her posture was straight and stiff. The clothes she wore hung off her thin frame.

  “You were with a spirit.” Her eyes lazily lolled toward Ziki.

  Arianna tensed. “They - I-” She stumbled back, bumping into Ziki as she scurried away from her mother’s sickly form.

  “Enough, we will discuss this downstairs. Come.”

  Arianna bit her lip but nodded. Ziki moved to follow her as she dragged her feet across the cold floor. However, her mother’s eyes jumped to the spirit, sparking with life for the first time since they lowered Cassandra into the ground. “What are you doing with my daughter?” The words were said like a hiss. Arianna could almost imagine the glint of fangs in the moonlight. Her shoulders curled in, her mind reverting to the internalized agony that had been humming away in her brain ever since she’d lost her sister.

  Ziki, however, seemed completely unperturbed. They hardly twitched as they stared her mother down. “She needed me, and so I was there.”

  “She doesn’t need you.”

  “Doesn’t she?” The words were spoken with utter serenity. Yet, Arianna couldn’t help but feel that they sounded wrong. She wanted anger, something to satisfy that boiling itch under her skin. She wanted fury. The kind that leaves your heart pumping and your limbs shaking. She’d had enough of calm and the silence that came with it. She hated the quiet. The way it followed her every moment of every day. The way it hung in the air. She hated coming home from school and not hearing her sister complaining about schoolwork. She hated the sound of one less fork scrapping against a plate at dinner. She despised sobbing into her pillow at night and knowing that she was the only one crying. The silence was awful. It was driving her mad. Eating away at her. Suffocating her bit by bit.

  “I hate you.” The words weren’t quite right, but they were good enough. They were satisfying, like a breath of fresh air. The boiling anger raced through her in delight

  “Arianna.” Ziki turned to her, concern lacing their tone.

  “No, Ziki.” Arianna’s hand slashed through the air. “Why shouldn’t I hate her?”

  “I am your mother.”

  Tears burned in Arianna’s eyes, hidden just beneath her lashes. “You haven’t been my mother in months.” Her limbs shook as the words spilled out, her whole being thrilled at having the words be released from their confines.

  “Arianna.”

  “Leave it be, Ziki.” Arianna glared up at her mother, waiting desperately to see anger flash through her eyes. She wanted to see her cheeks flush with rage and her shoulders tense in preparation for a fight.

  There was no better place for it than in this hollow room. It was shrouded in the remnants of memories. Her own form of solitary confinement. She had waited here, night after night, for her mother to come. She had wanted so desperately to be held. To be told everything would be alright, even if they both knew it was a lie. As the weeks passed, and Cassandra’s things were removed bit by bit, the emptiness became torture. The echo of another life. Then, one night, as she lay in the darkness, she realized her mother was never coming. She had sat there, staring at the ceiling as she strained her ears to hear crying or sniffling, or really anything at all. Something to indicate that her mother was still there, so that it didn’t feel like she was entirely alone in what had once been such a lively house. However, it was as silent as it was every night because her mother wasn’t there. Not really.

  “I needed you.” Her voice shook, clinging desperately to the anger that was keeping her afloat. Her teeth clashed as she bit at her skin. Blood pooled atop her lips.

  Ziki moved closer, wrapping their tail around her foot. “Please, Little One, you need to calm down.” Their eyes rapidly changed shade as concern flooded their features.

  “You don’t understand.” She pointed accusingly at her mother. “She left me all alone.” Tears dripped down her cheeks, solidifying her boiling anger into stone-cold despair. “Cassandra was gone and-” her voice broke, “I was all alone.”

  “I was too.” Her mother’s words were quiet, spoken almost as if she was the only one in the room.

  Arianna wanted to turn to glare at her mother, but she didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of acknowledgement. Instead, her eyes fell to the floor, taking in the worn wood where Cassandra’s bed had once stood. A scar that Arianna had traced over and over, wishing desperately that the bed and its occupant could be returned to her.

  “It was just me and the walls,” her mother continued. “I couldn’t move.” She sniffed. “It felt wrong to move. To continue onward.”

  Arianna’s eyes trailed across the floor, stopping at the older woman’s feet. She was shaking, the cloth of her pants brushing together as she shivered. Slowly, her eyes trailed up her mother’s form, taking in the way her m chest hitched with each breath and the way her fingers dug into the opposite arm like a shield. She looked so small within the moonlight.

  “I kept waiting, as if sitting still long enough and straining my ears would mean that I could hear her one last time. I miss her voice, her laugh, so much.”

  “I miss it too.” Arianna’s eyes darted to her mother’s and then away again as she spoke. She rubbed her arm, looking to Ziki for reassurance. They nodded, a soft expression spreading across their face. She took a steadying breath. “I used to tease her, saying that her laugh sounded like a snorting pig.” She wiped at her eyes as a broken giggle spilled forth from her lips. “Now I would give anything to hear it again.”

  Arianna turned to see a bittersweet smile creep onto her mother’s face. It was weak, but it made her look more alive, as if it drew out the colour that had been absent before. “I miss hearing her mutter to herself as she studied at the kitchen table.”

  “Or the way that she hummed as she cooked,” Arianna added.

  Her mother’s eyes turned to Ziki, narrowing as she tilted her head. “What about you? Do you miss my daughter, or are you here to take the other one from me too?”

  “I miss Cassandra every day. All the spirits do. Her curiosity and passion are well-missed within our realm. She wanted to know everything about our ways.”

  The brunette’s eyes closed as she exhaled a long breath. “She never spoke of anything else.” Her eyes turned to Arianna, tears glistening in the dim light. “Now she’s gone. Such a sweet girl.” She rocked back and forth. “My baby.”

  Arianna wiped her thumb under her eye. It did nothing to stop the tears cascading down her cheeks. “I want her back, Mom. So badly.”

  “I know, honey.”

  Her mother pulled her into her arms, wrapping her up tightly in their hold. They stood there, rocking back and forth, caring for little more than the comfort they brought each other. Arianna’s cheek was pressed up against her mother’s chest, and for the first time in months, she heard more than silence. There, right against her ear, was her mother’s heart, beating a steady rhythm.

  She exhaled, her limbs relaxing as she swayed. Her eyes trailed over the room, meeting Ziki’s eyes. They were gentle and soft, reflecting the warmth that was coating her. “Thank you,” she whispered. Then her eyes slipped closed, basking in the warmth of her mother’s arms.

  The next few months weren’t easy. There were times when Arianna found her mother staring unblinkingly at the wall, or when she found herself falling back on bubbling anger. Though, she found constant refuge in the spirit realm, coming to know it almost as well as Cassandra had. She saw her sister everywhere, in the meadow where they had held the final rites, by the worn floorboards in their bedroom. Everywhere. It wasn’t easy, and it was never going to be, but now she wasn’t alone the echoes of her sister became a comfort rather than a symbol of her loneliness. With time, she came to cherish them above all else.