The rest of them kept going. We pulled back but tried to contribute as if not to attract more of a primal form of attention. I took the opportunity to eat some more, too.

  Another got up. A moment of silence. From the corner of my eye, or, I guess, my ear, I heard a soft yawn. When I looked over, Rebecca had her arms aggressively raised, and once she saw eyes were on her, what was a normal yawn turned into a banshee shrieking bloody murder. She ended her serenade with a chaotic giggle. At the very least, Anna & I joined in to laugh. Conversation kept going for a while, but an argument slowly began to stir.

  It was one of the girls standing and talking down at the guys: “You’re literally a child if you like collectibles, puzzles, books, or toys. You should get your masculinity checked. They’re juvenile, meant for children, with zero risk, skill, or value involved. You should be bullied-” She was cut off by one of the guys.

  “Hey, it takes some effort to do all this, plus sometimes you just gotta relax.” One of the guys, sitting, shot back.

  A girl sitting, perched forward, next to Anna shot rapid-fire: “Hobbies should be things like hunting, fishing, carpentry- all masculine, athletic or making something useful. Healthy men live in the real world. Get a grip.” She was nearly shouting.

  I nudged Rebecca pretty hard. I leaned into her to say: “I’m gonna reel out bait. Can you cover me?” I ask, and she nods with raw amusement as an expression.

  I leaned forward to grab attention. “I feel like it should be up to how I relax to determine if I’m making a healthy use of time,” I said without sounding too snarky.

  “And what’s that mean? You just gonna laze around all day, unproductive and all?” the girl next to Anna said.

  I shrugged with my hands out. “I dunno if it’s the best thing to do to work yourself to the bone as a guy,” I reply with a considerably lower volume than that near-screeching harpy.

  “You’re going to atrophy! You’re a man who came from the woods; you should know this! Men are rugged; they face challenges. What are you, a wuss?” She rained fire down upon me.

  “Nag nag nag! I like complaining, I like complaining- do you ever think maybe it’s not your business to decide how someone, who’s probably smarter at using their time than you, should use their own precious free time?” Rebecca interjected extremely loudly.

  She was like the sword, and I was like a shield. I felt and looked even more confident now. “Maybe my hobbies are about dabbling into a little fantasy reading. Maybe it’s what I care about. Don’t you think being productive is secondary to something that matters?” I remained in a calm tone.

  The standing girl shot back at me. “I don’t even know what you’re saying-” Rebecca cut her off loudly.

  “What, you don’t know what it’s like to care about something in life? Did you even have a childhood? Does a little whimsy and silliness haunt you at night, giving you nightmares? Are you scared of someone doing something for their own benefit?” Rebecca shouted.

  The girl next to Anna slammed her hand onto the table and got up, too. “A man’s duty is to protect his girl!” She took a deep breath in, but didn’t get to use it.

  I interjected: “Hey, woah, I think what matters is, for lack of a better term, being authentic.” I was nearly interrupted, but Rebecca hit the table as loudly as possible to give me another sentence. “Maybe a girl is involved, who knows. But if you’re not you, you’re gonna fall apart. I think the word for making someone else do what you want is…emasculation?” I said.

  This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

  We switched- she became the shield, and I was the sword. I don’t know about Rebecca, but I felt like we were in sync. We were different, but we were two arms of one knight. I felt like I could rely on her if I stepped out of line, or she could buy time while I took time to think. The two of us fought them gracefully until the two girls stormed off. Then, the table had cooled off a little.

  Banter took over whoever was left. I felt more comfortable running skit humor: embodying another personality, emulating what flanderized behaviors they have, and finding humor in the absurdity of what they do. I also felt comfortable with purposefully low-hanging puns and wordplay. I just wanted to push buttons. Some before wanted to tease, bully, confuse, or otherwise make jokes at others’ expense. At best, it was confusing and hard to bounce off of. At worst, it was grating, making me feel I wasn’t wanted, and making me feel either disengaged or dissociative with my authentic self. It felt easier with Rebecca around- I feel like all she wanted to do is press peoples’ buttons without truly getting under their skin.

  While there was caustic humor, there was also humor for the sake of validation. Just as annoying and otherwise counterproductive. I didn’t want to be patronized or pandered to. I didn’t feel anything from someone trying to project their image of me onto me by means of trying to pander to what they arbitrarily thought was what I liked. Bottom line, beyond the broad, abstract implications, is I didn’t like anything. I don’t care. I don’t care about any sort of humor. If anything, I can feel somewhat satisfied enough if someone else found value in what I did, like Rebecca, in the event she found genuine amusement in what I said or did. If I couldn’t feel anything, my actions would still have worth, if someone else felt something, authentically.

  Two others got up.

  One of the guys started a topic: “I heard you actually burn a lot of calories from intense thinking,” he made a point with his finger.

  “No way,” I said with loud confidence.

  “Yes way,” both the guy and Rebecca said in unison, although I don’t think she brought the topic up.

  “Yeah, like, it’s crazy. Apparently, playing chess for a whole day. Apparently, one guy lost, like, weight. Like, weight weight.” He continued.

  “Like, wait, weight?” Rebecca asked.

  “Whey…eight.” One of the guys said, then switching to taking a listening role by eating.

  “You know what’s going on with it? I want to know more,” I asked.

  “I dunno. Maybe there’s more to food and stuff than meets the eye,” He replied.

  “Meats,” Rebecca corrected.

  “Meats, potatoes,” I included.

  “Meats, potatoes, gravy,” She added.

  “Meats, meats, meats…meats…” The guy said, trying to think of something else.

  I know I need to savor experiences like this. I’m trying. I’m clawing, gripping, sinking my teeth into every waking moment. And time isn’t going by fast, thankfully. But I can only do so much. I don’t want this to end. I don’t want this to end. I feel like I have the key. I feel like Rebecca has been the conduit - my strength - to bust open every gate. I can be me without any confusion or mutation. There’s something that matters, maybe not to me, but to someone. I genuinely feel like Rebecca enjoys my company. Anyone’s company of course, it doesn’t matter to her, but also my company. I’m not a burden. Someone is deriving value from my actions, for once, I don’t feel like I have to try and move on as quickly as possible. And yet,

  Two more left. Then, it was just the four of us. I didn’t realize it, but we were the only ones left in the dining area. Staff had cleaned all other tables except for ours. I tried to be the first to get us to leave in order to appear competent.

  The setting changed. Distracting noise. Too many people pushing other people around. I pushed half a dozen or more people when they nearly crashed into Rebecca or I. My attention was split between staying with the group, and trying to navigate through an oblivious crowd. It felt as if some of them were trying to bump into Rebecca or I on purpose.

  By the time we got to the far side of the lobby, I noticed Rebecca struggle to look ahead of her. Her eyes were to the ground, although head not tilted downward that much. For the four of us, I suggested we found somewhere quiet.

  Rebecca was very hesitant, but Anna suggested the rooftop lounge. It’d be quiet at this hour. We took an elevator. It wasn’t that hard to find, especially given the traffic cleared out when we entered the atrium.

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