That same morning on Sifillis Planet that Tremorroid Titiana was found missing there was great excitement in Smelsinore Trailer Park. This park, far south of Schmegma City, was the nicest, most extravagant trailer park in all of Bonertania. The park took up the entire town. It was here that the wise and gorgeous Nobgoblin, the Empress of Quirk Quadrant and Bonertania’s Royal Thaumaturge, lived in a palatial compound of trailers connected by tubes- to each other and to a stadium seating movie theater. Each of Nobgoblin’s handmaidens and soldiers had their own trailer within in the park.
It was considered a great honor to be allowed to serve the great thaumaturge, whose powerful arts were used only to benefit the Bonertanians. Nobgoblin was Titiana's most valued ally, for her knowledge of thaumaturgy, alchemy, and science was unsurpassed and she could accomplish almost anything that the tremorroid wished her to.
This morning, when Nobgoblin- who wore a white wife-beater tanktop, grey pajama pants, and black socks and underwear- entered her living room after breakfast (zebrahog logs with balnut syrup and scrambled terds, washed down with spyooberry juice), with some of her favorite handmaidens trailing after her, the good thaumaturge was gobsmacked to discover that her thaumaturgic PC had mysteriously disappeared.
Advancing to the table, she found the golden chains that locked the PC to the table had been cut with some sharp instrument, and this must have been done while all in the trailer park slept. Nobgoblin was shocked and grieved. Who could have done this nefarious, bold thing? And who could wish to deprive her of her thaumaturgic PC? It was a total bummer.
The objectively beautiful blonde thaumaturge was thoughtful for a time, considering the consequences of her loss. Then she went to her laboratory to prepare a charm that would tell her who had snatched her PC. But, when she threw open the door and unlocked her cupboards, all of her rare thaumaturgical and scientific tools and alchemistical instruments and ingredients had been removed from the shelves. She also had a long white box full of valuable old-timey comic books stolen.
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Nobgoblin was now both angry and alarmed. She sat down in her favorite recliner, reclined, and tried to think how this extraordinary snatchery could have taken place. It was evident that the snatcher was some person of very great power, or the snatch could never have been accomplished without her knowledge. Nobgoblin picked up her blue glass pipe, packed it with roachberries, and took a long hit. Who, in all Bonertania, was powerful and skillful enough to do this awful thing? And who, having the power, could also have an object in defying the wisest and most talented thaumaturge Sifillis has ever known?
Nobgoblin put down her pipe and began massaging her right purlicue with her left hand. The only suspect she could think of was a nefarious half-flatulenz fairy/half-fart ghoul jerkface named The Fartmeister, but he had been given a lobotomy and then turned into a bong by Zooesium the Paramecium a few months ago.
Nobgoblin thought over the perplexing matter for a sconce, at the end of which time she was still puzzled. But although her instruments and ephemera were gone her knowledge of thaumaturgy had not been snatched, by any means, since no snatcher, however skillful, can rob one of knowledge, and that is why knowledge is the best and safest treasure to acquire. Unless you get lobotomized. Or get Alzheimer's.
Nobgoblin believed that when she had time to gather ingredients and manufacture more tools she would be able to discover precisely who the snatcher was, and what had become of her precious PC.
"Whoever has did this snatch," she said to her handmaidens, "is a very foolish jerk-face, for in time they are sure to be found out and will then be severely punished."
She now made a list of the things she needed and dispatched messengers to every part of Bonertania with instructions to obtain them and bring them to her as soon as possible. And one of her messengers met Zanghi Zygote coming the other way. The A.R.T. was mounted on the back of Gashmouth the Chainsaw Raccoon and clinging to the wooden bench’s ears with both his hands; for Gashmouth was speeding to Nobgoblin's trailer with the velocity of the wind, bearing the news that Titiana, tremorroid of the great country of Bonertania, had suddenly disappeared and no one in Schmegma City knew what had become of her.
