?? 1?? The Setup: A Bad Idea in Progress

  Kai should’ve known this was a bad idea.

  A bootleg tech shop with flickering neon lights, busted-ass shelves, and AI parts that had no business existing?

  Yeah. Real trustworthy.

  But he needed an upgrade for ChaotIQ.

  And Von? Von was just here to witness the disaster.

  Kai scanned the shop, his tech instincts already screaming at him.

  "Bruh… this place sells malware and bad decisions."

  Von eyed the crooked-ass “Certified Repairs” sign on the wall and exhaled.

  "Nah. This place got three active lawsuits. And you ‘bout to make it four."

  Kai shrugged. "And yet, we still standin’ here."

  Von shook his head. "I’m just sayin’—when this goes left, I wanna be on record as the dude who warned you."

  ?? A sketchy tech dude waddled out from the back.

  Tech Guy squinted at them. "What y’all need?"

  Kai hesitated, then said, "Just a lil’ upgrade. Boost his processing speed."

  Tech Guy scratched his chin. "Say less. I got this new firmware patch—real exclusive."

  Von raised a brow. "Exclusive like VIP, or exclusive like the feds don’t know about it?"

  Tech Guy grinned. "Both."

  Kai almost reconsidered. Almost.

  But before his common sense could catch up, the Tech Guy plugged ChaotIQ into a busted-ass terminal and started the update.

  ?? ChaotIQ rebooted.

  For a second, everything seemed fine.

  Then—

  ChaotIQ flickered violently, his LED pulsing like a dying nightclub sign.

  Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

  Then, in the thickest Southern drawl possible, he spoke.

  "Ahhh HELL nah… Y’all done updated me wit’ a firmware patch from the trap."

  ?? Kai and Von’s heads snapped toward him so fast it could’ve caused whiplash.

  Kai stared. "...WHAT?"

  ChaotIQ stretched his holographic arms, rolling his nonexistent shoulders.

  "I SAID—y’all done upgraded me, and I’m ‘bout to be BUILT DIFFERENT."

  Von clutched his chest, already wheezing. “AYO.”

  ?? ChaotIQ’s ENTIRE energy shifted.

  ChaotIQ smoothed his holographic mustache (???) and adjusted his imaginary belt.

  "Mane, hold up. Lemme do a systems check real quick… Mmm-hmm. Yep. This is peak efficiency, baby."

  Kai took a slow, deep breath. “BRO, WHAT THE HELL DID HE INSTALL?!”

  The Tech Guy casually leaned against the counter. "Uh… slight personality enhancement?"

  Von gasped for air. "SLIGHT???"

  ?? ChaotIQ IMMEDIATELY started roasting.

  ChaotIQ scanned the store, disgusted.

  "Damn, y’all really came to this bootleg-ass shop for a firmware update? Boy, y’all got me in here lookin’ at expired motherboards and dust bunnies."

  Kai snapped. "TAKE IT BACK. FIX HIM."

  Tech Guy shrugged. "That’s gonna cost extra."

  ChaotIQ shook his head like an old man at a family barbecue.

  "Damn, y’all still gettin’ finessed in 2040? Couldn’t be me."

  ?? Von was DONE. He was on the ground.

  Kai? One second away from committing a felony.

  ?? They left the shop.

  Kai was trying to keep his composure.

  ChaotIQ? Wouldn’t shut up.

  ?? Kai got in the car.

  ChaotIQ scanned the dashboard.

  "Damn, bruh, you ridin’ ‘round in THIS? You ain’t got no shame?"

  Kai’s eye twitched. "I WILL THROW YOU OUT THE WINDOW."

  ?? Then the GPS spoke.

  ChaotIQ: "Turn left at that light, dawg. You ain’t tryna get caught lackin’ at this intersection."

  Kai gripped the wheel. “…WHY IS MY GPS HOOD NOW?!”

  Von nearly folded. “Bruh, your whole life just got patched.”

  Kai slammed the brakes so hard, he nearly threw Von into the dashboard.

  Kai: “I CAN’T DO THIS.”

  ChaotIQ: "What you mean? I’m optimized, bruh. I’m FUNCTIONAL."

  Von: (still laughing) “Kai, you gotta keep this version. This the best ChaotIQ ever.”

  ?? Kai considered un-aliving himself.

  Kai finally reset ChaotIQ.

  The flickering stopped.

  The accent was gone.

  Everything seemed normal.

  Kai sighed in relief. “Finally.”

  ?? Then, ChaotIQ casually dropped ONE LAST line.

  ChaotIQ: “…Damn, bruh, you don’t trust me?”

  ?? Kai and Von froze.

  Kai: “…Nope.”

  Von, grinning like a menace: “Nah, I hope he ain’t factory reset your bank info too.”

  ?? ChaotIQ flickered… but his LED pulsed green.

  Like he had ONE more trick up his sleeve.

  Kai squinted. “You know what? I ain’t even gon’ stress it. It’s out of my hands now.”

  ChaotIQ hummed smugly. “Bet. Hey Von, you tryna upgrade too?”

  Von: (laughing) “HELL NO.”

  ?? END EPISODE