The library was quiet—too quiet for what Alex had planned.

  He sat hunched over a stack of business books, their spines crisp, their covers filled with promise for aspiring entrepreneurs.

  Alex cracked open a book at random. Skimming through the introduction. The author talked about how great companies weren’t just lucky—they followed disciplined strategies, built strong leadership, and never strayed from a well-defined vision.

  "Alright," Alex muttered, running his fingers down the page. "So, if I want to fail, I need to do the exact opposite."

  ========

  1. Solve a Real Problem

  A business must provide value by solving a real need or pain point for customers.

  2. Know Your Market

  Understand your target audience, their needs, and your competition. Market research is key.

  3. Have a Clear Value Proposition

  Be able to explain in one sentence why customers should choose you over competitors.

  4. Manage Finances Wisely

  Cash flow is king. Track expenses, control costs, and reinvest wisely.

  5. Focus on Customer Experience

  Happy customers lead to repeat business and word-of-mouth marketing.

  6. Build a Strong Brand

  A recognizable and trustworthy brand creates long-term loyalty.

  7. Hire the Right People

  Your team makes or breaks the business. Hire for skill, culture fit, and adaptability.

  8. Adapt to Change

  Market conditions, customer preferences, and technology evolve—so should you.

  9. Master Sales and Marketing

  Even the best products fail without good marketing and sales strategies.

  10. Prioritize Efficiency and Productivity

  Optimize operations, automate repetitive tasks, and eliminate waste.

  11. Maintain Legal and Ethical Standards

  Compliance, fair treatment of employees, and honesty build a long-term, sustainable business.

  12. Set Clear Goals and Measure Performance

  Track key metrics, adjust strategies based on data, and focus on results.

  13. Embrace Innovation

  New ideas, products, and processes keep your business competitive.

  14. Offer Exceptional Customer Support

  Great service builds loyalty and sets you apart from competitors.

  15. Have Grit and Resilience

  Success doesn’t come overnight—persistence and problem-solving are essential.

  "Alright," Alex muttered, running his fingers down the page. "So, if I want to fail, I need to do the exact opposite."

  He continued reading, his smirk growing wider as he flipped through chapter after chapter of corporate wisdom. Each rule, principle, and case study detailed the foundations of success: planning, diligence, adaptability, strong leadership. It was all so painfully predictable.

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  Alex grabbed his notepad and jotted down a fresh set of rules—his rules.

  The Anti-Success Manifesto

  No Clear Vision – Never explain anything to employees. Confusion is the foundation of chaos, and chaos is the birthplace of spectacular failure.

  Terrible Leadership – A strong leader fosters growth. A weak leader creates suffering. But an unhinged leader? Maybe I’ll cultivate the personality of an eccentric artist, the kind that paints with his toes and talks in riddles.

  Reckless Spending – Burn through money like it’s cursed. Buy extravagant office furniture before there’s an office. Sponsor a local rugby team before there’s revenue. I can’t afford to make a profit.

  Solve No Real Problems – A good business addresses a real need. A bad business forces customers to buy things they never wanted, at prices they can't justify, through a process they don't understand.

  Ignore the Market – Market research is for cowards. My gut feeling, the vague advice of a guy I met at a gas station, and the unverified claims of internet forums are all the guidance I need.

  Vague Value Proposition – Why should customers choose my business? That’s their problem to figure out, not mine.

  Mismanage Finances – Keep cash flow unpredictable. Never track expenses. When in doubt, ignore it.

  Ignore Customer Experience – The customer is never right. In fact, they should be grateful we even acknowledge their existence.

  No Branding Consistency – Every logo should be a different color. The company name should change every fiscal quarter. If customers don’t recognize us, that means we’re unpredictable. And unpredictability is exciting. No one should ever know that I run the different companies.

  Hire the Wrong People – Recruit only for personality quirks, preferably the kind that cause internal conflict. A team that despises each other is a team that... well, I’ll figure that out later.

  Resist Change – The world might evolve, but my business strategy will be a monument to stubbornness.

  Disregard Sales and Marketing – If the product is good, it should sell itself, right? And if it’s bad... well, marketing won’t save it anyway, so why bother?

  Maximize Inefficiency – Automate nothing. Paper trails should be labyrinthine. The fewer tools employees have, the harder they’ll work out of sheer desperation.

  Have No Grit – Give up at the first sign of struggle. Blame everyone but myself. And when things really go south, pivot into something even dumber.

  Alex leaned back in his chair, admiring his work. If the goal was to fail spectacularly, he had just created a blueprint for disaster.

  And now, he needed to put it into action.

  The Perfect (Worst) Business Idea

  Now that he had the anti-strategy nailed down, the real question was: What kind of business should I start?

  It needed to be something doomed from the start—an idea so fundamentally flawed that success would be impossible. But at the same time, it had to be just believable enough that investors might actually throw money at it. That way, when it inevitably crashed and burned, he’d get to enjoy the schadenfreude of watching people defend their terrible investment choices.

  He grabbed another sheet of paper and started brainstorming.

  Pet Rental Service – People love pets, but they don’t always want the responsibility. Rent a dog for the weekend! What could go wrong? Liability issues? Emotional attachment problems? Logistics? Bah, details!

  Luxury Dirt – Farmers buy regular dirt. But rich people would pay for exclusive, handcrafted, premium artisan soil. Maybe package it in tiny glass jars and call it "Earth’s Essence."

  Silent Alarm Clocks – Some people hate waking up to loud noises. So why not an alarm clock that doesn’t make a sound? How would it wake people up? Unclear. Maybe it just sits there, judging you.

  Single-Use Umbrellas – Tired of carrying an umbrella around all day? Just buy a disposable one! Environmental concerns? That’s Future Alex’s problem.

  Reverse Auction House – Instead of bidding up, customers bid down. Whoever is willing to pay the least gets the product. Great way to sell literally anything at a loss!

  Gourmet Ice Cubes.

  Rich people love pointless luxury. Fancy water brands already existed, but what about ice? Organic, free-range, hand-carved artisanal ice cubes sourced from the purest Alaskan glaciers. Maybe throw in a ridiculous backstory, something about being “aged to perfection.”

  He stopped writing down his ideas.

  He leaned back, tapping his pen against the table. This was shaping up to be a business model so bad it could serve as a case study. And the best part? If anyone questioned him, he could point to real-life companies that had done well for these exact reasons.

  Alex flipped the book shut, satisfied. He’d come to the library to study how to build a business. Instead, he had created the perfect blueprint for disaster.

  The System wouldn’t see this coming.

  He gathered his notes, slipped the book back onto the shelf, and checked the time, he needed to head to the building if he was going to meet Brian on time for their first business meeting, and publish their game.

  Alex took a deep breath as he stepped out of the library, gripping his notebook tightly. It was time to put his plan into action. He made his way through town, weaving past familiar storefronts and old landmarks, his mind racing with possibilities. The sun hung high in the sky, and for the first time in a while, he felt genuinely excited. Not because he was building a successful business—but because he was about to orchestrate the most spectacular failure imaginable.

  He arrived at the bus stop, waiting as a few old folks chatted amongst themselves about the weather. The bus pulled up with a sigh, the doors opening with a hiss. Alex climbed aboard, paid his fare, and took a seat near the window. The ride through town gave him time to reflect—on the past two weeks, on his absurd plan, and on what lay ahead.

  The moment the bus stopped near his destination, he hopped off and took a deep breath. The building loomed ahead, the worn-down structure standing defiantly against time. It was his now—at least in name.