The odd discordant chanting was the first thing that Howard became aware of. It was a faraway echoing sound like an alarm that had seamlessly integrated itself into a dream, and like a dream, it slowly began to fade as Howard gained consciousness.

  Howard's first thoughts were hazy. The only things he could remember were something about a train, an old lady and a pink PT Cruiser. Had he died? If so, where was he now, and what did a pink PT cruiser have to do with it?

  Howard tried to look around only to realize that there wasn't anything to see. Literally.

  Just as Howard realized that his surroundings were entirely blank. Large text seemed to appear from the ground like an imitation of animation effects in PowerPoint.

  Congratulations you are being summoned….

  Please hold….

  What? He thought. As the words seemed to bounce around his head.

  “Excuse me, why is the text comic sans?” Howard attempted to ask.

  “Like any other text would have been fine, Comic Sans is the worst,” Howard exclaimed to the uncaring void.

  No sound escaped his mouth. Now that he had tried to speak he realized he didn't have a mouth, or for that matter a corporeal form at all. The text seemed to be in every direction. It didn't seem to matter where Howard looked.

  “Well this is new” Howard attempted to say again.

  He seemed to be a disembodied consciousness floating in a void only disturbed by the massive floating text. Howard got the feeling that the text or the void wasn't there. Howard was fairly certain that his possibly dead brain or soul was interpreting his experience in a way he could understand. The text began to fade out in imitation of PowerPoint fade animation as new text began to appear.

  ERROR….

  “Huh, well that can't be good.” Howard thought, speaking into the void.

  “At least it's not comic sans this time.”

  Attempting resumoning….

  As the Error message faded out the stillness of the void was shattered as a rift began to split into existence. It began as a jagged scar on the pristine white of the void slowly spreading in what Howard considered upward. As the scar began to widen, cracks began to spread like the cracks on a broken mirror webbing out in every direction. Pieces began to fall off of the void in jagged chunks, as a face slowly began to emerge. The scar like the text before seemed to take up Howard's entire field of view no matter which direction Howard turned his consciousness as the scar continued to spread upward.

  A huge eye was the first thing that materialized on the other side of the crack in the void. The eye was a jaundiced yellow Sclera, the Iris was a deep purple and the pupil was split like a reptile. The eye seemed to be staring straight at Howard, despite his apparent lack of body.

  A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

  “I am dead for all of five seconds and I'm already encountering eldritch horrors beyond human comprehension, that's gotta be some kind of record. Yup something to be proud of, right up there with employee of the month.” Howard thought spoke again while doing his best to try and put as much distance between himself and the entity to little progress. His current method of leaning with his mind seemed ineffective at best.

  The eye shifted out of view as a slew of silvery tentacles shot in Howard's direction.

  Rerouting The Hallowed One….

  The text was a welcome relief even if it was in comic sans. As the text rose into existence a painful shriek pierced the void, and the silvery tentacles began to rapidly recede as the Scar whose enormity once filled Howard's vision began to close. The spider webbing cracks began to close becoming smaller and smaller until they weren't visible at all. Not long after the scar had dwindled from a trench in the side of the void to the size of a house, then a minivan slowly sealing itself and restoring the void to its former tranquility.

  Establishing Corporeal form…

  At this point, Howard had managed to float over to where the scar had been previously. Howard's body began to materialize beginning with his head and moving downward.

  “All right!” Howard exclaimed as his previously absent body materialized in front of his eyes. Howard was left floating in the air for a few moments longer before gravity felt the need to remind Howard that it existed.

  Howard fell to what he supposed was the ground with a thud, though he couldn't really tell the difference between the ground and anywhere else. The “ground” was roughly parallel to where the scar had originally opened.

  “Ouch! I don't suppose you could have warned me that falling would be an issue.”

  “I’ll take that as a no.” He said after a few moments of no response.

  Howard examined his newly materialized body to make sure nothing was broken. The good news was that he was probably fine, the bad news was that he was naked.

  “Can I at least have some pants?” he yelled into the void.

  Establishing Pants…

  The words were followed swiftly by pants. They felt like pajama pants made out of clouds, insubstantial but comfy.

  Analyzing…

  “ Analyzing? Analyzing what, there isn't very much here.” Howard said, looking around into the emptiness of the void around him.

  Nothing changed for quite a while. No new words or massive rifts in the void broke the monotony. Quickly becoming bored Howard began to look around, and when he realized there was nothing to see he began to pace.

  While he paced Howard tried to remember how he had gotten here, and for that matter who he was at all. He concluded that his name was indeed Howard and he sold cars. What a car was exactly took a good amount of pacing before he managed to recall.

  Howard was drawing close to what coffee was when he quite accidentally discovered a slight lump in the smoothness of the “floor”. It appeared to be a chunk of the wall that had fallen off when the scar had appeared. As he began to examine the glassy substance in his hand he almost dropped it in surprise as text appeared again in the void. He slipped the substance into his pocket absent-mindedly as he read the words.

  Granting Boon….

  “Oh this is good right, boons I like boons.” Said Howard excitedly

  “Can I have coffee? I can't remember what it is but I remember that it was definitely good.”

  Select Vessel…

  “ What do you mean by vessel? Like a vase or a ship? “Howard asked confusedly.

  When he received no response he continued trying to guess what the enigmatic words meant.

  “Or like the VW beetle from the Love Bug being the vessel for Herbie the car's awareness?”

  VW Beetle Accepted….

  “Well, I didn't know what I was expecting.”

  Restarting Summoning sequence….

  Summoning Successful….

  The odd discordant chanting returned and seemed to grow in intensity as Howard felt a pushing sensation. The pushing felt as if someone was softly pushing him from behind in the small of his back which he resisted with ease.

  “Hold on, quit pushing me. I just got here and I didn't even get my boon!” Howard shouted into the void.

  The gentle pushing quickly became a violent and constant shove as Howard seemed to be shepherded toward a newly forming hole in the floor. Howard noticed as he was violently shoved towards it, that differently to the scar in reality, the hole had clean edges. As the hole grew larger in his vision that resistance seemed futile and since he was probably dead already Howard decided that he should probably just accept his fate.

  As Howard fell into the hole and his vision began to go black one last message seemed to appear.

  Congratulations on being born, Good luck!