Not long after Ruan Jiang's death, Jiang Yan fell ill and couldn't get out of bed.

  The recent days of hustle and bustle have left me exhausted, my spirit worn out. Nothing is more sorrowful than a dead heart.

  That night, she kept watch over him.

  Actually, the doctors had already told them to prepare their family psychologically, but she still couldn't do it.

  Lost a few days of fluids, lay in bed for several days, until the day when Ruan Jiang's body was sent to the crematorium.

  She finally couldn't hold back her emotions, thinking that the man who had been flirting with her just a few months ago was now nothing but a handful of ashes, and she was in so much pain that it felt like her heart was being torn apart.

  *

  As winter approached, Jiang Yan's illness worsened, and he looked much more haggard. However, after a month or so, there were actually a few fine lines at the corners of his eyes, and several strands of white hair appeared in his hair that had never been seen before.

  She was only thirty-four years old, and just a few months ago, she was still the pampered young wife of Ruan Jianglin.

  After Ruan Jiang's death, Ruan Ziqing was kept at the Ruan residence.

  Jiang Yan was really lacking in energy, she spent her days in a daze, and Jiao Jingyan said he would take her back to the old mansion as well.

  Ke Jiangyan refused, she had always been stubborn, saying that if she didn't want to, then she definitely wouldn't go back.

  She quit her job and stayed in No. 7 Courtyard for several months without having to work.

  With the assets left by Ruan Jianglin, it's enough for her and Ruan Ziqing to live several lifetimes.

  Ruan Ziqing made a fuss several times, saying she wanted to see her mom and dad. Jiao Jingyan also chatted with Jiang Yan a few times, but seeing how devastated she was, she couldn't bring herself to say anything each time before she even opened her mouth.

  Jiang Yan is a person with deep obsessions, and Ruan Jianglin's words from back then can make her think about it for twenty years.

  It is even more so now.

  Some people, some things, unless she herself is willing to let go, no matter how others advise her, she can't let go.

  She stayed in No. 7 Courtyard and refused to come out, as if she had locked herself in the cage of memories with Ruan Jianglin.

  She cherished every bit of the masculine aura that once belonged to him in No. 7 Courtyard, and with each drop, she recalled the past in minute detail.

  She still remembers that the day before Ruan Jiang was hospitalized, she was at home packing his things. At that time, he hugged her and said that if he didn't come back, let Jiang Yan find someone else to marry later, just don't find someone like him again.

  Some people get hurt once and that's enough.

  If he minds Ruan Ziqing, he will send the child back to the Ruan's house, and what Ruan Jiang left for her will be considered as dowry.

  Jiang Yan was so angry at that time that she could have cried to death in his arms, covering his mouth and not letting him speak.

  He is good at talking nonsense, just looks nice, can't say anything beautiful.

  Those days, she had nothing to do, spending her whole day arranging his clothes, sometimes holding them in her arms, and could sit there for a whole day.

  Everyone advised her to mourn with restraint, but how could she?

  She lost her father at a young age, and later lost her mother. She can't remember the darkness of her childhood, but only remembers the light in her memory about Ruan Jianglin teasing her with Beijing dialect when she was a child, illuminating the path of her life.

  Her family, close friends and loved ones all left her one after another. Whether good or bad, she never truly had them.

  Thinking of this, what have I been doing with my life for the past 34 years?

  The net she wove only trapped herself.

  *

  Years ago, Jiao Jingyan couldn't bear to look at her wretched appearance anymore, so with a ruthless heart, she returned Ruan Ziqing back to her.

  The child is too young and can't understand what it means for a father to pass away.

  In his world, he just wants to ask why Mom and Dad never come to see him, why Mom is always so sad, he wants Dad's hug, and Mom's love.

  She dragged her tired body and had to perk up a bit. She could humiliate herself, but Ruan Ziqing couldn't.

  Until the Spring Festival, she took Ruan Ziqing back to the old house for the New Year. The old lady looked even older than before and could no longer walk, only able to sit in a wheelchair.

  Alzheimer's disease is getting worse and worse, completely unrecognizable, but still particularly fond of Ruan Ziqing, this great-grandson.

  Ruan Ziqing and Ruan Jianglin look very alike, like a miniature version of each other, with one eye, one eyebrow, and one glance, all seemingly carved from the same mold.

  Jiang Yan sometimes stared at Ruan Ziqing, and she would often become entranced for a long time. Afterwards, an endless emptiness would follow in her heart, no matter how hard she tried to fill it.

  The whole family had a lively and noisy reunion dinner at Ruan's house, and Ruan Xinyin still played the role of the jester, making everyone laugh.

  Jiang Yan also rarely smiled.

  Ruan Jiang Jin was holding a little ball in her arms, almost one year older than Ruan Zi Qing, and kept asking daddy to hold her.

  Ruan Ziqing took a glance and hid behind Jiangyan, playing with her fingers, wisely keeping silent.

  Ruan Jiangjin saw it and handed the child over to Jiang Yao, walked up to Ruan Ziqing's face, squatted down, and opened his arms.

  Ruan Ziqing glanced at her mother and then carefully walked out into Ruan Jiangjin's arms.

  He was too young to understand the meaning of separation, but he knew his mother was heartbroken, so he never argued about looking for his father, even though he didn't know that Ruan Jianglin would be gone forever.

  Jiang Yan's eyes were wet again, and she quietly wiped away her tears by herself, saying nothing.

  The couplet at the entrance of our house is still the one written by Ruan Jianglin and Ruan Jiangjin together last year, although Auntie wipes it every day, it's still very old and doesn't look like a new atmosphere for the New Year.

  When it was time to leave, Jiang Yan led Ruan Ziqing to stand at the door for a long time.

  It was too late, so the driver sent them back to No. 7 Yard.

  Finally arrived, Jiang Yan followed Ruan Jianglin's previous convention and gave Mr. Lu a red envelope with the same amount as last year, a thick stack.

  Mr. Lu didn't know what to say and just accepted it with thanks.

  This was Ruan Jiang's habit every year. He was too lazy to give New Year's gifts, so he would give others a substantial red envelope instead.

  She led Ruan Ziqing inside, under the streetlights, the warm yellow tone swayed on the snowy ground, desolate yet warm, what a contradictory feeling.

  Also don't know which step to take, Ruan Ziqing stopped walking, Jiang Yan stopped in her tracks and turned back to look at him, softly opening her mouth to ask: "What's wrong?"

  The little guy's eyes turned red and he covered his mouth with his hands, asking: "Daddy hug."

  Jiang Yan's heart felt like it had been struck by a heavy iron hammer. In the new year, she thought that as long as she was strong enough, everything would be okay.

  One sentence was enough to make her defenseless.

  Jiang Yan squatted down and held the child in her arms, gently patting the child's back.

  That was when Ruan Ziqing first realized he might never see Ruan Jianglin again.

  The little guy held back for a long time before bursting into loud wails. He really wanted Ruan Jianglin to hold him and lift him high above his head.

  Jiang Yan had cried so much that she couldn't cry anymore, her throat was dry and painful, she didn't know what to say, she just thought that crying would be okay, after this time it would be fine.

  The little guy probably just realized now that the man he saw that night was actually his own father. How did he end up like this?

  Jiang Yan was like being buried in the heavy snow, she didn't want to be strong or brave, she just wanted Ruan Jianglin to pull her up, otherwise she would have died in that snowy land.

  Ke Ruan Jiang Lin, will never again hold up a piece of sky for her, now she is left alone.

  Suddenly, she used all her strength to prop herself up, laboriously picking up Ruan Ziqing and walking towards the seventh courtyard.

  Footprints in the snow, one deep and one shallow, were buried again by the heavy snow.

  The end of the full text.

  Done! The top three are Xiaowen and Wenjia, as well as the five little friends who can come to my private WeChat group by December 1st.

  (End of chapter)