CW:

  Talks of being chased away by past lovers, the worb tit is used. UMMMM.... questions asked to help cuties comes to love themselves a little more. KQUE POV!!!

  My mothers always taught me to think about why people say and do things. Not just the big loud actions and habits either. Those are easy. The tricky parts are small. Not just hard to spot but gone in a heartbeat. You miss most of them. Only can even hope to spot some as you spend more time with someone. And… people change. Especially as they get close to others.

  Would probably make this… so much harder if I hadn’t spent so long with Ina. And while Rahdian and her adorable quirks and habits match many of my lover’s, they have their own unique little differences.

  Like… Ina was very quiet and hesitant, but in a sparkly way that could and would bubble up when poked a little. And… honestly that only changed a little as she spent more time with us. Learning the Hetaera Arts with Yrelia taught her so much about balancing herself. Finding what kind of girl she wants to be, and what kind of girl she has to put energy into being.

  Rahdian is… such a talker when she feels comfy. Has spent these past hours going on and on with me about some Paths we’ve both walked. Although… at very different times, and with different people. Her voice is also… really wonderful to listen to. Both when she’s trying to change it, but also when she forgets to be worried about it.

  Because, apparently, Aceso took care of that for Ina. Whereas Rahdian has had to put in a lot of work to try and sound like she does.

  And like… There is such a tragic beauty to watching a girl who’s been hurt so much peek out from her shell to happily munch on honestly offered interest in her thoughts. To watch her healing and growling and feeling safe.

  “That’s a long Path.” I comment to her last words about her favorite route between two little villages. “But lots of bigger groups take it. Specifically ones that plan to cook for dozens. Did you bump into any?”

  Rahdian grins as we walk alongside one of the slower carriages, “It really is, Kque. We um… the two girls I was traveling with, that is, they said we didn’t need to haul so much food due to that. Some of the older ladies made like… So they took these big red fruits, drained half of them out into a pot. Then dumped lots of other stuff in and closed em back up. Shook them about while dancing before serving a few dozen people. And that was just the first night of the walk.”

  Literally can smell the scent that exact meal gives off. Remember the faces of the girls giggling and mixing them as they moved to the beat with their friends and lovers.

  “Oh!” I can’t help but smile back. “You walked that Path during the Orikupeta?”

  “I Didn’t remember the name but yeah! Something about two places on opposite sides both harvesting really special stuff and sending traders back and forth? Never had the same thing twice. But that was okay because the meals only got better with every step.”

  Aaaah… Right. Ina talked about getting really odd food at the temple. Stuff like… made for optimal productivity, we think. Tasted pretty bland and didn’t contain the variety of flavor the Paths have. She probably has so many core memories now of all the randomly amazing food she got.

  “Tasii and I really hope to pull us into being there for that next year.” I muse happily. “We want to try cooking with them, and learning more recipes.”

  “Oh um… I mean…” Rahdian’s joy and excitement fade. Really sharply. Expression doesn’t go sour in a big obvious way. But that smile freezes. And…

  Fear. Only a spark, but one that’ll spread if not pulled from the easily lit parts of her.

  I know better than to move too quickly. Only, very gently, reach out to take up her hand as I guess at the reason. How she wasn’t alone, and most Walkers tend to keep small and familiar routes to take.

  This one… is probably part of normal Paths those two girls Rahdian traveled with walk. Which just… also means to get well away from them, and the fear of duenna finding her, Rahdian had to move to new routes. Which is always really scary. Especially if you don’t have the clothes or supplies or understanding of things as the weather changes.

  Just dream waiting lovers that fade the more your Amwella drains away.

  Which… of course makes me think of Ina and Aceso. And how hard my lover would have had it all if she’d been alone.

  “But it’s only a maybe, and there are so many other Paths that celebrate that same festival. Even into Arudia.” I jabber into the silence. Trying to tug her and myself free of the mucky thoughts.

  “Really?” She whispers, absently squeezing my hand back.

  Still a bit… lost. Tumbling down rough memories like a girl caught in a storm. But finding her footing again. Remembering where and when she is.

  “Yes.” I answer, immediately and with as much confidence as I can. “We’ve actually tried to meet up with my mums a few times for them. And even with planning it took days to find each other. Weeks even. Once we even passed through the same town and missed each other with how crowded things can get.”

  Rahdian nods, slowly calming as we walk. A part of her fear being us meeting those that hurt her on the road. And like… It doesn’t help that Ina and us are going to Lyttoral. Rahdian hasn’t talked about her deeper thoughts about that yet, but I expect our girl is going to have big messy feelings.

  “Also, and I know the only mirror we have right now is small, but you look really different. Are changing more and more everyday. And that’s even without me and Yrelias’ help!” I keep going, trying to gently tug her back out of the worry.

  That makes her blush really prettily, glimmering eyes turning over to look at me. “Thanks. For saying that and um… Again, For this morning.”

  First thing I did after sitting next to her at breakfast was to compliment her bundle of soft pretty hair and ask if she’d let me help her comb and braid it. I’ve done that before a few times these past weeks and she agreed quickly, but only if I’d let her do the same for mine.

  Is getting really good at it too! Apparently did some games that involved ropes when she was younger, which got her hands and fingers really good at weaving tangles into pretty shapes.

  Like… This isn’t the day I mean to give to her. This is research. Learning more. Testing little things until we reach our town and I can spoil her. But also I want her to feel comfy enough to not run out of energy with me. Understand how to help her people energy stay high.

  This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

  “You’re very welcome.” I assure her. “Sorry for like… tumbling you into a bad memory there.”

  Help her see that. Always. I can apologize for this too. Even if it’s not my fault either. Let her know that it’s both no big deal, but also… I want to do better.

  “It’s okay. Honestly, I think I’m getting pretty good at climbing out of them. Especially around you or Ina.”

  Can’t help but see my Jevy in how she phrases that. And… worry about her a bit. Lule is with her, and Ina promised that she and Tasii would check on her throughout their day together. Which quiets my heart a bit. I… She’s spent some time with a little journal she wants to give to Ina and Aceso.

  “That’s good to hear and like… yeah. You really are.” I agree.

  “Feels… Like I’m stepping in things more though. Bed memories and thoughts, I mean.” She sighs. “Sometimes It’s like I’m not b– the girl I was. Like I never was, but can remember stuff from her past. Everything is new and perfect and changing. Exciting. Then… like just now, I feel wrong. Like I’m just lying to some nice girls who, if they found out about me would hate me. Still feel like there is some part of me you’ll see and I feel like him again. Or like how he would feel.”

  “That makes sense.” I agree, quickly sharing how just like the rest of us girls she is. “My um… Jevy talked about that a lot since we found Ina too. And I think one of my moms said something really neat to Athem about this, if… you’re okay with me sharing?”

  “Yeah. He’s… that Arudian male that has a Maktaba in him too, right?”

  I nod. “Yes. He’s like… opposite to you and Ina. Is a boy who was stuck with the girl bits and wanted and still wants to change. But this isn’t actually about that. It's… So the way my mom put it was that people are like the goop you find in fruit. To change we have to crack the shell or skin away. It’s hard and can hurt and above all else is messy. And the goop still has to slurp itself into the new shape after. Whether that’s in a bowl or cup or spoon. But… a lot of the skin and shells of the old are still there. Not bad but… harder to mush into new shapes.”

  I worry my silly mom’s metaphor will just confuse Rahdian. But… just like Athem she’s already starting to grin at that.

  “That’s… fuck. That’s a good way to put it all.” She agrees. “I had to be a certain person at the Temple. Then, I had to be another shape with… when I was on the Paths. And now… Someone different again. But I had to hide a lot of things before. Keep them in the broken bleeding fruit instead of the bowl or whatever. But now… the shells are gone and it’s better but I’m also more messy because of it. If… that makes sense?”

  Can’t help but grin with her. Loving how I can see the glimmer of hope in her eyes. Something that nearly screams with joy at not feeling alone anymore. Being asked questions no one else asked.

  “That’s basically what Athem said, and Jevita agreed that it sounded right to her too.” I agree. “It’s hard to be the person you wanna be when you’ve got to hide the messiest parts of yourself.”

  “Especially when you feel like those are the most important parts.” Rahdian nods.

  Well, my Jevy would never agree to that for herself.

  But… Ina just might have at the start.

  ** ** **

  It’s pretty late when we arrive at Lady Ophrit and Delphian’s manor here. Sun long set and stars happily glimmering above alongside the lazy moon. The couple ladies that take care of this place while they’re away are super sweet and already have the house super toasty and warm in preparation for our arrival.

  Less rooms as the home at the Academy, but still more space than we’ll know what to do with.

  “So… Can I ask a kinda personal question?” Is how I break the sleepy silence as Rahdian settles into the bed we decided to share with her tonight. Smushing me happily between her and my first lover.

  “To… which one of us?” My Jevy whispers from where she nuzzles.

  “Both? If that’s okay?” I answer.

  “It’s okay with me.” Rahdian offers while wiggling to get comfy.

  “Same, always.” Jevy agreed.

  “Just… okay. I’ve been wanting to ask something like this but never had the words, or the feeling like I’d get it right or be understood?” I start. “But… I think if I word things just so you’ll understand. Because I wanted to ask you both what you, personally, really like about yourselves. Inside and outside. I’ve gotten to watch both of you grow into the girls you wanna be. And I can tell you both how much I adore the random things that I see and get excited for but like… want to know your favorites!”

  Wait a few long heartbeats as they both absorb that. Know better than to take the silence as anything but them thinking and prod them into losing a thought.

  “Um…” Rahdian murmurs, then pauses. Looks over me to Jevy.

  “You go first.” My first lover replies. “I’m still thinking.”

  “Okay. Thanks. I um… So I’ll probably think of more things later, if that’s alright. But for now… Like there is the obvious. The body stuff that my dreamers have helped me get. My skin is like… softer and kinda clearer. The hair I did have has thinned out. Except on my head. It’s grown faster and feels thicker. And my voice, how much better I’ve wrangled it to sound. And… the tits. Yeah. Those are um… yeah.”

  “You do have nice tits.” I agree, grin at how much she’s probably definitely blushing at that. “What else? What about what’s inside?”

  “Oh, I love how it feels like the magic they taught me came from inside me. Is my Inspiration.” She continues. “Is… like… Okay. So, I love the water. But I have been kinda scared of the ocean since… since um… before. For reasons. But I don’t want to be. And me feeling everything like it’s part of some big sea seems to calm that. And the more magic I figure out the more I feel how everything is connected. Understand the flow and sway of the tides of life. And it all feels like it’s from inside me too.”

  Then she goes quiet, and after a bit I whisper while adjusting to find her hand and give it a good squeeze. “That’s… all really amazing. Perfect. Exactly the kind of answer I was hoping for! Thank you for sharing.”

  Thinking of all the ways I can use that to make my gifted day to her just as perfect. Wondering what kind of bath houses are about as well as if there are any traders here who can make some pretty jewelry shaped like sea-shells or something...

  “I really liked all that.” Jevita agrees. “I think for me… I like how I remember what I read. Not just that I do but like…the method. It’s kinda learned from my Maktaba, at first, but it’s something I got really good at alone. Hard to explain, but It’s how I made sure to never forget all the things I learned about taking care of my big child. And how even with the research I’m doing with Athem and Thodep it’s… it feels good. Feels like me. I enjoy how I keep what I learn safe and find it later when it’s needed.”

  Remembering all the ways I got to help her with Lule. Finding the fruits and treats he likes the best, which harnesses were the most comfy, and even helping her teach him Arudian. How close we got doing that.

  “It’s always been super impressive. You’re such a good mother. Easily in my top five.” I agree, and she giggles with me. And only when we quiet do I whisper. “And… what about outside things?”

  Biting my lip as I worry that I've... not done quite right in helping my first lover find as must delight as I have when pleasuring her.

  A long pause, then she whispers. “I… that’s harder. For me. To see past the Glyphs. Or even think past them. How easy it is to stumble into, like a shock of something too hot from cold. But… I like what’s beneath. Don’t really think I’d enjoy having hair like everyone else. And… yeah. Maybe more if um… if we can figure things out.”

  I shift to nuzzle my lover close. Kiss the soft skin I find. Enjoy so much the brumbles that dance beneath my touch. “I may love playing with big brundles of hair on other people, but can’t help but adore the smooth and soft skin you have here instead. Thank you for sharing with me, Jevy.”

  “Course.” She whispers. “And… What about you? What do you like about yourself?”

  Almost everything. I don’t say aloud. Don’t explain how… while I don’t think I’m perfect, at all. Or even close. I… I like who I am. Have since I was a little girl walking the Paths with my four moms.

  Nibble on her a bit before replying without answering. “Sleep time.”

  “But… What that's...” She starts to protest tiredly.

  “No butts.” I giggle. “Sleep. Maybe later.”

  “We should hold her to that.” Rahdian murmurs from behind me.

  “Yeah, agreed.” Jevita replies.

  Can’t help but smile as I refuse to agree. Nuzzle deeper between them as sleep slowly wraps about us.

  These two girls who are, kinda like me. Have so much to love about themselves but just… don’t get to see it clearly. Despite how much they’ve grown and fought for every bit and tit.

  And how they could easily be such… bitter people. Withering. But… aren’t. Both because of how they wanted better. But also because they found people to love and help them get and be better.

  Like me.

  I get to help the girls around me grow, and I think I’m getting pretty good at that. Not as good as my moms are but… getting better.

  Like they always are.

  Also I think I’m pretty cute. Especially when I try. So there’s that too.

  ALSO ALSO if your enjoying our series please make sure to give it a rating of star-things and MEBE even a kind review!

  AND to join in the discussion of silly SST and LoTDD things visit our !

  ALSO My other work, is uploaded RIGHT NOW!

  Also also! We just did right up a new lil story about a living weapon and her Witch!

  Clickie the pretty picture below to go read it!!!