ANNOUNCEMENT!

  SO! As everyone noticed, there has beeeeen some pauses between releases.

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  CW:

  RAHDIAN POV!!! Worry about being your identity. Flirting! Name stealing talks. Pronoun talks and wobbles.

  They told me the way they braided my hair wasn’t anything special. Just… really easy and simple patterns done after spending a bit of time combing the messy long mane in straight. Easy. Normal. Even had me try to do a smaller one in Tasii’s hair. Didn’t like… really work out. But they both said it was better than their first years of trying.

  Want to figure this out so I can help them too.

  Also said the paints and glitter they used on my face was normal for an evening out. That took longer for Kque and me to apply though. Never got used to how pretty she looks when chewing on the inside of her cheek when she’s focusing hard on something. Especially when that something is me.

  Couldn’t stop the heat from rising and spreading to probably my everything as Kque mentioned how pretty my blush is. That she’s jealous of that in both us girls from Lyttoral.

  The um… outfit was the only time I pushed back. Kinda stuttering and tumbling away from the mirror to tell them that it was like… something. Too much something. Or too little of something else. Just… like… I couldn't find the words to explain the mess inside!

  “Uncomfortable?” Tasii had asked. “Too tight? Too loose?”

  “No. Not at all.” I murmured, staring down at the attire. “Just… I’m not… Sure?”

  “The color balance is perfect. Shape of the things compliment your body really well.” Kque replied. “But… Hm…”

  Then she got up and pulled a big floofy scarf out to wrap about my shoulders. Turned me back to face the little mirror in here and asked how I felt about the girl I was seeing now.

  Too pretty. Felt like a lie.

  Pushed those thoughts down and decided to just… trust them. Worse that happens is I look goofy and out of place beside the two girls taking me out today.

  Still does. Especially here in the warm room filled with gorgeous people dressed in their own amazingly vibrant attire. Not all women, either. Plenty from the Azure Compact here too! I think. Maybe? If I heard right? Both Arudian men and people who preferred other words like that sweet, but kinda intimidating, Redrogal person?

  Not an equal amount to the women. But… but enough to make me feel a bit more comfortable. Less worried.

  “Rahdian?” Kque asks and nudges me, tugging me from this memory spiral.

  “Yeah?” I look away from the main dining room of this fancyish tavern and down to her.

  She holds up a selection of jeweled pins. All emblazoned with really pretty crystal clusters patterned like all sorts of shapes.

  “I just wanted to give you the options.” Kque explains, “These are like… word things. Everyone is asked to wear at least one here. And I assumed you’d want this one but also didn’t want to assume so… She/Her,” She curls a finger to poke the far left one. Then proceeds to explain the other half dozen in her hands, their pronunciations, and like… her best understanding of their meaning. Doesn’t even hold the He/Him pin, which calms my worry a bit, instead points to a nearby handsome guy wearing one of those. Ends her descriptions with… “And They/Them. Also, I was told that like… we don’t feel like you gotta remember them all. Pretty much anyone we talk to will enjoy explaining the words to go with these. Just do your best and ask if you’re not sure.”

  “I’ve… never seen anything like this.” Is my careful reply as I feel myself hesitating between the first and last ones more than all the other fascinating words the people here are using to describe themselves.

  For so many reasons.

  “It’s been a long time since I have, honestly.” Kque replies with a sigh. “Kinda almost forgot they exist. Didn’t really like… mentally connect how important they were until these past weeks. Meeting Redrogal and other really wonderful people in the Azure Compact kinda’s gotten me thinking more about the words we use and why we use them. Was glad one of their members mentioned it before we split ways.”

  The first is what I’ve wanted forever. But if I take it alone could it pull people into like… noticing I’m not like them? Or will the last pin give too much away? Both about the Dreamers sleeping inside my Amwella. But like… also my changing? Could it give someone the wrong idea? Thinking like Kikii did that I’m an Arudian male?

  Really hope she and her moms catch up before we leave this town.

  “Yeah.” I nod, decide to keep stalling while my stupid mind keeps trying to decide how to handle this, “Is this pretty much only an Arudia thing, I think? Not just taverns like this, I mean. But the effort to ask? Just… I never really heard of anything like this before. But also kinda never came into the deeper parts of the cities till the Academy.”

  “Yes, but… also no.” Kque sighs, “Lyttoral is definitely horrible about this. But even Arudia pretty much sucks at thinking of anything outside of the majority and um… well the one exception they needed. Being an Arudian male was already really difficult. But… finding something between or completely apart from both known options? Yeah. No. People are gonna struggle with that.”

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  Can’t help but picture my old home by the sea at that. My… well basically my mother. How she’d hate this so much. Not because Sangoma wouldn’t understand the desire, but… because she’d see it as selfish. Wasteful for basically living a way that costs women everywhere stability. Invites odder and odder uses of dangerous magics and Alchemy.

  Like… like my transition. A single girl refusing to give up the rest of her life to help make sure thousands more could–

  “Do you think it’ll get better?” I whisper, cutting off the thought. Deciding to grab both pins and decide how I feel about it all later.

  Not like anyone but Kque or Tasii will remember. And… if they ask I’ll just tell them I was feeling stupid and wanted to include my Dreamers like Ina would. Not… Not the rest.

  The ache of feeling so fake. So incomplete. Like maybe I don't deserve the first. Still not right from head to toes. But also... feeling different in okay ways? Like so many others do in discarding words they don't feel encompass themselves?

  “Yes. Absolutely.” Kque grins, lowering her hands away. Reaches us to help me apply the pins before dropping them back in the basket on the table nearby. “Not like… easily or quick. But we have to do stuff like this. Keep pushing. Normalizing the ideas and spreading how much it means to really sweet people for us to let them just… be. And respect that. Accept what they don’t understand and even maybe try to learn more. Find beauty in the different. Just like anything else on the Paths.”

  Then Tasii finds us and leads us to the table she found. Eyeing my pins curiously as I try to follow and get them on the front of my top right. But… when our eyes meet she only smirks and winks at me before turning to introduce us to the three people sharing a table with us tonight.

  Super normal on a busy night in a popular place like this. And that was like… kinda the point? Apparently? Taverns like this, in cities so central to travel, might have music or performers or something. Even a Hetaera or two sometimes to weave a special event. But the point is this.

  Groups of two or three finding a half filled table to share with interesting people traveling the Paths.

  All shorter than me, which is normal. Nor dressed nearly as fancy as we are. Wearing ‘the Walker’s best’ as Yrelia would put it. Comfy but pretty. Two with She/Her pins, and one with a they/them and also an odd pin that doesn’t actually match the ones Kque showed me. Seems... custom? Still in the same styles as ours but also really apparently meant to match.

  Names are still hard, but… easier for reasons I wish they weren’t.

  Two of them are from my old side of our world. Have been traveling together since they both left their sea-side villages and met at their first big trading town.

  Not Lyttoral, thankfully.

  “Rahdian…” One mumbles as we slip into our side of the table. Hethata? I think is her name? “That name rings a bell. Have you ever traveled along the Paths that run up through the little Triple Peaks and the little villages throughout?”

  “Eh… No. But almost.” I reply. “Kinda approached them from the north and was going to take those roads back downwards but… decided to turn toward Arudia.”

  The direction I knew my very furious former traveling companions did not want to go.

  “Drawn to the tales of heavy snow, romance, magic, or…” Vi… Vitreki… Vii… Tra… Keta. Viitraketa, asks with a grin. Cultivation sparkles dancing across her deep purple cheeks as they turn vibrant blueish emerald eyes on me.

  Even seems to have like... little numbs like horns poking up from their own braided hair. Cultivation either performed later or inherited from parents?

  No. Pip hated the cold, and the season was turning to be full winter. So I turned and moved as fast as I could. Needed to make sure we’d never meet again.

  “Honestly, I wasn't thinking or planning. Just… knew I didn’t wanna go south. Too many familiar faces.” I try to answer easily and steadily. Hoping they’ll move to more interesting topics than my messy past.

  “Hmmm… Might have heard the name from a past lover of yours asking about after you?” Hethata presses.

  A jolt of panic shoots down my spine. At… at the idea that not changing my name again was stupid and they could have told local duenna about me or… or…

  But Tasii saves me. Must see my rising panic. Even takes my hand and gives it a squeeze beneath the table while offering. “Her name is actually inspired by a story, a pretty popular and salacious one, if I remember correctly?”

  Jokentii, the other girl from the southern Paths, clicks her fingers and smiles. “Right. The name is on the tip of my tongue. Is about some pirate snatching up some gerl and sweeping her into an adventure at sea?”

  Pronounces the word ‘girl’ oddly. Like… ‘gel’. Which… with her pretty accent is really enthralling.

  “Yeah. Exactly. The Thief and Her Prize. It’s um… actually not that uncommon. I think. Though most don’t remember the book.” I half lie, hoping the truth smothers my nervous stumblings.

  Viitraketa is about to say something, but one of the servers arrives to poke after our drink orders and describe the food offered here tonight. In more detail than I expect. But one of the girls mentioned an allergy to an ingredient and asked for something to be made a little special. Which like… is agreed to. Which makes sense but also seems really kind to me? Don’t ever remember anyone getting that along the Paths.

  “Was she the pirate or the other gerl?” Hethata leans forward to rest her chin on her palm to ask as the server leaves.

  Dull scarlet eyes fixating on me again.

  “Oh. Um… The pirate.” I answer, trying to keep my bubbling flutters calm.

  “Wow, forgive me if this is impolite, but that speaks much of your mothers.” Viitraketa chuckles with such warm mirth. “Not in a bad way, mind you.”

  “My mother didn’t pick this name.” My stupid lips are blurting before I can stop them.

  A heartbeat passes, not… uncomfortable. But…

  “The Rahdian in the story must have inspired you a lot.” Kque is the first to offer the next obvious question. “So… Why that name? I don't remember Ina or Yrelia asking.”

  Glance over to see both her and Kque sort of… smiling? Differently than normal? But in a way that seems familiar. Thoughtful and curious. A little teasing. Not in any kind of mean way at all. Is actually encouraging.

  “Well, because... she stole that name too.” I admit quietly but with every word finding more and more steady confidence in the ideas I’d not really said aloud yet. Even to Ina. “And that’s what it felt like to claim a new name. At least to me. A lie because it wasn’t given, but snatched up before anyone could stop me. Carried far enough no one should come looking to take it back. And... Um... She was the kind of girl I wanted to try and be more like someday.”

  Another pause, then Viitraketa is saying in a very serious voice. “Kque, Tasii? Be sure to watch this one. Or she’ll be snatched away just like the girl from her namesake's story.”

  What? How does she... Wait. No she's... Oh.

  Such heat rises to my cheeks as I understand her words and stare and questions and… and also find myself completely lost as to finding this all make sense when I think of her being interested in me.

  The girl I saw in the mirror before blazing in my minds eye.

  “Oh, we know.” Kque murmurs warmly and glances over at the pretty Arudian girl. “She’s kinda amazing. More than she realizes.”

  Viitraketa agrees with an easy smirk. “I can guess.”

  “Vii…” Hethata sighs and levels a soft pout upon the Arudian girl, “You can’t just… Like… What happened to the slow circling of a bird over a possible buried cutie?”

  C– cutie?

  Am worried about how to respond to that. Floundering aimlessly.

  “I’m not expecting to seduce her.” Viitraketa shrugs at the girl. “She’s already snared this night, I believe. And I’ve not the energy for the company of four in bed or otherwise more intimate places.”

  Sn– snared? But… but I’m still not like… like sure if Tasii or Kque would be interested in like… more. Especially since I’m not changed and could fall apart or freeze up or… or…

  “Same, honestly. Only want to sometimes, and with the right people nearby.” Tasii agrees, turning to the group with such a grin on her lips, never letting go of my cold sweating hand. “Rahdian… hasn’t had the chance to meet a lot of wonderful people. Get to understand how a lot of the looks and attention she gets are probably almost always due to how many girls and otherwise are just imagining snuggling against just a tall and warm seeming companion.”

  I… That’s not…

  “But. She’s not the only interesting girl here, and Rahdian needs a break from said attention.” Kque states pointedly to everyone. “So, tell us how you all met, and also what that really neat and custom looking pin means, Viitraketa. I’m trying to memorize and categorize all of them for the rest of the girls in our group.”

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