The corpse of the elite [Toll-Booth Troll] lay sprawled across the tarmac of the motorway like an oversized speed bump.

  Now wearing the odds and sods of clothing that the rest of the group had in their inventories, Steffan hovered nervously over the body. Lorelei might have expected him to have relaxed somewhat now that they weren't relying on him to save the day, but his buzzing apprehension was palpable, and it was putting everyone else on edge. "Guys, I still don’t think this is a good idea," Steffan repeated, scratching his chin and looking from the troll's remains to where Chrissy stood in his robes, performing a complicated warm-up routine.

  She really was very flexible indeed.

  "As I've been saying," he continued, "raising a regular undead minion is one thing, but this . . . this is going to be like trying to teach a rhinoceros ballet. I'm not sure Chrissy will be able to handle it on her first try. And if it goes wrong, we'll be in trouble!"

  Michelle snorted and gave the Necromancer a disgusted look. "Mate, it's hardly our favourite choice either. It's you that's saying you aren't willing to give it a go that's brought us to this. We're not overburdened with options here. You do understand we're going to die at the Cathedral if we don't increase our group size! You can read, can't you?" As she spoke, her brother stepped up behind her, his face grim.

  "Trust me on this, mate. If I weren't worried you're too squishy to survive, I'd be kicking your arse for putting us in this situation. But you better believe that as soon as this Quest ends, we're going to have a full and frank exchange of views about you pulling this shit on us."

  Lorelei moved forward, putting herself between Steffan and the Veiled Stalker siblings. "Look, that's not helpful, is it? Steffan explained why he did not think he would be able to make this summons stick. Let's respect his choice, and all get behind Plan B."

  They all turned to look at Plan B, who reached down to touch her toes and then bounced up on her heels with an enthusiasm that seemed wildly out of place with the growing tension in the air. "Look, I'm not worried, so you shouldn't be worried. It's this sort of shit that my Class is built for, isn't it? I'm sure there are all manner of safeguards built in to make it easy for me to nail using a new Skill on my first try. If there weren't, anyone with this Class would be dead immediately after attempting anything new, wouldn't we!"

  Lorelei felt herself begin to relax slightly when she read those words. It actually sounded like this plan might not be wholly outrageous . . .

  "Fuck's sake," Lorelei muttered and joined the rest of the group watching Chrissy's warm-up routine, expressions ranging from incredulity to mild horror. The only person who didn’t seem remotely ruffled by the potential fallout from the plan was the stripper herself.

  "Aye, but ye've nivvor been a Necromancer afore, have ye, pet?" Pete pointed out, his broad shoulders seemingly sagging under the weight of the day’s events. Lorelei didn't blame them.

  "First time for everything! I'd never done a Phoenix Spiral Lift before I tried it either," Chrissy said, "but look at me now!"

  The group watched in various states of worry/arousement/bafflement as Chrissy manifested her stripper pole, reaching the top of it using a series of elegant, controlled spins. She paused momentarily at the summit, legs extended in a perfect split, holding the position with one hand while the other trailed down her body for dramatic effect. Then, with a smile, she began a slow downward spiral, spinning around the pole while maintaining a solid grip upon it with her thighs. At the midpoint, she flipped upside down, arching her back, releasing her grip with one hand and extending it outward, using the other hand and their legs to maintain her balance.

  Chrissy continued her descent, beginning to spin faster, creating a whirlwind of movement. She alternated between gripping the pole with her hands and legs until, near the base of the pole, executing a complex twist, flipping her body upright.

  Chrissy end up sitting on the pole with her legs wrapped around it, facing outward. She then began a slow, controlled climb back up the pole, using a series of body rolls and spins. As she reached the top, she extended one leg and arm outward, mimicking the wings of a phoenix in flight.

  Not knowing how else to respond, Lorelei began to applaud, but then, for the grand finale, Chrissy released the pole with their hands and performed a controlled drop, catching herself at the last moment with their legs in a powerful, dramatic pose.

  Lorelei closed the notification with a sigh as Chrissy dismissed her stripper pole back to her inventory and pulled back the sleeves of Steffan's robes to free her hands. "Now, everyone stand back. This might get a bit… messy."

  With a deep breath and the air of someone about to try their hand at knitting for the first time, Chrissy approached the troll’s body. She glanced over at Steffan, who begrudgingly summoned his grimoire and passed it over to her. The weight of the book in her hands was reassuring, even if she had no clue how to read half the incantations within it.

  "All right, let's do this," Chrissy said, trying to sound more confident than she felt. She opened the grimoire to a dog-eared page labelled "Calling the Dead" and began to chant, her voice rising and falling in guttural tones.

  The air grew cold and heavy, and a foul stench - a mixture of rotting meat and spoiled milk - wafted from the troll's body. As Chrissy’s chanting grew louder, light blue energy crackled around her fingers, leaking outwards to seep into the troll's corpse like ink spreading through water.

  For a moment, nothing happened.

  Then, the troll's massive form shuddered. Its limbs twitched, and a low growl emanated deep within its chest. Chrissy’s eyes widened, taking a step backwards, but she kept chanting, clearly determined to see it through.

  The troll's eyes snapped open, glowing with the same blue light surrounding the Chameleon Courtesan. Its body jerked upright in bone-cracking movements that sounded nothing so much like a giant popping bubble wrap. Flesh that had started to rot knitted itself back together in a sick parody of life, muscles bulging and contracting as the troll rose to its full, terrifying height.

  Hild and Pete drew their weapons and stepped forward, ushering the rest of the group back behind them as the troll staggered spasmodically about.

  The creature let out a roar that echoed across the motorway, sending birds fleeing from nearby trees and causing everyone present to take another involuntary step back. Then, its eyes fixed on Chrissy, who desperately tried to remember the next part of the ritual.

  "You need to activate ," Steffan shouted. "It needs to accept that you have control of it. You need to dominate it!"

  "My specialist subject," she muttered to herself, flipping to the next page in the grimoire, her fingers trembling slightly. Finding , she read the words aloud, hoping the invocation would help her wrest control over the hulking behemoth.

  The troll lunged forward, its massive hands reaching for Chrissy. On instinct, she resummoned her stripper poll and thrust it out in front of her, tendrils of the same light blue energy lashing out and wrapping around the troll like ethereal chains. The troll howled in anger, thrashing against its bonds, its movements so powerful that the tarmac ripped and shattered beneath their feet.

  The troll’s body continued to contort unnaturally as it fought Chrissy's control, its flesh tearing and reforming. The smell of decay intensified, mingling with the scent of mana from the power of the Skill Chrissy was channelling open. Chrissy’s grip tightened on her pole, her knuckles white with strain.

  "Down . . . boy!" Chrissy commanded, her voice unwavering. The troll roared again, but its movements were growing sluggish, the tentacles of tightening around it like a constrictor. Or a '90s Bond Villain's thighs. With a final, desperate effort, Chrissy forced all her will into the spell, forcing the creature to kneel before her.

  For a moment, everything was still.

  Pete approached cautiously, his sword at the ready. "Is it... is it under control, like? Are ye sure ye've got it sorted and it’s not gonna gan wild on us, pet?"

  Chrissy swallowed hard, nodding slowly. "Barely. But yes, I think I've got it."

  Steffan let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. "That was… impressive, Chrissy. Horrifying, but impressive."

  Chrissy gave a shaky laugh, wiping sweat from her brow. "Well, I always did have a flair for the dramatic."

  The group gathered around the subdued troll, still wary but visibly relieved. Chrissy’s hands trembled as she lowered her pole, the blue light dissipating into the air like smoke.

  "Now what?" asked Hild, looking between the troll and the rest of the group.

  Lorelei took a deep breath. "Now, we complete the Quest."

  "And then maybe," Chrissy added, "maybe I’ll consider a career change."

  The group shared a collective chuckle, the tension breaking as they prepared to move onward to the final part of their journey. Chrissy made a little clicking noise, and the troll rose to stumble up to stand behind her.

  Loreli dismissed the notification and hurried to follow the rest of the group towards the exit junction for Lichfield.

  Grimdark Affirmation Rituals if anyone is as sick of the well-being promoters as I am ;)