This was the third time Hallvar stood in front of the Queen. Supposedly, third time was the charm, yeah? It didn’t feel any easier.

  She reminded Hallvar of a porcelain doll. Not fragile, not a plaything. But someone so gracefully posed and dressed in fineries which pretended to be modest and subtle gowns.

  Even the cloth that covered her hair was exquisite. Dark purple, like a plum, and velvet with lace edges. Hallvar caught a glimpse of beads woven into the lace – tiny, faceted flickers of red.

  The porcelain aspect came from her expression, unreadable in its calm. She had decades of practice to maintain her dignity; one weird, strange hero who caused her divorce wouldn’t break her demeanor.

  Kiran was present instead of Blaine. It seemed to be prearranged, as the old knight was here waiting before Hallvar. Did Blaine need some time off? They spent months as the Queen’s personal guard during that big meeting, a few hours off was probably overdue.

  The practicality of the Queen’s staffing choices was a stupid topic for Hallvar to consider, but they didn’t know what else to think about as the royal waited for tea to be served, watching the hero quietly.

  “Sit,” she ordered once the tea was waiting.

  Hallvar obeyed, nervously tucking their hands in their lap. They didn’t know how to act. The Queen judged them in front; Kiran would absolutely laugh at them later for saying or acting idiotically. It was a lose-lose for Hallvar.

  “The Kingdom of Amnasín offers an apology for your treatment under the former King-Consort’s command.”

  Well, that… wasn’t what Hallvar was expecting.

  “In addition to your pay as a hero—” The lady-in-waiting placed a small coffer of coins on the table in front of Hallvar, opening it to reveal stacks of silver. “—we offer an equivalent boon of your choice.”

  She continued while the hero’s mind was spinning at the possibilities and the sheer scale of this offer.

  “Armaments, armor, materials, beasts, coin, books – if there is something you wish for, let it be known.”

  Hallvar… didn’t need any of that.

  They liked books, certainly. And beasts were necessary. It was just that… the hero wanted to earn those things on their own.

  A fancy, high-end axe would be cool to have but it would be like an amateur chef owning a $600 knife without the skills or knowledge to use it correctly. A waste of money.

  Hallvar tentatively proposed a solution that would benefit the hero, albeit in a roundabout way. “Would you permit Stella – one of the Guild’s staff – continuous use of the library?”

  The Queen narrowed her eyes. Hallvar’s nerves were too high and awareness too low to notice her gaze flicker to Kiran in the background. The old knight silently shrugged and rolled her eyes.

  “You would use an open-ended boon for someone else?”

  Mhm, yeah. They felt stupid now. But it was their stupid decision, so Hallvar doubled down with all the conviction they could muster.

  “I don’t need a house, as Stella allowed me to use her spare room. Any information I could want would be easier for her to access and find as a… a Sage, right? You entrusted me to serve the Kingdom through the Guild. If Stella has access to the royal library, she can improve the Guild immensely, I’m certain.”

  The Queen waited for more information. Fuck, Anton and Viktor definitely got their stares from interactions with her. Were they as impetuous and dumb as Hallvar in the beginning? Or was this nightmarish situation unique to the hero?

  “I would rather have something that helps me continuously than an item that I don’t know how to wield properly or a stack of gold that I won’t ever spend. The, uh, 50 heads or however much it was – that’s more than enough for my lifestyle.”

  From behind Hallvar came a laugh, then Kiran’s voice. “I told you they would ask for something odd.”

  The hero barely resisted a retort, catching themselves as they whipped their head to the side to glare at her.

  Oh, they remembered an item they wanted, but Hallvar hesitated to ask.

  “I have something specific in mind, but it’s menial compared to the offer and it would be insulting to request. I can ask your staff about it, Your Majesty. But I’m really content with the library access.”

  The Queen let out a gentle sigh, barely noticeable. “Access to the library for yourself and Lady Harnell will be granted, Hero Hallvar. However, I would like to hear your request, if you will humor me.”

  They stared blankly at the royal, trying desperately to word this statement without sounding horrifically insulting.

  “Um. There’s a lot I miss from our old world, but pajama pants are one of them. They’re a specific soft fabric that’s cheaply manufactured and they’re comfortable to lounge around in. I’ve found the standard trousers here to be fine but not right. Your staff left pants that were… similar to pajama pants in the wardrobe, so… I kind of wanted to know where those were from?”

  A wheeze came from Kiran. It turned into a full-on laugh while Hallvar’s cheeks burned hot.

  “I said it was a dumb request! This is why I don’t share things!” They snapped, fully turning to shout at the old lady.

  The Queen ignored the pair. “Do you believe the other heroes would appreciate the same articles of clothing?”

  Hallvar was still flushed as they faced the royal, trying to regain their dwindling dignity.

  “I think so, Your Majesty. I don’t know them very well, but this world’s normal clothing is equivalent to dressing up for a fancy event daily in our world. I’m pretty sure the clothes we used to wear daily would be considered undergarments here, Your Majesty. Not that that makes my request sound any better.”

  “Noted. Saray, do you know what clothing the hero is referring to?”

  The lady-in-waiting stepped forward. “Yes, Your Majesty. It is a Kovatellian garment called a dhoti, although the style the castle provided for guests may have a different name.”

  “That is the information you requested. You have been granted the library access. With the Queen’s Blessing, your boon is rendered complete.”

  Hallvar didn’t have time to question the blessing, the system popped up with a notification.

  If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.

  Vague, but certainly useful. Friendly combatants applied to beast companions, right? It had to.

  Hallvar suddenly remembered to be polite, bowing their head. “Thank you, Your Majesty.”

  “You may rescind your gratitude later. We are not yet finished.”

  The words felt ominous and a sense of dread gripped Hallvar. They knew that the Queen wouldn’t make such a clear statement of potential regret without meaning it entirely.

  They picked up their tea in an effort to seek out a little comfort. Hallvar didn’t drink much tea before, more of a coffee person, but being around Stella changed their habits. Now a teacup felt like familiarity and home, almost. Their new home.

  “Due to the nature of Cyciphos’ actions, we did not complete our questioning. We cannot extend to you the solace and solitude we denied the other heroes, therefore Lady Saray and Ser Kiran will remain during this discussion. You will answer to the best of your abilities.”

  Ah, she wanted more information from Hallvar about what happened. That was… reasonable, they guessed. It wasn’t like they could say no.

  The Queen leveled her gaze at the man, tactfully waiting for them to finish sipping their tea.

  “How did you die?”

  Hallvar’s heart dropped. They thought that they avoided that line of questioning. In truth, they did – there was no longer dozens of people to witness their answer. Only the lady-in-waiting Saray and the knight Kiran.

  And the Queen, of course.

  “Could… we have some other questions first, maybe? Warm up to that one?”

  “You’ve had two days to consider your answer.”

  It was strange. Hallvar didn’t want to say it, of course, but they were less worried about the Queen’s response than Kiran’s. It couldn’t be changed. No matter how great or wonderful or forthcoming Hallvar was, the fact of their death didn’t change.

  The Queen spoke once more as Hallvar was… buffering, trying to load up the words in an order that made them sound less pathetic than reality.

  “If you do not answer, we will be forced to make assumptions as we did for Hero Leon. You resist authority and although you have been cooperative, you seem incapable of formality and proper etiquette.”

  The hero would be lying if they said they weren’t intrigued by this thought process. The Queen outlined what she could extrapolate from Hallvar’s entire being.

  “You chose beasts over human companions. You are polite but are reticent to socialize. We would propose that you were killed by an authority figure, therefore you have a complicated relationship with authority – seeking it out for validation, such as the Guild, but pushing away attempted control.”

  Hallvar blinked at the royal, trying to come up with good and proper words outside of uhh what? The good news was that her incorrect assessment shook the fear and hesitation clear out of the hero’s mind. Nothing worked better than needing to be right.

  “Uh, no, ma’am. I’m not very good at psychoanalysis but— I killed myself. My issue is probably like, I don’t know, needing to reassert agency? Which definitely comes off as control and authority problems, but it’s not really authority that’s the focus.”

  The Queen seemed shocked. She had no commentary to provide, even as Hallvar continued fumbling through this awkward discussion.

  “I don’t know how you would assess my potential from that answer, to be fair. If anything, my response to inconveniences and torture has been to be hopeful because I have things to live for this time around.”

  With a raised hand, the Queen stopped Hallvar’s ambling analysis. She steepled her fingers and thought for a while longer.

  Kiran spoke from her seat by the back wall. “I think everyone here is grateful you didn’t get a chance to say that in front of the court.”

  Hallvar narrowed their eyes, only turning a bit to contradict the old knight. “I had a different answer in mind that’s still the truth. I was hit by a bus. It’s like a carriage but big and faster.”

  “Were there other people in there? To witness you—”

  The hero did fully turn around now, irritated at the old lady, the irrational emotions taking over the logical thought process.

  “I didn’t say it was a clean death. Worrying about what everyone else thought was what brought me there in the first place!”

  “So now you do not try to meet expectations if you find them to be unworthy or unreasonable.”

  That was the Queen. And she wasn’t wrong.

  “With respect, Your Majesty, while that may be true, my motivations can’t be reduced to one concept. My few months with no ability to communicate killed — sorry, bad wording – removed my sense of propriety. Even if I had to lose most of my shame and etiquette through using hand gestures to ask for simple needs like food, baths, or clothing, I gained freedom with the Guild’s help.”

  Hallvar found a path back to the discussion at hand, making their suicide a point of hope, not failure.

  “What I gained from the ruse to hide me was the ability to choose what I wanted to do instead of what was expected of me as a hero. I doubt beastmaster would be available to me as a class if I started here in the castle.”

  They waved around, as if to indicate the grounds of Saltkrow Keep.

  “I like that the Guild gave me a choice and a community. That I had some autonomy in my decisions, but I didn’t need to live as my culture did before – where seeking help in any task was a weakness, and strength could only be found in isolated independence.”

  That was… Ugh, did they accidentally rant at the Queen? Well, she was right then, that Hallvar no longer tried to meet expectations of proper conduct and they were terrible at etiquette.

  “Do you resent the other heroes?”

  What a question. Hallvar had to consider it, not because they did resent the heroes, but because of the nuance it provided.

  “What would I resent them for?”

  “You’ve suffered extensively in death and your new life.”

  “And they’ve suffered less, at least in this life. Right… It depends on what they’re doing with the luxuries and privileges they’ve been given. I guess it’s no more resentment that any poor person has for the wealthy.”

  The Queen continued to calmly pry into Hallvar’s psyche. They let her. It was interesting, honestly, and what was she going to do? Kill them?

  It was amazing how often that justification worked out.

  “Do you resent Saltkrow, Royalty and nobility alike?”

  Hrm. This was a loaded question. Hallvar could picture Kiran internally begging for them to say something smart and avoid insulting the Queen.

  They tried their best.

  “I don’t know how it feels to be responsible for an entire nation, to have your simplest commands effect that many people. You don’t know what it feels like to die and come back with nothing, in a world so foreign to your own.”

  The hero shrugged, trying to convey a sentiment without sounding too insulting.

  “If you’ll humor the comparison, Your Majesty, I don’t think a hawk resents a unicorn, or vice versa. We live vastly different lives, and I doubt this in-depth of a conversation will occur again, in order to foster enough understanding for resentment to grow.”

  “Your stance is unexpectedly forgiving considering your suffering.”

  “If I had to guess, it’s the same reason you haven’t chastised me for swearing or forgetting to use deferential language – I’m content remaining kind for as long as I can, until provoked otherwise.”

  The Queen showed a slight hint of amusement, questioning the hero on the topic.

  “You believe me to be kind?”

  Hallvar did not know what the proper answer was, whether it was rude to say yes directly or if they needed to hedge their response in some other detailed explanation. Whatever. Honesty got them this far.

  “With respect, Your Majesty, Kiran here may be extremely competent, but she’s abrasive too. You have to be forgiving for her to have the status she does. And I don’t know what’s going on with the royals and the guildmaster, but given his entire personality, I imagine you’ve had multiple chances to end his whole career and chose not to.”

  This made Kiran laugh and she didn’t attempt to quiet her amusement.

  “You can’t deny that, Voisava.”

  The Queen frowned and waved impatiently at the old knight, as if trying to silence a friend who was keen on mocking you.

  “I have one final curiosity, Hero Hallvar. You arrived in Khenok in a manner unfamiliar to me, or my advisors.”

  “Oh!” The hero thought for a moment that she meant nearly naked and bleeding, but of course it was the fish hawk thing.

  “I, uh, unlocked a unique subclass for beastmasters. It’s not recorded anywhere I can find. It’s better that way for the safety of the subclass users, I think.”

  “You wish it to remain private.”

  “I—” Hallvar sighed, gesturing to nothing with their taloned hands, dark striped with bird-wing markings.

  “That one instance of public exposure led to complete ostracization in Khenok, save for a physician who didn’t particularly care. I will feel better once I understand any existing superstitions or folklore in this kingdom, so at least the public’s reaction might be more predictable.”

  The Queen seemed amiable to this decision, though she didn’t voice the obvious desire for details.

  “We will refer to you as the Beastmaster Hero, then. We can accommodate that request. However, you will need to address your concerns before the spring festival. It is customary to hold a competition of power, of any combat class or eager participant. The kingdoms heroes will be competing; yourself included.”

  Hallvar resisted the urge to groan. A competition meant crowds and people watching them. It was an introvert’s nightmare.

  “Take your pay and be well, Hero Hallvar.” The Queen nodded in a polite acknowledgement of the hero’s cooperation, though her blank face betrayed a flicker of amusement at the disgruntled expression on Hallvar’s face. “We will request your presence when you are next needed.”

  They left with gratitude that this was all over. They were free to collect their things and leave, return home with Stella, deal with the Guild, all the fun things that normal non-hero people were able to do.

  They felt a bit raw from the uncomfortable confession, but relieved that the axe of this meeting was no longer hanging above their neck. If that didn’t freak out the Queen, nothing Hallvar intended to do would.

  It was a weird sense of freedom, existing so outside the norm of this world that Hallvar didn’t… have to conform to it, outside of polite socialization.

  Maybe it would work out for the hero, in the long run.