Height is up to my shoulder... in heels, or on tiptoes. Blue lines visible on the exposed parts of the neck and arm. Black dress with short sleeves and a short skirt, black boots with cuffs. A small teddy bear is attached to the left forearm. Red, slightly curly hair under a hat is pulled into two ponytails on the sides. Small chest. One eye is green, the other is blue.

  Character... Specific.

  - So, you say, ancient wisdom and the opportunity to have fun? - I inquired.

  - Exactly so - the girl nodded.

  My new acquaintance - unlike the gang of probable protagonists not causing a feeling of familiarity - introduced herself as Lily Rose Winegar Sugar Lupus-Gold, and the strangest thing is that this was her real name, judging by what ECHO found on the Echonet.

  Probably, she was an unwanted child. At least on one of the parents' side.

  In any case, the Lupus-Gold family was both very famous and at the same time there was no information about them. Well, no personal details, to be precise, except for the pictures of Lily Rose herself, which was how I was able to verify her authenticity, and her parents: a tall lady in white, with a wide-brimmed - but flat - hat on her head, and her husband, short and round. Spike Thorn Pepper Spice Lupus-Gold in the picture was holding a scythe on her shoulder, and her husband - a huge garden shears; their daughter, who looked younger in this photo, was holding a SG. I'm not sure if it was the same one she was using now, or a different one.

  In any case, they are a very rich family, who own a personal planet.

  And their daughter came looking for adventures to her... places, to Pandora.

  Well, actually, she said that she was looking for "ancient magical wisdom of the Eridians, the key to unlocking my sleeping siren power! Well, and a chance to have some fun."

  Even a quick glance was enough to understand that her "siren tattoos" were ordinary "temporary tattoos", drawings on the skin that had nothing in common with a real siren. I saw them, I have the opportunity to compare. Lilith's are always slightly glowing, and especially when she uses her abilities. And in general...

  In short, i have here a girl with cockroaches in her head. But you have to give her credit - she can stand up for herself, although she has a lot of room to grow.

  As for her broom... Antigrav. Whatever the owner says about the "magic artifact".

  - I can put a temporary patch on the damage - I said, having studied the said "artifact". - It will fly, but slowly and sadly, and it is better not to rise high. But it is better to take it to a normal specialized service.

  And then added, after thinking for a moment:

  - On a normal planet.

  - Oh, I see, you're no stranger to the mysteries of magic! - the girl noted.

  - In a sense, - I chuckled, thinking about Lilith and AlBa. Hmm. If you think about it, I really am not stranger. Death, again... Damn, I really have a connection to all sorts of supernatural crap, unlike this "witch". - In any case... Don't you think that has been enough of "pulling"?

  The girl glanced at her chest for some reason and blushed.

  - My quest has only just begun! - she declared.

  - I would recommend speaking more quietly, - I said, biting off a piece of cake the girl had given me for my coffee. Nice... When was the last time I ate dessert, if you don't count condensed milk (and tangerines)?.. - If a couple more guards show up, we might not be able to handle it.

  Lily raised an interested eyebrow.

  - "Can we?" Want to join me on my adventure?

  I looked at her, seriously considering. I looked down at the cake.

  Hmm.

  - Technically, I'm a mercenary... - I muttered out loud. - But... first of all, didn't your parents teach you how to properly hire staff?

  - Nope, - the girl responded. - That was supposed to be next week. I'll catch up when I get back.

  She glanced at me, and apparently my expression told her something, because she immediately added:

  - But I can take a quick course online.

  I tried to massage my temples, but decided not to take off my helmet in a simulated combat situation. What a mixture of reasonable and absurd...

  I raised my hand and began bending my fingers.

  - It's not that I'm fundamentally against it, but. First of all, what exactly is the purpose of hiring? And the timing. Secondly, what is the pay? Thirdly…

  I hesitated, but decided to continue.

  - Thirdly, you should first check who you want to hire.

  - The coffee was quite acceptable - the girl noted in a tone as if this was a weighty argument. - Plus an acceptable level of knowledge in charms.

  She nodded towards her broom.

  - Plus the spirits of the astral streams whispered something to me about your service record - she patted the ECHO on her belt. A neural interface, I suppose. And she is not as out of touch with life as she seems.

  Well, what can I say? It's a deal. I help her get settled in on Pandora and with her "adventures", she pays for it all. The trophies are mine, except for the "magical" ones (it was a slippery slope, given that I was looking for an Eridian relic, and some artifacts might be useful to me, but she agreed that giving the shards to a specialist who could restore them was a good idea). I haven't mentioned Lilith yet; I'll talk to the siren herself first. Maybe she'd be curious to meet the impostor witch, maybe not, but that was up to her; given the siren hunt, it was best to be cautious.

  Perhaps the main question was 'should I try to contact her parents'. But after thinking about it, I decided it wasn't worth it for now. With any luck, the girl would play on her own and come home, and I'd get my money.

  ...And the brownies. No, that wasn't the deciding factor in my decision. How could I put a girl at risk for some mediocre brownie?

  ...However when there's a lot of them, and they're delicious....

  I raised my hand.

  - One last condition. In the event of your death, bequeath me your stash of brownies, - I said seriously.

  The girl stared into my eyes. It lasted for a couple of seconds, and then she nodded just as seriously.

  - I promise.

  It was as if she had an endless supply of grenades... Which she threw without hesitation and with obvious pleasure at any rustle. Well, if I had an endless supply of grenades, I'd be happy to throw them at anything too.

  Maybe even at home. You're better off fighting off what's found on Pandora instead of rats with grenades.

  - How did you get so much mana, my lady? - I asked. If I'm being paid, I might as well play along.

  - Mana reserves are of the utmost importance to any self-respecting witch, - she said. But then she honored me with a real explanation. - I have a direct channel to the Maliwan Tower of Magic.

  ...D-douche-bag. While the poor engineer has to scramble for one grenade and deny himself the essentials, like a new cannon. Well, not that I'd deny myself one, but it's about principle.

  Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original.

  I wonder if her mom wants a son-in-law.

  It can't be said that such a freebie made this "adventure" easy, but - it made it a lot easier. In the corridors of the foothills, which were increasingly turning from stone mines into Eridian architecture - not even ruins, the buildings were well preserved - we met not only a couple more guards, smaller and weaker to my relief, but a small colony of spider ants that had drilled a passage from somewhere outside. My companion stopped now and then to study the Eridian architecture, which I took advantage of to set up turrets at convenient points. The bandits provided ample cannons for this purpose.

  - There hadn't been any enemies for several minutes now, - I said quietly, frowning (not that it showed under my helmet). - Knowing Pandora...

  I shook my head silently.

  - Do you suppose we're approaching the chambers of the lord of this dungeon? - The girl asked.

  - Something like that, - I agreed. - Probably.

  - It's solvable, - she said, and took the teddy bear off her arm. The toy got to its feet and waddled forward. Hmm.

  - My familiar. He'll scout ahead. - Lily explained, and for a second I regretted missing the opportunity to get a drone. It was still ahead of me, though, and the opportunity to pay Death off was worth it.

  I sighed.

  - My lady, these opportunities should have been announced in advance. It would have been so much easier.

  - It would have been too boring and predictable, - she said, and I frowned.

  - You shouldn't underestimate Pandora. Despite the, uh, power of your... magic, and defenses, Pandora is a very insidious and deadly planet. If you allow youself to relax a little, then…

  - Grrr!

  - ...something like this could happen, - I said, firing at the bullywang in the breach of the wall. The carcass of an ant-spider slammed into the girl and knocked her down, but her shield held, and she fired a burst of SGs at the probably dead insect, while I had a bigger opponent.

  Like the Balrog, the massive forelegs of this beast were covered with a rocky crust from which the bullets bounced, so I used my pistol to aim at the more vulnerable areas, at the same time diverting the bullywang's attention from my employer.

  ...And was immediately hit by a ricochet as the bullywang closed in on her.

  - Careful! Grenades! - I said. There's no cover, I didn't have time to set up a turret here...

  The beast charged forward on four paws, targeting me as the larger and more exposed enemy.

  Unfortunately, it was when he was in front of me...

  - Firestorm!

  *Fuck.

  I jumped backwards, simultaneously switching to my shotgun and firing at the bullywang's feet. Luckily, the witch was smart enough to throw the grenade behind the target, rather than at it, so I wouldn't be right in the center kill zone.

  It was a cluster grenade, though.

  I was hit by a wave of heat, and my shield's stability rating immediately dropped to zero when the edge of one of the fiery clouds licked me practically right on top of it, burning the paint on my breastplate. I fell on my back, and the next thing I knew, a bullywang was flying out of the inferno, burned and scorched, but alive. He was right on top of me, and slammed his fist...

  ...right next to my head, leaving a pothole in the floor. The fire definitely blinded him, even if it didn't burn his eyes out.

  I didn't have a problem with my eyesight, though; the flash from the explosion was there, but I'd fixed the filters in my helmet, which I was glad I'd done, putting a shotgun volley into the bullywang's head and rolling to the side under his paw.

  It was just in time: the hail of blows, though blind, would have turned me into mashed potatoes. Man, how resilient are the inhabitants of Pandora?

  I rose to my feet, took a split second to assess the beast with my gaze... but resisted the temptation.

  So instead of shoving the barrel up its ass, I just shot it in the head again.

  That was enough to empty his health bar.

  - Something like this, - I reported, turning my gaze to the girl.

  The rest of the way the girl was silent and thoughtful, limiting herself to informing me that there was a large hall with three elemental guardians ahead.

  There's supposed to be a description of an epic battle, possibly involving an prevailing over odds. Fortunately, there was no such thing: despite my misgivings, each of the trio was no stronger than the ones guarding the entrance to this complex, and a bunch of turrets plus endless grenades solves that. Not that it was entirely easy, but now the girl was obeying my suggestions, and... well, well, we got through it.

  "Golem summoning" helped a lot. A little robot bear can, it turns out, become a maturing robot grizzly with claws capable of tearing armor.

  Truly advanced technology as good as magic...

  Anyway, we cleared the last room of the ruins, a rounded hall in the standard Eridian style, with broken glowing lines on the walls. And found a couple of containers near the walls - or rather, it was my companion who pointed out that they were containers, and she also managed to open them. I myself thought they were just some protrusions in the floor, perhaps benches.

  But I - well, my ECHO - noticed something else.

  "Eridian relic. Fragment of ????"

  A second shard of an unknown artifact lay orphaned in a niche against the far wall, and I hurried to get my hands on it. Not sneaking it away from Lily Rose, just the sooner I got it done, the better.

  I'm tired of Pandora, frankly. And it's not affecting me in the best way. I'm gonna have to get that armor plaque refurbished again.

  When I approached the girl with the shard in my hands, she was pensively studying the contents of the containers. A couple of wiener-sized crystals, pink and gold; four different "relics" (elemental protection, body enhancement, kinetic acceleration, agility), and two guns. These looked less artisanally crafted than the Eridian gun I sent to the Vladoff, but the ECHO rated them at just a green level. (Average damage, low rate of fire, low energy reserve, as it specified).

  - I can't feel magic, - the girl said sadly, and sighed. - Perhaps it was all for nothing.

  - Maybe you should go home, - I suggested.

  - I'll probably do that. I can't seem to find any magic here...

  That bullywang seems to have had a sobering effect on her... Well, I suppose it's for the best.

  It's a shame about the brownies, though.

  - Do you need any of these? - I asked. The girl hesitated, but took the golden crystal, one gun, and one relic (the one with protection).

  - Well, if that's all, we can go back - I said, putting the non-digitized fragment of the artifact in my belt pouch.

  "Mission accomplished! Level up!"

  This time, the level up was more spectacular than usual. Not only did my injuries and burns disappear, but even my armor was restored - and I even glowed slightly, enveloped by a beam of light that fell from nowhere.

  The girl's eyes shone only figuratively, but her smile was radiant... insanely radiant.

  - I knew it!!! I knew magic was real!

  ...AlBa, you bastard.