- Have you heard the news? - Mordecai asked. The hunter seemed to have made a good profit, and after selling his loot was drinking in Moxie's bar with enthusiasm. However, no matter how drunk he was, he was always able to shoot without missing - as he said, "I shoot more accurately when I'm drunk". And he's getting more talkative. - The gangs of Crooked Hand Mac and Dean-and-dot have broken their neutrality, and a war is brewing.

  - Dean is the one who thinks that Maliwan's guns work due to devil possession? - I clarified. Mordecai nodded. - Huh. I thought it was peaceful. Do you know the details?

  Mordecai shrugged, taking a drink from the bottle in his hand.

  - I think Crooked Hand Mac stole something from him. Well, that's what one of Dean's boys said.

  - Mordy, darling, I'm glad you're supporting my business, but don't you think you've had enough for one day? - Moxie asked. - Look at Bloodwing.

  The hunter glanced at his pet, which had settled on the table and jerked away when Mordecai breathed in his direction. The pseudo-bird hissed and took cover with a wing.

  - Uh... Sorry, buddy, - the man said. He turned back to Moxie. - I guess you're right. I'll go.

  The hunter staggered out of the bar; wing followed.

  Shots rang out, followed by Mordecai's shout.

  - Moxie, here's some guns for you as a tip!

  Bloodwing flew back into the room, plopped a couple of guns on the counter in front of the hostess, and flew back out.

  - How nice - said Moxie.

  - They match the color of your eyes - I chuckled.

  She nodded.

  - Magister! We have work to do!

  Lily Rose had been calling me Magister lately. At least it wasn't Sensei.

  I sighed and sat down at the table that had grown in front of my house. Having her around had its perks, like those cakes and tea. Coffee's good, but I'd like some variety.

  ...I'll put up with rich people when I can use them.

  - What kind of work? - I asked.

  - Hostage rescue, in general terms - said the girl. - Here.

  Her ECHO projected a hologram. A man without any vegetation on visible parts of his body, with several scars on his face and head in general, looking "at the camera".

  - Mrs. Lupus-Gold - he said in a surprisingly polite and cultured tone. - I wish to address you on an important confidential matter, and I dare to hope for your understanding and cooperation. While His Highness Prince Teddy was visiting me, an unfortunate incident occurred. The brazen rascals of Crooked Hand Mac launched an unprovoked attack, violating the truce between our domains, and kidnapped His Highness. I hope that you will help us in the safe return of His Highness. Of course, all costs will be compensated, and material gratitude will be appropriate.

  Huh. This was a type I knew, as well as many other significant figures of Pandora. A Dean-and-dot that Mordecai had only mentioned; one of the sane bandit leaders, essentially a bandit baron who controlled a certain territory and kept order in it. So that's what the war with his rival is about. But, "prince"? Really? Since when did Pandora become a field of high diplomacy...?

  Although, maybe Lily Rose's appearance has triggered something. After all, her family is rich and influential enough. Hmm.

  - Rescuing hostages is a difficult task, and I'm not sure it's my area of expertise - I remarked. - Even if it's just a matter of playing the role of a bodyguard at the negotiations... I can arrange a place, though.

  - We'll manage together - assured the girl.

  I can't help but admit: we work really well together, me and her money. A CRETIN turret with a good gun and just a CRETIN turret are two big differences, you know. Big, large-caliber differences.

  Judging by the fact that all the guns provided were from Maliwan, Lily Rose either has stock in the corporation, or she just loves that company's products. I'd bet on both together - they're elemental weapons, after all.

  In any case, I equipped the negotiation site with two dozen turrets, both overt and covert, with various elemental guns.

  Then I thought about it, and added another dozen.

  And a minefield.

  And a few raised shelters.

  And a camouflaged bunker.

  - Magister, are you going to build a castle here? - The girl asked. I shuddered and turned off the digital projector. Yes, I guess I got a little carried away... Though one should never underestimate one's safety issues. - I have a couple designs that could be used.

  - ...Perhaps some other time - I replied. - I'll still need a proper construction projector, not an ECHO.

  Still, Lily Rose's contribution to the design was... and there was no way I could make up my mind how I felt about it. Not only did she paint my turrets, but she also put "skins" on them, making... hell, it was starting to look almost like some sort of amusement park. Designed to kill visitors, but still.

  A couple of turrets equipped with fire cannons turned into, uh, dragons...? Western ones with wings and horns. A shocker turned into an Asian dragon, another fire cannon turned into a dog standing on its hind legs. And so on and so forth.

  I had to make some adjustments so the skins didn't interfere with the movements, but - the client pays, so any whim is her money.

  If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it's taken without permission from the author. Report it.

  ...I'll send the video over to the Badasses Club later.

  Crooked arrived in several trucks, with a couple dozen of his men. Mostly regular (gangster) looking, just two midgets, and one brute, big and muscular, but still within the range of what you'd find on Earth under normal circumstances.

  Here was the boss himself...

  No, Crooked Arm was also large within the norm, seemingly even just under two meters. However, his left arm was grotesquely large, a mutation that I had encountered a couple times before, though in those cases the arm was right-handed. Plus unlike previous instances, the bandit's second arm was not shrunken, but quite normal.

  Despite the as-yet-diplomatic encounter, the bandits were all armed - obviously. On this goddamn planet, even people go to visit well armed... hell, even to the restroom. And despite the fact that I'd specially prepared the conference table so that it could be instantly toppled and covered or thrown at my opponents, the presence of an armed mob of bandits nearby was unnerving.

  A natural human reaction. No one likes guns waving around.

  "Well, almost nobody," I corrected myself, remembering Brick.

  I kept my eyes on the bandits, but I turned my attention to Lily Rose. The girl, who had seemed generally polite and civil these days, despite her antics, was now... I'd say, radiating self-confidence.

  - You've been a bad boy, Donnie Mac - she said, putting her foot behind her leg. - Why did you kidnap his highness Teddy? It wasn't good.

  - He'll be better off in my place - the big man muttered. Uh, is it just me, or does his voice sound a little guilty? The girl tsked.

  - You didn't behave well, Donnie - she said. - You broke the contract.

  I frowned. Definitely, I'm missing something... She talks to him like they know each other well. And the "contract" part is the peace treaty with Dean...?

  - That deserves to be punished. You don't want to be punished, do you, Donnie?

  The man shook his head like he was hypnotized. Shit. You'd have to believe in witchcraft or some kind of psychic emitter. Official spokesmen and scientists online deny their existence so vehemently that you have to wonder...

  - In that case, just bring His Highness back...

  The bandit twitched and suddenly pounded his fist on the table, nearly knocking it over.

  - NO!!! Tell Dean that he missed his opportunity and now His Highness is in my hands!

  One of the thugs leaned over to the seated boss's ear and spoke... in a normal voice, so it was perfectly audible.

  - Hey, boss, she's from a rich family, right? She should be well paid for.

  - Oh, here we are at the key point of the negotiations - I murmured contentedly. It was quiet, but the bandit leader heard me.

  - Which one? - He asked.

  - The one where we're trying to kill each other - I explained.

  - Oh - said Crooked Hand. He glanced between the girl and me, nodded appreciatively.

  Then he opened fire.

  I can't say that the fight was easy. Crooked Hand's guys - and especially him - were tough assholes, some of them had shields, and they left a couple of men at the turrets of their vehicles (there are vehicles without turrets on Pandora, but I didn't see them much).

  Still, we had the edge in turrets. As well as grenades.

  The grenades given by the Firestorm modifier (orange, from Maliwan) looked like toys, little pumpkins with lights in their carved eyes and mouths, classic Halloween decorations. However, they were not toys at all: just a few grenades not only did not seem to halve the number of enemies, but in addition the fire clouds prevented them from aiming accurate fire. We - mainly me and the turrets - had it easier: there were more bandits, and my smart visor helped.

  However, my small army of turrets played the main role. My clever girls first concentrated fire on the nearest enemies on this side of the wall of fire, including Crooked Hand, and then began to shoot at the rest through the scattering flames. Actually, I only supported them a little, focusing on defense. Picking up the girl, and trying to ignore the unnerving laughter with which she was emptying the cartridge blocks of her SGs with both hands, I dragged her to cover.

  Her bear, by the way, did his part, including wrecking two cars before he was shot down. Lily didn't worry about the latter, though, just kept firing.

  ...and all of a sudden it appeared that--

  - Are the bandits gone?

  I looked up from my hiding place and nodded.

  - All of them? - The girl asked.

  - Well, in the immediate neighborhood - I said. And, noticing the disappointment in her eyes, I clarified. - But there are plenty of them on Pandora, enough for our share. The question is: what about the hostage? Where to look for him?

  - The hostage? - The girl asked again. There was a look of understanding in her eyes. - Oh. Well, I think Donny took him with him. Wouldn't let him out of his sight for long, from what I could tell.

  I frowned and glanced at the cars the bandits had arrived in. Two that had fallen victim to the robot bear - back to its usual small size - had been turned into scrap metal, another was smoking quietly, probably hit by Maliwan's "magic," and the last one was lying upside down. That's where Lily headed.

  - There, just as I said - she said, leaning out of the cabin.

  ...О. Of course. What else could one expect from this absurd planet with its insane inhabitants.

  The girl was holding a teddy bear with a golden crown.