One nice dip in a swimming pool recently filled with hot water left me a happy snake. Getting cleaned with brooms, mops, and even the metal polish I'd been gifted had me making cute squeaky chirps that I had no idea I could make. I was half tempted to extend my stay in hopes of further treatment. This must be what it's like to go to a spa, no wonder women and a gaming buddy were always going on about them.

  Sadly, there was only so much time I could allot to luxuriate in what was the closest thing to heaven I'd ever experienced, I wanted to make it to the next town before sundown. So once my fifty foot long back was fully polished and the water had cooled I donned my specially made white Stetson, poncho, and backpack. Feeling like an utter bad ass, I gathered up my friends, refilled our water, and said our goodbyes to the people of the small proto-town as we started heading south east along highway 287 towards I-45.

  Matilda and her flutter of moths quickly crawled under my hat and settled there, the woman complaining softly about how bright the day was. Damian settled atop my backpack and curled up there like a kitten to lightly doze. I didn't mind, it let me enjoy the trip. It was rather interesting to both see areas I'd zipped through hundreds of times at eighty miles an hour at a more sedate pace and experience how time had changed it. Like that little graveyard, or that tiny building I'd always thought was a construction yard. Turns out it was actually a medical center, neat!

  The treeline had definitely pushed its way forwards, no longer being politely kept about a hundred feet back from the road, but had yet to start really intruding on it. The grass had made some headway in places, mostly in potholes and the rare large cracks. As it stood it looked like the road would be able to hold out against nature for another decade or two before being buried. I was certain that we'd be more than capable of saving the road, fresh asphalt was hardly the hardest thing to make and roads like this would be vital for the second coming of Texas, if not the US.

  I did cast a worried look at the grass I was slithering through though. It was very yellow and dry this far into summer without any recent rains. I found myself worrying that I'd slither over a rock and accidentally start a fire, which would be a MASSIVE issue without fire trucks to put it out. Honestly, we were probably pretty lucky a massive fire hadn't burned the metroplex down while we were all getting turned into monsters.

  I could technically travel on the road to avoid the flammable foliage, but that would probably make more sparks. Not to mention it would probably tear up the road to have my heavy arse slithering along it. And the noise it would make! I was sick of the sound of metal being dragged over stone! I'd silently endured it in the city, but now that we were in the country I was sticking to grass as much as possible unless we had to cross a bridge.

  How would we even deal with fires now? Bucket brigades? I hadn't spotted any big water attacks while browsing through the A ranked skills upon my evolution. Maybe have diggers make fire breaks or throw dirt at the fire? There had been several fire skills on the list so there must be something to fight the spread of fires right? It would support my theory of the system being an anti-civilization force if it made spreading fires easy and putting them out hard, that would be another solid discouragement towards building cities and large groups.

  I was distracted from my worried musings by the sound of a revolver spinning. Glancing back to my pack I saw Damian was up and playing with the gun Jack had gifted to me. He wasn't doing anything too dumb or dangerous with it so I was willing to let him be.

  "Say Joe," Damian called up to me, "I don't suppose you'd be willing to let me borrow this gun would you?"

  "You aren't going to try to shoot me with this one too are you?" I teased.

  He flinched at the joke, "Oh, yeah. Forgot about that. Sorry."

  I frowned at the reaction, "It's fine man, it was just a joke. You were in a bad place at the time and nothing came of it. Water under the bridge. You can borrow the gun if you want, I'm half convinced that's why Jack gave it to us. Not like I can use the thing with that big stupid sword on my tail. One condition though." I turned my head around to look into the man's eyes as he perched on my upper back. "You need to find a cowboy hat and poncho of your own."

  Damian blinked in confusion before bursting into laughter, "Pfft. Seriously Boss? You want me to dress up like I'm in a western?"

  "You could totally pull it off." I smiled imagining Damian in such a get up, twirling the revolver around a finger before holstering it. "A dinosaur version of The Nameless Man."

  "You are crazy, you know that."

  "That's beside the point," I scoffed. "It's got plenty of practical utility too. Keeps the sun and heat off you astonishingly well, helps protect you from dust and fluid attacks, and you can quickly shed it to escape grabs. It looking cool is just a bonus." Damian continued to give me the stink eye, "Fine I'll settle for a duster and fedora so long as you stand in shadows and smoke."

  "I'm not picking up smoking again," the little beyond black raptor chuckled, "I do not need those cravings again." He hooked the holster to his belt and slid the heavy revolver home. "Thanks Joe."

  "You keep stealing all my toys," I sniffled playfully before sobering, "What do you want the gun for anyways? It's not like even a .44 is going to do much against some of the bigger folks and monsters we've seen thus far."

  "It's still better than my little claws or your knife," he shrugged, "I'm also hoping my undetected damage bonus and sound muffling abilities will extend to it as well."

  Ooh! That would be neat! "You might also might to try working some Focus into the bullets or gun, though I'm not sure how well that will work seeing as a gun and bullet are multiple pieces and not just a simple chunk of metal like Omar's hammers."

  "And it's supposedly really difficult from what he was saying," Damian sighed and started looking intently at the weapon, "Uhg, they weren't kidding and I think the complexity is making it even worse. At least it will give me something to do, got an ETA until we hit the next city?"

  I glanced at the small lake glistening prettily off the road, raising an eyebrow as something the size of a dolphin leapt from it, snapping at either a small bird or large bug. "Assuming the bridge hasn't collapsed, I'd guess maybe an hour, unless you want me to kick up the speed a bit. I don't think I'll need to stop for a break, but my stamina has not been what it used to be and dragging around all this metal weighs on you after a bit."

  "Did you just make a pun?" Damian asked, his tone laced with disgust.

  "I don't know what you mean," I answered innocently with a big ol' smile on my face.

  I flinched as a fluffy bug leg poked out from under my hat to slap the side of my face near my eye. "You know, for being so concerned about my sleep, you sure are making it hard to catch a nap."

  If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

  "Sorry Matilda, I can be quiet if you want me to."

  "No need, I've slept more than enough here for now." I felt light movement happening from beneath my hat as a dozen little moths spilled out, leaving the big one behind. "Do you want me to keep any eyes out for quests, or just animals?"

  "I think we've done enough questing for the moment," I smiled, the three of us were all at least level ten at this point and most people we met still hadn't hit five. I'd be more than happy to knuckle down and grind after we reached the farm to confirm the condition of my family. "Unless you see one offering fusion tokens or something special I think just getting yo Waxahachie will be enough to call it a day."

  There was a short pause before she answered, "I'm not seeing anything like that in the immediate area, there's a lot of groups of those boarillas out in the woods though. Looks like they're having some sort of big gathering, almost looks like a debate or a senate meeting. Could be important."

  "Keep an eye on it, but unless they start heading our way I think we're good to leave them alone." I tilted my head in a faux shrug, "We still got plenty of food without breaking up a breeding ritual, local election, or whatever the pigs are up to."

  "Are you sure that's wise Joe?" Matilda asked, poking her head out from under my hat to look me in the eye, "These things seem fairly well organized."

  "Oh they are," I admitted with a nod, "They're actually smart enough to be using very crude tools, weapons, and tactics. Bastards came at me with sharpened rocks and ganged up on me to try and immobilize me when I ran across some. That's part of the reason I want to leave them alone if they don't start shit. Despite that, they don't seem to be that dangerous, as long as they don't badly outnumber you they aren't that hard to deal with. They also seem to back off when they start suffering casualties so they aren't an overt threat to settlements, as long as people are smart enough to move in groups."

  "Still seems like we should thin their numbers just in case." Damian grumbled as he glared intently at a bullet.

  "And give the piggies a reason to start attacking towns?" I asked, "Nah, as long as the new neighbors aren't being a problem I say let them be. They start shit, they get hit."

  "You do realize you're going to end up moping for a week if they end up killing someone don't you dearie?" Matilda teased.

  "Only a week?" Damian asked in mock confusion.

  "I'd mope for way longer if I just marched in there and killed them all, not just the men, but the women and children too while singing the best Yensid war song before they'd done anything." I pointed out, humming a few bars of the song. Man they don't make them like they used to. "Besides, I just got cleaned up and don't wanna scuff my shine.

  I angled my tail to catch the sun and rotated the glare across both their eyes. Both started cursing me out, with Matilda using a particularly colorful one that I committed to memory, even as I began giggling like a gremlin.

  As we started up a long curved bridge over a shallow valley Matilda suddenly went alert, "There's someone up ahead."

  "You sure it's not an animal?" I asked cautiously.

  "Most animals don't sing country songs to themselves while looking over the valley." Matilda retorted, ruffling her wings as she crawled fully out from under my hat.

  "What kind of creature are they?" I asked, racking my brain for what the roads were like at the end of this bridge. "Do they have anyone with them? Any equipment that you can see?"

  "Giant snake, looks similar to what you looked like when we met but not metal. Looks to be alone, but Damian's proof that doesn't mean they are. They have a large bag full of something next to them, no clue what's inside."

  "Want me to sneak ahead and be ready to ambush them if they try something?" Damian asked, reloading the revolver and closing it with a snap.

  "Tempting," I admitted. From what I remember of this road, they were likely sitting at the overpass. This road went under that bridged two steep hills, a natural place for an ambush. They could also just be admiring the view. "But we did see with that goat in the graveyard that some people can still spot you so I say stay with me until they prove to be hostile. Matilda, you keep hidden too, I can take hits better than you can."

  She didn't say anything, simply shook two of her larger moths free of her fluff before crawling back under my hat. The two freshly spawned minions shook out four smaller moths before all taking off. Damian simply pressed himself against my back and seemed to almost slip under my scales as he vanished from view.

  "Don't worry Joe." He hissed, " They try anything and I'll Blast them."

  "How good of a shot are you?"

  "No clue," I could feel him shrug despite not seeing him, "never actually fired a gun before."

  Well that's going to need to be corrected. I thought to myself as I continued forwards. Will have to make time to teach the man to shoot later. Not that I needed much of an excuse to shoot guns with someone.

  As I reached the end of the bridge I finally spotted her. She was certainly another titanoboa, my permanent scowl deepening as I instantly identified her as a rival for territory. She was smaller and clearly weaker than me, I should easily be able to chase her off if she dared challenge me. Realizing what was happening my monkey brain reached over and gave my snakey instincts a slap across the head, demanding it go back to being quiet in the corner. My new instincts complained loudly, but I was no longer on the verge of hissing loudly and charging the woman.

  She had clearly spotted me as well and seemed to be in a similar position, her body language radiating fear and aggression. Fear was clearly winning out but she slowly raised herself up a bit and nervously waved down to me with a nervous, "H-hey."

  My snakey instincts suddenly found themselves forcibly booted out of the way as both my monkey brain and higher functions both began to chimp out at what they were seeing.

  "W- HOW DID YOU GET THOSE!?!" I demanded causing the woman to flinch back at my full volume and intense unblinking stare.

  "G-get what?" She whimpered, sinking low until her eyes were barely poking over the side of the bridge.

  "Those arms! I specifically searched for arms and everything I found specifically required you to already have them!" I declared not daring to look away from the two scrawny little arms with their tiny three finger hands clutching the side of the bridge, "Please! Tell me!"

  "Vestigial Limbs," the woman shrieked, "I picked them before I hatched because I didn't want to go through life without some way to manipulate things!"

  Limbs!?! FUCK! I forgot to search for limbs! I fell into a spiral of internal recriminations for being so stupid as to forget to search the word 'limbs'. I might have kept beating myself up for being such an incredibly, monumentally, unforgivably absolute mouth breathing idiot if I hadn't felt a shadow peel itself off of me and slide down my back.

  "Well, if she was hostile and had friends hiding I'm pretty sure they'd've come out by now." Damian laughed, taking a few steps away from me. "Nice to meet ya girl, name's Damian. The big guy who's brain you just broke is Joe."

  "And I'm Matilda," the old moth stated, crawling out from under my hat. "Do forgive the man, he's usually much more eloquent and friendly."

  "Well sorry if I'm a bit testy after having to make do with a prehensile tail only to get a massive sword shoved on the end of it!" I snapped, "I used to paint, shoot competitively, and play the piano so excuse me if I'm ever so slightly peeved about losing those skills because I picked the wrong skill at hatching!" I let out a deep, almost sub-audible, thrum of frustration before forcing myself to calm down, bottling my frustrations for later use.

  "Sorry, sorry. Just, really frustrating," I let off a slow rattling breath and gave myself a hard shake. "Let me try that again. Howdy, I'm Joe. Nice ta meet ya Ms...?"

  "Anna," the woman on the bridge called nervously. I swear if she says her last name is 'Conda' I'm not sure if I'm going to laugh or scream, "It's nice to meet you?" She squirmed a bit before asking, "If you don't mind me asking, why are you here?"

  "Oh, I'm just passing through on the way down to check on my folks," I nodded south, "I'm also currently looking for a place to turn in for the night, and don't mind doing some work to 'pay' for it. I know I'm a bit bigger and stronger than most these days. We're also experienced monster slayers among my other qualifications."

  She eyed the three of us nervously for a moment before hesitantly saying...

  What does the woman say?