I fall asleep that night wishing thousand deaths upon Allure. How could she be so careless? No, precisely, how could I be so careless? I forgot that there were other people in this castle aside from me. I have a habit of forgetting such things.

  Yet some things I can never forget.

  Every time I light a candle I see Yvress’ pleading eyes, begging and screaming for me to turn around and help her, save her. In the flames I see my own cowardice.

  It made no sense for me to sacrifice. That’s what I tell myself. Dying heroically is a worse trade than living with some black smears on your record.

  That’s why I fucking hate candles.

  My sleep is ragged, chaotic. I dream but I can’t remember of what in the morning. I just know that it wasn’t good.

  I have a feeling like, in the dream, I saw a familiar face, but I can’t remember which one. There have been too many through years.

  As the practice picks up, I am yawning, lazily dodging Oro and Kora’s attacks. Vatra is sitting nearby, watching us.

  “Feeling tired, rookie?” Aspen blocks a nearly fatal attack. He shows Oro and Kora to stand back. I yawn again.

  “Didn’t sleep well last night, I guess.”

  I still don’t know who to trust and who not to. A Mothimer assassin… or was she even an assassin? She had a chance to strike me and she didn’t utilize it. Instead, she just stared at me. It just makes things more troubling. If she had tried to kill me, I would’ve at least had some kind of a lead, an idea… but that little detail spoils everything.

  “Alright, lunch time.” Aspen waves his arms. Everyone exhales in relief - the practice went on for a long while.

  “What’s even up with such intense training today?” I ask as we walk. “It’s a bit out of the ordinary.”

  “I just want the guards to be ready. Is that a crime? I thought it was in the description of my job as the main guard.”

  “Very funny, Aspen.”

  He just shrugs. “The delegation from the Court of Fallen Leaves is coming soon, together with Lord Udvar apparently.”

  “Ah, Princess’ beloved?”

  “None of my business, Nyx. None of yours either.”

  I yawn some more.

  “What’s got you staying up?” He frowns. His voice is filled with genuine concern as he puts a hand on my back. I just crane my neck, trying to get some blood flowing in it. It’s too stiff.

  “It’s the Mothimers. Have you noticed anything… suspicious about them?” I lower my voice. Vatra is trailing behind us and trying to hear better, but thankfully, Oro and some other guards are talking so loudly I am positive that she cannot for the life of us hear mine and Aspen’s whispering.

  “They are always suspicious,” Aspen chuckles. “I know well enough. I am from the Listopad forest.”

  “Of course you are. Zmie really love that place, hm? Lots of leaves to slither beneath?”

  “Oh you know us so well.”

  I crack my knuckles. No matter what I do, I can’t get the blood flowing in my limbs.

  “Can I trust you with something?”

  I have to take the leap of faith. I can continue researching on my own or… I can ask for help. I would prefer not to but whatever it is, it might be time sensitive.

  Aspen just gives me an inspective look and leans a bit down so we can whisper even quieter. I can feel Vatra’s dissatisfaction behind me. “Yes?”

  “There was a Mothimer spy in my room the other day.”

  Aspen frowns.

  “A Mothimer spy?”

  Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.

  “Are you just gonna repeat everything I say? You heard me well enough the first time.”

  “What is a Mothimer doing all the way here?”

  “If I knew, then I wouldn’t be asking you, would I?” He’s seriously getting on my nerves.

  “Did you maybe cross one of them?” Aspen looks at me.

  “Oh- so it’s all my fault?!”

  Just because I’m a changeling, and rude, and… well, there are many reasons to attack me- doesn’t mean I am always at fault!

  Aspen bites his lip. I can see he’s thinking hard about it.

  “I’ll research a bit, let you know if I come up with anything,” he promises. Somehow I don’t believe anything will come up.

  I nod. “This does not concern only me. It might concern the Princess as well.”

  Aspen nods as well, spreads his wings, and takes off. I am left in dust. My body hurts from the training.

  In a way, I am thankful for this. It takes my mind off Yvress and her pleading eyes that haunt me most of the nights, ruining my sleep. Now I have something to busy myself with.

  The days slowly roll by and I impatiently wait for the Autumn delegation to show up. I haven’t forgotten the Prince and his little companion from the dungeons either. Sometimes, when off duty, I hide myself near the dungeon stairs and wait to see if anything will happen. It doesn’t.

  There is something ominous about that whole place; like dark energy that’s coarsing through it, never leaving it. I am, normally, a lover of all things dark - but this concerns me.

  I don’t sleep all that well. The spy and Cybelia keep me up. Why the hell am I even thinking of her? I have better things to think about. Still, I am a guard now, and as such I have a duty to protect her.

  The news wake me up the following morning.

  “The delegation is coming tomorrow,” Allure says as she wakes me up. “Oh, I hope I’ll be allowed to watch.”

  She is blushing. I know that the one she wants to see the most is actually Aspen.

  We’ve become friends, me and Allure. Well, depends who you ask. She has annoyingly declared herself my friend and has been chatting - not with me, but at me - constantly. I wish I was still that intimidating changeling. Friends were a bother, and so was Allure. I tried to subtly let her know my feelings but it fell on deaf ears. Maybe a more direct approach was needed.

  Like a blade to her throat.

  Actually, that sounded kind of extreme.

  “Lovely, more work.” I groan and get up. “As if I have nothing better to do than escort the nobility.”

  “Well, you are a guard, aren’t you?”

  “Yeah. I guess it’s my job to.”

  Allure sighs, so enamored. “And Aspen will be there…”

  “He is everywhere. And he isn’t even as cool as you think he is,” I cut her off. He said he would help, but so far, his ‘investigation’ has produced no results. “You are praying in front of the wrong church.”

  “Are you up yet?” Biela slams the doors open and gives both me and Allure a menacing look. “On your feet. We need to dress you up appropriately for the delegation’s arrival and the ball held in their honour.”

  “I thought I’m on the ball as a guard?” I scoff. “I don’t plan to do any ballroom dances.”

  “You are there incognito.”

  “Why me? There are other guards who can put on a fancy dress and twirl a bit.” Oro seems like a much better choice in my opinion. I’ve seen him dance with Vatra, showing off his cool and bold moves, which were inducing a need for vomiting.

  “You are the shortest and can easily move around.” Biela’s voice is high strung as she speaks. “These are orders from the Lord. He wants you close to the Princess. Don’t they call you the Shadow?”

  Oh yeah. They indeed do. Well that’s because I’m in shadows, not out in the open, in the middle of the fucking court ball!

  “I refuse to. You can’t make me.”

  ***

  Turns out she can, indeed, make me. I stand with a frown on my face as Vela flutters around me with her measuring tape.

  “Oh this is so exciting! We will give you proper spring fashion…” she coos as she flies around like an annoying mosquito.

  “No. I want something that… doesn’t stand out.” I look at the bundle of fabric in Vela’s hands. Pinks and whites. Oh Celestia, please, just not that.

  “Well… we could maybe do something more traditional… moth-like?”

  “Very appropriate for a Mothimer visit. Wouldn’t that be suspicious?”

  “It could be courteous.” Vela shrugs and measures my shoulders. “Traditional Autumn dress with an oak fan…”

  I would really prefer not to stand out in any regard. I was going to investigate the coming party as they’re all busy with the dance, but now… it’s out of question. I don’t like this - they will be able to see much more of me than I will of them. The truth of a fae is the secret they keep, and I know this lot, indeed, keeps secrets. What did they want with me?

  “Fine. Whatever.” Maybe the dress helps me with the greatest challenge -

  Social interaction.

  I am no talker. I am a doer. I already fear the intricacies of the high court life that I will have to navigate during that dinner.

  “Do you know how to dance?” Vela asks as she puts a piece of fabric next to my face. It’s an ugly face and I doubt anything will compliment it.

  “No, and I don’t plan to learn.”

  “You have to!”

  “No I don’t. I am there as a guard.” Even though there are more than enough guards and even though I expect the biggest danger on the ball to be someone poking someone’s eye out with a fork… accidentally. Even that is a stretch.

  “Well, I like dancing,” Vela hums and spins in the air. “Oh what would I give to take your place!”

  “You don’t want my place.”

  Nobody does, and nobody should.

  The darkness of my words makes her back up a bit. She gives me a concerned look and resumes her work in silence.

  ***

  “My Lord?” Jesen lands down, her moth-like wings fluttering as she bows. Udvar stands in front the mirror, trying out various clothes, dragging his fingers over the fabric. If there is anything that Mothimers love, it’s clothes. They sleep in nests of them - as Udvar’s bed proves. It’s a decadent piece of furniture filled with finest fabrics and blankets.

  “Yes, Jesen?” He hums as he checks himself out.

  “We are almost ready to leave.”

  “We are,” he says and looks to a black, obsidian dagger that stands on his desk. “She has the same taste as her.”

  “As who, my Lord?”

  “Ah. Doesn’t matter.” Udvar backs away from the mirror, giving his form one last look, then turns to his loyal assassin. “Now, Jesen, you were saying?”

  “The carriage is waiting for you, my Lord.”