Sara stabbed a large piece of rocket on her plate, twirling the fork so that the brownish leaf soaked up as much of the dressing as possible. She turned her gaze to the windows as she absentmindedly munched on the zesty salad. Connolly Collegiate College had been established decades ago in a building that had protected heritage status, so no developer had been able to budge their school from its prime spot atop the hill. The ridiculously good view was one of the few things Sara still enjoyed about going to school and today the weather was splendid, sun shining bright on the city below.

  Only a few of the classroom windows faced the right way, but at least Sara was always guaranteed a good vantage point from the canteen’s huge windows. They captured the noise from the dozens of packed tables, reverberating the sounds of clattering cutlery, glasses thudding against table tops, and students shouting to be heard over one another. The cacophony was simultaneously chaotic and predictable, much like life itself. A set of actions that were exciting at first before becoming repetitive, dull, and eventually point-

  ‘Have you made a decision yet?’

  ‘Hm?’ Sara pulled herself out of her musing as she looked at Leah who was sitting next to her. ‘Decision about what?’

  ‘Your nails, you airhead,’ Leah said playfully. ‘Have you chosen what colour you’re getting them done?’

  ‘Ohh,’ Sara said, recalling how she and Leah had agreed to get their nails done once school broke for summer and with it, the strict rules on their appearance.

  ‘Well, first I chose green,’ Sara said, putting down her fork and ticking off one of her fingers with the other hand. ‘But then I remembered that I saw a lot of people with green nails last month so it’ll probably be out of fashion by summer. So then, I moved onto pink, but I was like, do I really want to be one of those girls with pink nails?’

  Leah hummed in agreement.

  ‘And so, finally, I thought about yellow, but the thing about yellow is that it really doesn’t go well with my skin,’ Sara said, ticking off her last finger. ‘So I’ve decided that I can’t decide.’

  Leah laughed. ‘Well, at least you can be sure about that.’

  ‘How about you?’ Sara asked, glancing towards Leah’s nails. They were perfect, unlike Sara’s own, the ends of which were slightly gnawed from when she chewed them without paying attention.

  ‘I’m leaning towards orange.’

  Sara pulled a face.

  ‘Not bright orange. More of a burnt shade, like my hair.’

  ‘Nice. They could complement each other.’

  ‘Exactly. Besides, I’ll only have my nails done until I start studying medicine in the autumn, so no biggie if it goes wrong.’

  ‘Very true,’ Sara murmured, thinking of how lucky Leah was. Ever since they were kids, Leah had known she wanted to be a doctor. She’d made Sara pretend to be her patient when playing together until they became too old for that sort of thing. It was the kind of clear path that Sara envied, and people would always need doctors. Sara had a feeling that even if she settled on a career, some new tech like AI would come along and steal all the jobs before she graduated.

  ‘Are you excited for your new course?’ Sara asked.

  ‘I don’t know. I mean, I don’t want to get my hopes up until I actually get in, you know?’

  ‘You will,’ Sara replied without hesitation. Leah was a genius when it came to exams and people. She was going to be a great doctor. Smart, friendly, and beautiful too. A few of Leah’s patients would probably fall in love with her. Sara wished she looked as good as Leah, or at least shared her fashion sense which was always perfect when they hung out on the weekend.

  Leah smiled, a little bashfully, at Sara. ‘Thanks.’

  ‘Leah,’ one of the girls on the other side of the table suddenly piped up. ‘Did you hear Bradley and Shannon started dating?’

  ‘Shut up, they have not,’ Leah said, slapping both hands on the table with her mouth open in shock.

  ‘Uh-huh,’ a second girl said. ‘They started going out last week.’

  ‘That’s mad.’

  Sara tuned out of the conversation as the trio talked, thinking about the girls sitting with her and Leah at the table. There had used to be more, the seats packed out in fact, but that was before Tracy left, setting up her own rival table across the room. Only a few girls had left with Tracy originally, but more had followed every week, and now Tracy’s table was the one that was nearly full. And all Sara could do was ask herself how things had ended up this way.

  It had all started when Sara got a wolf-cut a few months back. She had really wanted to get her naturally brown hair dyed blonde, but with the school rules in the way, she’d asked for a new haircut instead. Her mum had even come with her to the barbershop, and Sara had been thrilled, showing off the new layers of her hair that helped it look so voluptuous. Then school started the next day and all hell broke loose. Tracy had taken one look at Sara’s hair and stormed off without a word. She’d never said why she was angry, refusing to speak to Sara ever since, leaving her with only contradictory rumours to go off.

  It was ludicrous. Even when Tracy was made head girl instead of Sara they hadn’t let it come between them, but this stupid haircut had blown everything up. Now things had soured to the point where Tracy had said Sara wasn’t welcome at her house party that weekend. That was okay. Sara reminded herself she didn’t care about the party, even if all of her friends were going to be there.

  Thinking about Tracy was depressing, so Sara distracted herself, plunging her fork back into the salad and spearing a tomato. The girls around Sara continued to chat as she raised the fork, inspecting the slightly green tomato wedge. She wouldn’t have minded some feta to go with it, or just chips instead of a soggy set of vegetables, but Sara had played it safe with the salad. After all, she wanted to look her best today.

  She glanced up at the clock, a smile tugging at her lips. Five hours to go. Sara’s phone had to stay in her locker in the corridor during school hours otherwise she’d be checking it to see if Kyle had sent any more messages. He’d used a smiling emoji last night. That meant a lot, didn’t it? Should she even be thinking like this? School would be over soon and Kyle would move on, but maybe she could be inspired by what he was doing.

  No. It was too early to be getting carried away. She just had to enjoy today. It had been a long time since Sara had felt this giddy surge of anticipation welling up within her. It was an intoxicating sensation, best to be embraced while it lasted. And to think it was all because of a little conversation from the day before.

  ‘How did yesterday go?’

  With a harsh yank, Sara was pulled out of her daze by Leah’s question. She looked around the table in a sudden fright but the other two girls had left.

  ‘How did you know?’ Sara asked in an urgent whisper. Had someone blabbed? Maybe word had gotten out via the volleyball team, the rumour mill cranked up to eleven as everyone talked about her and Kyle before anything even happened.

  Leah cocked one of her immaculate eyebrows. ‘You told me, remember? You were going to talk with Mr Graham.’

  ‘Ohh,’ Sara said, feeling her shoulders relax. ‘Never mind that. Nothing interesting happened.’

  ‘Really? Weren’t you going to discuss what you’re doing after school ends?’

  ‘Yeah, but it was whatever.’ Speculating about her future brought Sara down even more than thinking about Tracy. But now that her mind was on the topic, Sara reasoned it would be fun to share what was happening between her and Kyle. She’d been struggling to keep the anticipation of tonight’s date all to herself, and if there was one person Sara could trust with this information, it was Leah.

  ‘Leah, can you keep a secret?’

  Leah’s eyes widened in surprise. ‘Of course,’ she said with a mischievous smile. ‘Love a good secret.’

  Sara motioned for her to scooch closer and they leant their heads together.

  ‘Okay,’ Sara whispered. ‘So, yesterday in the gym- oh, you smell lovely by the way.’

  ‘Thanks,’ Leah whispered back with a giggle.

  ‘Is that coconut?’

  ‘And coffee.’

  ‘Wonderful. Anyway, during practice, one of the basketball boys waved me over and asked me out on a date, tonight.’

  ‘No way!’ Leah squealed, grabbing onto Sara’s arm and excitably stomping her feet. ‘Tonight? That’s so quick.’

  ‘Shh,’ Sara said, glancing at the nearby tables.

  ‘Who is it? Don’t tell me it was Tyler.’

  Sara wrinkled her nose. ‘Course not.’

  ‘Max?’

  ‘As if.’

  Leah’s smile faltered. ‘But the other boys on the team all have girlfriends. Except...’

  ‘Exactly,’ Sara said with a grin. ‘I’m going out with Kyle.’

  Leah’s smile vanished completely. ‘Him?’

  ‘Yes, him,’ Sara said, pulling back from Leah, stung by her reaction. ‘Why not him?’

  ‘He’s never dated anyone.’

  ‘I’ve never dated anyone.’

  ‘Yeah, but that’s different.’

  ‘What do you mean different?’ Sara asked, hearing the pitch go up in her voice. She hadn’t been expecting this, not from Leah of all people.

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  ‘That’s not what I meant,’ Leah quickly said. ‘You know that’s not what I’m getting at. It’s Kyle. He’s, like, not right for you.’

  ‘You don’t know that. I don’t know either until I give tonight a chance.’

  ‘Is it worth the risk?’

  ‘What risk?’ Sara asked, now truly hurt. ‘Am I really that screwed up?’

  What was happening? This was all too much. Sara looked away from Leah, keen to get away from her friend’s sudden attack.

  Sara turned in her seat to leave. Felt Leah grab her arm.

  ‘I’m not talking about you, Sara. It’s him. I mean, what about Tracy?’

  ‘What about Tracy?’ Sara asked, swivelling back around. ‘What does everyone care so much about what that tart thinks?’

  ‘Sara. That’s my friend you’re talking about.’

  Sara closed her eyes, inhaling a deep breath through her nostrils. Everyone seemed to forget that Sara had been her friend too before Tracy threw it all away for the pettiest of reasons.

  ‘Come on Sara. Everyone knows her and Kyle have a thing going on.’

  ‘Well, actually, they don’t,’ Sara said, opening her eyes and whipping her arm out of Leah’s grasp. ‘Because I asked Kyle, and he said there’s nothing happening between them. Besides, what can Tracy do about it? She’s already said I can’t come to her dumb party.’

  Leah didn’t seem convinced. ‘I don’t know Sara. I’m worried.’

  ‘Yeah, I noticed,’ Sara snapped. ‘Just because I’m going on a harmless date. It’s not my fault no one wants to ask you out.’

  Sara regretted her words the instant she said them. Doubly so when she saw the pain splash across Leah’s face.

  ‘Oh my god, Leah, I’m-’

  Leah stood. Stared down at Sara with flared nostrils and a thin line where her smile used to be. She turned on her heel and strode away without another word.

  Sara stared after Leah’s retreating form, ribbon bouncing merrily in her hair. The words exchanged over the last few minutes were stuck in Sara’s head. Lodging themselves there for her to never forget.

  She turned back to her salad and angrily dug her fork amongst the mushy lettuce. Sara hated this feeling. Hated this bloody salad. Most of all, she hated the idiot sat there who kept pushing those closest to her away, as if friendship were a disease best kept far at all costs.

  ***

  Sara breathed through her nose, taking in the sweet, slightly sickly smell of cinnamon pretzels behind her. It was dinner time, and the pretzels would be going stale as the shop prepared to close. Sara wondered why Kyle had wanted to meet at the shopping centre. Surely he didn’t want to just meander around the supermarket? Maybe he’d take them to a late-night café instead. Whatever he chose, Sara was happy to go along with it and see what happened.

  Sara tightened her grip on the handbag’s chain which dangled from her shoulder. She flicked her eyes across the atrium filled with its artificial light, scanning the passing crowds for the hundredth time. It was okay. Kyle was only five minutes late. He wouldn’t stand her up, not if he wanted a peaceful time in class tomorrow.

  Sara looked down, straightening the fabric of her dress for the thousandth time. Kyle had texted her after school, telling her to wear something nice, and Sara had fretted in front of the mirror for ages. She’d finally settled on her favourite green summer dress with little white flowers, perfect for the pleasant chill of a spring evening. But now she was out in public, Sara worried her dress was too short, ending just above the knees. Did it show off too much of her legs? She’d noticed them getting bigger after all her recent volleyball training, her tights becoming that little bit snugger.

  And then there’d been the matter of makeup. Sara had no idea how much was appropriate, watching endless videos online before settling on just some foundation and lip gloss. Hopefully she’d got it right.

  More time passed, more faces with it, as Sara’s nerves churned away in her stomach. It was dreadful, waiting there, and Sara took her phone out of her bag to distract herself. Now he was ten minutes late. Thankfully, Sara hadn’t spotted any students from her school. She’d hate for a silly rumour to start if she and Kyle were spotted together. Sara’s eyes drifted from the time on her phone to her messages.

  Still no reply from Leah. Sara had texted to apologise for what she’d said during lunch. It seemed like she’d hurt Leah more than she realised. Sara felt horrible, falling out with her like that, as if she’d suddenly had one of her limbs chopped off. They’d have to properly talk with one another tomorrow to patch things up.

  ‘Hi Sara.’

  Sara whipped her head up. Kyle was stood in front of her, wearing a pair of ripped jeans and a t-shirt.

  ‘Hi,’ Sara replied, feeling ridiculously overdressed.

  Kyle didn’t seem to mind. He gave her a cheeky smile. ‘You look good.’

  ‘Oh, thanks,’ Sara said, standing up straighter to act more confident than she actually felt. ‘So do you. How are you?’

  Sara internally winced. Why couldn’t she think of anything cool to say around him?

  ‘Better, now that I’m with you.’

  Sara giggled. She had no idea why. The earnest compliment had come out of nowhere and she laughed more out of nervousness than anything else. How on earth was she supposed to respond to that?

  ‘Kyle…’ Sara said, casting her eyes about to escape his gaze.

  Panic suddenly flashed across Kyle’s face.

  ‘Hey, I have an idea,’ he said, stepping towards her.

  Sara softly gasped as Kyle reached out, holding her hands in each of his. He was so close, the heat from his hands intense, the waft of his aftershave threatening to overwhelm her. It had happened so quickly. Sara hardly knew what was going on, her heartbeat suddenly thudding in her ears.

  ‘How about we get out of here?’ he asked in a low, secretive voice, his eyes boring into hers.

  Get out of here? Already? It was all too much. Sara withdrew her hands, bumping against the pretzel shop wall directly at her back. ‘Kyle, I’m sorry, but can we wait a little-’

  ‘Aw Sara, what’s wrong? Don’t want to hold hands with your boyfriend?’

  Sara stopped breathing. She recognised the voice that had shouted from across the atrium, the same one that had refused to speak to her for months. How? Why was she here?

  Sara slowly turned her head, praying she’d misheard. She spotted the tie first. It was burgundy, emblazoned with Connoley Collegiate’s golden crest, a special design reserved for the top students in the school. Now it swung from side to side over the head girl’s shirt as she strolled towards them, flanked by a pair of her cronies. Sara stared past Tracy, her eyes wide at the sight of her companion’s outstretched hand. She was holding up a phone, recording the scene. Capturing Sara in its electronic sights.

  ‘Don’t let us stop you Sara,’ Tracy said, coming to a halt in front of them. ‘You didn’t feel like asking earlier if you could steal my boyfriend, so why stop now?’

  Sara would have retreated further if she could, but she was already trapped against the wall, the four bodies circling her and blocking her escape. The three girls were wearing their school uniforms, making Sara feel even more out of place, while Kyle awkwardly sidled away from her.

  ‘Y-you’re wrong,’ Sara stuttered, looking between each of the girls’ faces, not a friendly expression amongst them. ‘Kyle said-’

  ‘Said what?’ Tracy snapped, looking over at Kyle.

  Sara looked imploringly at Kyle, only to see him avoiding her gaze. ‘I didn’t say a thing babe. It was Sara’s idea to meet up.’

  Sara felt her mouth drop in disbelief. She’d been a complete idiot. Leah had been right to be suspicious. Sara looked back at the group for help, eyes landing on the phone’s camera once again.

  ‘Get that out of here,’ she yelled in panic, swiping at the phone.

  The girl holding it stepped back, sneering. ‘Oh, getting defensive, are we?’

  Tracy laughed, a put-on, bitchy titter. She gave Sara the once-over, her unimpressed eyes trailing up and down Sara’s body. ‘Honestly Sara, if you wanted to take Kyle from me, then you could have at least put on some mascara.’

  ‘Or lost some weight,’ one of the other girls whispered. ‘Check out those thighs.’

  ‘Stop it,’ Sara said, her voice growing thick.

  ‘Or what Sara?’ Tracy asked, moving even closer, virtually pinning Sara against the wall. ‘Is Miss Perfect going to throw a temper tantrum like she used to? Come on. I know you’ve just been pretending to be a nice, quiet girl. Who do you think you’re fooling?’

  Sara grabbed the sides of her dress, bunching up the fabric between her fists, as she resisted the urge to punch Tracy. She glared up at her. ‘Piss off, bitch.’

  Tracy pulled up the corner of her upper lip, teeth glaringly white against her bronzed skin. ‘What did you say?’

  Sara shoved past her, barging by with her shoulder. Tracy stumbled back in shock, leaving a gap in the group for Sara to slip out through. The other girls cackled as Sara stormed off, the peals of their laughter chasing her across the atrium.

  ‘Have a good night,’ Tracy mockingly called after her.

  Sara continued to march away, refusing to look back at the group or the phone filming her. Felt her eyes grow hot, her vision blurry, as she made her way towards the exit. Back into the lonely chill of the spring evening.

  ***

  Sara shut the front door of her house behind her, leaning against it as the energy sagged out of her. She stayed like that, back slumped against the cold wood, waiting for her heartbeat to calm. The embarrassment to flush out of her like it normally did when she stepped into the foyer of her house. Her sanctuary. But it didn’t.

  The sundress was stifling, the thin cotton swaddling her sticky skin. And her scalp itched. It was hot. Too hot, like the rest of her. Sara lifted her hand, chewing at her thumbnail as she thought back to the eyes watching her in the shopping centre. Not just those from her classmates. The digital one belonging to the phone’s camera lens. It had captured everything. Even now, the videos of Sara standing in her sundress, holding Kyle’s hands like a desperate, love-struck fool, would be circulating on all the apps and group chats she wasn’t part of. Everyone making fun of the girl who thought she was good enough to be invited out on a normal date. The slag. The slut. The freak, and whatever other names they’d be posting about her. Sara had been made fun of before, but never like this. Never with recordings to capture her moment of shame forever.

  Sara looked up at the ceiling as it crept towards her, wondering why it had suddenly become so hard to breathe. The floor began to tilt, the walls of the hallway shifting and shrinking around her. Sara took a step forward and that seemed to help things, the floor becoming that bit more stable. The staircase was ahead, the rest of the bottom floor off through the left door. She just had to make it upstairs to her bedroom and lie down for a bit. An eternity preferably.

  She heard a clatter from the kitchen. Her mum must have been cooking in there. Sara didn’t want her mum to see the distraught look on her face, the puffiness around her eyes. She was sick of upsetting her. Serving up yet another disappointment for her to deal with. It was best to deal with this by herself.

  She tried creeping towards the stairs, but the loose floorboard, the same one that always caught her out, creaked under her foot.

  ‘Sara?’ her mum called from the kitchen. ‘Is that you dear?’

  ‘Uh-huh,’ Sara grunted, not trusting herself to use actual words.

  ‘You’re back early. Is everything all right?’

  Sara had lied, saying she was going to Leah’s place. Explaining what had truly happened would be too messy. She just wanted to get up to her room. To get out of her damn dress and wallow by herself in the dark.

  ‘I’m fine,’ Sara croaked out. Could immediately tell how unconvincing she sounded.

  ‘You don’t sound it. Come in here so we can talk.’

  ‘I said I’m fine!’

  ‘Sara?’

  Sara was already on the move, running up the stairs as her sundress swished around her legs.

  ‘Sara, what’s wrong?’

  Sara reached the top of the stairs, dashing into her bedroom and slamming the door behind her. Slid the bolt into place, locking the door. She tore the sundress off over her head, flinging it and her handbag into the corner. She held her hand to her chest, feeling the frantic beating beneath her palm. She’d never felt her heart go like that before.

  ‘Sara!’

  Sara jumped back as the door jolted, the handle rattling up and down. It was her dad. He must have come back from work early.

  ‘Sara,’ her dad shouted again, banging his fist against the door. ‘Don’t you dare lock this door while your mother is trying to talk to you.’

  ‘Mike,’ Sara heard her mum say from the hallway. ‘You’re not helping.’

  ‘I’m okay, really,’ Sara shouted, not even believing herself as she grabbed her headphones from the table. She gritted her teeth, struggling to hold in the tears straining to burst forth. ‘I just want some time alone.’

  ‘Honey, please. I’m worried about you.’

  The pain in her mother’s words stabbed through Sara, a worse sensation than anything else she’d gone through that day. She couldn’t take it anymore. She put the noise-cancelling headphones on, diving under the covers of her bed. Hiding among the dark, cool sheets and the silence of the headset. It wasn’t enough. She could still make out her mother’s muffled words.

  ‘Please, Sara. Just talk to us.’

  Sara switched on the headset and it started auto-playing the last song she’d had on. The guitar chords started to strum, the singer’s melancholic voice drowning out her parents’ pleas. Sara felt the tears, hot and heavy like warm maple syrup, begin to stream down her face. Why couldn’t her parents have given birth to a different daughter? Someone trouble-free, so much better, than the one they were stuck with?

  Sara lay there whimpering, her breaths breaking into big gulps for air as her whole body was raked with sobs. The sheets beneath her grew damp with her tears, the covers clammy and uncomfortable with her sweat. And still, she continued to weep.

  Sara was fine. Honestly. It was just the song that made her cry.