Today was my 13th birthday. My dad said we would go to the zoo after school. I loved beasts ever since I was small. I found them fascinating.

  The way they looked, behaved, and even their strength were amazing. I could barely sit still in my seat while the teacher talked about Schmerzans.

  “Quiet, please! As I was saying. Magic is still mysterious, even tho we have been using it for a long time, since the beginning of human history. Magic is not limited to humans. Most beasts can use magic, sometimes even better than us humans. But why is that and how does one awaken as a Schmerzan? Who would like to answer that question? Yes, Klein?”

  A small boy with short grey hair stood up. “The ability to use magic awakens in us when we are in situations of extreme pain, no matter if physical, psychological, or emotional. The amount of pain required changes from person to person, but most believe that the people that go through more pain while awakening become stronger mages with more potential.”

  “Yes, Klein, you may sit down. Does anyone want to add something?”

  A girl, around twice the size of Klein, stood up. “I think we learned that the type of magic one can wield depends on the type of pain one felt while awakening. For instance, a burn victim might wield fire magic, and a stabbing victim might sharpen different parts of their body. “

  “Yes, that’s all true Heidi, but what you didn’t learn yet is that not only the awakening is painful. Every time you use magic, you will feel the same pain. Not nearly as strong, of course, but to get stronger, most believe more pain is necessary, the more you want to grow your magic power. Also, magic is not just some kind of infinite power source.”

  The teacher continued, “While pain is required, you also need Mana. Mana is the magical energy present everywhere around us. Awakening creates a Mana Core in your abdomen, which stores Mana. The Mana Core signifies the maximum amount of Mana you have and how efficently you can use that Mana.

  Klein raised his hand again. “Teacher, how do you differentiate between the different levels?”

  “Good question Klein! Thanks to the work of talented Schmerzans, we have developed a magical device that can accurately categorize the level of your Mana Core.

  She wrote the categorizations for mana cores on the board.

  Ivory

  Pale

  Slime

  Crimson

  Blood

  Soot

  Ashen

  Violet

  Obsidian

  Onix

  “That means the darker your mana core, the more mana is present, and the purer that mana is. Many begin at Ivory, while some exceptionally talented individuals start at "Pale".

  My classmates started scribbling in their notebooks, copying the board."

  “Now, who can tell me if beasts need to go through the same process as we humans do?”

  No one raised their hands, all looking at each other.

  “No one? Well, let me tell you. Most beasts can use magic the moment they are born, even if it’s just rudimentary. Only more powerful beasts get born without and must experience pain the same way we do, to awaken to magic. Now why this seemingly paradoxical phenomenon happens, we have yet to find out, but most believe it’s because…”

  I drifted off, not bothering to listen anymore. As I thought about the zoo, my mind wandered.

  *** ***

  I stood in front of the charred remains of my home. The roof and most of the walls were gone, reduced to ashes. Only rubble and stone remained, covered by a layer of soot, slowly being carried away by the wind.

  I fell to my knees as a gut-wrenching scream left my mouth. I felt like I was being torn apart from the inside out. Indescribable emptiness spread inside me. I felt my stomach turning upside down as its contents made their way up my throat and through my mouth as I vomited on the charred ground.

  “AVA! ADIRA!” As tears streamed down my face, I clawed at the ground until my fingers became bloody stumps. I tried to force myself to enter my home, to confirm my worries, my fears, and my worst nightmares.

  But I could not. I was afraid of losing the last piece of hope I still had, afraid of losing my family and my very reason for existing.

  I bit my tongue, tasting the metallic flavor of my blood. The pain helped me think clearly, or at least helped me distract myself enough so that I could take my first step toward the door.

  *** ***

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  Today was my 18th birthday, and my present was being allowed to work in our little shop. My father was a hunter, providing for our family and selling the rest we didn’t need in this here shop. Someday I want to do the same for my family.

  I was ripped out of my thoughts as the most beautiful girl I have ever seen entered our shop. She had a hand-woven basket in her hand, filled with various vegetables and beast products, wearing a white summer dress with yellow flowers on it.

  “G-Good Day ma’am, I’m Ashen, H-How can I help you on this fine summer day?” I stuttered, mentally slapping myself for embarrassing myself like that.

  “G-Good morning to you too. My name is Adira. I’m just looking for some rabbit’s meat and some fur that’s going to make a good winter coat.” I could see she was kind of shy, not daring to make eye contact with me. So cute, I thought to myself. God, I wish I could get a woman like that…

  --- ---

  It was the evening of my first date with Adira. I stood in front of her home, sweating bullets and too afraid to knock. My father made me dress like some kind of prince, saying this was the suit that he wooed my mother with. I had an enormous bouquet in my left hand. My mother told me girls love gifts like that. I was too nervous, but I took all my strength together and knocked.

  Before I could even finish knocking, Adira opened the door. She looked even more beautiful than usual. She wore a light blue dress, complementing every single one of her features, no matter if it was her blonde hair or her figure.

  I was stunned. I just stood there, mouth open and probably drooling a little. She laughed as she saw me, but she looked stunned by my outfit as well.

  I put the flowers down and gave her my hand. “If I may, ma’am.”

  She chuckled as she took my hand, letting me take her down the road to the restaurant we had a reservation at. “Yes, you may, mister”.

  --- ---

  Today was the day. Never in my life had I been as nervous as today. I could feel the sweat pouring out of every single one of my pores.

  *Oh god, can they see how sweaty I am? Do I stink? What if my hand is sweaty, and she thinks I’m disgusting? * My thoughts kept spiraling, threatening to drive me crazy, when suddenly, my mind went black.

  Opening the door, she walked down the aisle, her father holding her hand while they walked towards me. Standing in front of the altar, all I could think was *Wow, she looks beautiful. *

  I could see her blushing, her cheeks and neck turning bright red. As they arrived, her father took her hand and said,” Now, I give her to you. Take care of her, and love her every day, as I did.”

  As she stood before me, the priest started talking, but I couldn’t hear him. I was completely focused on my wife.

  --- ---

  Oh God, Oh God, Oh god. Today was the day. It was a week too early, nearly two weeks. Why was it already time for that? And I was going to be late as well!

  I sprinted down the hallways of the hospital, searching for the room my wife was supposed to be in. As I found it, I suddenly heard a baby crying.

  “Don’t tell me I missed it!”

  As I ran into the room, I found her holding a baby, beaming with joy. She smiled at me and said, “You are late, darling.”

  --- ---

  It has been three years since Ava was born. She is such a lively child, always wandering off somewhere and trying new things. Her curious mind is always searching for new stimulation.

  Adira and I started loving each other even more. I thought that wasn’t even possible, but Ava was everything we did not even know we missed. Life is perfect. I hope it will stay like this forever.

  *** ***

  I tried to claw out my eyes, trying to erase the scenery I had just seen out of my mind. I started vomiting again, but with my stomach already empty, all I could do was gag, as tears started flowing again.

  I screamed and did not stop. I screamed until no sound came out anymore.

  Silence. Oh, sweet silence.

  My wife lay on the ground, or what remained of her. Her charred corpse missing any semblance of the women I loved and married.

  All the hair on her body was gone, burnt to ashes. Her skin was burnt black and cracked from the heat. On other parts of her body, most of the skin was gone; only charred muscles and bones, blackened by the soot, remained.

  A wooden beam that fell on her after the walls collapsed crushed her head, but I doubt she died a painless death. A small, rat-like beast was chewing on her foot, thinking it was an easy meal.

  Before it could even sense me, reduced it to a bloody puddle, as I smashed it under my foot with inhuman speed. Tears streaming down my chin, wetting the disfigured corpse of my beloved wife.

  “I am so sorry I was gone. I am here now; everything is going to be fine now…” I tried to convince myself I was dreaming. I started looking around, searching for my sweet angel of a daughter. I could not wait for her to run at me and jump in my arms, laughing and asking to hold my bow.

  Where the door to the next room used to be, I could see a small arm lying, the same black, cracked skin as my wife. I could not bear it anymore. Leaving the house, I broke down. I hit the ground and started screaming again. I couldn’t hear anything, but I did not stop.

  I cried till I had no tears left.

  I screamed until my throat bled. The emptiness inside me grew and grew until I felt that familiar feeling again. The emptiness was being filled by something. I started hearing whispers in my mind, but I could not make out what they were saying.

  Not that I cared.

  I started choking on my blood. The entity within me started consuming me, my flesh, my skin, my very being. I felt it breaking my bones from the inside, tearing my muscles apart, and removing my skin from my flesh.

  The pain was immense and the agony I felt was unlike anything I had experienced in my life before this day. But right now, I barely noticed it. My mind was filled with memories of my family, refusing to accept the fact that they were gone.

  My skin was being removed from my body, slowly but surely disappearing into thin air.

  My wife smiled at me, saying she loved me.

  My skin was gone, only my useless muscles left, too weak to even protect my family. But I did not scream or even move, as they too started disappearing, agonizing pain rushing through what was left of my body.

  My daughter laughed as I found her hiding spot during hide and seek.

  My muscles were gone now. All that was left was my skeleton, filled with my useless organs, too weak to strengthen me, too strong to just let me die.

  Something fell out of my jacket that was sitting on my bony shoulders. I did not even have to look to know what it was. I heard my daughter’s voice.

  “…take this, I made it, so you won’t get lost.”

  Unimaginable power came from the emptiness, this entity, within me.

  My muscles grew out of my bones, denser than ever before. Endless power dwelling inside them. Enough power to get revenge for my family.

  My skin grew from my muscles, tough enough to shield me from the ones who would try to stop me.

  The thoughts inside my mind were getting clearer and clearer, slowly forming someone, something, speaking to me.

  But I ignored the foreign entity trying to communicate with me, for now, steeling my mind, as my goal became clear.

  “I will find you. I will find you and then I will make you go through what I had to go through today. I will make you feel pain so agonizing that death will be a mercy. A mercy I won’t be granting you, as you did not grant me the mercy of dying with my family.”

  And then again.

  Silence.