[Present]

  There had to be something. There had to be something. Nico held onto that hope for many months, but as time passed, her reality started to set in. Just like the others, Nico’s hope slowly drained away day by day. She knew she needed more than just a strong will to escape. She knew that if her plan wasn’t perfect, she would die. That knowledge locked her in a state of indecision that had lasted for almost a year now.

  Nico stared up at the lights on the ceiling from her bunk, imagining them as the sunrise she’d never see again. The voices of her fellow inmates had faded away into nothingness in the back of her mind as her focus remained fixated on dreams of freedom. The dreams became akin to nightmares when she brought herself back to reality with the realization that they were just that: dreams. She turned over in her bunk with the intent to get some rest for the next shift, but then she finally heard a glimpse of the conversation going on behind her.

  “She’ll be turning four in just a few weeks.” Nico recognized the voice. It was a young man named Kell. He had only arrived at the prison a few weeks ago. He was older than Nico, but not by very much. He had taken Jastin’s place on the line next to her after his untimely passing. “I can’t… imagine how hard this must be for her.”

  The older gentleman he was talking to started to respond, but he was cut off by Nico instead. “Your kid?” She sat up on her bunk, looking over at Kell. He was much smaller and weaker than the other men there. Nico feared that a strong wind might snap him in half at this point. With him being so close to her in age as well, she found it hard to believe he had a kid at all, much less one who was four years old.

  “Huh?” He looked up to Nico after she spoke, as if he had completely forgotten she was there in the first place. “Oh! Yeah.” He then motioned to the man next to him. “We were just talking about family and… this is the first time I will ever miss her birthday.”

  “Not the last,” Vynn grumbled as he turned over in his own bunk nearby. Nico shot Vynn an angry look, but Kell seemed to completely deflate at his words.

  “I guess… you’re not wrong,” Kell mumbled. The three of them sat in silence for a few minutes. Just as Nico was about to lay back down, Kell continued. “It’s the worst part, you know? Of being here. Well, at least for me. Knowing that she is out there growing up without me…. It’s hard to bear it.”

  “You’ll get used to it eventually.” Vynn finally shifted around to look at him. “It gets easier. Trust me. You should focus on yourself anyway.”

  Nico looked over at Vynn as he spoke. Then, her gaze wandered around the room to every other inmate. Just from one glance, it was clear that all of them had given up just like Vynn. They had given up just like Nico was starting to. Nico tapped her finger on the edge of the bunk as the gears turned in her head. She looked over to Kell. “Don’t you want to get out?”

  “Not this again.” Vynn rolled his eyes as he turned around in his bunk.

  Kell watched Vynn only briefly before shifting his focus to Nico. “Well… yeah…. I mean-”

  “You want to see your daughter again, right? What would you do to get that?”

  “...Anything.” Kell nodded at her finally.

  The corner of Nico’s lips twitched, trying to form a grin before being stifled quickly. “And what about you?” Nico directed her attention to the man next to Kell. “You’ve got family? Friends? Why would you want to get out of here?”

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  He looked back and forth between Kell and Nico, unsure of how to respond initially. Then he stopped and let himself think about it. “I’ve got a brother. He’s the last family I’ve got left and… I need to know he is okay.”

  Nico nodded at him as she leaned forward. “See? I think we all have a reason to leave. But we’ve let ourselves forget all about it.” She looked up at the other inmates around them. “We’re all too scared to even think about it.” She paused, exhaling audibly through her nose. Her gaze wandered from inmate to inmate, trying to imagine what each of them must have been like before they had lost hope. “But… what if we did think about it?” She turned back to Kell and pointed out to the room. “If every single person here fights for their reason, how can they possibly stop us?”

  “Would you give it a rest already?” Vynn rolled around again and stepped off his bunk. “You’re going to get yourself killed and anyone else who tries to follow you.”

  “Has anyone ever tried it? Everyone escaping at once?” Nico turned to him directly, refusing to back down.

  “We’d get mowed down by those turrets before we even have a chance to think.”

  “And what if we weren’t? What if we disabled the turrets first?”

  “It’s impossible.”

  “Well maybe I can-”

  “No!” Vynn stepped toward her and pointed directly at her face. “You can’t! You never could. You think that you’re something special? You think you can do something no one else can? You’re some kriffing farm girl from a bum kriff planet no one has even heard of. You’re nothing.” He scowled at her as he dropped his arm. “You never were.”

  Nico stared at him with flared nostrils. She felt an intense heat rise in her cheeks as she watched him slowly step away to lay down on his bunk again. “You don’t know a single thing about me.” She spit the words at him.

  He didn’t respond, and the group went quiet once again. Kell’s eyes jerked back and forth between the two of them, feeling tension so thick it felt like he was drowning just by being near them. Eventually, he cleared his throat to speak again. “What about you?”

  Nico turned back to Kell, raising her eyebrows at him. “Huh?”

  “What’s your reason?”

  Nico looked down at the ground. Her mind wandered to the places that she had held it back from for so long. She shut her eyes and shook her head a few times. “I had friends. Once. I had… a family. Not the one I was born with, a new one.” She took a deep breath as she raised her hand up to her face. She covered up her mouth to keep her facial expressions hidden as she talked. “I met them after I ran away. They took me in and… they cared about me. They actually cared about me. But I… I ran. Something bad was going to happen. I knew it. So I ran away. I haven’t seen them since.”

  Vynn scoffed at her, shaking his head. “Something bad was going to happen? Are you serious?” He sat up. “Look at me.”

  Kell turned toward Vynn and shook his head. “Vynn, stop.”

  Vynn shooed Kell with his hand as he kept his gaze fixated on Nico. “No no, she needs to hear this. Look at me.”

  Nico reluctantly turned to look at him, clenching her teeth beneath her hand.

  “We both know your track record. You always wanted to run, because that’s who you are. You had a good thing on Ventano, but you didn’t care. You ran. You found a new family, and then you ran. You ended up here, and you can’t seem to get yourself to stop kriffing running. All you do is run!” Vynn stared directly at her, leaning forward on the bunk. “I know because you’re like me, kid. We don’t stay in one place. Not for long. But this time, you’ve gotta learn to give it up. You can’t run anymore.”

  Nico breathed heavily as she stared at him. Her mind was reaching for the last word, but she couldn’t find it. Soon, she forgot about the conversation entirely and just let herself sink. Her hand lowered from her mouth, resting on the side of the bunk instead. She gripped it tightly and gritted her teeth. As the silence finally seemed like it was going to last, Vynn laid down one last time to sleep. Nico shook her head and relaxed her posture. “I know.”

  Vynn froze for a moment as she spoke, but he eventually just continued with what he was doing, ignoring her entirely. Kell, however, looked up at her with wide eyes.

  “I made a mistake. I know I did. I shouldn’t have run. I just… didn’t know what to do. That’s why I have to get out of here though. I need them to know that… I kriffed up. I was wrong. I don’t know if they’ll ever take me back but… I just need them to know that… I love them.” Nico’s lips quivered briefly, prompting her to cover her mouth again. She took a moment to calm herself down before looking back at Kell. “I’m going to get out. And I am going to tell them myself.”