Luna reached across the centre console and patted me on the arm. “It’s fine, she’s going to love the new you,” she reassured.

  I blinked away thoughts of how cute she looked and went back to worrying about meeting my mom. I’d told Luna I’d be doing it while in fox-mode – I hadn’t been human in a while – but I was having second thoughts. Madeline would surely tease me, and our mom…

  “I don’t know…” I whined.

  She reached up and soothed my twitching ears with one hand, while the other went to the tail poking out from a small hole she'd helped me stitch in my dress. “C’mon Sarah, let’s go.”

  “Fine,” I grumbled, getting out of the car and shooting Luna a look, “But don’t ever leave me alone in there.”

  Luna smiled as she swung her door shut and walked around the car to grab my hand. She pulled me up the driveway, ughing, “Maybe Emily was right – you are a needy pet.”

  I groaned, “I do not need to be thinking about her right now.”

  “Sorry,” she said, stopping right before the door and turning to me with a sober expression. “I know this isn’t the best time to say it, but you know your mom wouldn’t judge you about where you work, right?”

  I stared at the floor, blushing. “Please just don’t mention it to her. We can talk about it another time in private, but right now…”

  “Of course,” she said, squeezing my hand. She smiled, reaching up to knock on the door. “Let’s do this.”

  Three pounds of my heart ter, Madeline opened the door, the excitement on her face melting into dumbfounded shock. “Who? What? Cat…?” she mumbled.

  My sister was the spitting image of our mom: wavy auburn hair down to her chest and her height in between mine and Luna’s, the only difference being her age and how in-shape my sister was. I had no idea where she found the time to exercise, given how busy she was with her coursework and her social life.

  I grimaced, realising that, in worrying about my mom, I’d forgotten to tell my sister about my transition. “Hey sis,” I said, dropping Luna’s hand and taking a step inside the house, “I let Luna move in and she transed my gender.” I shrugged, giving my best ‘what can you do’ expression.

  Luna followed behind me, sighing. “Her name is Sarah, by the way – since someone is too busy trying to kick me out to tell you her own name.”

  My sister giggled, snatching me up in a tight hug before I could escape. “Oh my god, you’re so cute! Are those real? How’d you transition so fast? Are you two together now?”

  I squirmed in her embrace, trying futilely to escape. “Yes, magic, and no.”

  She finally dropped me, her excited expression and posture suggesting that if she’d had a tail to match mine, it would’ve been enthusiastically wagging. “This is so cool! Happy early birthday, Sarah – oh, do you use she/her? And you said you aren’t with Luna, but is there any chance you’re into women now?”

  I frowned, leading the other two through the entryway towards the living room. “Yes to both…” I said hesitantly, wondering why she cared so much about me being attracted to women.

  Maddy smirked and shared a gnce with Luna, who had a much more stern expression.

  My eyes rolled – the two of them had in-jokes and silent communication that I wasn’t privy to, so I was used to simir interactions.

  My mom joined us from the kitchen, taking a quick look up and down my new form. “Wow Sarah, you look wonderful, and that dress is beautiful. Medicine these days really is something…” She trailed off, staring at my ears.

  “Thanks,” I squeaked, slipping past her to one of the armchairs before I could get snatched up into another hug. As much as I loved being little and cuddleable, it was still strange to realise I was shorter than my mom again and shorter than my sister for the first time.

  My mom and sister settled onto the couch, Maddy pointedly gncing at the empty space where the second armchair used to be and shooting Luna a barely-suppressed smirk.

  My roommate rolled her eyes before sitting with me, the chair much too small to avoid pressing our thighs up against each other’s.

  “So, Sarah,” my mom started, “Could you expin to me the… uh, the science of what…” she trailed off, staring at me with concern.

  I sighed. I honestly probably could’ve gotten away with telling my mom that my human Sarah body was from transitioning normally – as ridiculous as that would’ve been – but with my ears and tail out, this conversation would have to happen. “So, uh… I’m a shapeshifter?”

  Maddy watched with barely-restrained excitement, while our mom looked concerned.

  Luna grabbed my hand and squeezed it, encouraging me to continue.

  My tail wrapped around her back to curl around her side opposite me, trying to pull her closer. “So one day, soon after Luna moved in with me, I started shapeshifting… like magic?” I said, uncertain, “Here, it’ll just be easier if I show you.”

  I stood, doing a quick twirl that sent my long skirt fluttering, and then took a deep breath, closing my eyes and imagining Madeline’s body – with fox features added of course. I opened my eyes when I heard a couple gasps, and I looked down to make sure it’d worked. I grimaced at the weird sensation of seeing my sister’s body instead of my own, and I mented the fact that my dress was now awkwardly short, but otherwise, it’d worked.

  “Woah,” my sister let out, standing up and stepping around me in a circle, “I look so cute with those!”

  Luna suppressed a giggle behind me, while my mom pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes.

  “Yeah,” I said, coughing for a moment and frowning when my sister’s voice came out. “This is strange, I’m changing back,” I said before doing so, settling back down half in Luna’s p with a relieved breath.

  My mother had maintained her puzzled frown and when she finally spoke, there was a specutive air to her words. “I remember going to see a psychic when I first got pregnant with you… She said something about my daughter being very special and then she ‘cast a spell’ to help you out… When the doctors first told me your sex, I felt disappointed about being duped, so I never went back for Maddy…”

  Maddy rolled her eyes and threw her hands up performatively, menting her ck of magic powers.

  When I didn’t have a response, Luna jumped in, “I think we’ve been trying not to worry about where it came from and be more concerned with how she’s feeling. It was certainly a struggle at first,” she said, giving me a knowing look, “but I think we’ve gotten settled in pretty well.”

  “That’s good,” Mom said, nodding, “And how has it been, living together? Do you need help finding a bigger pce?”

  I gnced at Luna, and this time she let me answer, squeezing my thigh through my dress reassuringly. “It’s definitely a bit awkward sometimes and it took some getting used to, but at least for now, I think we’re happy with where we are. It’s not all that different from being in a dorm together in college – and actually we have quite a bit more space than that.”

  “Isn’t there only one bed, though?” my sister pointed out.

  “Well, yeah,” I conceded, “But we’re best friends – it’s not that big of a deal.” I wrapped my arm around Luna’s back and pulled her in closer. It was meant to be a temporary gesture to show how close we were, but even after I loosened my grip, she remained pressed up against me, so I let my arm rest behind her alongside my tail.

  An awkwardly long moment of silence passed before my mom stood up, cpping her hands together. “Well, are you girls hungry?”

  Maddy cheered, apparently having been waiting forever for us to get here, and Luna and I simply nodded, following the other two into the kitchen, where a rge pot of meatless soup was simmering next to a crackly loaf of fresh-baked sourdough. It was good to be home.

  Luna, true to her promise, didn’t leave my side as we all dished our soup, sliced the bread, and sat at the circur table with flecking white paint that was older than my sister. As we all settled into a rhythm of dunking, chomping and slurping, we exchanged stories about what we’d been up to.

  Madeline told us about her first weeks of college, compining about her insufferably grumpy roommate that – in my sister’s words – had the audacity to be pretty without also being gay. Luna and I ughed at that, while our mother chastised her and reminded her to focus on her studies instead of chasing skirts. Luna joked that she needed a nice nerdy girl to motivate her, and we ughed while mom held her head in her hands performatively – at least I hoped it was performative.

  Luna talked about her job, giving a very toned-down version of the compints she’d told me and focusing more on the code things she was doing – something to do with a database. I couldn’t follow very well, given that I’d flunked out. My sister was the most interested, nodding along to the complicated expnations – she was just as brilliant as my best friend, despite how she acted sometimes.

  Mom talked about her yoga css and her gardening projects, also making a few pointed comments along the way about how nice it would be if one of us moved back in. Maddy just rolled her eyes while I dodged them, just like I dodged any questions about my new job.

  While I was waiting for my turn at the sink so I could wash my bowl from lunch, my mom managed to corner me, her expression a mix of love and motherly concern. “Were you going to visit your dad while you’re in town? We can set up the party while you’re out, if you want to go now.”

  “Not much of a birthday activity,” I deflected. Going to see my dad would hardly be a celebration, even if I did want to tell him about everything that’d happened recently.

  Mom remained still even as the other two finished their dishes and wandered off towards the living room. I almost regretted giving up my height advantage over my mother with how adept she was at using it.

  Apparently finding what she wanted to in my eyes, she blinked and turned away, breaking the silence as I walked past her. “Are you going to take Luna with you?”

  I heaved a sigh, annoyed at how transparent I was. “No, not this time. I feel weird talking to him in front of her, and I have a lot to say.” I shrugged, and escaped the room before she could ask anything else. It wasn’t my favourite conversation topic.

  I didn’t want to talk to anyone at the moment, so, after a few whispered words to Luna and a hug, I had her car keys and was off to the outskirts of town. Thankfully, I knew what would be waiting for me when I got back: my loving family, a cheesecake, and way more board games than we could possibly fit into one night. Thank god I’d managed to get my sister to stop inviting other people to my birthday parties. There was only one person still living in this town that I had particurly fond memories of.

  —

  My sneaker kicked at the grass in front of me, careful not to hit it hard enough to permanently damage anything. I didn’t know where to start.

  I’d been here dozens of times over the st eight years, and only once – the first time – had I felt this lost. Even in the car, I’d debated endlessly how to present myself. My original body wasn’t up for consideration – it wasn’t like I actually needed my dad to recognise me – but somewhere in the back of my mind was a ‘normal’ person, a self-conscious voice telling me that cospying as an anime girl to visit your father’s grave was inappropriate.

  On the other hand, this was – despite my best efforts – the body I was most comfortable in, the one I was used to, the one I woke up with. So, in spite of the flush painting my cheeks as I walked past the scattered and quiet people on my way to my father, I presented myself as authentically as possible, as me as possible.

  Now what?

  I kicked the grass again, annoyed that my eyes were watering before I’d even started talking. At least I’d remembered to bring a pack of tissues this time.

  “Hey, dad,” I started, my voice barely piercing the cool breeze. “So I’m a girl now, I guess…”

  The small rectangle of concrete in the ground didn’t say anything back.

  “Sarah… That’s my name. I chose it kind of randomly – you probably wouldn’t approve, say that I need to think about it and be sure…” I ughed, remembering his disappointed frown when I’d confided in him that I’d chosen to major in computer science because Luna had. He hadn’t been around to tell me ‘I-told-you-so’ when I’d dropped out two years ter.

  “Um, hopefully you’re not mad about losing your only ‘son’ or anything like that, I mean you loved Luna, so probably not, but it’s still a little weird wrapping my head around the fact that it’s only women left in the family.”

  The tissues came out of my pocket and I fumbled with them, trying to get my anxious hands to pinch just one yer to get them to unfurl from the packet.

  A nervous ugh escaped me as I dabbed the corner of my eyes. “So don’t tell mom, but I got a job in adult films… And I know you wouldn’t have approved of that, but I don’t know what else to do so…”

  The breeze blew away my flimsy train of thought with a light grass-scented puff.

  “Luna’s doing well, she’s been helping me with all my…” I gestured vaguely at myself with my free hand. “I really can’t love her enough, so again, thanks for getting us together.”

  Luna and I had met in elementary school, when my dad had been signing me up for all the sports, trying to find one that would stick. I’d eventually settled on soccer, mostly because I didn’t want to go anywhere near football, which had been next on the list. Even on the team, I’d had trouble making friends, but when my dad had started talking to the other parents at the games and found another dad that’d had a shy child, they’d made us hang out on the weekends in the hopes that their little ‘boys’ would finally break out of their shells. It kind of worked, but it took a while and it didn’t happen in the way they’d anticipated.

  “Mom seems to be doing okay, even with an empty house. She’s still talking about retiring any day now, but I worry about what she’d do with herself with all that time and no kids to bug. Maybe she’ll try to move to the city and visit us all the time,” I ughed.

  I dropped down to the ground, ignoring the dampness soaking through the back of my dress. I knew what was coming next.

  “I miss you so fucking much,” I pleaded, curling in over myself. “Why aren’t you here, to see the real me? Why didn’t I figure myself out just a little bit sooner?”

  I ughed, sniffling through my snotty nose. “Aren’t you supposed to be there when I get married? What if it’s Luna? Who’s going to tell the embarrassing story about how we became friends, huh? Don’t you want to meet your grandkids? Don’t you want to meet your eldest daughter?!”

  My voice never rose higher than a pained whisper, but it still felt like I was screaming my heart out. After I’d let out my frustration and my pain, I left my forehead resting on my knees, wishing I could just have one more minute, just a dozen seconds, just enough time to introduce myself and hear him say my name.

  It wasn’t his fault that he wasn’t here. I would yell at anyone trying to tell me that it was his fault, that he’d somehow had it coming. To suggest that he didn’t do everything he could to be here would be to spit on his legacy as a person.

  Even still, every time I came here, I found part of myself bming him, wondering if everything would’ve been okay if he’d have just fought harder, if he’d have just wanted to be here more. It wasn’t fair – I wasn’t fair – the world wasn’t fair.

  It was only a half-dozen minutes before I was able to move again, standing up with one st bow towards the grave. I dumped the contents of my jacket pocket into the trash on the way to Luna’s car – a wadded up ball of tissues and an empty pstic packet.

  I had a party to catch.