After nearly two hours of flight time, the plane landed in Kunming. Xin Chen took out her luggage and Xin Kaiyu was already waiting outside, picking her up and driving back home quickly.

  Xin Chen has been coming over to play during holidays since he was in college. Xin Kaiyu initially lived in a rental house and started a trading company with friends, acting as an agent for some fast-moving consumer goods supermarkets. He jokingly called himself a peddler, which made Xin Chen laugh and hug his dad's arm, saying: "I heard that the peddlers who used to travel from village to village were all famous for being charming, it really suits you."

  Xin Kaiyu was delighted, but after all, he was more serious about doing things than when he was at home. After his business gradually got on the right track, he bought a high-rise apartment in the city, but still lived a carefree life, and the house was only simply decorated.

  Xin Chen followed her father in and took a look, the apartment in front of her had been carefully arranged, furniture, decorations, curtains, and appliances were all well-coordinated, the room was tidy and clean. She couldn't help but feel that with a woman taking care of her dad, his life seemed to be much more put together.

  "Go take a look at your room, White Auntie said if there's anything you don't like, just tell her."

  Xin Chen's room faces south, with plenty of sunlight. A humidifier is placed in one corner, spraying a fine mist. The walls are adorned with light-colored pastoral-style wallpaper, and the pure white gold-edged furniture is paired with pink curtains and bed skirts. On the bed lies a plush toy, giving off a sweet and lovely girl's feel. She can't help but smile, "It's nice, thank you Aunt Bai."

  "I'll go to work first, and tonight after Bai Ayi gets off work, I'll come back to pick you up and we can have dinner together, at noon..."

  "Hey, Dad, I've been here many times before. You're being unusually polite today, which makes me think you're intentionally trying to make me feel unwelcome."

  Xin Kaiyu laughed and rubbed his daughter's hair, "Look at your face, it's so pale. Take a good rest these few days, don't go running around as soon as you put down your luggage."

  Xin Chen lay down on her bed with her mobile phone in hand, after getting off the plane, she turned on her phone and received a text message from Lu Fei, but didn't open it immediately.

  The room was quiet, with the sunlight gradually moving to the south-facing window, casting a warm glow through the pink curtains. She opened her inbox and saw on her phone screen: "Xiao Chen, I know you hate it when I leave my address for you, but I'll be waiting here for you." Below that was the villa's house number. She listlessly put down her phone, remembering the summer she was 14, a woman who claimed to be her mother suddenly appeared and left an address with Rou Fei to pass on to her, which she refused to accept; seven years ago, before Rou Fei left, he had specifically sought her out and handed her a piece of paper with an email address written on it, which she tore up without even looking at it. But now, even if she deleted the message immediately, the house number had already stubbornly imprinted itself in her mind.

  She had never been able to get over her memories, especially those related to Rong Fei. She had hoped that time would wash everything away, but this person reappeared when she thought she was indifferent, intervening in her life and leaving new marks little by little.

  No matter how she left without looking back, she couldn't cut off her connection with that city all at once. The calm waiting of the man had already begun to bind her.

  Xin Kaiyu's wedding was very simple, and it didn't even count as a ceremony. The next day, he drove with his girlfriend Bai Hong and daughter Xin Chen to the district civil affairs bureau to get their marriage certificate. The staff member was a middle-aged woman who seemed delighted to see the groom's daughter accompanying her father on this occasion for the first time. After stamping the document, she formally handed over the marriage certificate to them, saying "Congratulations on your wedding, may you have a happy union that lasts a hundred years."

  The three of them went to dinner together, which was a celebration. The bride Bai Hong is a local, her family conditions are not bad, her parents are retired university professors, and they do not approve of her, as a certified public accountant, picking and choosing until she was 33 years old, finding an outsider who is 11 years older than her and has a grown daughter, but they couldn't persuade Bai Hong's determination, so they could only acquiesce.

  In the restaurant, Bai Hong mentioned that she had time the next day and could accompany Xin Chen out for a stroll.

  Xin Kaiyu found it amusing that his wife was speaking to him in the same tone she used to greet tourists, "No need for that, Chenzi has been coming here since he started school and is very familiar with Kunming."

  Xin Chen also shook his head and smiled: "Thank you, Bai Auntie, this afternoon I plan to take the high-speed rail to Lijiang for a few days."

  Bai Hong was taken aback, and her face slowly turned red. She and Xin Kaiyu had been busy lately and hadn't planned a honeymoon trip. She knew that this girl, who was only 8 years younger than herself, was planning to make way for them and not disturb their wedding night. She wanted to speak up, but found it hard to find the right words, so she could only look at Xin Kaiyu.

  Xin Kaiyu had talked to his daughter the night before and knew that her mind was made up, and no one could change it. He comfortingly patted her hand, "It's better to go stay for a few days now before the peak tourist season."

  Xin Chen has been to Kunming many times, and has visited famous scenic spots in Yunnan Province such as Dali and Xishuangbanna. She also participated in a hike through Tiger Leaping Gorge during her vacation. When she was a freshman, she had already been to Lijiang and Jade Dragon Snow Mountain. Unlike some of the young and wealthy, she is not fascinated with this place, and has limited interest in entertainment such as folk music, bars, or simply sitting around and sunbathing. As Kunming becomes more famous and attracts more tourists, her interest in it decreases even further.

  She just decided to know her place and avoid staying in the same house as Dad and his new wife.

  She spent the first night in Lijiang Ancient Town, and then moved to Shuhe the next day, where she found a reasonably priced hostel and booked a room. On sunny days, she would hike around Lashi Lake and Wenhai Lake, and when tired, she would stroll around the town, watching artisans process textiles or silverware, listening to music by singers in bars, or simply sit with her companion on the porch reading books.

  Such an idle life is not a relaxation for her, but rather brings a little inexplicable anxiety.

  Xin Kaiyu called her and asked if she had played enough. She smiled, "I'm bored early, but I don't want to go back and be a light bulb."

  "What's wrong with you kid? Are you saying that nowadays people don't wear colorful clothes to entertain their relatives, but instead leave space to entertain them?"

  "Dad, I'm really not used to living with you guys." Xincheng said honestly, "Don't you think it's awkward having a grown daughter like me around when you're being affectionate?"

  Xin Kaiyu was at a loss for words, "Your dad doesn't have such low-level tastes, does he?!"

  "But without low-level fun, life is so boring." Xincheng continued to speak freely with his father.

  "Alright, you've been playing for over ten days now. With the public holiday approaching, there will definitely be a scary number of tourists on that side. Even if I enjoy low-level fun," Xinkaiyu coughed and said with a suppressed smile, "I've had enough, let's head back."

  Bai Hong felt grateful yet anxious about Xin Chen's meticulousness, fearing that she still had some thoughts in her mind. She really didn't know how to get along with this girl who was unusually close to her father, politely calling herself "Auntie", being courteous but clearly having a few points of estrangement. Her tension turned into overly enthusiastic and considerate behavior, making Xin Chen feel like she couldn't relax at all.

  During the day, only Xincheng was left at home. She rarely went out except for occasional hiking trips around the area. She kept in touch with an advertising company she used to work with online and took on a simple graphic design job. It wasn't as busy as before, but the pay was limited, enough to pass the time.

  Xin Kaiyu would return home on time except for occasional business engagements, have dinner, and then go for a walk with Bai Hong. Afterwards, they would sit together on the sofa watching TV.

  Xin Chen could tell that Bai Hong was very attached to Xin Kaiyu, and whenever she saw him, her eyes would light up with a hint of infatuation. However, as his stepdaughter at home, she had to restrain herself and maintain a demure demeanor. She secretly found it amusing, and would often stay in her own bedroom at night, not wanting to go out. Bai Hong, on the other hand, would occasionally come over to knock on her door, bringing some fruit or inviting her to go for a walk or watch TV together.

  She didn't dislike the usual family entertainment, and she acknowledged that this way of life was healthy and harmonious. She just felt that inserting herself into it would be a bit too much to bear. She couldn't adapt to her stepmother's enthusiasm, nor could she adapt to the fact that her father, who used to have rich programs and colorful life, had suddenly become a stay-at-home man, sitting on the sofa watching soap operas.

  She felt a bit stuck: going out to rent a house would certainly make her life more comfortable, but it would also make her stepmother lose face; as for buying a house, she couldn't bring herself to settle down and tie herself up.

  Xin Kaiyu was equally unaccustomed to it, he couldn't understand how his lively daughter had suddenly entered such a quiet state of life.

  Xin Chen just smiled at his question, "In recent years, as long as I don't travel far, I've been living like this."

  Xin Kaiyu was somewhat annoyed, "A young girl living such a life is simply sinful. When did I ever send you to a convent?"

  "Are you asking me to indulge in a life of drunkenness and ignorance?" Xincheng still smiled.

  "At least find a boyfriend."

  Mentioning her boyfriend, Xin Chen could only spread her hands and say, "You want me to come to a strange city and immediately find a boyfriend? Wouldn't I have to go to nightclubs and hit on people?"

  Xin Kaiyu was at his wit's end with her.

  What Xinchen didn't say was that she definitely wouldn't find a boyfriend here and had already decided not to stay in this place for long.

  For someone who used to live in a city with four distinct seasons, suffering from both bitter cold and scorching heat, Kunming's climate is pleasant, the air is fresh, and flowers are incredibly cheap. The city is under construction, with demolition and traffic jams everywhere, which is somewhat similar to my hometown, but not enough to cause discomfort.

  Kexin Chen neither likes the feeling of living with others nor can find the desire to settle down here.

  On a donkey friend forum, she saw someone posting a recruitment post for a northwest Yunnan hiking trip and was immediately moved. After carefully reviewing the route, she couldn't help but feel a little surprised. The itinerary looked a bit luxurious, including continuous hiking across four connected mountain ranges, from Sanjiang Parallel Rivers to Bingzhongluo Scenic Area, Dulong River North Section, Meili Snow Mountain Outer South Line, Ninong Grand Canyon, Lugu Lake to Yading, and Daocheng. The organizer drew a detailed route map, estimating that the trip would take around 40 days, and listed multiple ethnic minority settlements along the way, covering the essence of the Ancient Tea Horse Road and the Human-Horse Postal Road.

  These routes, when broken down, were all the places she planned to go. Seeing someone had linked them together in such a creative way made her feel compelled to follow. However, she had never done such a long hike before and couldn't help but hesitate. She started collecting online strategies and conducting detailed comparisons and research.

  The phone on her side rang, it was Lu Fei's call. He would almost always call at this time every night, with just a few words, asking where she was and what she was doing. She unconsciously reported her whereabouts to him: "Sitting in the Shu River bar listening to music." "Lying in bed reading a book." "Taking a walk, there are many stars tonight." "It's raining, suddenly it's very cold." He also responded with what he was doing: "Just finished dinner with clients and came out of the hotel." "The decoration company showed me the design drawings, quite satisfactory." "Can't see any stars here." "Remember to wear more clothes."

  Every time she puts down her phone, she can't help but feel a little self-deprecating. She understands Lu Fei's sincerity, and if she had left resolutely, she should have changed her phone number and cut off all contact completely. She even stood in front of a certain mobile business hall in Kunming, listening to the staff introduce various types of tariffs, hesitated for a moment, but still put her ID card back. She only said to herself: since you don't plan to live here anyway, why bother with this trouble.

  In fact, she couldn't refuse such a greeting, and could only reflect on it in her heart. Living in an unfamiliar city was even lonelier than walking alone in the wilderness, especially since she lived without direction, which made her feel more isolated.

  They maintained this daily ritual of greetings.

  She couldn't help but think: it seemed to have become a test of patience between the two people. Lu Fei was naturally a very patient person, while she had never been very patient. If they continued like this, she really didn't know when she would suddenly refuse to continue one day.

  Xin Chen sent the completed logo design to the advertising company and stretched his waist, going out to get some water. Just then, Bai Hong asked about Xin Kaiyu's plans for the upcoming National Day holiday, and she suddenly realized that no matter how much she loved her father, she probably couldn't stand being tied up with them for a long vacation.

  Xin Kaiyu said: "Why don't we drive to Xishuangbanna and play for a few days? I'll ask Old Wu to arrange our accommodation."

  Bai Hong had just agreed when Xin Chen smiled and said: "You go with Auntie Bai, I've signed up for a hike and will probably be gone for half a month."

  Xin Kaiyu knew her hobby and didn't mind, only reminding her to pay attention to safety and keep in touch with her family.

  Back in the bedroom, Xin Chen followed up on the registration and spent the next few days organizing the outdoor equipment that had been sent over earlier. She then went to purchase the necessary gear. This ultra-long journey included high-temperature dry valleys, tropical rainforest climates of the Dulong River, and high-altitude snowy areas, so there were many things to bring along. Although some sections would involve hiring porters and horse handlers, she would have to carry heavy loads for a long time herself, so it was essential to simplify as much as possible. A Shanghai girl with the online name Taotao had signed up before her, and Xin Chen immediately sent her an in-site message. The two hit it off online and decided to share expenses. Taotao would bring the tent, while Xin Chen would bring the sleeping mat, and they would try to share other items as much as possible to avoid duplication.

  On September 30, Xin Chen rushed to Lanping from Kunming and met with the five men and one woman who had agreed to travel together. They took a car to Zhongpai, hired a Lisu guide introduced by a previous traveler online, and then rented a car to Nuodai Village. That night, they stayed at the village committee's lodging house. When Lu Fei called, Xin Chen had just laid out his sleeping bag on a new grass mat kindly provided by a villager.

  "Xiao Chen, are you at home now?"

  "I'm currently in Zhongpai Xiang Nuoduo Village, preparing to hike for a while. There are some sections of the road with no mobile phone signal, so if you can't get through on the phone, don't worry."

  There was a moment of silence on the phone, Xincheng didn't mention anything about traveling yesterday when she talked to Lu Fei, she almost deliberately waited for him to lose his temper, but Lu Fei just said: "Be careful, I'll still call you every day, at least when I arrive at a place with signal, send me a text message, okay?"

  "This request she had no reason to refuse, 'Alright, goodbye.'"

  The organizer, Old Zhang from Beijing, is a typical old hand at this sort of thing, with a witty way of speaking and meticulous thinking. He was carefully discussing things with the villagers who had applied to be porters. Several fellow travelers came from all over the country, doing different jobs, two young men just starting out with outdoor activities, talking loudly and excitedly. The others were all old hands, having been to many places, and were very calm. Xin Chen chatted casually with a girl named Tao Tao, who didn't talk much either, which made her feel at ease.

  Xin Kaiyu's phone call came over, "Chenzi, didn't you tell Lu Fei that you were going out?" Xin Chen was taken aback, and then Xin Kaiyu continued to say, "I went for a walk back, and ran into him in the lobby downstairs, still carrying his luggage, he should have come directly from the airport."

  "He didn't even tell me if he was coming over."

  Xin Kaiyu smiled, "Having a beautiful daughter makes Dad proud, it's okay, he went to find a hotel to stay in, you still give him a call and comfort him."

  Xin Chen burst out laughing and said, "Is this your experience talking?"

  "Yes, men fall for this kind of thing."

  All joking aside, Xin Chen didn't plan on calling Lu Fei. If he didn't bring it up, she decided to ignore it. She knew her approach was a bit ruthless, but playing hard to get wasn't really her style either.

  The second day officially started the hiking trip, from Nodu Village to Laowu Village, we need to cross three mountains with a net elevation of 1,000 meters. It's not too difficult as long as you have enough physical strength.

  The scenery is beautiful, but the road starts to get treacherous, with muddy roads, mature walnuts and vibrant wildflowers along the way, as well as deep valleys and steep waterways. The mountains are layered, giving off a sharp and mysterious beauty. Every day's hike lasted nearly ten hours, fortunately without encountering the blizzard that everyone was worried about. After almost four days of trekking from Fugong to Biro Snow Mountain, they finally reached Pingzhongluo, where their phones regained signal, and immediately received a text message from Lu Fei.

  Xin Chen first called Xin Kaiyu to report his safety, then dialed Lu Fei's phone and told him his current location.

  "Tell me the specific itinerary this time, at least I'll have a mental preparation for which sections will be out of contact with you." Lu Fei's tone revealed severity and anxiety for the first time.

  Xin Chen hesitated for a moment, "I'll send you the URL later, you can go take a look yourself, but don't be shocked. The time and distance are a bit long, this route is tough, but it's not dangerous."

  "Is the scenery along the way beautiful?"

  Xin Chen didn't know why he suddenly asked this, "Describing it as beautiful is too simple. In fact, some sections are quite boring. Many mountainous areas have been over-developed for agriculture, and the original landscape has been destroyed. The Nujiang River water is murkier than the Yangtze River. Bingzhongluo is not the legendary Shangri-La, there's not much ethnic minority culture left, but after passing Lao Wengkou, the terrain becomes treacherous, vegetation is lush, and the scenery is very majestic."

  "I've always wanted to figure out what drives you on the road, Xiao Chen. Having been to so many places, have you found that unknown roads lead somewhere? Or are you just looking forward to seeing all the scenery you haven't seen before?"

  Xin Chen fell silent, and only replied after a while: "Lu Fei, the location I'm sitting at now, according to the strategy guide, if it's on the winter solstice day, you can see two sunsets. The sun first sets behind the southwest corner of Gongdang Mountain, and about half an hour later, the sun will appear again from behind Gongdang Mountain, with a late glow appearing on the horizon, and then another half hour later, it will set behind the back of Gaoligong Mountain. Just imagining it is really amazing."

  "Do you think this is a reward for the hardships of the journey?"

  "No, actually there aren't many places that humans haven't been to nowadays. The internet has introduced everything in great detail - where the roads lead to, when and where the beautiful scenery will appear, and where you can find delicious food. If I were lucky enough to arrive on the winter solstice, it would just be a matter of waiting for the sun to reappear after a certain number of minutes, and then set again. It's all so predictable, there's no suspense."

  Her voice was soft and slightly lazy, speaking slowly, "I'm not disappointed that I didn't get to see that scenery, that's just how it is when you're on the road. Sometimes you might miss something you were really looking forward to because of various reasons, but missing it isn't worth regretting; sometimes the more you expect, the greater the disappointment will be, but there are always other landscapes waiting ahead. So if you ask me what I like, I really can't say - all I know is that I enjoy the feeling of being on the road, without having to think about where I'll end up, and that's enough."

  Lu Fei was naturally perceptive and couldn't help but notice the underlying meaning in her words, "I've never gone hiking, Xiao Chen, but I think that if I had a goal, then all my journeys would inevitably be heading towards that goal. The person I'm expecting isn't a scenic view that will stay put until I realize my mistake and turn back. Once I know what I'm expecting, no one else can be the scenery for me."

  Xin Chen held her phone, gazing at the distant mountains. The surroundings were a dull twilight, with the sunset's afterglow gradually fading away. Not far off, fellow travelers were smoking and chatting, their cigarette tips flashing dark red as they moved their hands. Taotao, the girl sharing a room with Xin Chen, was intently sending and receiving texts, her face illuminated by the screen's faint glow, her expression a mix of joy and sorrow. It was clear that those messages weren't just about discussing scenery.

  "You used to criticize my writing for being poorly written, with scattered thinking, always lacking in coherence and failing to get to the point." She smiled softly, "It seems I still am like this now. After all the effort to make analogies and use metaphors to satirize others, it's still not persuasive. Fine, let's just live according to our own ideas then."

  Lu Fei opened the URL sent by Xin Chen, found the gathering post, and stared at the unfamiliar place name stringed with minority colors for a long time.

  On September 30th, he had his secretary book a ticket and rushed to Kunming after work, not intending to surprise Xin Chen. In fact, he thought Xin Chen might not welcome his visit, whether or not he gave advance notice. He was just trying to strengthen the fragile connection between them, but Xin Chen clearly didn't intend to give him any opportunity. The next day, the tourist city of Kunming was flooded with tourists, and he could only return against the tide.

  Next, Xin Chen's phone contact with her was also intermittent. He called her cell phone every day, and most of the time he heard "Sorry, the number you dialed is not in service, please try again later".

  Checking the itinerary posted online, he inferred that she should have arrived at the Dulong River, known as the "last virgin land". She called him from time to time, sometimes using her mobile phone and sometimes the fixed telephone in the guesthouse, reporting a strange place name, mostly with a tired voice, yawning, speaking briefly before hanging up. That night, however, she sounded slightly drunk, surrounded by loud laughter and a man singing Bob Dylan's "Blowin' in the Wind" in a hoarse but still powerful voice.

  "You can't imagine, along the way, all kinds of wine are sold, beer, white wine, grape wine, whiskey, peach wine, corn wine, millet wine... Ugh," Xincheng made a sound similar to vomiting, "and there's also bee pupa wine, how disgusting, no matter how nourishing it is said to be, I don't want to drink it."

  "He smiled and said: 'No matter what wine, don't drink too much.'"

  She suddenly had doubts, "Was it that day when I got drunk and behaved improperly?"

  He recalled the soft lips, agile tongue, arms tightly wrapped around his neck, and the body trembling slightly in his embrace. His blood suddenly ran hot, his heart racing, and his voice became hoarse: "Anyway, after you come back, it's fine to drink as much as you want by my side."

  The black pajamas with the open collar, the kiss mark that suddenly floated into her mind, and then thinking of the same marks she saw on herself when washing up after going home, her face suddenly turned red.

  She had been avoiding thinking about this matter all along, but now with the wine taking effect and her tired body feeling as if it were floating, she couldn't control her mind anymore.

  That night's scene suddenly reappeared in her eyes with a stunning clarity: she took the initiative to get close, asking for his kiss, he pressed down on her, and what came with the weight that made her suffocate was her low and satisfied moan... She didn't know if all this was from her own drunken fantasy or memories hidden deep within, surfacing at the most inopportune moment. She hastily covered her eyes and hung up the phone.

  Lu Fei made a mark on the route map she had printed out from searching online, she had already left Du Long Jiang and arrived at Kong Dang. According to plan, the next step was to traverse Ma Bi Luo, a 12-kilometer uninhabited area with no roads, following the stream through the tropical rainforest terrain, where there were many snakes and leeches. Then the next step would be to arrive at Niu Peng in Tibet, starting the southern circuit of Meili Snow Mountain, which had already begun to have wind and snow this season.

  His work was busier than he had imagined, on the one hand, to put the operation of the investment company on track, and on the other hand, to constantly contact various clients introduced by all parties to strive for investment. The first thing he did was to divide the market department's functions, set up a special person to conduct systematic research on investment returns and risk control for all intended projects, and the company was basically blank in this aspect before, so he had to spend a lot of time on it.

  However, no matter how heavy the workload was, it couldn't alleviate his worries. The data he collected along the way became more and more detailed, and that long route in his mind became clearer and clearer.

  When Xin Chen called back from Village A, he let out a sigh of relief. "Late September is the peak season for crossing the mountain, so there shouldn't be many people now. There are Tibetan-style corridors on the other side, and we don't have to camp outside. And there's also a dance hall; if we're not too tired, we can go relax."

  Xin Chen was taken aback for a moment, then smiled and said, "Wow, your homework is even more complete than mine!"

  That was their first contact after he made a drunken phone call that day.

  Xin Chen first called her father, and Xin Kaiyu told her: "Your eldest uncle has lost his temper, saying that I shouldn't have let you go to such a dangerous place."

  "It's not a big deal, it just took a bit longer than expected, I'll call Uncle right away."

  She answered her phone and as expected, her uncle's voice was stern: "You're a girl, I can understand even if you want to go abroad for fun, why do you have to go to those places?"

  Xin Chen smiled and said: "Uncle, don't be angry, there's also a girl walking with me, she's a white-collar worker from a Shanghai foreign company, it's very safe."

  "That irresponsible father of yours can't even tell where you've gone, if it wasn't for Lu Fei explaining to me, I really wouldn't know where you ran off to."

  Xin Chen had no choice but to coax, "Uncle, really nothing's wrong, you see there's a phone here, and a small shop where you can buy Coca-Cola, and a dance hall too, it's not an isolated place."

  "In short, you'd better return to Yunnan from Tibet as soon as possible and don't stay too long in the snowy mountains. It's not fun to encounter a blizzard."

  Xin Chen agreed not to delay.

  "Soak your feet well and dry your shoes and tent if possible," Lu Fei reminded in a soft voice, "It's best to cook for yourself."

  Xin Chen burst out laughing, "Did you see that legend too?"

  Aping Village is a must-pass place for Zhuan Mountain, and it is said that there was a custom of going down to the devil in this place before. Among the devout Tibetan pilgrims, there is a saying: "Die of starvation rather than eat Aping rice."

  "I'm not afraid of anything else, I'm only afraid that someone will cast a spell on you and you won't want to come back." Lu Fei said with a smile, "But don't worry, if you don't come back, I'll go find you."

  "What if the Gu in me makes me forget everything that happened before?"

  Lu Fei didn't seem to appreciate the joke and simply said: "Then I'll come before you again to reintroduce myself."

  She only felt that her heart was like an eggshell that had been struck, with a crack appearing, and she didn't know if the crack would spread and lead to more fissures, or if her determination would collapse.