My hand clasped the phone, trembling slightly as I held it to my ear. My voice was shaky and low as I conveyed my fragile feelings, the night breeze brushing coldly against my cheeks.

  "I… love you, Maxie." My words hung in the silence on his end. My love confession to my dearest friend had come at the worst possible time, with no chances or future ahead. I knew it wouldn’t change anything, but deep down, I hoped it might give my heart the closure it needed.

  He hung up on me. The empty sound of the disconnected line echoed in my ears. I gave in to my emotions and broke down crying on the empty bench. The night sky, once filled with stars that brought me comfort, now felt vast, lonely, and suffocating. The consequences of my actions loomed, terrifying in their uncertainty. How had our three-year friendship come to this…?

  A few months ago, I was alright. I could hold my friend’s hand with a satisfied heart. I had no lingering doubts or hidden desires because just having him around made me smile. We were close friends, bonded by a shared history of standing by each other through rough times. We laughed, cried, and supported each other like brothers.

  University days flew by despite the relentless workload. There were moments when he wept on my shoulder and others when I wept on his. Days when we bickered over the last bite of each other’s sandwiches or debated which side of the bed to take when I stayed over at his apartment instead of my dorm.

  All this time, I hadn’t yet understood the depth of my affection for him. I hadn’t yet grasped how significant he had become in my life—until the 26th of October, when I received admission to my dream program to complete my internship abroad. So why did I feel so miserable…?

  The thought of not having him around was too painful to bear.

  That night, I lay in bed with an overwhelming heart. I rolled over restlessly, tossing the blanket to the side in frustration. It wasn’t the thought of leaving home that scared me the most. It felt like I was leaving a part of myself—a part only he had brought to life.

  How could this be? We were both straight guys. Perhaps the looming unfamiliarity of the future was clouding my judgment, right? I tried to convince myself. Perhaps this storm of emotions would subside once I got used to being apart.

  In the days that followed, whenever we walked to campus together, I found myself staring at him longer than usual. Maybe, deep down, I was trying to etch his image into my memory. Suddenly, he snapped his fingers, jolting me out of my thoughts.

  “Jude, why are you daydreaming in the middle of daylight? Are you so excited to go abroad that your mind has already traveled before your body?” He chuckled, throwing an arm around my shoulder.

  “That’s not it. I’m just a bit anxious about all this,” I replied, masking my emotions with a smile.

  “Don’t jinx it with your anxiety. You’ve earned this opportunity through your hard work, and you deserve it,” he said with a reassuring smile, patting my shoulder. How could such a simple gesture from him warm my chest so effortlessly? I smiled back and nodded.

  Yeah, I deserve to go. I worked hard to get here… but why do these lingering doubts keep haunting me?

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  It was only a few weeks before my flight. During those remaining days, I was busy packing my things to move away. Sometimes, he would come over to my parents' house to lend a hand, and before long, we’d burst out laughing or bantering over random, silly things.

  As I closed my final luggage, I sat on the carpet beside him while he took a sip from a water bottle. I gently bumped my shoulder against his.

  “Maxie, hand me the bottle,” I said in a jokingly annoyed tone. He frowned at me with a smirk before standing up and raising the bottle high above his head.

  “Sure, if you can reach it, you can have it,” he said, a wide smile spreading across his face. Feeling challenged, I tried jumping to grab it, only to be reminded of our height difference. We were the same age, both guys, but our heights couldn’t have been more different.

  Determined, I quickly tickled his armpits, pushing him onto the couch to snatch the bottle.

  “Caught it! Haha!” I laughed triumphantly as he burst out laughing.

  “You might be short in height, but not in will,” he replied with a proud smile. His words were a subtle reminder of the accomplishment I had achieved—earning the opportunity to study abroad. Did he sense my anxiety? I sat down beside him and sighed softly, a smile lingering on my face.

  “I appreciate your encouragement, but…” I hesitated, debating whether to voice my concerns. Finally, I gave in and let my emotions spill through my worried tone. “I’m… afraid we’ll grow apart while I’m far away.”

  His eyes widened slightly as I looked at him, my desperation laid bare. “Jude…” he said gently before pulling me into his arms.

  “I promise you, I’ll do my best to keep things the same. We’ll FaceTime at least once a day, so please have faith in us, okay?” he said, patting my back tenderly. His comforting words warmed my heart, and in that peaceful moment, I realized I couldn’t imagine my life without him anymore.

  The day of my flight finally arrived. He stood with my family at the airport, his presence as steady and reassuring as always. As I walked away from them, my eyes lingered on his figure until he disappeared into the crowd.

  It wasn’t a goodbye. It was a “see you later.” At least, that’s what I desperately hoped.

  It’s been a few days since I moved into my new home. FaceTiming him during my lonely nights brought me comfort. I missed home, but I missed him most. As he recounted the events that had unfolded after I left, I stared at him with hidden longing.

  “And that’s how I realized I only befriended a bunch of idiots,” he said with a jokingly tired expression, shaking his head in mock resignation.

  I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Birds of the same feather flock together,” I teased, watching his surprised, frowning eyes narrow at me.

  “Look who’s talking—the bird who flew higher, leaving his kind behind,” he shot back, resting his head on his palm with a smirk. Was that… envy in his voice?

  “I’d be very pleased if you could catch up soon,” I quipped, smirking as I shrugged.

  Our playful banter carried on for a while before we ended the call. As I stared at the dark screen of my phone, the loneliness crept in again. We used to share the same bed occasionally, and now we were in two different corners of the world.

  In the days that followed, I focused on adapting—making new friends, settling into my internship, and connecting with colleagues. Still, during quiet moments, I’d scroll through old pictures of the two of us on my phone. His face often crossed my mind, and I’d feel the urge to text him. But I held back, afraid of seeming too dependent. I just needed more time, right?

  Then came the night when everything came crashing down. We were FaceTiming as usual when he suddenly said, “Jude, congratulate me! I finally met my dream girlfriend!” His face lit up with pure joy—he looked so happy, so genuinely… content.

  What face was I making? I didn’t even know. I closed the camera impulsively, hoping he hadn’t caught the sight of my expression. A storm of emotions churned in my chest. I couldn’t understand what I was feeling, nor did I know how to control it. How would my voice sound? Could I keep my smile steady?

  “Jude? You okay? Why did you hide your face?” he asked, his voice laced with worry and confusion.

  How could I face him when I didn’t even understand why I was hiding from him—or from myself?