"I'm going to set of now then. Are you sure you have everything you need?" [Shawn]

  "Yeah, we should be able to manage with this. Thank you so much for your help Shawn." [Nathan]

  I politely bow as I thank him.

  "And you are sure you don't need any help?" [Shawn]

  "My mother taught me to hunt and cook in the wild, I am sure I can handle a kitchen." [Nathan]

  Besides, I cooked plenty in my previous life.

  "Alright, alright. But absolutely make sure you tell me if you need anything. If I'm too busy to help myself I shall simply send people to assist you." [Shawn]

  "Yes, I know, and thank you." [Nathan]

  "Then I'll see you at the entrance ceremony." [Shawn]

  "I will look forward to it. See you, headmaster Shawn." [Nathan]

  "See you. And take care child." [Shawn]

  I close the door.

  I hear his footsteps disappear, and then nothing.

  Nothing.

  The silence is deafening.

  I walk back to the living-room.

  Sarah is sitting at the dinner table, silent as death, staring blankly ahead.

  "Are you hungry, Sarah?" [Nathan]

  Nothing.

  "I'm going to make dinner, what would you rather have? Chicken? Salmon?" [Nathan]

  I think she may have twitched at the word salmon.

  Alright then, that's what I'm making.

  Shawn stopped on the way here to get us some food and other necessities.

  I have everything I need to make the dish my mother used to make.

  I used to love sitting in the kitchen as she made it, humming to herself as she did.

  Slowly, I will myself into humming. The same tune she always used. With any luck, it will cheer Sarah up.

  I prepare the fish, the potatoes and the mushrooms. After putting them on the stove, I start cutting the vegetables.

  "I hope you're okay with my Mom's dish. It's a favorite of mine, I think you will like it." [Nathan]

  "I know you never visited me, but Mom was really good at cooking. She knew all kinds of dishes, and could cook them all so well." [Nathan]

  "I still remember the first time I ate Alfred's cooking, ha ha, he had somehow managed to burn the potatoes, remember?." [Nathan]

  "I think the only one who's cooking was as good as Moms was Graham's. His hare roast was delicious." [Nathan]

  The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.

  Tears well up, and my vision blurs.

  I stop for a second.

  Deep breaths Nathan.. You can't cry now..

  For a few moments, I stand there, forcing myself not to cry, trying to control myself.

  A single tear crawls down my cheek.

  I can't.. I can't do this..

  Another tear.

  I snuffle, trying to control myself.

  No.. Stop it! Stop it!

  You have to be strong. You have to..

  Another tear fall from my cheek, wetting my hand.

  I wipe my face with my sleeve, and take a deep breath.

  I can't cry now. Not in front of Sarah.

  "We have almost two weeks before we need to start school, so we can take it easy. We still need to get a lot of things though, like uniforms and writing materials. We should probably also get some satchels, or possibly some backpacks." [Nathan]

  "I also need to find some nearby shops so we can get our own food. We can't expect Shawn to help us all the time, we need to be independent." [Nathan]

  "And clothes, we need to go shopping for clothes. Should probably get some more shoes too. And gloves." [Nathan]

  I start setting the table, poking at the fish to check if it's done.

  "Now I hope you're hungry, because I made a bit too much." [Nathan]

  I put the finished meal on the table, and give us each a serving.

  "Looks delicious doesn't it? I think it turned out alright, so go ahead and dig in." [Nathan]

  I start eating, trying to talk as much as possible, about any thing I can come up with..

  Every bite I take reminds me of Mom..

  God..

  She barely pokes at the food at first, but after she has a bite, she actually starts eating, however slowly.

  After I eat as much as I can stomach, I keep rambling on. I can't stand the silence.

  When she stops eating, more than half of the small portion I made for her is still on the plate.

  It's close to the winter solstice, so the days are short. It's already dark out.

  I get up and start cleaning up after dinner.

  "I think it's about time we go to bed. We have a lot we need to do tomorrow, so we might as well get an early night." [Nathan]

  Besides.. I want this day to end as fast as possible..

  Sarah doesn't react.

  "I got you a new toothbrush, and the beds are already here, Dad and Alfred got everything ready for Tony and me a few weeks ago." [Nathan]

  "Your bedroom is there. It's where Tony was going to live. I'll be sleeping in that room over there, just knock on my door if you need me." [Nathan]

  She doesn't react.

  It's like she doesn't even hear me.

  I walk over to her, and gently pull her up from the chair.

  "Here you go Sarah." [Nathan]

  I take her to the bathroom and brush her teeth. She hardly responds at all. Just stands there like a broken doll.

  I pull her into her room and to her bed. At this pace, she'll just sleep wherever I leave her. If she even sleeps.

  "I'll go to bed now Sarah. See you tomorrow okay?" [Nathan]

  I walk out her room, and close the door.

  The silence..

  God, please make it stop.

  I walk to my bedroom, and throw myself down on the bed.

  ...

  I can't hear the sea. I could always hear the sea from my bedroom.

  I pull out my vestige.

  One star for each of them.

  Mom

  Dad

  Alfred

  Graham

  Tony

  Andrew

  James

  .. Emelia...

  God.. Why?..

  Why?..

  I gently stroke each of the stars, embedded in the midnight blue crystal.

  Midnight blue.

  Nightblue..

  That.. That is going to be my new name.

  Nightblue Nathan.

  Never again will I be Bluefin Nathan.

  Never again..

  The door opens.

  Sarah is standing there.

  Her duvet around her shoulders.

  "Sarah? What is it?" [Nathan]

  "..." [Sarah]

  "Is something wrong?" [Nathan]

  She shakes her head.

  "Do you not want to sleep alone?" [Nathan]

  She shakes her head again, a bit more firmly this time.

  "Do you want to sleep here with me?" [Nathan]

  She nods.

  I make room on the bed.

  She silently lays down besides me.

  I silently pack away my vestige.

  "Goodnight Sarah, sleep tight." [Nathan]

  I say, before I roll over, to try and sleep.

  I feel a tug on my clothes. When I turn my head, I see that Sarah is puling on them, tears in her eyes.

  As I turn to face her, she starts sobbing, tightening her grasp on my clothes.

  I gently stroke her on the head, and hug her close to me.

  "It's going to be alright Sarah. I'll be here with you, all the time. I'm not going anywhere." [Nathan]

  She starts weeping, sobbing into my chest as I hold her.

  "Cry as much as you want Sarah. I will always be here for you." [Nathan]

  I say, slowly stroking her hair.

  Doing all I can to not let her know I'm crying.