Cultivation is B. All that sitting still aating in order to gain even a modicum of strength to improve has got to be the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of. “Master the thousand year meditation teiques,” Stupid Elders will say. “Maintain horse stance for ten days. While practig ten thousand punches.” As I said, b.

  “You’re a cultivator!” Shouted my parents with glee as they saw me touch the sacred orb. A single worthless unattuned spirit root in pce. “Meager talent at best,” is what the master had said. “Turn her into a pill furnace.”

  Well FUCK HIM! I am no one’s puppet, I would not be hollowed out and used to refine ingredients for Young Masters. No, instead I decided to flee from my home. Forsake the sect that would have taken me and seek e in the wild nds. I would train my own damn self.

  That was also a bad idea. I didn’t know how to survive off the nd. Didn’t know those mushrooms I ate would make me halluate the beginnings of the universe and cause me to stumble blindly into the cave of a heavenly dragon that was sleeping. I ran head first into that a son of a bitch. Smacked her right on the nose before falling on my ass.

  I remember the way its eyes opened and focused on me. A cave of tless treasures surrounded us. I expected an a gravely voice that spoke of an a being. Instead it was like honey dripping in my ears. A voice so heavenly it made me weep with joy. I remember those words even now, “Who the hells are you?!”

  I kowtowed before the dragon and scraped my forehead upon the ground. “Please heavenly master for-”

  “Mistress, do I sound like some stupid oafish man?” The dragon flicked me on the head knog me in a half flip until I nded on my ass.

  “Mistress, I give a thousand apo-”

  “Shut it.” The dragon demanded as I froze in pce. “I asked who you are.”

  “A young cultivator, fleeing from a life of a pill furnace. I merely stumbled into your home. Please for-” Once agai me off.

  “Who are you!?” She demanded.

  “!&Y^@#!^&” I told her as I looked at her with shock.

  “No, that won’t do. You are Xiaomeimei from heh.” The dragon yawned and stretched its splendid body. Scales of a thousand different colors stilted as she shrank and became the most beautiful woman to ever exist. “Rise, you said something about the life of a pill furnace.”

  I stood up as my legs shook, I couldn’t take my eyes off her as a little drool fell from my mouth. “Yes, a master tested our vilge for cultivators. Said I was meager and would turo a pill furnace. I’ve heard rumors of what that means.”

  “Ugh, cultivators. Do you want to walk amongst the heavens, child?” The Dragon asked.

  I shrugged, “Kinda. What do I have to do to walk the heavens?”

  “Usually a bunch of b shit. Lots of vengeance, killing, sying nine geions including dogs and chis. Meditating for a hundred years. You know, pointless stuff.” The Dragon took my hand and pulled me further into her cave. Behind where she was ying ile of pillows to rival the Jade Emperor’s home.

  “Well I don’t want to do any of that! That sounds awful!” I stumbled before she tossed me into the piles of pillows a after me. We both impacted and sunk into the great softness of it all.

  “I knht! But luckily for you I have a better way to the heavens. Ohat is a lot more pleasant.” Her hand stroked my cheek and I shuddered as pure bliss flowed through my body. Like I was caressed by the clouds of Buddha. She pulled her hand back just as I felt like losing my mind. “Ooooh, this is going to be fun. So, how about we do things my way?”

  I looked at her my mind reeling as I recovered from the barest brush against the dragon. “What is your way?”

  She smiled sciviously. “Yoing to learn the 69 Heavenly Releases. The ultimate arts to harvest the jing and qi of another cultivator. To take their strength as your own. Give me ten years of your life to train you oh. I’ve had other disciples you know. Ohat walk the earth and seek enlighte.”

  “Harvest from others? Isn’t that demonic cultivation?” I asked not wanting to go around and do all that nasty shit that those kind of people did.

  “Oh, no os hurt doing things my way little Xiaomeimei. Quite the opposite. Not only will you climb the heavens without all that b stuff. The people you see will actually thank you for it. You’ll just set them back… a couple hundred years. That is nothing in cultivator time.” The Dragon climbed to me pressing herself above me and h there. I could feel her radiant power make my heart pound in my throat. “e on. I’m so bored. Let me train you.”

  I nodded as I felt my mouth water at the mere st of this dragon woman. “What is my mistress’s name?

  “Call me Lequ, Mistress Lequ.” She pulled back straddling me as she raised a hand. A saed out of nowhere. “The first Heavenly Release Teique. Of the sixty nine you will learn. You may never master these teiques. I’ve only ever trained one person to full mastery besides myself. She leads her own dies now. Maybe one day you’ll meet them.”