It started, as all terrrible things do, on a Wednesday.

  *Beep...Beep...Beep....Beep...Beep

  "huhuhhhhuhmphhphmphhh"

  *Bee..

  I can say safely I am not a morning person, in fact I can say the same for my dog, my cat, and my 2 goldfish. However....it's either wake up at 7 in the morning stumble downstairs and go for a light jog down the gravel road and back and hit the weights.....or sleep in till 9 like the fluffy mashmellow I am.

  Naturally my fluffnes takes a bit of motivation that's where Sally comes in, at 3 years old the 20lb Beagle is already running around my feet and dashing towards the front door by the time I manage to rub the grit outta my eyes.

  "Damn dog, at least wait for me to get a quick drink sheesh."

  The jog takes 30 minutes and then going through the sets for today takes another 45 minutes. When it's all said and done the clock reads 8:45 and I'm in the kitchen working the old gas-oven cooking up some eggs and bacon. It was right around the 6th bite or so when...

  "ehhhhh?"

  "What? WHaT?WHAT?HOldon a minute but...what"

  *pinches self

  "OW, mother-of....."

  So blue-boxes appeard out of nowhere and now they're talking to me

  A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

  "Absolutley fantastic."

  I looked at Sally..she looked at me....I looked at the sky...it started laughing....I laughed...and than a scythe extended from Sally's mouth.

  I want to say I fought back. I want to say that it was a contest of strength never to be repeated in the annals of men. I want to say I didn't sqeak like mouse....a fluffy mouse....but I can't say that because as soon as my 3 year old beagle unhinged her lower jaw enough for a magical farming implemment to pop through. I dropped off the chair meeped and ran like Forest Gump was my spirit animal.

  "Holy shit, holy shit HOLY SHIT hoooooollly shittt."

  *RAWWWRS

  *MEEEEEPP

  *Sqelch

  So what did we learn today class....that's right running from a four-legged-animal weilding an edged weapon is ineffectual as it'll just chase you down, cut your legs off, and you'll die in a pool of gunk.

  So yea the first swing took out my legs. The second I tried to block with my arm, bad decision that, the third and fourth finished the job along with my right arm. The fifth went for my throat and ended up in my eye socket. The sixth is what did it....a nice lead up, solid hit, and good follow through made sure that the front 2/3 rds of my neck simply ceased to be.

  Oh you may be wondering about the sky. Well you see a gian scar ran through the middle of the sky and long tendrils were swooping down to drag off innocent people. People like me. So now that I've been incapacitated by my dog I was picked up, and dragged of into the sky whilst losing conscious. The last look I had of my world was my dog lifting one paw and saluting the sky while a giant scythe hung extended from here mouth.

  "Oh joy"

  The instant my eyes closed, they opened, not to the hellish landscape of earth being devoured by a gaping mouth but to a room filled with annoyingly white tiles and an infinite expanse of white sky.

  *Chuckles

  "Alright I'll take yes but in purple for 2000 Alex."

  "Welp I guess that's that, the blood's kinda neat. I guess this is goodbye then."

  "In a while Crocodile."

  And the world went black.