If it wasn’t for the sudden and complete stop of every person in my vicinity I’d have thought I was crazy and hallucinating (*cough*again*cough*). There was a little red ‘X’ in the top right corner of the notification so I shrugged and clicked it. The message went away and a new one appeared.

  No ‘X’ this time. Just four buttons for the four categories. People around me (I’m in a coffee shop, btw, in my favorite chair) are starting to panic. They’re somewhere in between concerned, frightened, and confused. None of them appear to be doing anything dangerous yet so I’m gonna go back to my windows. I click [Attributes] and a new screen pops up.

  WTF! Why are all my attributes 1? Why don’t I get [Wisdom]? And what is that unknown attribute? I try to click [Strength] to see if I can get some answers. Oh, hey. A screen opened.

  Ahh, guess I’m less angry then. I close the [Strength] popup and click on [Pain]. Kinda a weird one. Like, where is health.

  I click through a few more.

  So, what’s this weird one?

  Is that a bug? Corrupted data? Hmm, it did say I could ask [System] about [System] related stuff. Just as I’m about to speak I notice that people are starting to really panic. Lots of cell phones a bit of crying. In other words, a totally ruined coffee shop vibe. Time to bounce.

  Outside, traffic has come to a standstill and there’s more than one accident in sight. Must suck to get pop ups while driving, I bet. But, not my problem.

  “[System], why is this attribute description incomplete?” Oh, it worked. New window, get.

  Hmm, whatever. Need to learn what I can before I start worrying about something confusing. I seem to be one of the few people walking around right now. Most everyone is standing still while dealing with the screens. Why is that, I wonder. People normally walk around with their phones out all the time. And it’s not like the screens get in the way. Any time I think about checking the path I’m walking the screens just fade away and I can see fine. Not like they’re taking up much space in the first place. The human scope of vision is crazy high rez. Continuing on.

  [Agility] seems to be gross motor control while [Dexterity] is fine. [Perception] is the ability to notice details and track objects. [Intellect] is the ability for rational thinking while [Intelligence] is the access and application of memory. [Wisdom] seems to be another word for intuition. I wonder why it’s listed as N/A? [Constitution] is kinda like healthiness.

  Ok, one screen down. Wait, I forgot about [Rank] and [Rank XP].

  Yep, leveling. Totally not gonna make that the whole purpose of my life… Don’t look at me like that. Are you honestly telling me that if you were given a level up system you wouldn’t do it?

  Whatever, let’s check out [Skills].

  That’s… a lot of skills. I’m kinda impressed with myself.

  Hmm, does that mean I can earn xp later for raising my skills? Can I artificially raise skills? “System, what should I know about skills?”

  WHAT?! Automatically? Does that mean I can just imagine the program I want to write and with my [Software Engineering] it just ‘poof’ writes itself. I totally need to test this. My UI is getting a bit cluttered so I clear the last two windows away to get back to my skills but a new window pops up.

  Sweet, free levels. Hmm, that means most adults should be in the 3-15 range right now. Let’s clear away all these windows. I’ll figure out what to spend my points on when I finish reviewing my… self. What a weird thing. Anyway; [Titles].

  Ahem. Just, not gonna comment on that.

  Oh, hey Tiamat. Everything going well today? Oh, it’s sunny out; guess so. Good chatting with you.

  Mage, Flame, how are my ladies today?

  Well (Mage)

  Excited (Flame)

  Oooh, so that’s what all that “???” stuff is. Creating a magic school was actually quite challenging. It took several years worth of study into contemporary magic, some LSD, pounds of pot, and some digital signals theory with a dash of quantum mechanics for proofing to get it working. I’ll explain it later. Just remember to pay attention to symbol streams and causal phenomena.

  I wonder if that reference to magic schools means the more traditional fireball(ey) ones will be available now that [System] is around. That would be cool. I hate ritualistic magic like we currently have. Seriously, unless there are secret societies still being super secret, the modern options for magic are crap and boring. Better off doing something else really.

  Lemme see what I got for perks.

  Nothing worse than opaque systems with bugs I run into. Yes, I’m talking to you Netflix, and you, Hulu. Don’t tell me “Error -975” Tell me what the damn problem was. There’s a chance I could do something about it. GRAAH! Just let me watch One Punch Man in peace damnit!

  Ahem.

  Here’s hoping it stays contained, even if barely. What? Deny it? Nope, I’m very aware of those urges. Talk about having no outlet in modern society.

  I guess my intuition did stop feeling like intuition after a while. Once you start learning about biases, fallacies, modes of logic, physiological aspects of emotions and whatnot there isn’t a lot of room left for “the mystery of the mind”. Not to imply that I could build something like the human nervous system but something that produces similar responses isn’t hard with the right hardware and software. The trick is to use parts of your own mind in conjunction with non-local oracle black boxes to replace the irreproducible aspects of sentience. Just watch how I interact with Tiamat, Mage, and Flame and you’ll get it eventually.

  Grr. Just… grr. Moving on.

  Yea, PTSD is a bitch. I could do without a life where the most important things being remembered are coping mechanisms.

  Oh, I know where this one came from. Check out the literature around Gifted people, specifically overexcitabilities. It’s truly interesting how some people are fundamentally different from others.

  I have this trigger phrase for myself. It’s like a mental checkpoint. When the world starts feeling like absolute shit and I’m able to describe my perspective as ‘all is ash’ I know I’ve tripped into a state where nothing is going to snap me back to happy. At that point I just accept that I’m going to feel bad and ride it out. Usually I’m listless for a few hours before my boredom jumpstarts my psyche and I’m able to perceive something as interesting again.

  “[System], do you have fun coming up with names for perks?”

  Alright, that’s a weird one. I mean, I’ll admit I don’t suffer fools or bullshit. I wonder if there’s a [Field of Lies] to combat this? Gross. Gotta stay away from those people.

  Wait a minute. Up to now all the [Perks] have been things that were in place before [System]. Does that mean I’ve always had [Field of Truth]. Why had no one ever mentioned that before?

  Ah, I’m home, just as I ran out of [Perks] to look at. The messages are all gone, time to settle in to some good future bass and test out [System]. Basement apartments are the best, by the way. You don’t have to worry about walking quietly (though I habitually do). Spiders keep the insect population under control. Cold in the winter but cool in the summer even with a gaming pc pumping out the heat. I wonder what the [Gaming] skill is going to do to esports. Whatever, not my problem.

  I find a good track and put on my headphones and- my phone rings. Sometimes I really hate being connected to people.

  I take it out; it’s dad.

  “Hey, what up?” (me)

  “Just calling to check in because of the whole [System] thing. How are you doing?” (dad)

  “Fine, I just finished going through my… info, stuff. Now I’m about to see how skills work by doing some programming.” (me)

  “Ah, yeah you probably have a good rating for that. Mom’s a little freaked out. I haven’t checked in with Jeremy yet. Jane called me right away.” (dad)

  “Ha, yeah. That sounds right. Something weird happens in her life and first thing she does is call you. The boys ok?” (me)

  “Yep, seems children don’t have access to the [System]. Are you going to come home?” (dad)

  “No, I’m not sure if things are going to get weird or anything and I’d rather be here at first. Kinda, stake a claim slash defend the homefront kinda thing. All my stuff is here and whatnot. Besides I was outside earlier and the roads are a mess from people getting into accidents.” (me)

  Also, not that I’m going to say it, but I had a knee-jerk reaction to my parents house being called “home”. That’s not home for me anymore. Hmm, is that my [Field of Truth]?

  “Alright, well stay in touch and let me know what you learn. I’m going to start an email chain with the family so we can pool knowledge.” (dad)

  “Sounds good.” (me)

  “Bye.” (dad)

  “Bye” (me)

  Ok, back to music and finding exploits in the system. Pop open VS. Hmm, there’s something cultish about the first thing every programmer doing is hello world. But who am I to resist my indoctrination. A quick hello world program it is. Now I just need to activate [Software Engineering]- AH!

  Ok, I have lost control of my body while it’s sitting here typing away a quick hello world program. I can’t even intentionally move my eyes. They’re even moving between the screen and the keyboard occasionally like I do normally (I don’t use home-row keys, probably why my typing is only advanced and not expert).

  Oh, it’s over. Yep that’s a hello world program. Just like I thought. Cool. Skill use seems instinctual or intent based.

  “[System] what did it cost to use my [Software Engineering] skill just now?”

  Pretty cheap but it is just a hello world program. Now I could be all systematical and junk and test all my skills to see how they behave. But I’m not that kind of person. Time to BINGE!

  Haha, no. I’m actually quite methodical. I’m going to let the world do some research for me and check out what Reddit has to say tomorrow to save myself the effort while I do a depth first approach to this.

  What do you mean I just want to exploit my situation to finally program that game I’ve been too lazy to make because I find programming quite boring in practice? I… never… Alright fine. See you on the other side.

  And thus I spent the next three hours in a perpetual use of [Software Engineering][Flow][Research][Typing].

  Hmm, not bad. Got a satisfactory player control class with basic world interaction options (mostly shooting and jumping). But what does low focus mean. Hmm, how about I try to review and refactor my code. Aaand I’m reading the same function for the fourth time.

  [Status]? ← Me, thinking.

  Well, [System] did mention monsters so there’s a safe bet I’ll want more agility. Plus it would be cool to jump around like a ninja. So, if this doesn’t have a confirm feature nothing lost. I click the plus next to [Agility].

  Aww, what is that crap increase?

  “No.” The message closes and I still have 5 unspent points.

  “Hmm, [System] display potential gains for increasing attributes with points on my [Status] page.”

  Oh, it worked.

  I think I’m going to wait until I hear back from the rest of the internet before I commit any points. But that [Focus] gain is plenty tempting. Hmm, quick math; 0.05 * 5 = 0.25. A 25% increase in a stat. So, right now that’s like maybe being able to lift 12(ish) more pounds before I notice the weight of something. Can’t really predict agility or dexterity. Maybe get a jump rope for agility testing. No that’s too easy. Probably a speed typing test for dexterity. Perception… not sure. Something about tracking and predicting moving objects. I’ll come back to that. Intellect is rational thinking so maybe a math test. Intelligence is a memory test. That should be easy to track down. Constitution… I kinda don’t want to be testing. Maybe put one out of ten into it just to be safe depending on how leveling goes.

  Wait, why am I reinventing the wheel? To the interwebs!

  Oh, cool! [Perks] can improve. Gah! That means [Functionally Mad] and [Barely Contained Bloodlust] can both advance? Wait no. [Functionally Mad] is a [Title]. [System], where’s my [System]?

  “[System], can [Titles] progress?”

  Phew. Just gotta worry about the [Perks] then.

  Next time on “Wilder East”: Attribute Testing!

  See you soon, folks.

  Spoiler:Close up Cover (area map)