The Half Blind Raven and the Last Winter Wolf

  Chapter 3: Remembrance of the Worst Kind

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  Tara Kerrigan

  Walking around the room, I kept screaming about it all. Andy listened to every word, only occasionally speaking. She was on my side, but I needed to get it all out anyway. It was a story I hadn’t told in a very long while. It was one I’d never hoped to tell again. Evidently it wasn’t one that was over yet though. It would be over when I saw the corpse of that killer.

  “If they kill him, I want to see. I need to know it’s done.” I said as I walked around the middle room.

  “I don’t think you need to see that, Tara. I can go see it myself, and I’ll tell you when it’s done.”

  “No. I want to see it with my own eyes… eye. I need to.”

  “No you don’t. You don’t need to see more blood, my girl.”

  “I’m grown, Andy. I’m not innocent. It won’t hurt me anymore than it already has if I see him hanged against the walls.”

  “I just don’t want you to see something like that again.”

  “I want to see it. You know you can’t stop me.”

  “Alright, fine. When it’s all done, if it gets done that way, I’ll let you see him.”

  “Thank you!” I said in released anger.

  It was wrong that I was taking it out on her, but I couldn’t contain it within myself with how I was in that moment. Andy breathed out a short gasp. I knew she was saddened by how I was being. A moment’s silence overtook the room and eventually I looked at Andy again. I collapsed into her and wrapped my arms around her. My head rested on her shoulder and I cried into her collar.

  “It’s alright, dear. It’s going to be alright.” she whispered to me.

  “They took them from me. They took everything from me. What if he does it again? He could. He could try to hurt you, or finish the job with me.”

  “He won’t. No matter what they do, I’ll make sure he doesn’t ever come anywhere near you, or me.”

  “What do you think they’ll really do?” I asked, sobbing.

  “I don’t know. They’ve never executed anyone. I can’t say that they will. The rule of the town is forgiveness, even if it hurts. They might try to do nothing, but I’ll make sure they do something.”

  “What?”

  “If they let him live, I’ll see him thrown out. If they let him stay, I’ll see him banned from the stadium proper. I’ll see to it that he’s never allowed within sighted distance of us.”

  “I’m still scared.”

  “Don’t worry yourself, Tara. I’m going to keep you safe. Whatever is necessary, I will do it.”

  “Thank you, Andy… I love you.”

  “I love you too, my dear. You’re my little starlet, and I won’t let anyone hurt you. My darling little Raven.”

  I cried into her arms for many minutes longer. Neither of us wanted to let go. Eventually she laid down and I laid next to her. I felt her hand running over my head and her chin against my scalp. I felt calm, and I blocked it all out. My eyes closed, and time passed. Peace came, and I started to lose myself to a dreamless sleep. I sniffled out one more breath, and that was the last thing I heard for a while.

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  Hours passed before I woke up. The sound of clanging metal pierced my ears and I shot up from the couch. The cat had been laying on me, and he was flung to the floor. He gave me a displeased meow. I ignored him. My breathing was rushed in an instant. My eyes darted around the room until I saw Andy. She was picking up a pan from the ground.

  “Shit! Did I wake you? It’s alright. I just dropped something.” she declared.

  I calmed down before I spoke.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I’m making lunch. Onion, tater, and lima bean soup with some parsley and pepper flakes.”

  “Celery?”

  “You know it.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Anything for my girl.”

  The air smelled good from the cooking mixture. I inhaled and tasted what I could. It was lucky that I could still smell after living through the long winter. All that ash had made it so some people couldn’t smell anything at all. People like that were why jalapenos and habaneros were very common garden crops in the stadium and behind the walls.

  “Any news?” I asked.

  “None so far. It’ll likely be awhile before we hear anything. Try not to think about it for now.” Andy said before pausing. “Think about tomorrow instead. Tomorrow is Sunday. We get to go to the meetinghouse and we’ll have a grand old time. If I remember right, tomorrow is potluck day too. I’ll have to bring something one of these times.”

  “I could help you make another pot of soup if you want. We can bring it tomorrow.”

  “Do you want to do that?”

  “You said to take my mind off of the other stuff, so I might as well.”

  “Brilliant idea, dear. I think we have enough here to do it all too. If you want to start, cut up potatoes and celery. The celery is in the fridge, and you already know where the potatoes are.”

  “I’m on it.” I said as I hopped off the couch. I nearly ripped the refrigerator door open.

  The carrots were still wet from washing, so I had to be careful grabbing them. The potatoes were in a basket in the cabinet next to the fridge, along with the onions and a bunch of other things that needed to be kept in the dark.

  “Onions too?”

  “Oh, yeah. The safety glasses are on the counter.”

  “Onions only make you cry, I don’t need them.”

  “Okay, tough girl. Be quick about it. This pot’s almost done. Once you’re done cutting everything up, put it in the freezer. We’ll thaw it out tomorrow and finish everything in the morning. We’ll have to get up early though, so set your alarm.”

  “I will. I’ll go do that right now, actually.”

  “Thank you, darling.”

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  With a nod, I acknowledged her, then I left the room to do what I told her I would. Rain was starting to fall outside. It pattered against the windows. The droplets were lightly grayed and I knew they would leave stains when they dried off. Still, every year they were growing clearer. One day they would be clean. Maybe I’d see the geese in the sky again, and the blue of the lake instead of blackened waves. Wait, what was I doing?

  “Head in the game.” I whispered to myself. My head shook around on my command and I remembered.

  “Right. Set the alarms.”

  An alarm went off accidentally from the mispress of a finger. I covered my ears and turned it off as quickly as I could.

  “Stupid thing!” I yelled in a whisper.

  Quickly, I corrected my mistake, getting them all set up soon after.

  Andy yelled to me. “All good, Tara?”

  “Yeah.” I yelled back.

  “Good. Food’s ready. Come eat.”

  “Alright. Coming.”

  The phone screen turned off as it was put against the desk. I closed the door behind me and left for dinner. The alarms were set for 6:30 AM, 6:35 AM, and 6:25 AM. That would surely give us enough time. If it wouldn’t, then I guess oh well. I wasn’t willing to get up any earlier.

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  A creaking noise came out of the wooden chairs as we both sat down in them. Dinner was served, Andy having poured out the bowls and cut the slightly stale bread from the day before. She wasn’t the best cook, but she was good enough. I barely remembered my real mom’s cooking, so I couldn’t really compare it to her’s. I did know that Andy used a lot more peppers and cayenne seasoning for flavoring though. That was her go to, though occasionally she would use garlic salt instead.

  I held her hand from across the table and we said our silent grace. Our hands broke and we were both free to eat. I took a piece of bread and dipped it into the soup before taking a bite out of it. It was good, and the soup was warm. The meal would get rid of the hunger I had.

  “Thank you, Andy.”

  “Anything for you. So is it good?”

  “Yeah, it’s good.”

  “Good. Maybe I could have been a cook if I hadn’t become a singer.”

  “I don’t know about that.”

  Andy giggled. “I know I’m not that good. Just joking.”

  I smiled at her and then kept eating for a few moments. While swallowing my food, I started to wonder what we’d do for the rest of the day.

  “So… what are we doing after this?”

  She held up her index finger and swallowed a few more spoonfuls of soup. I was willing to wait for her to respond, so I did. When she’d had her fill, she said something back.

  “Mmm. This is good. Anyways, I’m not sure. It’s a Saturday still. No school for you and no work at the radio station for me. We could do anything…” she said before lightning struck outside.

  A crackle of loud thunder followed. A storm had blown in, strong and proper. It wasn’t something I wanted to go walking in, rather, I wanted to stay home and watch it from the balcony.

  “Well, almost anything. We could still walk the shops in the halls, or we could watch a movie.”

  “I think I’d rather stay in. A movie sounds alright. We could watch the storm too.”

  “Okay. What movie do you want to watch though?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I’ll pick then. Maybe we could go buy something new, actually. Are you really sure you don’t want to go out again?”

  “Yes.” I growled.

  “Okay, grumpy. We’ll stay in. I’ll pick something from my personal stash.”

  “It better not be a tape of a bunch of music videos.”

  “It won’t be. Don’t you worry. I won’t make you watch that again. I know you don’t like the same stuff I like.”

  She was right about that. She was a pop queen, but I really didn’t like pop all that much. I preferred indie and folk. The only pop I really liked was the kind that sounded similar.

  Andy left the room to look for a movie. Her dinner was only half done, but like usual she was impatient. A knock came at the door when she was still gone.

  “Andy, someone’s at the door!” I yelled.

  She asked from her room. “Can you answer it, dear?”

  “Sure.” I replied.

  The chairs creaked again as I got up. My socks dragged against the carpet while my feet carried me to the door. The cat was waiting to see who it was. I shooed him away so that he wouldn’t escape.

  “Go away, Park. No walksies for you today.” I muttered.

  As I opened the door, I saw a couple of guards and I felt a twinge of fear. It was one of the same ones who’d held me back before.

  “Shit…” I blurted.

  I hoped they weren’t at the suite for me.

  “Where’s your mom?” the leader asked calmly.

  Tilting my head, I looked back and yelled.

  “Andy, it’s the guards. They need you.” I called. “She’ll be right back.” I said to the guard as I tried to close the door.

  He put his foot in the way to stop me.

  “Not so fast, Raven.”

  “Fuck…”

  “Don’t worry, you’re not in trouble. Forgiveness is the key, remember?”

  “Sure, whatever you say.”

  He frowned at my sarcasm.

  “What’s going on out here?” Andy asked as she came through the doorway leading to her room. “Is she in trouble?”

  “Not at all. I was told to give you some other news though.” the guard declared.

  “What’s that?” Andy asked.

  He replied. “We’re currently deciding what to do with Mr. Brown. Death is not on the table though.”

  I gritted my teeth and stepped behind Andy. She could do the arguing.

  “I had assumed that that would be the case. What are we looking at then?”

  “Nobody’s sure yet. This town is built on the idea of forgiveness and rebirth. We would be hypocrites to not offer Mr. Brown a chance.”

  “But to make my daughter live in the same town as the man who killed her parents? That’s wrong. He is a killer, and you know it. He admitted to it.”

  “So was I. So were a lot of people here. You even were, but you did it for self defense.”

  “There’s a big difference between what you and I had to do, and what he and his group did. Why don’t you ask the scouts their opinions on this matter? Ask Zach and Katie if they think he should be let in.”

  “They’ve been asked, and both are conflicted.”

  “So you come to us?”

  “Yes. We won’t kill him or kick him out, but the steward wants your input on what we can do.”

  “What will you do?”

  “We’ll restrict his movements in the town. He’ll be restricted to the outer walls. That’s something I personally think will be to the benefit of both of you.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “He’s not… He feels an immense amount of guilt now that he’s come face to face with it all.”

  “Bullshit.” I spat.

  “I’m with her. Bullshit.” Andy added.

  The guard sighed. “You can say what you want and believe what you will. I still believe he’s different now. He’ll be allowed to stay, but you won’t see him as long as you stay inside the inner walls.”

  “So I’m restricted here now?” I growled.

  The guard replied. “Only if you wish to be.”

  “This is a bunch of horse shit, Griff. Even if you don’t think so, it is.” Andy spat.

  “That’s how it will likely be. We’ll be voting on it soon. The whole town will be involved. Given the traits of the populace, I think we all know what fate will befall Mr. Brown.”

  “Yes, I guess we do. Please, get out of my house.”

  “I’m sorry, Stargirl.”

  “No you’re not, Griff.” Andy said as she closed the door on the guards.

  Griffith didn’t try to stop her like he had stopped me. I heard their boots stomping on the concrete floor as they walked away. Andy looked at me, our eyes at an even level.

  “Still want to watch that movie?”

  “Not really.” I said to her.

  “Good, cause I need to go see Rodrigo. I need to vent. Do you want to come with me, dear?”

  “Not really, but I don’t want to be here alone either.”

  “You’re coming with me then?”

  “I guess.”

  “Well let’s go then. Get your shoes on.”

  “Fine. I guess at least I’ll get to see if the blueberries he’s been growing are ready.”

  “Maybe they will be, and we can be the first to try them.”

  “Hopefully.”

  “We’ll see. Here’s an umbrella for you.” she said, handing me the shield for the rain. “Do you mind if I smoke on the way there?”

  “No, not really. I don’t really care about anything right now other than what they said, so go ahead and smoke.”

  “Maybe Rodrigo can calm us both down. If not, then something bad is going to happen.” she said, pulling out a cigarette.

  Where she still managed to get them from I did not know. She was careful with it like it was her last though. She held it steady as we both started getting ready. She put it on her ear when she couldn’t hold it any longer. She put on her shoes and I put on my boots, then she grabbed the cigarette from her ear and held it in her hand again.

  We were done getting ready and it didn’t take long before we were out the door and walking. She lit her little tobacco twig and we were off on the town again. Off to see Rodrigo, or as the community called him, The Milkman. The reason why they called him that was a really long story. One for him to tell, cause it certainly wasn’t mine.