The Half Blind Raven and the Last Winter Wolf

  Chapter 5: A Jack of All Trades and a Gardener Too

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  Alvaro Castillo

  Carefully, I pruned the branches of the low bushes. Though I could have chosen to lead instead of working my days away, I instead wanted to spend time with my plants. It wouldn't be long before the next harvest would be ready. By the end of summer, the townsfolk would come out into the stands and pick their shares of berries and fruits. They were already coming out occasionally to pick the apples and the pears, but those weren't my specialty. My specialty was the blueberries, the brambles, and the like. I cared for them above the corn and the potatoes, for they were my charge and my source of charm, and I especially cared for the blueberries, for they were what I had raised since the bombs fell on the world.

  “You’re too grandiose, old man,” I whispered to myself.

  I went back to pruning branches, only the dead ones that weren’t needed any longer. The berries were just starting to grow big, though they had yet to turn purplish from a shade of peridot green. Time would give me what I wanted though, and that was a harvest of delicious sweet blueberries. Perhaps I would finally lose the moniker of “The Milkman”.

  A chuckle escaped my mouth. No, that was never going to happen. I was stuck with that name, unfortunately. It would be mine until I died and went to heaven. I just hoped that Marsha wouldn’t make fun of it for me when I got there.

  “Don’t get your hopes up too much. You know your wife. She’ll be the worst of all,” I whispered to myself.

  “Alvaro!” I heard a familiar voice call.

  I looked behind myself to see a singer and her daughter walking towards me. I was soaked in rainwater, so I couldn’t offer them hugs. My hand waved to them instead.

  “Raven, Star! How are you both doing?”

  “It’s been a stressful day, Alvaro.”

  “Oh, yes. So I’ve heard. That was an impolite question. Forgive me. My head is… elsewhere at the moment.”

  “Tending to the fruit garden?” the black haired girl asked.

  “Yes! My blueberries, they are almost ready to be harvested. Soon we will have another fruit to add to our list of food stock. Several years of labor, but it was not all for not. It will be a delicious victory indeed.”

  “It’s been your dream since you got here, right?” Raven questioned.

  “Yes, yes it has. You remember the story, yes?” I asked.

  The story of course was how I got all of the cuttings of blueberries to the stadium in the first place.

  “Everyone remembers it, Alvaro,” Star said.

  I chuckled, “Yes, I do suppose I tell it a lot.”

  “Tell it to us again,” Raven commanded. Star looked at her as if she were annoyed.

  “Shall I, Star?”

  “Well, if she wants to hear it, you’d better.”

  “I will then. So, as the story goes… You see, I had raided a home improvement store looking for root cuttings and seeds, but all of the easy plants had already been taken. Only the blueberries remained. I told myself I would find a way to make those plants bear fruit. Where everyone else had given up, I would not. They were one of the last things I collected before coming to this city. I was a very lucky man, as you know. I got through the worst of it unharmed,” I said as the teenager listened intently. Her mother, not so much.

  “I got to this stadium as they were just starting to set up. As the snow fell on a barren landscape and people were on the brink of starvation, I arrived with my goods. I arrived with bags upon bags of powdered milk as well. Of all the things I brought, my canned goods, water, batteries, tools, and seeds, I am remembered for the milk that only lasted a week. It is still quite hilarious to me.”

  “And for that you are forever branded as being The Milkman!” Raven joked.

  “Yes, yes I am. Now, is there something else I can do for you both?”

  Star asked instantly, “What do you think of what you’ve heard about?”

  “Mmm. That’s a complicated topic indeed. I don’t think there’s a very easy answer to the question being asked.”

  “So you stand with the guards and the steward?” Raven scoffed.

  “I am unsure where I stand. I have yet to meet this awful man, the killer who you tried to kill. I will be sure of where I stand when I do meet him.”

  “So you intend to meet with him then?”

  “In order to understand where I stand, I must.”

  “You don’t trust me?”

  “I do, my darling girl, but I also trust the town, and the ways that it has been built on. Forgiveness is a virtue, and perhaps this killer does deserve it.”

  Both of them seemed to not agree, but Raven definitely agreed a lot less than Star. I could understand why, after what the poor girl had been through. I knew they didn’t want to hear me talk about how I would be willing to forgive their monster.

  “You still wish him dead, Raven, dear.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Your rage is understandable. There was a time when I had once had similar hatred. It was long before this whole apocalypse though. My wife, as you know, died long before the bombs fell. It was a drunk driver who hit her car and killed her. What do you think I think of him?” I asked.

  Raven replied, “You forgave him.”

  “Yes, I did. It was not easy though, and in the end I would still never want to be in the same room as him. I am in the same city as him though. Somehow we both made it through. I seldom see him though, and for that I am glad. I think you will similarly be glad that you’ll seldom have to see that man that killed your people.”

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  “I’ll be happy to never see him again, but I’d still be happier to see him dead.”

  “Well sometimes what would make us happiest is not what will make us whole. I would be happy to be dead, and in heaven with my wife, but that would not make me whole. My community is here, as are you and Star. You are my friends, and I would not be a complete person without you.”

  “I’d be a complete person if it weren’t for him!” Raven yelled.

  I looked up from the ground and put a hand on the girl’s shoulder before looking at her mother. The girl was on the verge of crying, I knew that.

  “You would be, but killing him now won’t make you whole again. Only acceptance and moving on will do that for you.”

  The girl snorted and scowled as a few tears dropped from her eyes.

  “I don’t want to listen to you,” she spat.

  “Do you want to go back, Tara?” Star asked.

  Raven coughed out. “No… No.”

  “Come here, Raven,” I commanded.

  The girl did as I asked and I wrapped my soaked arms around her. After a short hug, she stood up again and I gave her back to her mother.

  “You may not be whole, but you have people that love you. Maybe one day they will grow to fill the void that’s taken into you.”

  “I…” she tried to say, but I put a finger against her lips.

  “Another time. I think it’s time we go back inside. It’s getting too violent out here. The storm is blowing up something fierce. Let us retire somewhere else. Come,” I said to them both. I grabbed an apple from a tree as I passed it and rubbed it against my coat.

  “Star, catch. You look famished,” I said as I threw the fruit to her.

  She caught it like a professional baseball player. The spirit of the stadium was truly in her. Just as it was in us all. The stadium was our home in a world no longer our own. Blessings to it, and the great walls that held us. Our island in the wastes. Our resilience.

  “Oh, so I don’t get one?” Raven asked, trying to hide her sadness behind a joking nature.

  “No, but I have something else for you in my room,” I said to her as I patted her head.

  She smiled in response. The poor darling had had a rough day, so she deserved something more than an apple. I had something good for her instead. Something rare and special. I knew she’d love it, and I would miss it.

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  Ruffling through my drawers, I eventually found what I was looking for. A bar of chocolate, one of the last ones in the city. It was one of the fancier brands, so that made it even better. I handed it to the girl and shooed her outside the room.

  “Enjoy it, dear. There’s some peanut butter in the kitchen too, if you would like some with the chocolate.”

  Her eyes went even wider.

  “Yeah, that sounds good!” she squealed.

  “Go and have some then. You’re guests in my home, so what’s mine is yours.”

  The girl left the room in a hurry, heading out into the kitchen. The whole building had been rebuilt from what had once been a baseball clubhouse. Walls were put up and now three people lived in the space. It was cramped, but it was cozy, especially since I got to keep the jerseys from what it had once been.

  I smiled a little bit. Raven always liked looking at the jerseys hung up on the walls. Long dead players, but she still liked to memorize their names as a challenge for herself. She was proof that despite the dark world, we could all be a little childlike at times.

  As I heard her opening cabinets, I closed the door and pressed the lock. The adults needed to talk, and I knew Star did not want her daughter to hear any of it. I sighed and watched her pull out a cigarette. She’d stopped asking permission a very long time before. She came over often enough that she knew I was alright with her vices.

  “Want one?” she asked, per the usual.

  “No, thank you,” I replied.

  She nodded in response. With the flick of a lighter, she ignited the cigarette and then she took an inhale of its air.

  “Those will kill you one day, you know.”

  “We’re all already on borrowed time, Alvaro. The radiation has taken a toll on everyone.”

  “That’s no excuse to make it worse. You might still see sixty if you’re lucky.”

  “I doubt it. I just hope she does,” Star said in response.

  “Neither of us will live to see it, but I hope she does as well.”

  She nodded again and kept on with her smoking.

  “So you’re going to make an effort to speak with that killer then?”

  “I suppose I am.”

  “Do you think he should be allowed to stay?”

  “Given all that I know now, I do think so. I’m sorry to say so though.”

  “No, it’s fine. I just don’t know if I can stand with the town’s decision on this one.”

  “You don’t have to always agree with everyone.”

  “I’m the town radio star, so I’d rather not be controversial. I can’t betray her trust though, and I don’t agree with letting a man like that stay regardless.”

  “Would you like me to tell you both what I think of him after I talk to him?”

  “I don’t think that would help.”

  “Hmm. Perhaps not, but perhaps it could. If he isn’t something to fear anymore, maybe it would be good for Raven to know that.”

  “She’d never forgive him, and you know it.”

  “I don’t think she should, but I think it would be good if she didn’t live in fear of him.”

  “She’s not living in fear, she’s living in a state of hatred.”

  “That’s a fair point. Hmm. I’m sure what to do then.”

  “I’m not sure what to do either. I can’t give her what she wants or what she needs. I can’t guarantee that she’ll never have to see him again.”

  “That is indeed a pickle. I can only think of one other thing that could help.”

  “What’s that?”

  “The passage of time and occasional exposure.”

  “That would hurt her.”

  “Yes, but it might help her eventually.”

  “I won’t put her through that.”

  “I do not think you should, but it seems the town likely will. What you need to do is be there to talk her down from what that exposure will do to her.”

  “I know.”

  “Well then why have you come to me, dear?”

  “I think I needed you to tell me that. God, it’s difficult being a mother.”

  “That it is. I suppose I should be glad that I’ve never had to experience it, motherhood that is.”

  “Yeah, but you have to deal with us. You might as well be a grandfather.”

  “Very much true, and I deal with more than just you two. I don’t mind it though. It’s not so bad, and you are both my friends, so you are here for me. Is there anything else I can do for you, Star?”

  “Nothing today, Milkman. We’ll be out of your hair.”

  “Alright then. Have a good day, Star.”

  “I will,” she said as she opened the door to leave. She turned to face her daughter and then spoke again, “Time to head out, kid.”

  “Already?”

  “Yeah. We’ve bothered Alvaro enough.”

  “Alright. See you later, Milkman.”

  “Have a good day, Raven, Star. Take a stroll around the halls. It’s a perfect day for it, you know.”

  “Only if she wants to,” Star chuckled.

  “Maybe. I’m feeling a little more up for it now,” Raven declared.

  “Then go and do it! Hurrah!” I yelled in jest.

  The two girls smiled, and then they both walked away to leave. My darling adoptive daughters, sort of. The Star closed the door behind herself and her daughter. I was left alone again. Marsha would have loved them. If only she had been around with me.

  “I hope you’re still up there somewhere, dear. I hope to see you again someday, somewhere. Wait for me, please. I’ll join you eventually,” I said to myself, but I liked to imagine that she was listening.