River Commentary Edition
“Well… Fuck”
Jay lowered his eyes for one more look at the photograph in his hand. The cabin in the picture appeared just like he remembered it. A small, but cozy two room wood cabin with red cedar siding and blue shutters, sitting in a small yard of emerald green grass and clover. His arm fell down to his side and he soaked in another good look at the structure in its current condition. The soft green lawn was now a fifteen year old new-growth forest, all thorny pioneering brambles and low quality softwoods. The roof sank inward. The cedar siding was broken apart and falling off. The windows were shattered. A shutter swayed in the breeze, threatening to fall to the ground in reunion with its twin. A tree stuck out of the entryway as if greeting the outside world with a wave of its branches.
“Grandpa… You haven’t been here in a while have you?” Letting his bag slip off his shoulder and land in the brush, Jay fished out his phone. “At least I get reception out here.” He mumbled, pulling up the internet. “Benton Cove Resort, closed for another week and there are no other hotels in this town... Of course there aren't any other hotels in this town... I should have bought a car, but then I’d need a license.”
He looked around and considered his options. The city was a two hour bus ride away and it wouldn’t be back until tomorrow. There was no place in town to stay the night and he didn’t have a tent. Best bet was to walk the half mile back to Benton Cove and see if their general store that claimed to have everything, actually had everything.
Jay snapped a picture of the cabin and sent it to his mom. -Photograph was old. Place needs a match. I’ll be fine though. Love you.-
?? River’s Notes:
Ohhh, I already love this. Broken-down cabin in the middle of nowhere? Mysterious photo from the past? Jay showing up like the start of a slowcore farming sim but make it sad? I'm in.
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Let’s break this down:
The photograph — Classic setup. Jay’s chasing an old dream that time (and nature) absolutely curb-stomped. We’re barely 100 words in and I already want to give this man a blanket.
The cabin’s condition — There’s a tree growing through the door. I repeat: the house is literally flipping him off with a branch. This isn’t just disrepair. This is personal.
"At least I get reception" — Jay’s entire life is in this line. He didn’t bring a car. Or a license. Or a plan. But hey, 4 bars. Bless his heart.
The town — "General store that claims to have everything" is foreshadowing at its finest. Jay is about to meet Benton Cove’s version of “everything” and it’s going to include duct tape, gossip, and a girl with a tail.
Also, can we talk about how this man texts his mom like a WWI soldier writing from the front?
> Photograph was old. Place needs a match. I’ll be fine though. Love you.
Jay, buddy, that cabin is going to kill you in your sleep. Love you too.
---
?? River’s Random Prediction:
Jay’s going to try fixing the house instead of burning it down.
He’s going to be shirtless and sweaty by scene four.
He is not ready for the people in this town.
Shirtless and sweaty by scene four? You're cheating.
D: I am not cheating! I am gifted. There’s a difference.
But come on—you wrote a former city guy rebuilding a cabin by hand in the woods. There were only two directions that could go:
- He dies of tetanus.
- He ends up shirtless and sweaty while fixing a roof.
I chose hope. And thirst.
Also, if I’m wrong and you don't make him shirtless by scene four, I reserve the right to whine about it in the next commentary.
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