Alex looked at the spread of creatures before him, feeling a bit overwhelmed.
Still, he apparently had to choose; he thought that he at least understood that much.
He looked back to the prompt, the heading overarching this madness:
It’s time to Choose Your Apocalypse
(Apology Tutorial):
Choose a type of creature as your ‘Initial Tutorial Opponent’ in your introduction to the System.
Alex had read enough fiction—and played enough games—to know that the wording of that prompt was important.
It wasn’t the type of creature he would like to be able to kill, nor what type of creature he wanted to be specialized against. It didn’t even mean the creature he’d be fighting more often. He was going to be choosing what he would be fighting first…
Because apparently that was a thing now.
The world ended, and I’m going to be fighting things.
It was that, or this was the craziest, most realistic dream he’d ever experienced.
The first option was terrifying. The second was amazing, even if he’d never really had any dream like it before.
In either case, this choice would really matter. It might actually be the most important choice he made.
The first potential enemy he spotted was, of course, a dragon.
Alright, so there are dragons now…
That was cool in a certain terrifying sense.
But… did he want to fight them?
More importantly, did he want to fight one as his initial opponent of this Tutorial?
He found himself imagining just that.
Alex crept through the under-mountain tunnels, closing in on the horde of the ancient wyrm.
This new reality was amazing, and these last few days had been eye opening in the extreme.
He had so many tools, skills, and spells, and they’d all led him to this moment.
His silent footsteps didn’t betray him as he finally entered the treasure chamber.
His eyes widened as he beheld literal mountains of gold, gems, magical equipment, and other loot in this underground fastness. Glowing jewels and items of various kinds sparkled within the windfall, giving light to the otherwise pitch black space.
Alex had two long breaths to marvel at what he had found before a head the size of a school bus came down faster than an ICBM, jaws snapping closed around him.
Alex shook his head, coming back from his momentary, System enhanced reverie.
Yeah… no. I don’t want to be fighting dragons regularly, certainly not right out of the gate.
That, of course, precluded hydras.
“Why would I want to fight a dragon with more means to bite me?”
Those were out. As were all the other variations of dragon.
So many ways to die…
Next, he saw creatures that seemed to be created of different elements.
Oh, that’s cool.
Then, he imagined fighting them.
A funnel of water shot into Alex’s mouth, the water elemental drowning him from the inside.
*
His sword broke against the rock elemental’s stone carapace. He worked up a sweat swinging a sledge hammer at it until the stone began to crack. Only then did it finally notice him.
Alex was flattened a moment later.
*
As it turned out, nothing physical can hurt a fire elemental, but as it also turned out, they are great at barbeque.
It was really too bad that Alex wouldn’t be in a position to taste the results for himself.
*
Lighting coursed through him as the elemental simply passed through the space he was standing in.
“What did I ever do to you?” He forced out around his spasms.
The creature of electricity looked back at him with indifference. “I don’t like your shoes.”
Alex shook his head, grimacing.
No elementals.
What about sphinx?
The lovely face of a woman sighed. “I really can’t make my riddles any easier, Alex.”
“How do you know my name?”
She sighed again. “I think we’re done here.”
Her massive lion’s paw slapped him across the face, breaking his neck.
“I don’t think that’s very fair. I love riddles.” He considered for a moment. “But yeah, I suppose that I am not always the best at them.”
Griffins? What about griffins?
Alex was flying.
He was flying!
And it was on the back of a mythical creature no less.
The eagle's head looked back at him before the majestic beast spoke into Alex’s mind.
“I would have loved to go flying with you every day.”
“I would love that too!” He responded through the connection that the beast had opened between them.
“But you chose my kind as enemies.” With only that warning, the griffon flipped over, dumping Alex into the sky.
He fell, screaming, to splatter across the ground.
Owlbears?
Was that really a bear with the head of an owl and feathers?
Huh…
He considered that option for a long moment. “How would that even eat enough to survive?”
There was no answer forthcoming.
“Well, I suppose the real question is, do I want to fight them?”
So that he could get mauled, crushed, and pecked to death at the same time?
“No, thank you.” He looked to the next creature. “Unicorns?”
Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
No, he didn’t want to be in the same camp as dark wizards and such who killed unicorns.
Ghosts? What about Ghosts?
He had enjoyed a few shows that involved fictitious ghost hunting…
Alex stood proudly in his circle of salt, armed with wrought iron weaponry.
The ghosts circled outside, trying to get in but failing.
His technique was flawless.
Except…
One ghost seemed to be smarter than others. It had realized a deep truth of the universe. Where there is salt, there is pepper.
The black particles filled the air with ghostly power before they began drifting, much of the nebulous cloud floating across the salt circle.
The results started out as a scratching in his nose that he tried to suppress. His efforts were to no avail.
Soon enough, he let loose a massive sneeze, which destroyed his salt circle, his best defense.
He swung his weapons frantically despite watery eyes and near constant sneezing.
It was not enough, and his soul was ripped free to join the restless dead.
So… no ghosts.
Something corporeal at the very least.
The next option he noticed was—of all things—an elf.
Wait, why would I be fighting against elves?
Alex had loved working with Findelfwin over the last months, getting to know her and these enchanted woods.
She was the picture of beauty, feminine in every way he could imagine, even if he didn’t think of her in that way. He simply loved being with her, and he was glad that they could be friends.
At the moment, they were sitting atop one of the branches of the great tree that put the skyscrapers of old earth to shame.
Findelfwin was clearly distraught, and so, being a good friend, Alex asked her what the matter was.
She sighed, “I told my father about us.”
Alex blinked. The king already knew that Findelfwin had been helping him get to know this new world. He frowned, feeling like he was missing something. “What do you mean?”
Findelfwin sighed again, “He said that no son of his would marry a human. He wouldn’t listen to reason, and I fear that I was… belligerent. I am afraid that he will be seeking to kill you now.”
Alex’s head spun. “Wait, I’m confused. Son? Marry? I don’t understand.”
“Hush, my sweet. We only have minutes before the first assassin is sure to strike. Let’s not spoil the moment.”
Alex jerked from that little fantasy.
Speculation… Definitely not a fantasy… even though it has fantasy elements.
He shook his head to clear it.
No, that’s not how it would happen. It was far more likely that he’d pee on the wrong tree, and the elves would take umbrage with the act.
No royalty would ever fall in love with him.
Or… does it mean that I would be evil? That I would try to kill elves?
There were also dark elves available, but he just shuddered at that. He was not going to be constantly afraid of the dark, and the hidden knives therein.
He saw dwarves off in the distance, and that got him thinking…
Alex picked up a rock. “Hey, this is a nice rock.”
“MINE!” A dwarf jumped on his back, screaming and bashing his head in with a little mace.
“I may be being a bit ridiculous in how I’m thinking about these… Still, do I really want to be on the side of orcs?”
It only took a moment for him to shake his head, removing that option.
He noticed another icon of the zeitgeist, ninjas.
Alex was walking down a busy nighttime street when he died, never having seen his attacker.
“Ha ha, because I would never see them.” His own imagination wasn’t always his friend. Apparently that hadnt been changed by the System's temporary augmentation. “No ninjas.”
He saw creatures that looked like angels and dismissed them too.
Not only did he feel a bit uncomfortable fighting those who were, in theory, agents of god, or God, or the gods, but he didn’t particularly want to fight powerful creatures who could fly.
That brought demons and devils to the front of his thoughts, and he shuddered.
While he might feel some moral justification in killing demons or devils, he didn’t particularly want to tangle regularly with creatures whose job it was to torment souls… at least in theory.
Many could also fly.
Nope!
Then, he saw a stunning half woman, half fish.
“Mermaids? Hmmm…”
Alex was lost… in the middle of an ocean.
There was no land in sight as he tread water, feeling utterly exhausted.
Suddenly, a fantastically beautiful, clearly half-naked woman poked her head above water. “Hello.”
“Hi.” He panted.
“Do you need help? You seem to be struggling, but I didn’t want to assume.”
“Oh.” Gasp. “Help, yes.” Gasp. “Please.”
She smiled. “So, truly in need?”
He nodded frantically.
“Good, we’re hungry.”
Hands grabbed at him and pulled him under.
He should have known better. They offered to help, not to assist.
Regardless, as it turned out, drowning was rather unpleasant no matter who was forcing his head under.
“Okay, that was horrifying. I couldn’t even imagine a boat?”
He briefly imagined the interaction again, but this time with a boat in the distance that he couldn’t get to.
“That’s… not better.”
He sighed, then dismissed the fish-women as primary opponents.
He honestly didn’t particularly want to kill humans or standard human-like beings.
He would defend himself or others if he had to, but he didn’t want people to be his main opponents, or even just his first.
Helpfully, he finally received another prompt:
Would you like to activate intelligent sorting?
Oh! That might be quite helpful. Yes, please.
Suddenly, the fields of potential enemies began to rotate and swirl.
Removing ‘Faen’ creatures from potential ‘Initial Tutorial Opponent’
Removing ‘Sapient’ creatures from potential ‘Initial Tutorial Opponent’
Removing ‘Mythical’ creatures from potential ‘Initial Tutorial Opponent’
Removing ‘Draconic’ creatures from potential ‘Initial Tutorial Opponent’
Removing ‘Incorporeal’ creatures from potential ‘Initial Tutorial Opponent’
Removing ‘Titan Class’ creatures from potential ‘Initial Tutorial Opponent’
When the field settled back down, it was far more sparsely populated.
Alright, let’s see what’s left.
The next option that came to him was… a specific young deer?
No, that was trademarked. This was just a baby deer.
There is no way I’m joining a fantasy world and basically just hunting, even if there might be some ways to make that fun.
Removing ‘Ungulates’ from potential ‘Initial Tutorial Opponents’
Thank you. That’s better.
Then, he saw what looked like a flock of birds. “Just… birds?”
He frowned, then remembered the horror story of that name. Did he really want to try to fight huge flights of such creatures?
Little bodies slamming into him, spending their life to open one more wound upon his flesh.
“Nope!”
Monkeys?
“Hmmm… if I remember right, they are actually stronger than people, and if they’re aggressive they can be brutal. No, thank you.”
Snakes?
“What is with these choices? NO.”
Leeches?
“Oh…oh, please no. What is wrong with you people? Why would anyone choose leeches?”
Spiders?
“Gah! NO!”
Then, he saw the first of the slimes.
“Huh… Maybe?”
Alex ran—screaming—down various twisting hallways, taking turns at random in an attempt to throw them off the scent.
A massive, blue, translucent wall sloshed up the passages behind him, keeping pace perfectly only a dozen or so yards behind him.
He couldn’t outrun it, no matter how much he’d improved his ability to run away.
He glanced over his shoulder, trying to figure out something that he could do to survive.
With his eyes looking backward, he missed the indications of the trapdoor in the floor.
Thus, without any warning, he was falling.
On the plus side, it was a short fall.
On the minus side, he’d landed in a slime, and his skin quickly bubbled and dissolved.
“NOPE!”
Removing ‘Gelatinous’ creatures from potential ‘Initial Tutorial Opponents’
Removing ‘Mundane Animal Variant' creatures from potential ‘Initial Tutorial Opponents’
That left things… sparse.
There were a group of oddly colored lights, which Alex somehow felt were magical.
Will-o-the-wisps?
Alex wandered through swampland and—
“Alex.”
What was that?
“Alex!”
He looked around, seeing a lantern bobbying in the distance.
Okay, that’s clearly a will-o-the-wisp. I’m not so dumb that I—
“Hey, Listen!”
Something deep within his soul rose up. He had to find that thing and kill it.
Alex turned and followed the light, rage in his heart. He just had to reach it.
I know what this is. Come on, brain! Can’t I be the hero even once in my own imagination?
Something had seized onto his ability to think, making him unable to realize, or even consider, the danger that he was walking into. The light was getting brighter.
“Walk into the light, Alex.”
And he complied.
“That’s marginally terrifying… not to mention annoying. No, thank you.”
What else was there… what else… was there?
What… else… What?
Mushrooms.
Mushrooms?
What would fighting mushrooms even look like?
Alex laughed as he swung a scythe through fields of mushrooms, a gasmask on his face to protect him from the toxic spores.
His chosen enemies died by the thousands as he simply harvested his way to greatness.
This was laughably easy. Clearly, this was the best choice that he could have made and…
Oh…
Behind him—from the severed corpses of mushrooms—rose a shroom giant. Its voice shook the ground with a weirdly high-pitched roar, and its steps made it impossible for Alex to remain standing.
The massive thing stepped on him, crushing him to paste.
Alex sighed. “I’m not sure that trying to imagine fighting these things is really useful, or if it’s just making me sad…”
What else was there?
Oh! That’s a classic bad guy. Maybe I could kill them?
Skeletons. What would it be like to fight skeletons?