Alex ran through the catacombs, unable to find rest.
No matter where he went, no matter how he hid, the skeletons always found him. Their rasping voices called to him, seemingly asking him to join them even though it made no sense.
Finally, he simply couldn’t run any more.
He collapsed to the floor, and the skeletons drew close.
The one in front reached for Alex, its voice sounding like the rattle of chains across a grave even as the System translated its words, “Come with me, brother. Be free.”
Alex was about to ask what he meant, when his arm seemed to split open, his own skeleton reaching out toward the enemy, Alex’s flesh falling away.
What the actual cheese puffs?
A moment later, Alex’s skeleton was standing over his fleshy pile, looking down, its voice a harsh mockery of Alex’s own, “You will no longer hold me back.”
Alex died in impotent, twitching agony.
“My imagination is a bit… terrifying. That’s probably not how they work… but why risk it?” He frowned. “Also, ‘What the actual cheese puffs?’ Is the System even censoring my imagination?” That was both terrifying and sort of hilarious.
Regardless, Alex dismissed skeletons as an option.
The opponent that caught his attention most firmly now was… a zombie.
Well, there were several kinds of zombies, but he immediately mentally dismissed the two that were clearly an ultra fast version and a more undead-flesh-golem version of a zombie respectively.
“Honestly, who would ever pick most of these?”
He hadn’t been expecting a response, but he was pleasantly surprised when one came anyway.
Through this Apology Tutorial, the System strives to offer a tailored experience to the aggrieved, regardless of common views on the wisdom of the choices.
Some wish to ‘die with style’ rather than face a new, foreign existence.
Judgment is not ours to make.
“Oh… thank you? Any advice?”
He waited for a long minute.
“Nothing?”
He waited a bit longer.
“Alright. Um…. Come on, Alex, what would get an answer?”
The System will answer any relevant question that does not unduly influence the choices beyond the level which is unavoidable by providing any information at all.
“That is… very helpful. Thank you.”
Alright, then. He wouldn’t be getting advice.
“How long do I have to choose?”
You are currently held in a state of reverse stasis.
No matter how long you take with your choices, no time will have passed from the perspective of others upon your exit.
This is only possible within select sections of the Choose Your Apocalypse, Apology Tutorial.
“Oh, that’s really good to know. Thank you.”
So, he had time to think. He had to choose what he’d be fighting. Currently up for consideration: Zombies.
Did he really want to fight zombies?
Classically, they were slow. They were already dead, so there shouldn’t be any moral issue there. On the cons side, they were relentless, and there was the problem of becoming a zombie from minor wounds. So, it would be easier to avoid injury, but any injury would be far worse.
Zombie fiction was filled with everyday people finding ways to survive after the apocalypse. The only issue was surviving the initial waves of unexpected turnings.
If he was going into a place where zombies already existed, and he just had to kill them?
He could do that. Moreover, he could come in and help others. That would be fantastic if he could manage it.
He’d always wanted to help other people. That was actually what he’d enjoyed the most about his job. Alex shrugged. “That sounds pretty nice, actually.”
Have you made your selection?
“Yes, thank you. I want to fight slow, shambling zombies.”
Acknowledged.
‘Initial Tutorial Opponent’ set to slow, shambling zombie.
Decision Rating: Generally well reasoned, marginally based upon fears and low opinion of self
Next selection to be queued.
He almost argued with the assessment of his decision making, but then he sighed. That’s… fair.
The world around him seemed to dim for a moment before the notification popped up.
Choose Your Apocalypse: Apology Tutorial
Please select ‘Initial Means of Damage’ for your Tutorial.
Alex watched as the void of this odd place shifted once more, this time filling with a truly staggering array of means of destruction.
Choose Your Apocalypse: Apology Tutorial
Please select ‘Initial Means of Damage’ for your Tutorial.
Alex felt himself smile. “Alright. Let’s see what we can do in this new world.”
There were so, so many options around him, and he found himself caring less and less that he was being kept from panicking by this System. After all, there were weapons to consider.
His immediate thought was for a gun of some variety.
Alex took precise shot after precise shot, blasting one shambling zombie’s skull apart after another. None were even getting close to him or the beautiful women and innocent children who were sheltering behind him.
It seems no one can defeat me. I weep: It’s all so easy!
CLICK
“What’s wrong?” One of the women—Ivanca—asked.
Alex felt himself whimper. He was out of ammo. He was going to die, followed closely by those he was trying to protect. “I feel a bit… queasy.”
The zombies kept coming, shambling in by the thousands.
He began hitting them with the butt of his guns, but that was too slow.
Less than a minute after his last shot rang out, he was driven to the ground by the inexorable press of the undead, torn apart by hungering jaws.
Alex shuddered. “Nope! It did say ‘Initial’ means of damage. I would be a fool to think I’d be provided with anywhere close to enough ammo to deal with all comers.”
So, guns and other complex ammo based weaponry were out.
He sighed sadly as various bazookas and RPGs vanished from his selection void, along with all the smaller and medium firearms.
He also saw several vehicles vanish based on his preferences.
Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.
As amazing as it would be to strafe the undead hordes from the air with an A-10 Warthog or Apache helicopter, those took fuel, ammo, and skilled crews to keep going, all things that he did not have and didn’t want to have to count on.
“I mean… maybe a blaze of glory would be fun?”
Alex swept his miniguns back and forth, cutting through the oncoming hordes.
He felt his own magic in every shot as each one arched uniquely to blow a hole in a different zombie’s head.
He killed them by the thousands, but they just kept coming. “Best. Day. EVER!!!!!” He shouted to the heavens just before both guns ran out of ammo.
He sighed. “Yeah… I don’t really need to imagine my own death again.”
“That would be fun for about… five minutes.” But what a glorious five minutes they would be.
He’d already dismissed firearms. He wouldn’t go back on that decision.
“Let’s go through the more… unusual options first. Shall we?” His eyes landed next on… a pencil?
Alex’s face was entirely stoic as he dove and rolled down the hallways, jamming sharpened number 2 pencils into zombies, only occasionally pulling them back out for further use.
Some zombies he pinned in place, others he outright killed.
Well… rekilled.
That was confusing. If he was going to be killing zombies, it would likely behoove him to figure out the right terminology.
Regardless, he went through pencils by the hundreds, pulling from the sheaths he’d strapped all about his person.
He was as deadly when throwing them as when using them like melee weapons. Even so, the hordes were unending.
He finally got down to his last pencil while in a conference room that reminded him of the room in which he’d interviewed for his first job.
Zombies were looking in through the glass from both inside and outside the building, even as more came in through the doors, seeming almost to hesitate.
He was holding a pencil after all.
He didn’t want to die to zombies, not again. He didn’t want to rise again. He would go out on his own terms.
“How about a magic trick?”
He positioned the pencil perfectly on the table, then gestured to it.
“I’m going to make this pencil disappear.”
The zombies rushed him, and he slammed his own head down on the table—intervening pencil not-withstanding—ending any chance of rising again as an undead.
“GAH!” Alex spasmed violently at his own imaginings. “That was… a new sort of awful.”
The rest of the vision had been… interesting, but while such skill with pencils would undoubtedly have been amazing in the world he’d left behind. He had a niggling sense that slow zombies would just be the start of things.
He didn’t want to be trying to fight zombie lich, void-dragon, skeleton hydras with a pencil…
There was probably a creature like that.
He sighed. It had been far too long since he’d played video or table top games.
Work had just been too all consuming of late…
For the last few years…
Alright, for the last half-decade or so, but he was getting distracted from the matter at hand.
Work was forever done, and he had to pick a weapon.
What about a garrote?
Alex flipped and spun through the undead, behind him one head after another popped off, some more energetically than others.
Doing this didn’t technically kill the zombies, but it did disable them so it counted for the same thing.
The bodies would continue to wander around, and the heads would be really annoying to anyone who wanted to come this way without boots, but that hardly mattered.
This was great!
Pop.
It was like living life on easy mode.
Pop!
He was almost to his base of operations. He could grab a nap there.
Twang.
Twang? That was odd.
He turned around to look, only for the zombie he’d just tried to garrote to latch onto him, bearing him to the ground.
His wire had broken.
Well… I find this situation unideal.
Alex grimaced. That was ridiculous.
Though, to be fair, the System’s translation of his intent there at the end had been rather accurate.
As he considered things, it was possible that his choice of opponent wasn’t ideal either.
Still… he didn’t relish anything else killing him. So, it was likely just the number of times he’d imagined himself dying to zombies that was the issue.
Focus, Alex. He had a weapon to choose.
Mushrooms? Again?
How would that even—?
A mushroom giant stood over the ruined city, glaring down at Alex.
The zombies were gone, along with almost anyone who could become a zombie.
The shroom-man had grown in size and power with every kill while Alex had remained the same.
Now, there was only one creature remaining who could challenge fungal supremacy.
Alex yelled his defiance as the massive spongy foot came down.
Alex shook his head.
He seemed to have an odd thing about mushrooms… at least when considering them as a weapon or an enemy.
“Who would see mushrooms as enemies? At least as a weapon they could be poisonous.”
Still, he dismissed that option.
Battery Acid was… oddly specific and hardly useful against zombies.
An air compressor that used air as the weapon seemed like it would be finicky and have an incredibly close range.
“Plus, I like my haircut.”
Nanobots were just smaller zombies that could zombify anything. So… “Nope!”
What’s this?
In the current image, it was him… talking with a zombie? Then just walking past it.
How was that doing damage?
…then he saw himself fighting humans alongside the zombies.
“NOPE!” He had no interest in joining the zombies, nor in controlling them.
Next, he dismissed fighting with what looked like familiars of various kinds.
There was an oddly muscular ostrich-hawk looking thing, and he had the feeling that it would happily eat him if he wasn’t careful.
“Probably shouldn’t tarry on that option. No, thank you.”
For some reason, there was a badger who seemed to be able to see him, and it flipped him off. “That’s… weird.”
Alex had the distinct impression that it was set on killing someone in particular, and Alex wanted none of that.
Then, as he continued to dismiss off-the-wall ways of doing damage, he was presented with an iconic, bi-colored spherical object that caused him to clear his throat.
“I feel like… this has to be a copyright violation?” Well… if Earth was gone, did copyright matter? Regardless of copyright, though, the idea of a zombified electric rodent was… unpleasant.
Besides, if he had to fill out a party of six, would he just have five zombies for the remainder?
“I do not choose you.”
The last odd-seeming options all seemed to be instruments.
“Instruments? Singing? Killing zombies with songs?”
“Die, little zombies, and die again.” Alex intoned as he strode through the streets, corpses dropping back to the ground as he passed.
“Don’t leave your bed, or you’ll soon find your end.” Larger undead creatures closed on him, falling to dust and nothingness at the sound of his voice.
“Die, little zombies, and die again.” Alex did not have the largest repertoire of songs… “Lower your head, or undead blood you’ll spend.” He sang for hours, walking through the deserted cities, reaping undead existences.
Then, a massive creature charged toward him, bright orange ear plugs obvious within its ears.
There is no way that works to block my power.
It did.
He died quickly to the massive brute.
“I was never much of a singer.” He dismissed all the musical selections, including the option that clearly indicated his own voice.
“Alright! On to the more conventional methods.”
The next thing he was presented with was himself, wielding various magics.
He felt momentarily elated. “I can… I can use magic!?”
Alex threw fireballs to burn away his foes.
Inverted sloped walls of stone rose up to block the advancing hordes and prevent them from clambering over.
Lightning flickered through the masses, chaining from undead body to undead body, leaving charred skeletons in the wake of the powerful spell.
He then drew water out of some of the oncoming corpses, leaving them brittle husks that shattered at their next step.
He was like a god from the mythologies of old. Nothing could stop him.
Suddenly, he felt a spike of incredible pain, almost like he had a charley horse in his brain.
Something told him that he’d used all of his mana, and he was suffering damage to his magical self because he’d tried to cast while empty. “Oh… this… this is just bullets with a bit more variety.”
His regeneration was too low to refill his reserves before he was fully overwhelmed.
“Well.. that was expected…”
Still. Magic.
“It did say ‘initial.’ I doubt it will be that powerful at first, but it could grow…” He scratched behind his right ear. “System, if I don’t select magic now, can I get it later?”
All means of damage—both offered and not offered—can be learned or acquired throughout the myriad worlds of the System.
“How hard is it to learn magic if I don’t select it now?”
Skills that are earnestly sought can always be earned if the price is deemed worthwhile to you.
“That’s… fair, I guess. A little ominous too, but fair. Thank you.”
He dismissed magic for the moment. He didn’t want to be a glass cannon, and magic type characters were notoriously squishy at early levels.
Levels…
“System, will there be levels? Or is there some other… system?”
There is no other system, just the System.
Levels are earned with experience.
Experience is awarded based upon:
Deeds accomplished
Skills improved
Enemies slain
Quests fulfilled
Other as required
“That’s vague but helpful. Thank you.”
He supposed that he’d have to pick something else to use.
“Hmm… maybe I should ask some more clarifying questions.”