Chapter 2: The All-Powerful God of Tech Support
The following morning, I awoke with a headache and one terrible thought.
Did I really just use Google to defeat a Dark Lord?
I looked at my ptop and rubbed my eyes. The final message from High Priest Eldrin was still visible in the forum, gring at me like an incomplete assignment.
Username: High Priest Eldrin
"Oh Great One, please give us your wisdom that never fades. You will always be needed in our kingdom."
I ought to have ignored it. The tab was closed. I went on with my life.
However, I foolishly clicked "refresh" instead.
Messages came in immediately.
Username: High Priest Eldrin
"We have built statues in your honor, oh Great One!"
Username: Sir Gareth the Brave
"In your name, the people celebrate! All throughout the country, we extol "Yuuto the All-Knowing"!
Username: Lady Mirabelle
"In your honor, the baker has named his newest bread 'The Divine Loaf'!"
I blinked. Statues? Glory? Bread?
What on earth had I done?
I was just a bored high school student with good Wi-Fi, not some heavenly entity!
I inhaled deeply. Perhaps they would disappear if I ignored them. After shutting down my ptop, I left to have breakfast.
An Hour Later
Just to be sure, I opened my ptop once more.
573 messages remain unread.
Username: High Priest Eldrin
"Why have you abandoned us, Great One?"
Username: Sir Gareth the Brave
"Have we annoyed you? Don't put us in the dark, please!
Username: Lady Mirabelle
"To demonstrate our dedication, we fasted for a full hour!"
I massaged my eyes. These guys were really upset that I hadn't responded for an hour!
I typed back, sighing.
Username: Yuuto
"Calm down. I went to eat breakfast just now."
The page was immediately overflowing with responses.
Username: High Priest Eldrin
"The Great One has made a statement! Everything is good!"
Username: Sir Gareth the Brave
"From now on, we will commemorate this day as 'The Divine Breakfast'!"
Username: Lady Mirabelle
"What did the Great One eat?"
I scowled. For what reason did they care?
Username: Yuuto
"Just a little toast."
Another deluge of messages.
Username: High Priest Eldrin
"Toast! May the Holy Toast be blessed!"
Username: Sir Gareth the Brave
"We have to bring toast to the kingdom right away!"
Username: Lady Mirabelle
"We will instruct the nation's bakers on how to burn bread in your honor!"
My drink choked me. I brought up toast, and now these people were going to reinvent it.
I needed to exercise caution. Because I used the word "microwave," these guys might unintentionally find nuclear weapons if I wasn't.
Then there was another message.
Username: The Dark Lord Makar
"Hey. Are you there?
I went cold.
Was the Dark Lord still alive?
Before typing, I paused.
Username: Yuuto
"Yeah?"
A long silence fell. Then—
Username: The Dark Lord Makar
"You have a moment? I require assistance."
Wait a moment. The man I just assisted in defeating... was requesting assistance from me?
I was too interested not to respond.
Username: Yuuto
“…With what?”
Username: The Dark Lord Makar
"My fortress sort of fell apart. It turns out that everything breaks down when your power source is cut off. I'm buried beneath some debris. Do you have any advice?"
I gazed at the screen.
I was asked for life advice by the Dark Lord, who was supposed to be the ultimate vilin, while he was stuck beneath some rocks.
I inhaled deeply and performed my best work.
I looked up "what to do if trapped under rubble" on Google.
I typed back after gncing through a survival guide.
Username: Yuuto
"Try to maintain your composure. Take slow breaths. Don't waste energy. Move small debris pieces carefully to make room if you can."
Another pause.
Username: The Dark Lord Makar
"Gosh. In fact, that was beneficial. Many thanks, dude."
I rubbed my eyes. An evil overlord had just received emergency rescue advice from me. How did I live?
Then a second message appeared.
Username: The Dark Lord Makar
"So, like... You must be a god of some sort."
I paused. Do I have to be honest? What if I were just a random high school student with a good Wi-Fi connection?
No. I would undoubtedly be killed for that.
Username: Yuuto
"That kind of thing."
Username: The Dark Lord Makar
"Good. You also provide tech support?"
My eyes blinked.
Username: Yuuto
“…Excuse me?
Username: The Dark Lord Makar
"You do realize that I had this old, cursed ptop? I used it to manage the strategy network for my army. However, it has been stuck at "Updating… 99%" for hours since my fortress colpsed."
I gazed at the screen.
I was asked to assist the Dark Lord of All Evil with IT.
The most absurd thing that had ever happened to me was this.
However, I was unable to resist answering.
Username: Yuuto
"Have you attempted turning it on and off once more?"
A pause occurred.
Username: The Dark Lord Makar
"No, one second."
I waited. A minute went by. Then—
Username: The Dark Lord Makar
"Holy shit. It was successful."
Username: Yuuto
"It did, of course. Remember that I am a god?"
I shook my head and leaned back.
In addition to defeating a Dark Lord with Google, I was now unintentionally serving the forces of evil by running a tech support line.
And worst of all…
I believe I was genuinely enjoying myself.
To be continued...
