Chapter 7: I Got Pardoned for Tax Fraud, But Now I’m Stranded in Another World with No Way HomeOkay. Good news first.

  I was officially not a criminal anymore.

  No jail. No execution. No eternal damnation in the Interdimensional Revenue Service’s Torture Chambers.

  I was free.

  Bad news?

  I was still stuck in another world.

  And nobody—not a single person—thought to ask: “Hey, should we send this guy back home?”

  So now I was just standing outside the royal courthouse, staring at the sky, questioning every decision I’ve ever made.

  With a sigh, I faced Lady Mirabelle, Sir Gareth, and High Priest Eldrin.

  "Okay, guys, I really need to head home now. Thanks a lot for all your help!"

  They gave me blinks.

  “…Home?” Sir Gareth asked, tilting his head. “But Great One, this is your home!”

  I twitched my eye. "No, it isn't."

  Lady Mirabelle smiled. “But you are our divine leader! Surely, you would not abandon your people?”

  I rubbed my temples. “I AM NOT A GOD.”

  High Priest Eldrin let out a booming ugh. “Ahaha! Such divine humility! Truly, our Great One is beyond words!”

  I wanted to scream.

  Sir Gareth cpped his hands together. “Great One, if you wish to travel, you may use the Holy Carriage!”

  “Oh?” I blinked. “Wait, you guys have a carriage? That’s actually helpful—”

  Then they gestured to a wooden cart pulled by a single goat.

  A very angry-looking goat.

  I stared.

  “That’s… not a carriage.”

  Lady Mirabelle nodded. “Of course it is! This is Balthazar, the Sacred Goat of Speed.”

  I looked at Balthazar.

  Balthazar looked at me.

  Balthazar seemed intent on killing me.

  I muttered, "I think I'll walk."

  Step 1: Find Makar.

  Unfortunately, I knew exactly where to find him.

  The ‘Doughmination’ Bakery.

  The warm, fresh scent of baked bread hit me a truck as soon as I pushed open the door.

  Flipping a baguette like a sword, Makar stood behind the counter. “Welcome to Doughmination! Where our dough rises… and so does your hunger!”

  I marched straight up to him. “You. Send me home.”

  Makar grinned. “You already are home, buddy!”

  “No, I'm not.”

  He gave a shrug.. “Look, portals are complicated, man. You don’t just ‘go home.’”

  My hands smmed against the counter. "You mean I'm stuck here?"

  “No, there is a method.You just gotta find a high-level wizard.”

  I blinked.

  “…Oh. That’s easy.”

  Makar raised an eyebrow. “Is it?”

  “Well, yeah. This is a fantasy world, right? You guys have, like, Gandalf-tier mages everywhere, right?”

  Silence.

  Makar coughed. “Uh. About that.”

  After twenty minutes, I found myself facing the "greatest wizard in the kingdom."

  An elderly man wearing a bathrobe was there.

  Holding a spoon.

  “Hello, traveler,” he said. "I am Merlin, but not that Merlin."

  I gazed at him.

  He gave a yawn. “I was making soup. What do you want?”

  I said, "I have to go home." “Can you open a portal?”

  Merlin took a deep breath.

  Then he threw the spoon at me.

  Bonk.

  I gripped my forehead. "WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"

  Merlin gave a shrug. “I dunno. Just wanted to see if you were real.”

  I turned to Makar. “THIS is your greatest wizard?!”

  Makar nodded. “He’s like, eighty percent reliable.”

  I put my hands up. "What the hell does that mean?"

  Merlin's knuckles cracked. “Alright, kid. You want a portal? I’ll make a portal.”

  Finally. Some progress!

  Merlin raised his hands. Blue sparks filled the air. The wind howled. The ground shook.

  In front of us a huge glowing portal materialized.

  I gasped. “Holy crap. It actually worked.”

  I stepped forward—

  And a giant chicken came flying out of the portal at Mach speed.

  It smmed into my face.

  I colpsed.

  Makar coughed. “Ah. So that’s the twenty percent failure rate.”

  I y on the ground, covered in feathers.

  Merlin nodded in satisfaction. “Mhm. Chicken portal. Just as pnned.”

  I slowly sat up.

  “…Just as PLANNED?”

  Merlin gave a shrug. “I wanted lunch.”

  I lunged at him.

  Step 2: Despair.After multiple failed attempts (including, but not limited to: a portal that summoned an army of frogs, a portal that just led to a pit, and a portal that somehow turned my socks into snakes), I was no closer to going home.

  I sat on the bakery floor, hugging my knees.

  “Face it,” I muttered. “I’m never getting out of here.”

  Makar patted my back. “Cheer up, buddy. You could have it worse.”

  I gred at him. “How?”

  Makar grinned. “You could be the new king.”

  I ughed. “Yeah, right. Like that would ever happen.”

  BANG!

  The doors smmed open.

  A knight ran in, panting. “Great One! The king… he… he has vanished!”

  I blinked. “…What?”

  “The throne is empty!” the knight cried. “The w states that in such times of crisis… the most influential figure in the kingdom shall take his pce!”

  I froze.

  Makar grinned wider.

  “…And that means?” I whispered.

  The knight fell to one knee.

  “ALL HAIL KING YUUTO, THE GREAT ONE!”

  I screamed.

  Makar burst out ughing. “Welp. Looks like you’re not going home after all.”

  I grabbed the nearest breadstick and hurled it at his head.

  This was a nightmare.

  A never-ending nightmare.

  And the worst part?

  Somewhere, some idiot on the forums was probably writing a fanfic about this.

  TO BE CONTINUED…