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Chapter 86 – Captain’s Log – Final Entry

  ?? Trigger Warning: Self-Harm

  The tents of this chapter taiive tent. My apologies if this spoils anything in the chapter, but I'd rather a spoiler than lose someone else I care about.

  If you or someone you love is struggling with depression, thoughts of self-harm, or just going through a rough time, please know that you are not alone. Help is avaible. Reach out and talk to someone.

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  (Dyn)

  Ru opened her door. “I thought I told you to get rid of the bloody hat… What are you—”

  Dyn pushed his way into her and held up the note. “I need you to read this to me.”

  She reached for the folded paper, but he jerked it back. “And keep it between us.”

  Ru let out a low growl and abruptly snatched the note from his hand before he could withdraw it again. Her eyes g the paper, ba, and then she closed the door.

  She frow him as her eyes skimmed over the lettering. “Nathan’s going to have to teach you to read. This is written in Criterion. Everyone learns it as a universal nguage.”

  Dyn reached up to remove the hat from his head, holding it out in front of him in both hands. “Out loud, please. It’s from the former captain. First Mate Echo already read it but refused to read it again to me.”

  “Oh no…” Ru said after only a moment, gng up from the o give him a ed expression. “Oh Dyn… What have you done?”

  “Why do you look worried?” he asked as his grip o tightened. “You aren’t supposed to look worried…”

  She sighed. Not with one of her team leader, I’m-disappointed sighs, but one of her mender, I’ve-got-bad-news sighs.

  “Take a seat.” Ru gestured toward her hammock as she leaned against the wall.

  “I’ll stand.”

  She shrugged as if to say, suit yourself, and then began reading. “To my love. I am sorry that you have to fihis way, and I beg your fiveness—”

  Dyn’s hands shot up, hat still in hand, the crimsoher boung fmboyantly from his obje. “Whoa, whoa! Captain Echo and I weren’t—”

  Ru clicked her tongue and gave him a look. “She’s writing to her first mate, Dyn…”

  “Sorry…” He gnced down at the hat in hand, his cheeks burning with embarrassment.

  Ru resumed reading the note. “I beg for your fiveness, but don’t expey. Had I done something fivable, then it wouldn’t have ever e to this. I need you to know none of this was your fault. You’ve been nothihan irreproachable, loyal, and patient—the perfect mate in life and livelihood.

  “Don’t wait for me. For after my time in crystalis, I will return to it again, until I’m no more. I foolishly thought I could bear the sequeny and. But I’m a coward, too afraid to live with the thought that my decision threatens us all with another Lamprian War.

  “I’d po wait until the Everafter and her crew were safely ba dry dock. But something ged. I had a versation with an incredibly vexing young man. Nothing I said could persuade him of his lofty morals; not logic, fear, or appealing to his senses. He was immutable.

  “He knows nothing of this ship and her crew, how to sail, or to lead. Only that he decided one of us was his friend. But that was enough for his unwavering dedication to t to. Even now, after I’ve explicitly expihe danger she poses to, not only him but everyone, he refuses to give up on her. And, infuriatingly so, he refuses to let her give up on herself.

  “But despite his impetuous nature, he’s iently showhere might have been another way, had I not promised on my own morals so quickly. This knowledge and the guilt that es of it are sm. I o longer breathe, move, or even think. I don’t see a way to live like this. So I won’t.

  “Please don’t bme him, my love. He’s merely an untarnished mirror, refleg the ugly truth I desperately tried to ignore.

  “To the netain of the Everafter, Dyn of Dirt. Apologies for not drafting a sed letter, but I must be quick before your return. I’m simply running out of time. You are both the worst a choice to give the and to.

  “It’s true you know nothing of how to run a ship or even lead a team, but I’ve seen the fierce loyalty you have for your friends. You’ve a willio fight for them despite any ce, skill, or likelihood of a good oute, simply because it’s the right thing to do. It’s my hope that you’ll befriend this ship and her crew. Lean on First Mate Echo for running the ship. He knows what to do to get you home.

  “Another round of apologies are warranted, I wasn’t pletely ho with you about my iions of giving you the ship. I knew First Mate Echo would refuse you, as would the rest of the crew. But the ship truly is yours to do what you wish. I know I’ve nht, but I ask that you get everyone home and pay the crew before you empty the treasury ahe ship.

  “Echo von D’lores, former captain of the Everafter.” Ru let her hands fall as she finished reading the former captain’s st words.

  Dyn’s jaw hung open, speechless. He bliwice, shutting his mouth as he took it all in. Could a few hastily written words absolve him of his part iragic decision? His gaze dropped to the floor as he realized he’d uionally lied to the ded earlier—he had killed the former captain and takehe ship…

  “Infernal Mother Dyn,” Ru said.

  Dyn lifted his gaze to meet Ru’s. He held out the hat to her and asked, “Do you—”

  She didn’t let him finish before shaking her head. “No, I o lead my team.”

  “Maybe—”

  Ru was already a step ahead of him, cutting off his idea. “Wedge o focus on the initiates. And don’t even think about trying to give it to anyone on my team. They o focus.”

  He wondered if either of the twins might be a better didate than him. Hay’len seemed to know everything about, well, everything. And even W’itney wouldn’t have been unkind enough to bully someoo thinking the world was a better pce without them.

  Ru called him out on his thoughts after she noticed his ‘thinking face’ didn’t go away.

  “Stop thinking, Dyn. The only other options are initiates and they’re just as bad a choice as you.”

  Still struggling for a solution, he blurted, “What about Eury? She’s a princess. Might know something about leadership?”

  “No.” She gave him a low growl. “That’s not fair to ask of her. It looks like we’re stuck with you as the captain.”

  As usual, she was right. He’d have to tio wear the damn hat. He sighed and then flopped it back atop his head. “That’s not what I wao hear…”

  “Well, it’s not what I wao say either…” Ru pihe bridge of her muzzle.

  “So what now?” he asked, finally dropping into the hammock.

  “Just…” She took a breath to calm herself. “Go to your . Get some sleep. And for the love of Mother, stop talking to people…”

  “Right.” Dyn nodded. “I do that. Thank you.” He leaned forward to hop out of the hanging furniture. He g her. The urge to give her a hug was strong, but she must have se.

  “Bed. Now!” she said, pointing toward the door.

  He quickly opehe door and scooted past her, shutting it behind him. Theurned around to find W’itanding in front of him with a hand on their hip.

  “Really…?” W’itney eyed him and Ru’s door.

  “Nothing. Happened,” Dyn said between exasperated breaths.

  “You… and… Ru?” They sounded disappointed with a hint of judgement. “So… does captain outrank team leader?”

  “One more word and I open that door”—he pointed—“and have her tell you what happened.”

  “Uood.” They took a step back, tossing their hands up defensively. Then they fshed him a wicked grin and a wink. “Captain…”

  Dyn reached for the door as W’itney scurried off down the hallway toward their own room. He retty sure they just liked to get him flustered and watch him squirm. But he wasn’t in the mood; the former captain’s as weighed heavily on his mind, aill felt responsible.

  The m…

  Dyn woke up in his hammock. The ship was still grounded. He could tell, because every day before the crash he’d woke up to the soothing rog of the hammock. A long crimsoher was the first thing he saw after opening his eyes. That damn hat sat hanging on the wall, a remihat his words had sequences.

  “Goddamnit,” he muttered. He’d hoped it was all just a dream.

  Dyn swung his legs over the side of the hammock before his bare feet plopped down onto the floor as he got up to stretch. His arms reached for the sky while torso twisting as his elbows, shoulders, and lower back realigned in a series of snaps, crackles, and pops.

  While the hammock was no Helix Midnight Elite mattress, it was fortable enough to get a det night’s rest.

  The clothes piled up on the floor were a little musky, but enough. He listeo Ru and forwent tossing his clothes in the deathwash mae st night. The extra sleep, along with avoiding Ru’s ire, outweighed the fresh st of clothes.

  The gurgling of his stomach told him he ast due for a meal.

  “I know buddy,” he gently patted his ever-shrinking gut, “I know…”

  Dyn gnced down to gather his clothes and froze when he saw something he hadn’t seen in over a decade, ten pink toes staring back at him, just past his belly. The bination of interaining, protracted treks through rough terrain, starvation, and fk had helped him lose a siderable amount of weight in just one week. He didn’t have a scale to tell how much exactly, but he did have ten wiggling toes, happy to see him.

  He smiled and got dressed, having to add another notch to his belt. The pink dagger slid bato the sheath inside of his cloak. There was just one more thing he had to put on. He sighed and reached for the hat, spping it on top of his head. Losing it would probably be far worse than wearing it for aire day. Also, it made him feel kinda cool, like he irate. Not that he’d admit that to anyone.

  Dyn opehe door and yelped, “Jesus!” A rge drai skeleton wearing a bck tri hat of his own, minus the crimson plumage, stood just outside his door.

  “Apologies for sg you, captain. I just wao update you on the ht shift.” The first mate csped his hands behind his back as he stood to his full height.

  Dyn’s heart pounded palpably in his chest. “Sure,” he said in a squeaky voice, and then cleared his throat. “What do I o know?”

  “We’ve finished unloading all the weight are without toug the food supplies for the passengers or the treasury. And Engineer Echo has also pleted disarming our munitions. So it’s all safe to leave behind.”

  Dyn wasn’t aware of the previous captain’s pns and had no clue what table or not. “That all sounds good.” He raised his eyebrows and asked, “Right?”

  “Aye, captain.” The first mate gave a dip of his skull. “It’s very good. We’re ready to leave at your and.”

  “Aren’t you? Sorry, I mean me—no, us?” Dyn tilted his head, stumbling through it. “Supposed to coordih Tome & Key to set off the distra after pig up Ostello before we leave?”

  “That is the pn.” The first mate gave Dyn a solid nod.

  “Alright. You—wait. I mean I’ll…” He paused, frowning. “You know, it’s really fusing being on both teams now… I’ll go update Ru.”

  Dyn could smell himself on his clothes, suddenly regretting his decision not to wash them st night. He pursed his lips to the side, debating if he could sneak a quick load in before they left.

  “Is there anything I assist you with, captain?” the first mate prompted before he could finish his thought.

  Dyn had to admit the first mate was a keen observer, quickly pig up on his ‘thinking face.’ The officer was exceptionally helpful and polite, a shame he didn’t want the hat. He would have made an outstanding captain.

  “Actually,” Dyn said, peering out the door and down the hall. “Do you know if the deathwash mae is free?”

  “Would you like me to have someone wash your clothes, sir?”

  “I was gonna go do it myself.” Dyn pointed in the dire of the mae. He was used to doing his own undry. It was one of the few chores he didn’t mind.

  “It’s your and, but if I may suggest, there are things you should sider delegating.”

  The first mate’s words made sense. But Dy delegation was a slippery slope, and he didn’t want to end up like the previous captain, asking for things that he wasn’t willing to do himself. However, he could do other things to expedite their trip home if he’d just accept a little help now and then.

  Dyed. “Okay,” he said with a nod, stepping bato his as he shut the door on the first mate.

  “Captain?” the first mate’s voice asked through the door.

  “One sed…”

  Wham, bang! Both boots hit the door as he pulled and then kicked them off. His dirty clothes fell to the ground as he yahem off, one garment at a time, stripping himself naked, save for his socks. Quickly, he slipped one leg and theher into his only other pair of pants. And in one practiced motion, he hopped, pulling them up around his waist. Last, he grabbed his boots, leaned bato his hammock, careful not to flip over, and tugged them ba.

  The door swung open, revealing a shirtless, husky man wearing a fancy hat. “Could you have someone wash these for me?” He poi the pile of dirty undry on the floor of his . “These are the only clothes I have left.”

  “Right away, sir,” the first mate said, nodding again.

  Dyn covered his ears as First Mate Echo let out the loudest whistle he’d ever heard. He shook his head, trying to get the ringing to stop.

  ‘How?’ Dyn wondered. He had a hard enough time whistling, and that was with lips.

  A ded appeared, running down the hallway toward them. The first mate poio Dyn’s clothes. “See that these are ed, pressed, and ready for the captain within the hour.”

  The ded nodded and wasted no time, colleg them from the floor, and then hurrying off toward the deathwash mae with gusto.

  ‘Every penny…’ Dyn thought.

  ---

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