Of course, reading only two pages didn’t take an entire hour, and with no one flipping the pages for him, Blorbo had to endure one of the most boring hours of his life. There was no question mark to trigger, and no condescending status notification to humor him. Just pure, unadulterated silence, save from the sound of Lena munching on the nougat.

  “Ahah!” After the hour, the mage said. “You are a fast learner, daughter of ze old farmer. And a fast eater, too.” The gss bowl of candy was now just a gss bowl. “We now can conclude our first lesson. One lesson done, only twenty seven remains.”

  HOW MANY? Am I going to have to sit here and listen to MORE accounting gibberish?

  The Mage smiled, and his eyes twinkled with an unsettling amount of pride. “Now, we move to ze second lesson. You’ve learned ze basic art of recording transactions, but to truly master financial magic, you must learn the next step: Bance Sheets!”

  Lena’s face lit up as if she heard the greatest revetion of the century. “Bance sheets? That sounds important!”

  The Mage waved his hand, producing a thick ledger from his robes and smming it onto the table with dramatic fir. “You must see! This is where ze true mastery lies. You must be able to organize all your resources, liabilities, and assets into neat, organized columns. Only zen will you unlock the true potential of business liquidity.”

  Lena replied, “I’m so pumped! Let’s do it!”

  Blorbo, once again, could do nothing but watch in horror as Lena set to work, copying down all the numbers the Mage dictated with great enthusiasm. The entries were nothing more than rows of boring debits and credits. Nothing magical.

  This feels a lot like unpaid bor…

  “And remember,” the Mage continued with a grin which soon turned into a wheeze, “you must also track your expenses, like ze cost of goods sold, wages, and zese horrors of the greatest proportion called… overhead costs.”

  Lena gasped in terror. “Overhead costs?!?”

  The Mage nodded. “You must track ze overhead costs, or zere will be divine arcane retribution!”

  Lena nodded enthusiastically, scribbling down notes. “Got it! I’ll make sure my bance sheet is fwless!”

  Blorbo, inwardly groaning, could only hope for some kind of distraction. Anything. A Dragon Queen. A meteor. Anything that’ll interrupt this torture.

  Lena finished tracking her expenses, and the Mage approvingly brushed his hands. “Now with your final entry, ze inscription is completed. We shall now proceed with the summoning ceremony.”

  Wait, what? What summoning ceremony?

  The Mage suddenly held the ledger aloft, the thick pages rustling as if alive. His voice grew solemn, rhythmic, and oddly hypnotic. "Now, we shall summon the Beast of Accountability. Let it rise from—” He stopped mid-sentence.

  Both Blorbo and Lena stared a him for a solid five seconds, but he neither said anything nor moved a muscle.

  Finally, Lena spoke, “Rise from what—”

  “—the depths of paper, ink, and ledger!” The mage interjected. “Zal… doh-hoo... nalukya... Rhal... sah-kri... mor!” He chanted.

  With a final, resonant incantation, the Mage smmed the ledger down onto the table, and with a resounding bam, the paper from the book began to ripple like water, expanding outward. The edges of the page curled, and before Blorbo could fully comprehend what was happening…

  Poof!

  The paper transformed into a three-dimensional form: a paper horse.

  WHAT?! HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE? ALL THEY DID WAS NORMAL BOOKKEEPING DATA ENTRIES!

  The Mage looked pleased with himself as he turned to the sky and cackled, only to stop the cackle half-way through. “It is done. We have summoned your first magical beast—a creature of finance! Behold, ze Paper Stallion!”

  Lena stared in awe. “It’s majestic!”

  It’s a paper horse.

  The Mage came over and touched the horse’s head. Immediately, it the Paper Stallion started kicking its legs as if it were alive, stomping the floor with constant ccking sounds. Its paper body rustled with every movement, and it snorted in a way that made Blorbo think it might actually be a living, breathing creature.

  “Behold!” The Mage boasted, hands raised triumphantly. “With more effort, I can make it gallop across the pins! And with your potential, young apprentice, perhaps you too can summon a beast zat can blink after our first session today!”

  As the Paper Stallion prance about, Lena’s hands fluttered to her cheeks, her mouth forming a perfect ‘O’ as she bounced on her toes. “I can do that?” she asked, nearly jumping out of Blorbo. Each time it made a sound, she gasped and clutched at the hem of her dress. Blorbo didn’t think she even realized she was doing it.

  The Mage nodded enthusiastically. “Of course! It is all about ze precision and ze control. Now, cabbage mongress, repeat what I just did! Say ze words, channel your energy, and summon your own beast.”

  Lena cpped her hands together, practically bouncing on her feet. “Oh-ho, here we go! I was born for this!”

  Blorbo braced himself. No, you were not.

  Lena nodded eagerly, but Blorbo could already tell this wasn’t going to end well. Lena, of course, was way too excited for this. She jumped up, cleared her throat, and swung her hand around like she was squatting a fly. “Zal... doh-hoo... nak lu kayu... Wreck-it Ralph... sah-kri... mor!”

  Her pronunciation was off, and the Mage raised a finger. “No, no, no! You must pronounce it like zis!” He corrected her with exaggerated movements. “Zal... doh-hoo... nalukya... Rhal... sah-kri... mor! Finesse your wording, and use ze exact same intonation like me, or else you might summon something useless! Like a pile of paper.”

  Lena furrowed her brow as she tried again. “Zal... doh-hoo... nalukya... Rhal... sah-kri... mor!”

  A pause.

  The Mage stared at her and raised his gloved hand into the air. “Yes, yes! Slight divergence from ze intonation I had intended, but surely it won’t cause unintended consequences. Now we wait!”

  The air vibrated. A muzzy, sugary scent filled the room.

  Oh, yes, great, of course, hooray. Some candy pi?ata nonsense again.

  The pages of the ledger began to rustle. The edges of the paper quivered, curling ever so slightly, and the ink on the ledgers glowed as if infused with raw magic.

  Bang!

  A massive candy dragon materialized in front of them, all gooey lollipops for eyes and rainbow-colored sugar-coated wings. It snorted a puff of cotton candy as its wings fluttered.

  The candy dragon let out a roar that sounded as powerful as lollipop wrapper crinkling. “Who dares summon the Dragon Queen of the Candy?”

  NameBlorboRaceAnimated Furniture (Table)CssNoneLevel2EXP49/50HP15/30MP2CP21STR11END16AGI23PER16SkillsAppraisal (Level 1)

  Adjustable Angle (2 Degrees)

  Opportunity Sense (Level 1)

  Surface Agitation (Level 1)

  Synchronized Sitting (Level 1)

  Forked Tongue (Level 1)

  Massive Leap Under Duress (Conditional)

  Retribution Counter (Level 1)

  AuraUseless Gloved Fool (Permanent)

  InventoryA Pair of Wooden-Colored Socks