“A dollop in his tea, three times a day, will bring health to your husband,” an old woman said to my mother. The herbalist handed my mother a small amber glass bottle, and I noticed her hands were rather smooth, unlike most aging women I saw. My father had fallen ill and my mother insisted that I go into the city with her to visit the apothecary.

  My eyes scanned the small room consisting of lined walls with shelves carrying various bottles written in a different language—or perhaps were words I hadn’t learned yet. I wondered what language was used, or where this woman got all of her tinctures and medicines. While the herbalist continued to speak to my mother, I noticed behind her desk was a partially opened door and I walked over to it, peering inside. The strong smell of scented flowers and herbs permeated through the backroom filled with even more glass objects, and hanging plants from the ceiling.

  That must be where she makes her medicine.

  “Come on Lillie,” my mother called as she stepped through the doorway of the small apothecary. I looked over at the woman and noticed her drooping green eyes staring at me. Startled, I bowed and followed my mother. I glanced over my shoulder and the woman smiled as she gave a small wave.

  My mother walked quickly across the nearby bridge hanging over the street below, forcing me to nearly run to keep up. We were several levels above the street and climbed a series of stairs to finally reach the ground floor. Cedrus City was massive, complex, and difficult to maneuver, however, my mother knew where to find the reputable merchants, even though we only stayed within the Divcii District in the south, which was considered the working class area.

  “What is in the tincture?” I asked my mother as we headed back to our neighborhood.

  “It’s for your father, since he fell ill,” she said. “Poor old man, can never catch a break.”

  “Yes, but what is in the bottle?” I asked again.

  “How should I know?” she grumbled. “I’m not a herbalist.”

  “Do—do you think I could be a herbalist?”

  “If you do, that would save us a lot of stress and money. These tinctures are expensive. Doctor fees are even more.” I smiled as I thought about myself in the shop, learning how to mix up potions and tinctures for sick people. I imagined myself wandering in the forest, picking flowers and using fire to heat a healing potion. My imagination brought me joy, but also something I could help my family with.

  As we returned to our neighborhood, I felt like asking my mother about the apothecary, but we were suddenly approached by Thabias’ mother—her eyes heavy from lack of sleep.

  “Oh Marie,” she pleaded, “can you please spare Lillie to help Thabias bring home food from the allotment?”

  “Of course,” my mother replied, then looked down at me, “go on.”

  “But, I wanted to go to the forest,” I whined. “Thabias can get his own food. Plus, he always tries to take food from me.”

  “Hush,” my mother said, then grabbed my neck, twisting me away from the neighbor’s listening ears. “I distinctly remember what happened last time with the cornstalks, which is why I don’t let you two go together anymore. Obviously Olga needs help. We’ve already gathered our food this week, so just go with Thabias. And hold your tongue.” My mother released my neck, then pushed me towards my neighbor, feigning a friendly demeanor of my mother’s desire to help the neighbor family. I smiled reluctantly as my mother patted my aching neck, and I followed Olga to her house that was over the tool shop their family owned just a few houses down from ours. She entered the doorway partially, yelling for Thabias to come meet us outside.

  “Mom I thought Lillie isn’t allowed to go with me anymore,” he said with a grumble. Olga smoothed down Thabias’ dirty brown hair, then wiped his face with her hand.

  “I know, but today the Keepers turned your father away,” Olga said with a sorrowful tune. “It seems they prefer to only give the food to you and I don’t want you going alone.”

  “Why can’t I just learn to hunt and get our own food?” Thabias whined while pushing his mother’s hand away from his cheek. “The allotment is only full of buzzards. Why can't we move away—like to the farmlands and grow our own food?”

  “Now, now, let’s not change the subject to avoid the allotment,” Olga cooed, ignoring her son’s protest. “Now, go—and be quick. Here is the paper for this week’s allotment.” The sleep-deprived mother turned to face me. “Thank you for being willing to go with Thabias.”

  “Yeah, you’re welcome,” I said while looking away to hide my lack of desire to help. Often, Thabias and I were sent together, but we always got into fights and the last time I went with him he tried taking my share of corn. He thought I had received more than my family’s share, stating that it wasn’t fair that we got the same as his when he had siblings and I did not.

  After we both sighed, then feigned smiles, we trudged down the stairs and onto the street, and continued walking towards the food allotment much deeper into the Divcii District. We both grumbled to ourselves, and I detested being forced into helping someone so ungrateful.

  “I’ve already got my food this week, so you have nothing to steal from me,” I smugly declared as we entered the cramped area designated for food allotments for the low-class families.

  “Yeah whatever. That’s what happens when you get more than your share,” Thabias retorted.

  “Maybe if you weren’t such a bully all the time, I wouldn’t need to put you in your place,” I snapped back.

  “Put me in my place? You couldn’t put an arrow into a quiver!”

  “And you couldn’t even shoot the bow!”

  “What?!” Thabias shoved me, and I stumbled over from his attack. I steadied my feet, then pushed a counterattack, toppling him over onto his back. I jumped onto him, and we rolled in a wrestling match. The crowded area of people began yelling at us, but I was in a fit of rage and ignored the adults screaming at us. Suddenly, someone pulled me off Thabias, and I waved uncontrollably trying to wiggle my way out of the strong grip holding onto my clothes from the back.

  “That’s enough, you two,” a large man covered in soot said as he placed me on my feet. “Enough fighting like little ruffians.”

  “He started it!” I shouted while twisting around and pointing my finger at Thabias who smeared the dirt across his cheek.

  “I don’t care. You can fight somewhere else, but not here,” the man said as he narrowed his eyes intensely at me while settling me down on the ground again. He helped Thabias off the street, then bent down and spoke in a low voice. “I’d hate to see what happens if the Keepers got involved. You kids look starved enough.” He straightened up, and moved away from us, sending a shiver down my spine with his grave, lingering words. I wiped my face with my dirty sleeve, then patted down my disoriented hair. Thabias brushed off his tattered clothes, then looked at me with dismay.

  “We can finish this later,” he said. “Let’s go.” Thabias and I continued to the allotment without further comments to each other. We stood in line with all the other children and young adults sent to retrieve their share of food, and when it was Thabias’ turn, the workers handed him a large sack of food, happily obliging to fulfill their job. After Thabias received his share of food without further hindrance, he turned to go back to his home.

  “You’re fine, now,” I said, not wanting to walk with him anymore. “I helped your mother, now I’m leaving.”

  “Whatever,” he replied, and we went our separate ways. Since I was already out in the town, I decided to return to the apothecary, and I retraced my steps in which my mother and I had traversed earlier that day. Upon entering the small shop, the old woman greeted me with her whimsical, cheerful self.

  “Did you forget something?” she asked as she drifted like a butterfly to the wooden shelves that appeared polished and untainted. “Oh my, you’re quite dirty. Did you get into a fight?” I scratched at my arm, feeling my cheeks grow hot as the women slightly grimaced.

  “I was at the allotment,” I said, and looked down at my dirty green skirt, wishing to curse Thabias, even though I wasn’t allowed to use such language my father often did. I began brushing the dirt off with my hands, realizing my palms were even filthier. I looked up at the old woman whose face had grown solemn.

  “I see,” she replied with a concerned voice. “Are you hurt?”

  “No, I’m fine, thanks.” I sighed heavily as my eyes wandered around the shop and I hated how stupid I felt at that moment.

  “Then, why have you returned?”

  “Oh, yeah, I wanted to ask if you were interested in taking me as an apprentice.” I smiled largely, hoping my dirty figure wasn’t a deciding factor with whether or not the woman would teach me. If anything, I was sure it was my tendency to take control over matters as a young person—adults always hated that. Well, except Historia.

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  “You want to learn the ways of herbalism?”

  “Yeah, I’m interested in plants. I’ve been learning, foraging in the woods, and, well, I am also learning to read and write. Your medicine always helps my family, and others. I need to learn a trade to help my family. I—I wanted to ask if you were willing to give me a chance.”

  “Aren’t you a curious little child.” The old woman shook her head, but grinned as she eyed me with interest. “Well, I never thought about it, but I find such an endeavor to be quite interesting. However”— She paused as she adjusted her flowing sleeves—“You cannot come here looking as if you were rolling in the dirt like a pig. I expect you to be clean and tidy. Fingernails trimmed, and your hair should be braided.”

  “Really? That’s all I need to do?” I felt my feet begin to bounce, and I tapped my toes in excitement, clasping my hands together. “I’ll make sure I clean up every day!” The woman began to laugh, showcasing her aging wrinkles in her cheeks. Her nails were groomed, and small line tattoos covered her lovely smooth hands. Her dark gray skin appeared strong with purple undertones. Her long, gray hair was intricately braided with wooden beads woven throughout. She moved around the room and her shimmering silver shawl draped across her arms flowed, as did her floor length skirt. She was like a dreamy butterfly fluttering in the wind, shimmering in the daylight cast from the small windows.

  “I’m really unsure how a child could help me, but you seem motivated enough,” she said with a curious smile.

  “I’m not a child!” I said, suddenly feeling less excited and I furrowed my brows.

  “Oh? Dare I ask how old you are?”

  “I’m actually thirteen— a grown woman.” The herbalist began to laugh again, and my hope began to fade as the vibrations from her laughter began to send discomfort through my heart. “Okay, maybe not yet, but I am mature and learn fast. I’m a hard worker and—“

  “You are not like other children, are you? You are learning to read and write? What else can you do?”

  “Well.” My eyes glanced around the shop, noticing some familiar plants I had seen growing well beyond the city limits. “I can collect plants from the forest. I can find anything you need.”

  “Really? You are very brave to go into the forest. Do you go by yourself?”

  “Yup!”

  “Oh my, you would make quite a useful apprentice, now that I think about it. So, how about you go home and get cleaned up. You may return to me tomorrow, if you’d like to start. I truly love the idea of passing down my knowledge to such an astute child. What is your name?”

  “I’m Lillie.” My heart fluttered at the woman’s words, and hope rose once again in my chest.

  “Oh, brave Lillie. I’m Jadis, and I’ll see you tomorrow. Be sure to braid your hair well.”

  “I will! I’ll see you tomorrow, Jadis.”

  I left the shop, promising to return clean and ready to learn, and I skipped across the city, feeling enamored by such endeavors for myself.

  First Historia, now Jadis! I can’t wait to tell Sable! Oh! I am so happy right now, I can barely breathe!

  ***

  Although I was quite happy with my ability to source my own teachers and partake in learning about subjects of interest, I found it difficult to balance my endeavors without alarming my parents. Between my time at Historia’s library and Jadis’s apothecary shop, it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep my parents uninformed of my whereabouts.

  I still woke up early, did the cleaning and meal preparations as usual, but now I was working with two teachers and needed more time to study. My mother often griped about my absence, and I decided to tell her that Jadis was teaching me herbalism.

  Surprisingly, my mother only laughed, stating that I was a liar and that she would never offer such a position to someone like me.

  Confused, I dropped the subject, afraid at being scorned or called a liar again, even thought I was doing the very thing she had wanted me to do. I could never understand my mother, and was constantly feeling as if I walked a tight rope of uncertainty and incapable of ever finding my balance.

  Upon returning to the meadow during the half moon, I initially wanted to inform Sable with how ecstatic I was about my apprenticeship with Jadis, yet I found myself expressing my anger and frustration more than my happiness.

  “I don’t understand her,” I said, speaking of my recent arguments with my mother. “She complains all the time about me not doing enough, but never gives me the time to learn how to do anything.” I worked vigorously to mend the torn clothes I had brought with me, sitting on my knees on the blanket in the meadow. Sable sat on the boulder, perched with his knees bent and his black wings folded.

  “Gah! She makes me so frustrated,” I continued. “All it seems like I’m good for is the brunt of her complaints and her personal slave. She’s like do this, no don’t do that. You silly girl, no you’re a gremlin! All she does is complain about her miserable life!”

  “You complain a lot,” Sable said.

  “Ouch!” I shrieked after I had pierced my finger with my needle. I felt my face grow hot from frustration, from the needle and Sable’s remark, and I huffed loudly. “Well, I have a lot to complain about.”

  “Sounds like your mother does, too.”

  “Oh, easy for you to say, you don’t have parents criticizing you every day.”

  “No, I don’t.” Sable jumped off his perch, landing with a slight thump. He straightened up as he gazed over the mountain range. The wind blew through his untamed black hair, and the sun beamed behind his figure. I quickly noticed how tall he had grown over the winter, although still only a little taller than me.

  “Must be nice,” I said, grimacing while he looked away. “Must be nice to not have people bark orders at you all day.”

  “I don’t know. Feels lonely at times,” he replied with a solemn voice.

  “What? I thought you had friends?”

  “I do.” He turned and looked at me, and, I tilted my head.

  “Well, be grateful that you don’t have annoying parents. You’re lucky not to have parents at all. I wish I could live alone like you.”

  “I wouldn’t say that.”

  “Well, I did.”

  I rolled my eyes, and quickly changed the subject. I spent the rest of our time together mending the pile of torn clothes and chatting about my studies with Jadis and Historia. Sable often glanced at me, but his usual content behavior seemed to have changed. Although I knew that he didn’t have his parents around to boss him on a daily basis, I began to wonder what that would be like for me if I had no parents.

  I began to empathize that perhaps he didn’t understand the constant annoyances I dealt with every day, and could not relate to my complaints. Maybe, similar to how my mother treated me, I was using every opportunity with him to complain about my life, and grumble about situations that were just annoying or overwhelming for him.

  “I’m sorry for complaining so much,” I finally said after my realization. “It’s not fair to force you to listen to me gripe all afternoon, especially about things maybe you don’t understand.”

  “It’s okay,” Sable replied. “I don’t care.”

  “No, I want to be better,” I said. “I don’t want to complain all the time like my mother. So, from now on I will stop complaining.”

  “Okay.”

  “From now on, I will only tell you funny stories and the exciting things happening in my life.”

  “Sure.” I puffed up my chest, placing my hands on my hips. I felt a sense of pride in my new resolve. My mind swirled with courage and determination. Sable grinned a toothy smile, and I noticed long sharp canine teeth piercing through, glistening in the sunlight.

  ***

  I alternated my mornings visiting Historia one day, and then I would be with Jadis the next. I made sure I wore clean clothes, and even scrubbed my fingernails before I returned to either place. I spent most of my time with Jadis plucking dried flower heads and organizing glass jars while listening to her instructions of the types of plants and their practical names used within the study of herbalism.

  The back room was filled with dried plants, cobwebs, and various jars. I coughed often due to the lack of a window for ventilation, the air heavy with thick scents and dust, but Jadis then recommended for me to wear a thin cloth over my face if needed. Not wanting to appear weak, I refused, and simply attempted to hide my discomfort. She then directed me each time I came to learn to separate a new bushel of plants into specific jars while she measured and created tinctures with the use of alcohol and oils.

  “Achillea millefolium is used to fight infection on the surface,“ Jadis told me as I was plucking the white flowers from their dried stalks, separating the feathery leaves.

  “Can it be taken by the spoonful?” I asked.

  “Yes, it can also help recover from fever,” she replied. She weighed the flowers first, and then placed each bundle into small amber bottles. I brushed off my hands on my skirt and bent over my notebook, writing down everything Jadis taught me. She was kind to me, somewhat lucid, often disassociating in my presence, but she always taught me more each time we were together.

  “Can I go with you to gather fresh plants?” I asked.

  “I’m sorry, my dear,” she said while shaking her head, tossing the beaded braids tucked behind her back. “But, I cannot allow that.”

  “Why not?” I asked, feeling as if I would always be inadequate to the trust of adults.

  “You may not understand right now, but I must keep my gathering of plants private.”

  “Why? I won’t tell anyone.”

  “Oh, sweet child.” She did not elaborate, nor explain herself in any way, and I left her shop, notebook in my satchel, and my hands itched from handling dried plants. Although I cleaned myself well before going to the apothecary, at the end of the day of training, my hands and clothes seemed rather filthy, and my eyes itched from the intensity of the stifling room.

  For someone who was quite judgmental at first about my own cleanliness, that backroom is horrendous to my senses.

  I walked over the bridge, down the various stone and cob stairs, and jumped down the last step into the main street. It was narrow, and busier than usual and I had to squeeze through groups of people who refused to move. I heard a quarrel up ahead, and I heard the shouting of the dreaded people I always tried to avoid.

  “But, please!” a man pleaded. “That’s all I have for this week. I may not receive more material for another month!”

  “Then, you better find some more soon,” a man snarled.

  Keepers.

  I watched three Keepers carry away fresh animal hides from the pleading man who was obviously a tanner as the stench of drying animal skin permeated from his shop. The Keepers snickered as they walked away, passing me along the street in a thunderous parade.

  I glared at them, holding still as if I were attempting to be moss upon a tree, unnoticeable, but at least somewhat impressionable by those who dare to care. The Keepers were large in size with bulging muscles, swaying their bodies as they walked menacingly down the street. They wore their hair short, beards trimmed, and carried heavy maces with iron spikes. They were Tamarines from the south, brought by the Masters to do their bidding. Their hues were sage green, had short pointed ears, and they were bulkier and taller than the average Tamarine of Cedrus City. They had bad tempers, and easily displaced people’s livelihood. They were the true bullies of the city that no one could really do anything about.

  “Barbarians,” the tanner mumbled as he slumped back into his shop.

  Groups of people observing began to hurriedly pass through the narrow street in the opposite direction of the Keepers. Some shook angry fists, others spat, as if it would help ward off the formidable barbarians from returning. I avoided the Keepers, instructed by my parents, but at that moment I understood the truth behind people’s disdain for them. As I watched the freshly tanned hides sway over their shoulders, I wondered what efforts the tanner had to make to retrieve the proper resources for his livelihood. What trades did he achieve? What sacrifices did he make?

  Then, my mind returned to Jadis’ last words of refusing to allow me to retrieve resources with her, suddenly understanding why the woman would desire to keep her affairs private, especially as barbarians ruled the streets without anyone to stop them.

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