The cold months of winter came and I stayed within the shelter of the canopy of the trees. Cedrus City was built within the giant forest of cedar trees, extending high above, weaving deeply into the forest. My home was located near the outer city, allowing me to slip into the forest easily. I did not venture too far in the extended city, staying close to my known areas of community. I had no desire to venture deeper—I had enough where I was.

  I studied with Historia and worked with Jadis during the days, absorbing all they had to offer. I did not think much of Sable’s solitary life on the mountain during the winter months, only looked forward to spring when the plants would bloom and I could return to foraging for my own plants within the forest, possibly the meadow, and spend every fortnight with my only friend my age.

  As my 14th year approached, my father again sat me down at the kitchen table to discuss his future ideas for me.

  “You could start with short hours in the mine,” he said. “You can be a sifter, or weigher.”

  “Father, please, I want to be a herbalist. I want to be educated and trained,” I pleaded. “I don’t want to work in the mine.” He leaned back while furrowing his brows and he balled his fists on the table. His skin had faded, void of any undertone, leaving him looking stagnant and depleted. His hands were scarred and rough, his natural brown hair fading to gray in obscure patches. He grew a full beard, trimmed neatly, and kept his long hair braided.

  “And how will you ever make something like this happen?” he questioned. “You were born into a working-class family. You cannot just magically obtain the power to be educated. Only the upper class keep to their books, and use the concept of education as a crutch against the honest, working folk—like us. You need to stop with your silly ideas and wake up to the reality in which you live.”

  “No, but I can seek my own training,” I said while looking down at the table as I fiddled with my fingers resting upon my skirt that was covered in remnants of the apothecary dust. “I can work hard to obtain this knowledge.”

  “Hmph! By playing around with plants in the kitchen? Cooking with your mother? Putting grass in jars and calling it medicine?”

  “No! By learning from others, of course!” I lifted my chin, unaware of the rise of anger filling my cheeks as my voice resounded within the small kitchen.

  “Like who? Your mom’s friends?”

  “From others who possess great knowledge.”

  “Who?”

  “From Jadis.”

  “Who?” his voice lowered, anger filling his darkening eyes. “Who is Jadis?”

  “My teacher—a very educated herbalist,” I quietly said, and shifted my eyes down. My father stood up, bumping the little wooden table, startling me. He hobbled away to the other room where my mother was resting in their shared room. I heard him raise his voice and the two exploded in a quarrel. A terrible pit in my stomach overcame me, and I fidgeted with my hands as the unbearable weight of fear settled in my chest. My head began to pound as the shouting grew louder.

  What have I done?

  My mother entered the room, her face red with fury and her eyes darted around. She stomped to the fireplace, shoveling the ashes and the spade clanked loudly against the metal bucket with every frustrated stride. The sound ringed louder at each stroke as she took out her unsaid anger upon the metal bucket. I sat paralyzed at the table as my mother’s emotions filled the room.

  “Insufferable man,” she mumbled. “Lillie, put yourself to use and empty these ashes.” I quickly obeyed my mother, gathering the metal bucket and taking it to the backroom. I dumped the ashes into an iron container and rested for a moment. I could hear my mother’s angry footsteps and the continuation of clanking metals. I felt paralyzed once again as I waited for her demeanor to settle.

  “Mother,” I said, returning to the kitchen after I noticed the loud sounds settling. Her grumbling quieted as she sat at the table, gazing into a cup of tea. “I’ve been learning from Jadis and I would like to continue so I can help make medicine for our family.”

  My mother scoffed, shaking her head as she rubbed her temples, and she grabbed her long, loose braided hair, swinging it over her tense shoulder. Residue of the ashes lingered upon her hands, and her miserable eyes stared at her cup of tea that steamed after being just poured.

  “You should have told me sooner,” she said. “I didn’t realize Jadis took on apprentices. You could have asked to learn from my friend Kassi.”

  “I did tell you—you laughed, saying that was impossible,” I said, feeling anger rise as my mother’s eyes darted towards my figure slowly approaching her.

  “Well, I don’t remember that,” she said with a shrug, then tapped the table near the chipped tea cup.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, quietening my voice as I stepped behind her and wrapped my arms around her neck, burying my face into her hair, the hint of ash tickled my nose. She did not move, only patted my arm. “I should have asked you about Kassi, but when I asked Jadis and she accepted to teach me, I felt so excited.”

  “I’m sure,” my mother replied, then coldly pushed me away with a nudge of her bony shoulder. “Your father wants what is best for our family and believes you working in the mines is what you should pursue. You’ll make more money there—I can’t imagine Jadis paying you anytime soon.”

  “What do you want?” I asked while I moved my hands against the front of my skirt, picking at the debris. Then, my mother released a shrill laugh, then leaned forward as she picked up the tea cup and moved it to her thin, dry lips.

  “Of course I don’t want you in the mines,” she said, sounding annoyed. “I want you home with me. I already fear losing your father to some early demise. I cannot imagine losing both of you to that dreadful place.”

  “So, you’re okay if I continue working with Jadis, even though I’m not being paid? I haven’t spoken with her yet, but I’m sure when I become more knowledgeable and help bring in more clients, I will start earning an income.”

  “Life isn’t always about money—so, as long as you continue to bring home food and can learn how to create medicine, your work is better than a few Den you’d make working in the mines as a child.”

  “Then, please help me convince father to not put me in the mines.” She glanced at me through the corner of her eye.

  “Then you better learn fast and work hard with Jadis.”

  “Oh, thank you mother!” I shouted, and lunged forward, embracing her again.

  That time, she patted my head.

  ***

  My teeth chattered as I walked along the forest trail, pulling my winter cloak tightly to my chest. I stuffed lamb’s wool in the tall leather boots, wore my longest skirt, and I layered two blouses under a waistcoat Historia had given me, yet I still shivered in the icy air as I traversed across the snowy path. Within the city, rarely did snow stay upon the ground. The city’s canopy was dense, buildings heavily heated, and people walking the street often melted the snow that did drift down. In the forest, there were no smokey chimneys or bustling of people, allowing the snow to pile and freeze over.

  No wonder Sable doesn’t venture out during the winter. It’s freezing out here!

  I wandered out to the forest in hopes to find winter mushrooms, pine needles, and tree sap. I had asked Jadis about foraging during the winter months, and she told me many different plants I could still find during the cold season. Every winter, my mother always worried about food and the inevitable sickness that fell upon the community. I was determined to keep my family fed and healthy now that I was officially a herbalist in training. Although I wanted to stay in the warmth of the buildings back in the city, I knew I needed to work harder to help my parents. It was the only way to prove to my father I did not belong in the darkness of the mines.

  A glistening light from a fallen tree caught my eye, and I ran towards it, snow flinging behind me from my boots. The gooey substance oozing from the broken tree smelled strongly of pine and musk. I took out a knife and scrapped it into a wooden bowl, and placed it into my wicker basket.

  The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

  I wandered further, finding seeds of Rumex crispus Jadis told me that could be ground into flour. I gathered needles of pine and cedar, and even found winter mushrooms growing on stumps of decaying trees. Small creatures scampered across the forest floor as they too also looked for winter sustenance. I bent down to observe their furry faces and cute whiskers whenever an opportunity provided for me to do so. Then, I noticed a strong odor in the air, and I followed the scent deeper into the forest. The sound of a screeching raven came from above, and the rustling sound of heavy footsteps alerted me to a nearby presence.

  A large deer stumbled its way through the snow, and I gasped at its enormous size. Its back alone was over my height, its large head even taller, and the antlers were impressively towering even further. However, the staggering male deer appeared injured, possibly dying as blood dripped from his chest. It faltered onto its front legs, and I found myself hoping it would lift itself back up.

  But, alas, the ways of life are never so sympathetic.

  With a loud thud, it fell over, and its massive body began to tremble, breathing erratically.

  The poor thing.

  I drifted closer to the dying buck, and a putrid smell emerged from its neck as blood oozed from an attack wound most likely made by wolves. Its blood pooled upon the white snow, and I looked over my shoulder, wondering how long it ran to escape from its original attackers and if the wolves would come to track it down. Its large, black eyes noticed me, and it fluttered its legs for a moment, but then gave up as its strength was all but completely gone. I bent down near its front, watching the blood pour out, tainting the purest of snow, and the dying creature’s breathing became even more shallow.

  “I am so sorry,” I said out loud while placing my hand on its hide. It twitched, and I could feel its beating heart from just where my hand lay. “I wish I could heal you, but I’m afraid your wounds are too extensive.” The eyes of the animal closed, and it moved its head dramatically as it suffered in its last moments. I removed my knife from my pocket, which was only a small kitchen knife, but long enough to do what I truly believed was the right thing.

  “I can help you pass faster, if you’d like?” I said, unknowingly why I would speak to it as if it could understand. But, suddenly, its eyes opened, looked at me, then closed again.

  I could sense its pain, and tears began to well in my eyes.

  Why must the world be so cruel? Why must we all suffer?

  I knew the predators who had attacked the deer were only looking for its desperate meal. As I drove my knife into the heart of the deer, I cried for it to die swiftly and suffer no more. I lay my head upon its great side, listening for the last signs of life.

  Suffer no more, oh great beast.

  I wiped the tears from my face as the deer breathed no more, and I took out my knife, wiping the blood on the animal’s hide.

  “You will provide food for many others; your death is not without purpose,” I said out loud. I glanced above, and saw the branches of the trees filled with black ravens. I felt as if they were watching me, even though I knew they were only waiting to devour the carcass upon my absence. “If you consume this beast, please, remember we are all part of the same cruel world!”

  I drove my knife back into the deer, deciding to cut off its leg to bring home to my family. It was a rare occurrence to stumble upon, and the depressing death of the beast would bring more life to others, including myself. I sawed away from an angle I had observed from butcher shops so many times in passing their open, window shops. It took a long time to fully detach the leg from the body, but I continued to cut thoroughly. Hawks began arriving, and so did other little animals as the great beast’s flesh and blood filled the crisp air that winter’s day. I began to fear the bigger predators would also arrive, but eventually the leg broke free.

  I looked ahead, and the glowing eyes of apex predators lingered in the darkness of the trees, and I quickly swung the leg over my shoulder. I hurried away, as the critters of the woods began jumping into a hungered frenzy. Only once did I look over my shoulder, watching the natural ways of life in the forest commence. However, I glanced up, noticing the flock of ravens still in place, and still watching me.

  That’s weird.

  I ran back home, leaving a trail of blood behind me. People passing me on the street stared at me with a confused expression, and some even asked if I had received the leg from the allotment. As I turned the corner of my neighborhood, I passed by The Crooked Bow, which was a tool shop owned by Thabias’ father. I glanced at the window for a moment, noticing the array of tools within.

  I could use a better knife. Perhaps their family would be interested in the carcass…

  I quickly clambered up the stairs leading to my house and rushed into the kitchen, causing my mother to shout my name. I was in a disgusting state of dirt and blood, but I felt invigorated by my abilities to bring home something so rare for my family.

  “It’s pretty fresh,” I said while hurling the leg onto the table with a loud thud. “Can we do something with it?”

  “Oh, yes! I’ll get my tools.” my mother said as she wiped her hands with her apron.

  “Oh, that’s right. I’ll be right back.” I dropped my basket, informing my mother of the other forest finds, and I hurried out, unbothered by my bloody state, and wild hair. I ran to the tool shop, and burst through the door. Thabias’ father, Torrence, cast a shocked expression as I came directly up to him. A few others were observing some tools in which the shop was known for.

  “Gracious, Lillie!” Torrence cried. “Has something happened? Are you okay?”

  “I’m great!” I said, beaming excitedly. “I came upon a dying deer. I was able to cut off its leg and bring it home.” Torrence’s aging eyes bulged even more, and he shuffled away from his desk and came to my side.

  “You—you are the craziest child I have ever known,” he said with a chuckle. “And that’s a lot from a man with five children. I hardly ever know what to expect from you.”

  “I wanted to ask if you were interested in knowing its whereabouts,” I replied, ignoring his comments. “Perhaps there is still some left for your family.”

  “Oh?” he pondered, changing his attitude now that my crazy antics were possibly useful for him. The aged, graying man stroked his beard with interest, furrowing his bushy eyebrows. His skin was rather dull, similar to my own father’s, which I noticed seemed to be standard for most, older Tamarine men.

  “I’ll tell you where it is if you let me have a knife. My kitchen knife isn’t suitable for cutting off the leg of a deer. Took me forever.”

  “Hmmm. A knife for part of a deer carcass? One that could possibly be gone by the time we found it?” Torence lowered his voice. I could sense his apprehension towards my offer. I didn’t know the price of his knives, but I did know how difficult food security weighed upon their family. My eyes glanced over to the knives I saw laying in a display shelf.

  “I’ll return with you, and if it’s gone, then there’s no deal.”

  “That sounds reasonable. I’ll fetch for Thabias, and we both will come with you.” The older man escorted the other shoppers out of his shop, and left to retrieve his eldest son. I moved over to the selection of knives, observing their shapes. All were similar in size, slightly longer than my hand, and with a wooden hilt and a leather sheath.

  I then left the shop, waiting outside for the others to accompany me back to the forest. I could smell the aromas of my mother’s cooking waft from my home down the street, and my stomach growled. I looked down at my green skirt, realizing how stained it would be from the dirt and blood it soaked up from my kneeling beside the deer. I wiped the blood from my hands, but scarcely could remove its lingering presence.

  I hope there’s plenty of meat left so I can get a new knife.

  “Alright,” Thabias grumbled as clambered down the stairs, followed by his father. “I can’t believe I have to go into the forest with you.”

  “At least you won’t be hungry during the last days of winter,” I quickly replied. “When you’re eating delicious venison instead of old stale bread, you will sing my praises like a calling bird.”

  A slight smile on his usual disdaining face crept over him. I was in too good of a mood, and his thinning figure was evident that he was hungry enough to not fight with me. Torrence locked up his shop, and I showed them the way back to the deer carcass in the forest. Thankfully, there was still plenty of flesh from the giant beast, and with the state of food shortages, Torrence was not particularly nervous about salvaging as much from the picked apart beast as possible.

  “Thank you for showing us the deer carcass,” Torrence said after wiping the sweat from his forehead as he worked to retrieve the sustenance. “You can come by tomorrow to pick up your new knife. I think one like mine would work well for butchering deer.” He chuckled, and Thabias scoffed, glaring with his brown eyes up at me as he bent over helping his father. I bid farewell to the men as the sky was darkening, and I felt pleased with myself for accomplishing so much that day.

  I glanced up at the branches, for only a moment, half expecting, half hoping, to see the ravens, but the branches were empty. However, as the winter wind blew through my hair and tossed my bloodied cloak around, I did not feel as cold, nor as saddened. I knew that I would be returning to a better atmosphere at home, and would receive something of value tomorrow after helping the neighbor family.

  I returned home as the city lanterns were slowly being ignited by the lamplighters. As I walked along the dim streets overcrowded by people returning home from their various jobs, glaring expressions cast upon my untidy figure, but, as usual, I ignored the whispering and judgment.

  I knew that I had something delightful waiting for me at home.

  My father had returned from the mine, and both he and my mother were in good, cheery spirits, which was a rare occasion. My mother explained how she preserved the deer leg by removing the fur and cleaning the exposed meat. She had already hung the leg to dry from its blood in the storage room, and was in the middle of preparing the hides for tanning, which would make excellent material for clothing.

  The smell of roasting stew came from the open fireplace in the kitchen, and my mother happily stirred its contents, humming to herself. Both my mother and father lingered in the kitchen, singing praises of how proud they were of my abilities, for once using verbiage of bravery and courage. My mother even pinched my cheek, calling me endearing names as she grinned at me.

  That moment of pure bliss filled my heart as my parents happily danced on the floor in the little kitchen. I did not even care about my filthy figure, as I sat at the table, helping my mother further remove the contents of the hide, only that my presence in my parents’ life felt meaningful and that I finally did something to make both of them joyful at the same time.

  However, in the back of my mind, my thoughts lingered of the deer and its suffering, yet I felt somewhat encouraged that such a cruel death was not in vain, for, in its death, life became slightly better for me.