Chapter 20: The Worst Workout of Grim’s Life
Grim was going to kill Lazaro.
He just had to survive climbing ten floors straight up through a suffocating metal death tunnel first.
The vents creaked under them, every movement sending tiny echoes through the steel.
The heat from below had faded, replaced by an unnatural chill. It was dark, cramped, and deeply, deeply miserable.
Grim: "This is actual torture."
Lazaro: "Shhh. Less complaining, more climbing."
Grim: "WHY DID WE GO FIFTEEN FLOORS DOWN IF WE HAD TO GO TEN FLOORS BACK UP?!"
Lazaro: "Because we’re stupid."
Grim paused mid-climb.
Grim: "I hate you."
Lazaro: "Yeah, yeah, keep climbing."
They inched their way up, using bolts and poorly placed grates as footholds. The air smelled of metal and old dust. Grim’s arms burned, his legs screamed. And just as he was about to start praying to a god he didn’t believe in—
Lazaro stopped climbing.
Grim: "…What?"
Lazaro: "I’m not in the mood."
Grim: "WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!"
Lazaro sighed, clinging to the vent like an overgrown sloth.
Lazaro: "It means I’m tired. My will to climb is gone."
Grim: "YOUR WILL TO LIVE SHOULD BE MOTIVATION ENOUGH!"
Lazaro: "Yeah, but it isn’t."
Grim clenched his fists. He was one second away from launching Lazaro down the shaft when—
The vent beneath them rattled.
Grim: "…Did you hear that?"
Lazaro: "Nope."
Then the vent door below them SLAMMED OPEN.
Grim looked down—
And locked eyes with a very, VERY angry guard.
A very, VERY fast guard.
The guy jumped into the vent.
And started climbing after them.
Grim: "LAZARO. WE HAVE COMPANY."
Lazaro: "That's nice."
Grim: "MOVE, YOU SLEEPY FREAK!"
Lazaro: "Ehh."
Grim tried to push past him, but Lazaro was still hanging onto the vent like a depressed koala.
Meanwhile, the guard was GAINING.
Grim: "HE’S RIGHT THERE."
Lazaro: "I mean, realistically, how fast can he really climb—"
The guard CLIMBED TWO METERS IN A SECOND.
Lazaro: "OH MY GOD HE’S FAST."
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Grim: "YES, HE IS. MOVE."
Lazaro: "I CAN’T, I’M PANICKING!"
Grim: "PANIC FASTER."
Lazaro: "THAT’S NOT HOW PANIC WORKS."
The guard reached for Grim’s ankle.
Grim screamed. He kicked back, hitting the guy in the face.
The guard did not care.
Grim: "WHY IS HE SO DETERMINED?!"
Lazaro: "HE GETS PAID TO DO THIS!"
Grim: "HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK HE MAKES?"
Lazaro: "TO CHASE PEOPLE UP VENTS? AT LEAST SIX FIGURES."
Grim: "I’D RATHER DIE THAN LET HIM EARN THAT MONEY OFF ME!"
Lazaro: "GOOD MOTIVATION. CLIMB!"
They climbed faster.
But the guard kept up.
And then, just as Grim felt the guy’s fingers graze his boot—
Lazaro kicked open a vent above them.
Lazaro: "IN HERE!"
They scrambled inside.
Grim twisted, yanked the vent door shut, and locked it.
Silence.
Then—
BANG.
The guard slammed into the door.
The vent rattled, the metal groaning under the impact.
Grim: "We are so dead."
Lazaro: "I don’t wanna die. I haven’t even committed real tax fraud yet."
BANG.
Grim: "Okay, time to run."
Lazaro: "Yep."
They took off through the vent, crawling faster than they’d ever crawled before.
Behind them, the guard kept punching the vent door.
Then, after a few more hits—
Silence.
Grim: "...Did he give up?"
Lazaro: "...Maybe?"
And then—
The ceiling above them collapsed.
The guard DROPPED THROUGH, LANDING RIGHT BEHIND THEM.
Lazaro: "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!"
Grim: "HE FELL FROM THE SKY. HE’S A TERMINATOR."
Lazaro: "WHO HIRED THIS MAN?!"
Grim: "STOP TALKING AND CRAWL."
They raced forward, the guard hot on their heels.
Finally, they saw it—
The end of the vent.
Lazaro: "FREEDOM!"
Grim: "JUMP!"
They launched themselves forward.
Lazaro made it through first.
Grim, not so much.
The guard grabbed his boot.
Grim: "OH, COME ON."
Lazaro: "LET GO, YOU GREEDY CYCLOPS!"
Lazaro grabbed Grim’s arms and PULLED.
The guard yanked back.
Grim: "I’M GONNA SPLIT IN HALF."
Lazaro: "BETTER YOU THAN ME."
Grim: "THAT IS NOT SUPPORTIVE!"
Then—
SNAP.
The vent collapsed behind them.
The guard fell.
Grim got yanked through.
They landed in a heap.
Silence.
Then—
Lazaro: "Did we just—"
Grim: "—beat him?"
They stared at each other.
Then, slowly—
A smile spread across Lazaro’s face.
Lazaro: "HA! WE WON!"
Grim: "I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT WORKED!"
They high-fived.
Then the ceiling above them creaked.
They looked up.
And saw—
Another vent.
Which had another guard.
Lazaro: "OH, COME ON."
The second guard dropped.
Grim: "NO."
Lazaro: "NOT AGAIN."
THUMP.
The new guy landed directly on Grim’s spine.
Grim: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH."
Lazaro: "Oh my god, you’re a HUMAN LANDING PAD."
The guard got up, completely unfazed.
Grim, meanwhile, was having a spiritual experience with pain.
Grim: "I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS."
Lazaro: "Get up, get up, GET UP—"
Grim: "MY SPINAL CORD IS SHATTERED INTO A FINE POWDER."
Lazaro grabbed him by the collar and yeeted him forward.
The chase resumed.
—
They sprinted down the hallway.
Grim, still running on pure adrenaline: "WHERE ARE WE EVEN GOING?"
Lazaro: "SOMEWHERE THAT ISN’T HERE."
The guard was right behind them.
And he was FAST.
Lazaro: "WHY ARE THEY ALL FAST."
Grim: "WHY ARE WE NOT FAST."
Lazaro: "I'M A HACKER, NOT A SPRINTER."
Grim: "WELL, BECOME BOTH."
They turned a corner.
And slammed into another guard.
THUD.
Lazaro: "OH, FOR FU—"
The second guard barely had time to react before Grim, without thinking, grabbed the guy’s collar and yelled—
Grim: "LISTEN MAN, WE'RE POOR."
Silence.
The guard blinked.
Then, slowly, he nodded.
Guard #2: "Understandable. Carry on."
He stepped aside.
Lazaro: "WHAT JUST HAPPENED."
Grim: "I HAVE NO IDEA, BUT LET’S GO."
—
They ran like hell.
Through halls.
Through staircases.
Through two more guards who were too confused to react in time.
Until finally—
They crashed through a door.
And stopped.
Breathing heavily.
The room was quiet.
Cool.
Dimly lit.
Lazaro: "Where… where are we?"
Grim looked around.
And then he saw it.
A ruined carpet.
A scorched table.
A door hanging off its hinges.
Grim: "…This is Floor -5."
Silence.
Then, slowly—
Lazaro sat down.
Lazaro: "I’m gonna pass out."
Grim collapsed next to him.
Grim: "Good plan."
And then, for the first time in what felt like eternity—
They breathed.
End of Chapter 20.
