Kiritsugu disliked mornings.

  It was more akin to hate, but he would never admit something so childish.

  Sleep never came easily to him; on missions, he had to resort to hypnotism so he could get enough restful hours for him to properly function.

  He could still see the memories in his dreams on occasion. He was waiting for his father, who had condemned an entire isnd's worth of people to death for his experiments, to turn his back on him so trustingly... and pointing the gun at the man's head. He was only a child then.

  Natalia Kaminski, the woman he considered his mother, taught him everything he knew about hunting Sealing Designates and other targets after his father’s death. She was flying a pne filled with 300 Dead Apostles above his head as he sat in a boat in New York... before using a rocket uncher and killing everyone on board.

  Watching his final order for Saber to destroy the corrupted Grail, cause a chain reaction that, for ck of a better term, nuked an enormous section of Fuyuki City, killing over 500 innocent people in the area in the process.

  Stumbling through the inferno that he caused, looking at all the people that he had murdered, and crying tears of joy as he found that single, solitary boy still barely alive, he was gd that he could save even just that single life from that accursed hell.

  In a way, he was rescued by the boy. It was the first time he had saved anyone in his life. Before, all he had done was kill people to preserve the lives of many. However, he had never truly gone out of his way to rescue an innocent.

  Maiya would have counted if it weren't for the fact that she was not innocent, a gueril fighter raised at a young age. She became an assistant to his chaos since she was unable to do anything else with her life until she died to Berserker to protect Iriseviel, the homunculus, the living core of that war's holy grail, his wife.

  Next was the violent coughing, courtesy of the Grail.

  Every day, he was reminded of his limited time in this world. He’s long since accepted the fate of death. Unfortunately, the world has spited him once more by making every second he’s alive in agony.

  "Iri…" The man sighed as he stood up and got out of bed. “What would you say in this situation?"

  As he left his room, the smell of good food wafted into his nose.

  ‘Shirou’s already awake?’ Kiritsugu thought, surprised. He knows he woke up early, so did his son wake up earlier?

  Lo and behold, Shirou was making breakfast for both of them, by the looks of it.

  “You’re up early,” Kiritsugu stated.

  Shirou only tilted his head slightly to show acknowledgment. “I don’t have school today, so I thought to try and make the most of today.”

  ‘So it is. Since I’m practically retired, I don’t have to worry about schedules and the like.’ Kiritsugu thought absentmindedly. He sat at the kotatsu and watched his son cook.

  The boy moved swiftly and with grace. Kiritsugu would think he had a professional chef under his roof if he didn't know any better.

  ‘I must be a terrible cook if a child’s cooking is making me think that way.’ Kiritsugu thought depressingly.

  “I heard you coughing pretty bad; I think I got some tea that’s good for sore throats if you want,” Shirou suggested.

  “It’s okay; I don’t want to bother you any more than I have.”

  “It’s not a bother at all,” the boy said, preparing tea while making the finishing touches to the food.

  While it was nothing more than a simple Japanese breakfast, it tasted heavenly. There was warmth and care in this meal, which he had not tasted since...

  When had he felt this way towards food before? On his own, he subsisted on fast food, meals fitting his status as a syer of scum. When he lived with the Einzberns, he always ate meals fit for kings. Then again, he didn’t have much to compare to.

  They ate mostly in silence, with each party occasionally interjecting. “Didn’t Taiga say she’d be here?”

  “She did, but she has to study for something, and Raiga forbade her from coming over. Can’t remember if it was tests or exams.” Shirou expined.

  “Will you be okay on your own?” Kiritsugu may be a terrible parent, but he at least tries.

  “Raiga-dono usually sends over some guys throughout the day to check on me. You can take as long as you need; just don’t starve yourself, okay?” Shirou informed. While the older Emiya should have been surprised by the child’s scolding tone, one of them was very responsible and could take care of an estate with retive ease. Unfortunately, that person wasn’t him.

  “Alright then, I’ll be back in time for lunch. Don’t neglect your studies while I’m gone.” He said, taking his and Shirou’s dirty dishes. Cooking he can't do, but he can at least clean.

  Once he finished, he changed into his Magus Killer garb and prepared the necessary tools. Most of it was for surveilnce, but he packed some weapons just in case.

  And so the legendary assassin set off once more into the world of magic.

  (...)

  Getting into Ryuudou Temple was easy since Kiritsugu was friends with the temple head. As a courtesy, he had some small talk before entering the cave proper. “How have you been?”

  “Not bad; it's been tough raising Issei though,” the high priest said.

  “I’m surprised you even have sons, with you being a monk,” Kiritsugu pondered.

  “Me too! I don’t really have an expnation other than ‘it happened.’”

  “I hope you don’t mind me checking out the cave.”

  “Not at all. It might silence Issei’s constant worrying.” This caught the Magus Killer’s attention. “What do you mean?”

  “Issei always says he feels something foul in the cave.” Mr. Ryuudou said. “I don’t give it much thought, but it was the first time he ‘felt’ something from a pce instead of a person. When your son visited, Issei freaked out, calling him a living sword.”

  “I see… Well, you know how kids are. I’d say to get that checked, but maybe there’s more to it than meets the eye.” Kiritsugu offered. He can’t admit that there is an entire paranormal side to the world to his friend, but he could hint and nudge here and there.

  “I’d rather not resort to going to the doctor about this, for obvious reasons,” the head priest answered. Seeing as there wasn’t anything else to talk about. The two naturally parted ways and left to do their business.

  When the Magus Killer entered the cave, all seemed normal. Part of him wanted to leave and reassure his son that everything was okay. However, he might as well be thorough; he has been meaning to check on the Grail system himself.

  When the assassin entered the cave, he noticed something was off. All Magi have a bodily sense that allows them to perceive mana; Kiritsugu is sight. Seeing a translucent fog of pure magical energy leaking throughout the floor would set off warning bells in any competent Magus.

  His pace quickened at the sight until he exited the tunnel. Entering the cavern, he was greeted with... nothing.

  No giant bck mass, no Greater or Lesser Grail, no nothing.

  Was it a false arm? A voice in his head said yes loudly. However, his gut, his instinct, which kept him alive for all these years, said otherwise.

  Thus, the assassin pushed forward with the analysis, setting up all his Thaumaturgical field equipment.

  The results spoke for themselves. It held all the magical energy needed to start another Holy Grail War, if not more.

  ‘But one hasn’t started, at least not yet. So why hasn’t it?’ Kiritsugu thought. Since he was hired to represent the Einzbern in the Grail War, he was allowed some knowledge about the system’s workings.

  When he activated Saber’s Excalibur, he thought it would have completely destroyed the Grail. Instead, a massive fme engulfed the surrounding area, and the Holy Grail Mud spread and corrupted everything it touched.

  That meant the Fuyuki Fire didn’t count as a wish, so the Heroic Spirits mana is still in there.

  His first thought was to try and dismantle it. It was quickly brushed aside by the thought that if he tried to dismantle it with that much mana, it'd make the Fuyuki Fire look like a campfire. After all, the Fuyuki Fire was only a sixth of the Greater Grail’s total reserves.

  With his information, Kiritsugu did some mental math to see when the next war would start. At the rate it was building energy, probably in 2004.

  Instead of the normal 50-year wait time, this next one would start in 10. The Magus Killer knew he wouldn’t live to see 10, let alone 50, but his son will.

  Shirou would be involved; Kiritsugu is sure of it. The son of the man who rejected the Holy Grail and dreams of being a Hero of Justice.

  The three families would be involved; the Tohsakas would never miss a war. The Makiri may have lost their circuits, but Zouken is a tricky bastard; he’ll have something under his sleeve. The Einzbern…

  Oh god…

  Illya…

  She would be their representative.

  Despite his protests, they were doing modifications to her when he was at the castle. With him gone, they could do whatever the hell they wanted with her.

  If Kiritsugu could, he would storm the Einzbern castle, rip his daughter out of the family’s grasp, and make sure Jubstacheit suffered for all he did.

  But he couldn’t. The one time he finally saved someone. The one time he wanted to save his family over the greater... and he can’t.

  Kiritsugu packed up and left.

  BANG!

  A shudder reverberated throughout the cave.

  Drip drip…

  A red liquid puddled up on the floor below.

  Kiritsugu looked over at his bloody hand and the undamaged cave wall with a stoic expression.

  He was done.

  (...)

  The moon was beautiful. While not a full one, the crescent was serviceable.

  Kiritsugu put his gss down and poured another drink of whiskey. It was a bottom shelf and helped numb the pain, but if he wanted to stop the feeling, he would’ve taken painkillers instead.

  He wanted to stop thinking. To stop remembering. Maybe the alcohol will kill him sooner.

  “So this is where you were,” a voice said from behind. Turning to said voice, he saw his son Shirou.

  “Shouldn’t you be in bed by now?” the adult asked.

  “I wanted to get some training done before I head to bed. I also wanted to show how much I’ve progressed while you were gone.” The boy answered. His face scrunched up as he took in the sight of Kiritsugu.

  “How much have you drank?” The boy asked as he eyed the half-empty bottle.

  “Not enough,” Kiritsugu simply responded. He went to pour himself another gss but was intercepted by Shirou.

  “What’s going on? The st time I saw you today was at breakfast. I know I have been out of the house for a while, but I know your investigation couldn't have taken that long. If I didn't know any better, I say you’ve been avoiding me.” The kid genius pestered.

  “If the world ended in 10 years, what would you do?” Kiritsugu said.

  “If there was no stopping it, then live life to the fullest, I guess,” Shirou answered truthfully. “But if there were a chance to stop it, I would.”

  “What if it was an asteroid? Or a manmade virus?”

  “An asteroid would require advanced space technology. Viruses are only as strong as people let them be.”

  “You make it sound easy.”

  “Isn’t it?” Kiritsugu sighed heavily.

  “I have spent all of my life trying to save the world in the pursuit of becoming a Hero of Justice. I have killed many people; some were deserving and more undeserving, both in great quantities. I killed my childhood crush, father, mother, assistant, and wife to save many more. I let my daughter die the moment I came to Fuyuki.”

  “But you saved me from the fir-” “I CAUSED THE FIRE!”

  No one spoke after that. There was no sound between the two. There was no sound from anything except for the winter winds.

  “No.” Shirou broke the silence. “I refuse to believe that you willingly caused that inferno.”

  “Not willingly, but what difference does it make?”

  “Because if I know you as well as I do, you would have done everything in your power to prevent something like that from happening.”

  “Even if I'm not responsible for what happened, I can’t return to that life. Too many have died by hand. The rationalizations I’ve had to make would make anyone go mad. To save someone means to condemn another.” Kiritsugu ranted.

  “But is it wrong to save someone?” Shirou asked. “Human lives can’t be put into numbers. Each person who lived thanks to could continue their life and, most importantly, their dreams. Dreams are what make life worth going through. The dream of being a Hero of Justice can’t be wrong because no dream can be wrong. Maybe it is impossible to save everyone, but that's okay. Maybe you could settle for protection instead. Because all dreams and lives are worth protecting and saving.”

  “A mindset like that will get you killed. To put the lives of others before your own.”

  “But I won’t die.”

  “Why is that?”

  “Because I want to live.” A simple statement. A childish decration. Yet... Is that wrong? Kiritsugu turned toward his son and stared him in the eye. Determined was the word that came to his mind when he saw Shirou’s eyes.

  The Magus Killer knew how difficult it became to pursue his dream the longer he lived. Despite that, he kept going, losing more humanity day by day.

  But he remembered, all those years ago, the hopes he once had. A world where no one had to cry. A world that could only appear in fairytales.

  He feared that his son would be overtaken by guilt and trauma, that he would cling to anything, regardless of the logic behind it—that thing being the desire to be a Hero of Justice.

  Yet, the boy retained his logic and hope, neither overpowering the other. Shirou Emiya wanted to help others and did so without sacrificing himself. Something Kiritsugu could never do.

  Thus, he did what he thought was natural, and told Shirou about the Holy Grail War.

  Kiritsugu doesn’t go in-depth, only expining the general idea and most of the concepts necessary to understand. Shirou’s face changed, showing a new emotion every time.

  “Wow,” was all Shirou could say. “Are all Magi that stupid?”

  “Such is the life of a Magus, Shirou.” Kiritsugu managed to reply. “Besides, that’s a bit unfair when our dreams are also hair-brained.”

  The two fall into silence once more, this one more comfortable.

  “I’m going to start training now, if you’d care to join me.” Shirou announced. The boy then walked away.

  Kiritsugu went to take a drink but got water as he looked at the gss with only melting ice. He went to pour himself another but stopped.

  He capped the bottle and left. 'Sorry, Iri, but you’ll have to wait a bit before our reunion if I can meet you up there. You can give me your hate for what I’ve done then, okay?’