After tucking Ambrose into bed, I stepped outside into the still night, needing air. The cool night breeze brushed against my cheek, caressing the tears as they slowly fell, each drop a silent testament to my pain. I forced away the haunting memories of murdering Jabez a long time ago in a desperate attempt to forget how it felt. When the last drop of life energy pools out of something, a strange stabbing feeling jabs at my heart, but when I took all Jabez had, I felt a thousand blades piercing my entire body simultaneously, each one a reminder of my irrevocable loss. Jabez was the first Fae I ever killed, with the gift that was supposed to give life, not take it. I spent so much of my second life forgetting everything that happened in the Fae world that retelling the story to Ambrose felt like I was reliving every agonizing moment I had endured.

  My nails dug into the rough, dark brown-stained wood of my porch, splinters biting into my skin as I tried to stabilize my emotions. My eyes began to glow with an otherworldly light as I lost control, images of Jabez flashing through my mind like a broken film reel, and Queen Terra's voice rang in my ears, echoing my guilt. My feet slowly lifted from the ground as I channeled my magic, the air around me shimmering with raw energy. Jabez's lessons of control whispered in my ear, but I brushed them aside like cobwebs. Control brought me nothing but invisible cages and chains, shackling me to a life of death and lies. This curse is uncontrollable. It's a parasite using my body as a host to destroy me from the inside while controlling every aspect of me, forcing me to watch and feel everything it makes me do.

  I lifted my head and let out a soul-wrenching scream, a sound that shattered the stillness of the night, so loud that Gaia herself could hear the pain she caused me. She could have chosen anyone to bear this power, but she chose me—a weak little girl who never learned to stand up for herself. I collapsed to my knees, the golden light disappearing in a snap when I relinquished my magic. I let the tears stream down my face, my head hanging low, my hair falling like a dark veil over my features, hiding my torment from the world.

  I spent so long running from my old life that I honestly forgot how crushingly heavy it felt to bear the burden of eternity. When you have eternal life, all you will ever have is time—time spent wishing you could truly live again. I may have been the only Fae to survive the fall, but I, too, died that day, my spirit buried beneath the weight of my choices.

  I shakily pushed myself up from the hardwood of the porch, brushing away the remnants of my emotional breakdown as if a Ruhig Fae was standing right next to me, taking away the weight of what I felt. But unfortunately, my swollen red eyes and blotchy skin couldn't be hidden as easily. I took one last look at the glittering stars, pretending they were Leo, making them shine down on me, his radiant smile illuminating my darkest moments. My hand instinctively went to fiddle with the sun crystal ring he had given me, but it wasn't there, and the emptiness it left was a gaping wound.

  “Juniper, is everything alright?” A tired-looking Ambrose questioned from the doorway, his voice a comforting balm in the chilling night.

  “I’m fine, Ambrose. It's you I’m worried about. You should be resting,” I replied, forcing a smile that didn’t quite reach my eyes.

  He walked over to me, his gaze lingering on the swollen red rings surrounding my eyes, concern etched across his features. He didn’t comment on them; instead, he simply pulled me down to sit on the floor beside him, the cool wood beneath us grounding me.

  “I couldn’t sleep without hearing more of the story. Could you tell me more?”

  A soft smile replaced the grim expression resting on my face as I continued to play with my bare finger where my treasured ring once was. It reminded me of the day Leo gave it to me, a memory so bittersweet it made my heart ache. Such a shame a beautiful memory had to be shadowed by the atrocities that followed on the same day.

  -------

  I was sitting at my vanity chair, the soft glow of candlelight flickering around me as my ladies pampered me, their delicate fingers pulling my hair and coating my skin with fragrant oils while forcing me into a tight gown.

  “A young lady's sixteenth birthday is a momentous day, my Lady. You should be excited!” My handmaiden Yara commented, her eyes sparkling with enthusiasm as she arranged my hair.

  I sent her a soft smile, acknowledging what this day meant. When a Fae turns sixteen, they can finally feel the eternal pair bond, a connection as profound as the roots of an ancient tree intertwining with the earth. It's a strange pull Fae have towards the soul bound to theirs. It can only be felt once both souls have reached sixteen years of age, so it can be misleading for the first few years if you happen to be the older one.

  “I just don't want to get my hopes up, Yara. The chance that I'll meet them tonight is so rare,” I responded, my voice tinged with a mix of hope and fear.

  Yara went quiet but continued to pull my hair, transforming it into a work of art. I sat still as they molded me from the plain girl I was into the Queen's vision of the perfect little Fullvalda.

  When I didn’t feel their hands molding me into that vision anymore, I rose from my chair and stood in front of the full-length mirror in my common room. My hair cascaded down my back like a waterfall of silk, adorned with a braided crown around my head. Small pink dashuri flowers were woven into my hair, their delicate petals whispering promises of love and fate. Dashuri flowers were rumored to guide someone to their eternal pair faster, but I was pretty sure that was just a tale people made up to soothe their longing hearts.

  My skin was lightened and contoured with a strange paste they painted on, hiding every freckle and imperfection beneath layers of artifice. My lips were stained red with the sweet berry mix they concocted, a hue that felt foreign and wrong. I hated the way they changed my face so much. The only part of me that felt like me were my piercing green eyes, which they could never cover, shining like emeralds against the backdrop of my transformed visage.

  I looked down at the dress they had made for me, a creation that felt more like a prison than a garment. It was a full-length ballgown with a skirt that could have swallowed me whole, each layer a reminder of expectations I was desperate to escape. The dark green satin fabric of the skirt ran smoothly between my fingers as I fidgeted with it, a tactile distraction from my anxiety. The bodice was pulled tightly against me, constricting my movement like a vice. The short sleeves fell off my shoulders, hanging loosely at the sides of my arms, forming a soft dipping neckline that clung to my chest, a reminder of my vulnerability. The gold vines embroidered into the bodice faded into the skirt, appearing to be swallowed by the massive amount of fabric, as if I were drowning in my own attire.

  I was pulled out of my trance by a familiar voice. “A vision. That is what you are, Juniper,” Lady Nerezza spoke from the corner of the room, her tone both admiring and predatory.

  Lady Nerezza had rarely left my side since I unlocked my power. I later learned she was an Akana Fae, a being of formidable strength. They have the ability to control a Fae, preventing them from moving, breathing, and using their magic. She only allowed me access to my power when we were training, a privilege I both craved and feared. But, to be honest, I didn’t mind. She took away the constant burden of feeling every living thing around me, a weight I could barely carry.

  “You are a vision to them. A beacon of hope for the future; they worship you, Juniper. You must be the savior they imagine in every way,” she said as she circled me, her gaze appraising, like a hawk sizing up its prey.

  She looked my outfit up and down with a disappointed expression, her lips pursed. “Show me your feet.” She ordered, her tone brooking no argument.

  I slowly lifted the dress and revealed my bare feet, the cool air sending shivers up my spine. Fae didn’t really wear shoes; they symbolized power and wealth, which only the top families of each realm donned for formal occasions.

  Lady Nerezza sighed and then snapped her fingers. My Lady Rhanea shuffled over with a wooden chest in her hand and extended it to Lady Nerezza. She reached for the latch and flicked it open, revealing a gilded pair of heels with a dusty pink flower sitting on the point, their beauty both alluring and terrifying.

  “Queen Terra has gifted these to you as a welcome to the Amatharan court since you are of age to hold a title, and you will wear them tonight,” she ordered, her voice firm.

  She placed them on the floor before me, and I slowly slipped my feet into the strange shoes, my heart racing with each movement. I had never worn shoes before. The oddly constrictive walls squeezed my feet, while the height of the heels caused me to lose my balance and stumble forward, the world tilting precariously.

  I heard a whistling sound and then a sharp pain in my back. I contained any pained noises and straightened my spine as I regained my balance. “You better get used to walking in them. You will be wearing them from here on out,” she spat at me, her voice laced with disdain.

  I bowed my head in acknowledgment as I stepped down from the small pedestal in front of the mirror. My ankles threatened to fail with every step, wobbling beneath the unfamiliar weight. I felt lighter since the bottom of my skirt no longer dragged against the ground with the added height from the heels.

  Lady Nerezza escorted me out of the plain bedroom they used to ready me in. I followed her down the extravagant corridors to the southern wing of the castle, the opulence around me a stark contrast to my inner turmoil.

  The loud clicks of my shoes announced to anyone in the halls that someone of importance was coming, each sound a reminder of the role I was expected to play.

  I trailed behind the dark purple train of her gown, admiring the black Kuroga jewels decorating the luxurious fabric draped over her unnaturally milky white skin, each gem glistening like a star in a night sky. Kuroga jewels were found only in caves from Arcanum's tallest mountain, Malum. Miners were often bewitched by the enchantments in the stones, causing some to go mad and become obsessed with the jewels. Most of those affected by the enchantment perished in the mountain's depths, their souls forever entwined with the darkness. The true purpose of the stones now is to suppress a Fae’s magic if they are mined properly and paired with iron. The ones Lady Nerezza wore were hazardous, but she suppressed their magic just like she did to me to keep them from enchanting anyone. Almost all Akana wear them as a sign of power and a warning to everyone.

  This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.

  While distracted, I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going and bumped into something firm. I stumbled backward, but someone's arms reached out and held me up, their grip steady and warm.

  “Are you alright, m'Lady?” A concerned male voice questioned, rich and smooth like honey.

  I looked up to be met with a radiant pair of golden-brown eyes belonging to a familiar face from my studies. It was Lord Leopold, the General of the Valorian army's son, his presence commanding yet comforting.

  I bowed and curtsied, “Yes, Lord Leopold, I apologize. I should have been watching where I was going.”

  Valo, the realm of light, was very powerful, and they had the strongest military of all the realms. And Leo here was the son of General Leopold, commander of all their armies. Not many people in the eight realms didn’t know who he was. His family name, Leggero, was infamous, a legacy woven into the very fabric of our worlds.

  He lifted my chin with his hand, his touch gentle yet firm, and studied my face, his golden-brown eyes searching mine. “How is it that I haven't been acquainted with someone like you yet? Who might you be?” he questioned, glancing at the golden shoes suffocating my feet, concern flickering across his features.

  “My name is Lady Juniper, Juniper Blumen,” I responded meekly, my heart racing under his intense gaze.

  His eyes lit up as my name registered in his mind, a spark of recognition igniting. He reached for my hand and placed a gentle kiss on the backside, the warmth of his lips sending a shiver down my spine. “It is an honor to meet the newest Fullvalda,” he said as he bowed his head, his voice filled with sincerity.

  My cheeks flushed bright pink, even with all the pale paste caked on my skin, I knew the shade was peeking through, betraying my embarrassment. I didn’t have the opportunity to interact with many Fae since my eighth birthday. The royal family kept me very secluded to continue my studies, but now that I am sixteen, I am expected to hold a position within the Amatharan court.

  It felt nice to have a conversation with a Fae who wasn’t holding me as a prisoner. I wanted to blurt out every horrid thing they made me do and the torment constantly attacking my mind, but no words formed—just a soft, dainty smile, exactly as Lady Nerezza taught me, masking the turmoil within.

  His curly golden hair was trimmed neatly, falling just above his ears, and it bounced as he spoke to me, framing his face with an effortless charm. He reached into the back pocket of his white suit with gold embroidery and pulled out a small box, the surface glinting in the candlelight. “I was just going to add this to the ever-growing pile of gifts people are leaving for you, but I think you would love to hear the story behind it.”

  I took the small gold box from his hands, my fingers trembling as I ran them over the intricate carvings of the different star patterns. Then, I lifted the lid and was blinded by a shining crystal, the light dazzling my eyes. I pulled the object out to reveal a beautiful gold band ring with a sun crystal shaped like a flower decorating it, the craftsmanship exquisite.

  “This is beautiful,” I exclaimed as I examined the detailed artistry, my heart swelling with gratitude.

  He smiled as he reached for the ring, his expression earnest. “Many, many lifetimes ago, an uncle of mine was eternal pairs with the Fullvalda. He made this custom for her as a symbol of the unity between their two realms.” Lord Leopold reached for my hand and slipped the ring onto my finger while his eyes were intently locked onto mine, the world around us fading into a blur.

  “Thank you, Lord Leopold. This is truly an amazing gift that I am grateful to be reunited with,” I spoke as if rehearsed, my voice barely above a whisper as I bowed, overwhelmed by the gesture.

  “Leo, call me Leo. Lord Leopold is my father,” he laughed, a warm sound that wrapped around me like a comforting blanket.

  I bowed my head one last time, bidding him farewell with a genuine smile on my face as I turned back to Lady Nerezza's impatient face, her expression a storm cloud ready to burst. She continued down the large hall as soon as she had my attention again, and I unwillingly followed her, my heart still racing from our brief encounter. I turned back to catch one last glimpse of Leo and was met with his eyes following me as I walked away, a lingering warmth in my chest.

  “Because of your clumsiness, we have kept the King and Queen waiting,” Lady Nerezza spoke bitterly, her voice cutting through my thoughts like a knife.

  I had no response to her rudeness today. Besides, she couldn’t punish me in front of all the people we were passing. She would have to wait until after the ceremonies. So I just kept admiring the glittering ring, snugly resting around my finger as if it always belonged there, a symbol of hope amidst the chaos.

  We approached the tall oak double doors, carved into the trunk of a still-living tree I had become well acquainted with over the past eight years—the chambers of the King and Queen. As we drew near, the guards standing at attention raised their hands in a fluid motion, and the doors swung open with a deep creak that echoed through the grand hall.

  Lady Nerezza gently pushed me inside, but she remained right outside the door, never entering their chambers. I wasn’t summoned here often, but when I was, it usually was not pleasant.

  “Lady Juniper Blumen, the Fullvalda,” the young man at the door announced my presence, his voice resonating with authority. “Enter.” The King's voice boomed against the stone walls, rich and commanding.

  I stepped forward and admired the glorious room, my breath catching in my throat. Every inch was practically covered in greenery, the vibrant plants thriving under the soft glow of enchanted lights, undoubtedly grown by the King himself. The intricate stone patterns beneath my feet told a story of the Realm with Gaia in the middle, most likely formed by the Queen. This room represented the very best of their relationship and the combination of their gifts. If only the Queen weren’t such a deceptive person, her charm a mere facade.

  “Juniper!” The King exclaimed as he approached me with open arms, his presence radiating warmth and kindness.

  I gently leaned into his warm embrace as he took in my form, his gaze filled with pride. “My goodness, I still remember the day we found you. You aren't a little girl anymore. Today you are being welcomed as a true lady of our court.”

  “I am truly grateful for everything your family has done for me, your Majesty. I will fill any position you give me to my greatest ability,” I robotically regurgitated, the words rehearsed yet sincere.

  A radiant smile appeared on his face, illuminating the room. “We never doubted you for a second, Juniper,” he said as Queen Terra emerged and stood at his side, her presence commanding and ethereal.

  “Darling, would you mind if I had a little chat in private with young Juniper? The pull of an eternal bond for young ladies can be so confusing sometimes,” she asked, her voice smooth yet laced with an undercurrent of authority.

  The King took her hands and placed a gentle kiss on them, a gesture of love and respect. “Of course, my dear.” He let go of her hands and took his leave from the room, the air thickening with unspoken tension.

  The Queen waved her hand, and a stone chair rose from the floor behind me, its surface cool and unyielding.

  “Sit,” she ordered.

  I followed her command, laying my skirt underneath me and adjusting it as I sat down, the fabric pooling around me like a sea of green.

  “Today is an extraordinary day. You finally get the chance to meet your eternal pair. Some say this is the happiest day of all Fae’s lives.”

  The Queen snapped her fingers, causing the room to rumble. As if on cue, the doors creaked open and the guards returned, dragging someone between them. A girl. Young. Barefoot. Shaking.

  They dumped her at Queen Terra’s feet, the thud of her body against the polished stone echoing through the chamber like a warning bell.

  “Young Nami here experienced her sixteenth birthday just last month,” the Queen said lightly. “And was lucky enough to find her eternal pair.”

  The girl lifted her head. I saw the bruises first, purpling her cheek and trailing down her jaw. Then the tattoos—Cordelian markings swirling along her arms and collarbones, shimmering blue, black and green like the depths of the sea. Her black hair stuck to her tear-streaked face, and her wide eyes—gray-blue and drowning—searched for mercy.

  The Queen waved her hand, and stone shackles erupted from the floor, locking Nami’s wrists and ankles in place. She cried out as they tightened. “No—please—please, I won’t say anything! I swear! I’ll tell everyone my eternal pair is dead. No one has to know it’s your son!”

  Her voice cracked on the last word. Terra stepped forward and crouched beside her, grabbing her chin with ice-cold fingers and yanking her head up to meet her eyes.

  “You are not worthy of Briar,” she hissed. “He could never love you.”

  Behind her, Prince Briar emerged from the shadows. Dressed in formal garb, his expression was unreadable—until he looked down at the girl chained to the floor and smirked and then brought his gaze to me.

  “She will make a fine replacement, Mother.”

  I stared at him, stunned. At eighteen, his voice was still high and reedy, but the malice in his tone chilled me to the bone. He looked at me as if I were something he already owned. As if the decision had already been made.

  “Juniper, this is all rather simple,” the Queen said, rising smoothly. “You will stop before my son during your Revelyn and declare him your eternal pair.”

  The Revelyn was a long-standing Fae tradition, where newly come-of-age Fae were expected to dance for hours, shifting partners with every unbonded soul in attendance. The goal was simple: to find their eternal pair—but many danced until dawn without ever feeling the bond stir.

  My lips parted, but no sound came out. I could feel the blood draining from my face.

  “I’m sure you wouldn’t want anything to happen to your dear mother,” she added.

  A blade to the heart would’ve been kinder.

  “I—of course not, my Queen,” I whispered, the words burning like poison.

  “Lady Nerezza, please enter.” Lady Nerezza stepped into the chamber, her expression blank as ever.

  “Juniper, there is one last thing I need you to do,” Queen Terra said, as though she were asking me to fetch her a cup of tea. “A little warm-up before your grand appearance tonight.”

  She turned to Nami.

  “Kill the girl.”

  The room went silent. The guards didn’t even breathe. Nami began to sob.

  “No,” she whimpered. “Please, I won’t tell anyone. I promise.”

  “I don’t have all day, Juniper. And neither does your mother,” Terra said coolly. She glanced at Lady Nerezza, who gave a small nod and lifted the suppression on my magic. I felt it all rush back in—the hum, the buzz, the noise of a thousand living things pressing into my chest.

  Nami’s energy was brilliant. So full of life it shimmered like starlight, beautiful and wild and heartbreaking.

  I couldn’t do it. But I opened myself anyway. Just a little, I told myself. Just enough to convince her.

  But the moment I reached out, the magic took over. The golden glow burst from Nami’s chest, swirling into the space between us, and I felt her slipping. Her cries stopped. Her eyes dulled. She slumped forward in the shackles. Dead.

  I choked on a sob. My knees hit the floor. Her life pulsed inside me like a curse.

  “I hope this serves as a warning,” the Queen whispered, kneeling beside me, her breath brushing my ear. “If you ever seek your eternal pair, they will die next. And I promise there is no pain more excruciating than watching them die.”

  I said nothing. Could say nothing.

  “Lady Nerezza,” the Queen called without looking up. “Get her face touched up. Then take her to the ballroom.”

  Lady Nerezza stepped forward. Her eyes glowed violet. I felt the suppression of my magic return like chains snapping shut around my limbs.

  The weight of Nami’s death dulled under the lock, but not enough. Nothing ever would be. I stood, numb. Lady Nerezza took my arm and began to lead me out. But I paused. Just once. And looked back at the girl on the floor. The second Fae I ever killed. I didn’t know anything about her. Not her favorite food. Not her laugh. Not what she dreamed of. Only her name. Nami. She was sixteen. And now she was gone. Because of me.

  -------

  I wiped the tears from my eyes as I brought myself back to the real world, the beauty of the stars above contrasting sharply with the horror I had just relived.

  I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, pressing my cheek against my legs. The wood of the porch was cool beneath me, the only thing grounding me.

  This is the weight of eternity. Not the immortality. Not the glory. The grief. The remembering.