Chapter 22: The Mandalorian

  “So how do you feel about kidnapping babies?” I asked the gorgeous ginger girl as she calmly took a sip of glowing purple booze.

  “Frak off.” Vhonte rolled her pretty green eyes and gave me the middle finger with her free hand.

  “Why not? It’s just a baby. What’s the big deal?” I don’t see how it’d be any worse than the normal fucked up shit that Bounty Hunters usually did.

  “I’m a Mandalorian. I have a sense of honor.” She chuckled, “Something you’ll never understand.”

  “What are you talking about?” I rolled my eyes, “Mandalorians kidnap and murder kids all the time.”

  “Say that again and I’ll blast your face off!” She pointed her left wrist guard at my face. A little barrel appeared out of the red metal.

  “I got one of those too now!” I pointed my biological wrist blaster at her face as well, “But I also have personal shields.”

  “Personal shields?! What the frak?!” She put her drink down and reached out to touch my face with her left glove, “I don’t feel anything stopping me.” She pinched my nose and slapped my cheek while snickering, before taking another drink.

  “It’s for use against blasters. Not as effective against a Jedi though.” I still didn’t really understand how to deal with a Force User one-on-one without the Force. Then again, there’s a difference between a Pseudo-Master like Sharad Hett and a Padawan. When it comes to biological manipulation with the Force, I’m better than Yoda. But he could probably twist me into a pretzel without much effort and I doubt I’d be able to resist at all.

  “I don’t take bounties on kids. Maybe teens, but that’s just a maybe.” Vhonte smiled wryly and finished off her glowing green alcoholic goop, before belching loudly and complaining, “Even if I wanted to take your job, that Sarlacc Shlucker left me here without enough money for a ride off this dustball!”

  “Can’t you just steal a ship? There’s loads of ‘em just laying around out there.” I pointed out the window and from this vantage point, it was possible to see the massive spaceport in the distance. This hotel/casino was pretty damn big after all. It started from deep inside the crater and reached all the way up into the sky! Okay, it only reached a couple dozen meters above the crater’s edge, but it was by far the tallest building in Mos Espa. Also one of the most expensive, which is probably why her dumbass is broke now.

  “I’m a Bounty Hunter, not a thief!” The mass murderer was offended, “You can’t just steal a ship in Hutt Space. Even Pirates have to pay taxes to the Hutts. If I stole a ship, I’d have to pay taxes on the theft or they’d hunt me down and take the stolen ship for themselves.”

  “That’s so convoluted, I love it.” I snorted and laughed, “But then again, it’s not that different from regular governments.”

  “In the Republic it’s even worse. All the regulations, insurance, banks, does anybody even own anything in the first place?” She shook her head and sighed. A shiny golden Droid that had some feminine features came over and poured the Mandalorian alcoholic another glass of green goop, “Why do you need me to abduct some baby anyway? Plenty of Bounty Hunters, Pirates and Slavers would do it without a second thought.”

  “The baby’s special, obviously.” I smiled wryly and started eating my plate of assorted seafood chunks in squirmy pasta with some garlic-like sauce. I placed a pulsating purple slug on the table and it projected an image of an adorable orange Togruta girl with white and blue Lekku. Well, the Lekku were super short ‘cause she was a baby. She had big blue eyes and four white markings on her face, basically just big white dots that would slowly change over the course of her maturation process.

  “Togruta aren’t cheap.” Vhonte commented.

  “Especially not Force Sensitive Togruta.” I smirked and she spat out her drink towards my face, but I Force Pushed it right back down her throat.

  Causing her to cough and choke for a whole minute before she screamed at me, “Are you insane?! You expect me to go steal from the Jedi?!”

  “You wanted to kidnap me. I’m a fucking Adult Langeshi Forger.” I raised an eyebrow.

  “If I knew you could use the Force I wouldn’t have taken that damn job!” She retorted angrily, “Speaking of which, that’s the reason I’m broke now! Jabba wanted a Langeshi Forger and when I couldn’t deliver, I had to pay a penalty!”

  “In other words, you have a long history of making shitty decisions.” I continued eating my delicious meal as the slug showed the planet Shili, then the star system, et cetera. I looked up at the red-faced ginger and explained, “This girl is going to be kidnapped by Zygerrian Slavers sooner or later. The Jedi might find her, or they might not. The Force wants me to save the brat. I want to save the kid for my own purposes as well. But… I can’t be everywhere at once. And to be completely honest, I trust your work ethic and morality more than that of my own creations. Don’t get me wrong though, I’ll definitely support you and make sure you get the job done.”

  “What are you going to do with the girl?” Vhonte frowned, looking down at the slug, then at my purple tits, then at my pretty face, “I’m not abducting a baby girl for you to use as a test subject or groom into a sex slave.”

  “What about a teenage girl?” I snickered and a teenage girl appeared this time. Bone-white skin, big blue eyes, angular facial features, half her head was shaved while she had some ear-length hair combed over onto her left side. An image from my memory of the girl, though I’m not sure how accurately it would translate to reality. After all, The Clone Wars was kinda stylized and cartoonish.

  “What’s the deal this time? Let me guess, Jedi Padawan?” She asked sarcastically.

  “Yes. Actually, not just a Padawan, but she has a ton of potential. Just like the other girl. Both could be Masters if they survive that long and get the right training.” I watched her facial expression cringe and chuckled, “There are two possibilities. She’s currently stranded on the planet Rattatak with her Master, a Jedi Knight. Umm, I think his name is Ky Narec-”

  “Frak.” She grimaced, “You’re saying that’s where Ky went? He’s been MIA for years now… Figured he was dead or undercover somewhere.”

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  “You know the dude?” I was kinda surprised, but I guess it wasn’t that strange. Jedi Knights got around and so did Bounty Hunters, “Well anyway, he’s either dead already or about to die soon. Then his Padawan will obviously turn to the Dark Side, well, the rest probably won’t happen because of too many butterflies. In fact, they might already be dead for all I know. But Rattatak is most likely where they’re at…”

  “If I rescue them, I’m not bringing them back to you to be turned into lab rats or slaves.” Vhonte sighed and stole some food off my plate with a glowing yellow fork. A plasma fork. Yes, I’m not even making that shit up. A fucking plasma fork.

  She munched a few times on the chunks of meat, “I owe Ky a lot. Can’t save his ass just to have him get tortured to death by you.”

  “Why would I torture him to death?” I glared at the tipsy woman, “He’s way more valuable to me alive than dead. And I don’t torture people unless they really piss me off. What I did to you could only be considered mild interrogation at best.”

  “Yeah, sure.” She still held a grudge just because I warped her meatsuit for a few seconds.

  “So anyway~!” I poked the slug and it showed a map of Rattatak, or at least a star map of the general location. She was a professional. If she couldn’t figure out how to get there on her own, then she wouldn’t have survived this long as a Bounty Hunter.

  I poked the slug again and it showed another image, “Okay, this one shouldn’t fuck with your moral compass, right? Gene sample collection. I mean, living creatures are definitely better. But samples are fine too. I just need the genes. Here’s a list of the most valuable ones to me.”

  Everything from Space Whales and Exogorths to Star Dragons and a giant space octopus called a Summa-verminoth. There were small creatures too, like Mynocks and Force-resistant lizards called Ysalamiri. Plus various plants from different worlds.

  “If you want me to personally catch these creatures… It would be difficult and expensive. If you just want their DNA, can’t you put a post up on the Holonet? Or just go to the auctions in Mos Espa. Why would you need me for any of the Bantha Poodoo?” She started drinking again and her pretty green eyes started to look a little heavy. Though her speech still wasn’t slurred, yet.

  “Like I said, I’m not expecting you to do this shit alone or without help.” I ordered the slug to slide over to her side of the table. It suddenly grew legs and wings, jumping off the table and latching onto her right shoulder.

  “Ew.” Vhonte grimaced but didn’t do anything else. Just watched as the creature melded onto her red pauldron, transforming into a purple Zerg insignia that wasn’t quite flat, but still pretty damn thin.

  “This will let you control your new pets.” My left palm opened up and dozens of tiny eggs fell out onto the table between us. They were red instead of purple. They swelled up and burst, sending acidic slime all over the metal table.

  “Sir and Madam, I hope you know you’ll have to pay for that.” The Droid came over again and seemed pretty upset.

  “Sure thing.” I waved my hand casually, “Put it on Jabba’s tab.”

  “Jabba?! Are you insane?!” Vhonte shouted at me.

  While the Droid seemed terrified, “I-I need to speak with my Master!”

  “It’s fine. I didn’t just come to this hotel to chat with my sexy Mandalorian girlfriend.” I snickered and watched her roll her eyes, crossing her arms in irritation, “You’re a girl and you’re my friend. It’s not wrong. Anyway, Jabba wants me to go meet him in his penthouse in this specific hotel. Weird coincidence that you’re here, but hey, that’s life.”

  The dozens of cute red furballs on the table were already devouring my food. They looked like kittens on the outside. But their bodies were filled with countless Zerg Larvae. They were adorable little biohazards.

  “Feel free to sell these brats if you want.” No matter where they go, they’ll still be part of the Swarm anyway. The Force and Hyperspace make it possible for the Swarm to stay connected even across Galaxies. At least for now. Problems might arise later, but for now, it works pretty well.

  I can still feel that random security guard that I healed back then. She’s still alive, not exactly well, but she is alive at least. My connection to a random Creep Cluster or the tiny Larvae inside someone’s rectum isn’t super intense though. I can’t see through that woman’s eyes, I still don’t even know her name. I just know her general location and that she’s headed this way. Fear, anxiety, hope, desperation… Lots of emotions were carried along through the Psionic Network and through the Force.

  “Let me guess. They look like kittens, but they’re actually bombs?” Even though she said that, the brave Mandalorian still picked up one of the cats and looked into its bright green eyes. The mouth opened up and dozens of tiny pink tentacles shot out! She quickly pulled her head back to avoid the attack and frowned at me, “Did you think I’d be tricked by something like that? Seen plenty of adorable tentacle monsters.”

  “I’m sure you have.” I snorted and shook my head, “Anyway, they’re not like your little pet. They’re certified combat units. They’re gonna grow a lot bigger than your little pussy. They’ll eat it if you aren’t careful.”

  “I have a feeling that was supposed to be innuendo, but I don’t really get it.” Vhonte put the danger cat down and took another swig of her green goop. Then she belched loudly and asked, “How much are you paying?”

  “For Ahsoka?” I smirked and leaned back in my chair, staring into her hazy eyes for a few seconds as her cheeks flushed, “I’m starting a little side-business.”

  “I don’t like where this is going.” She groaned and took another sip.

  “You can make as many Credits as you want, but it’s just a bunch of numbers in the end.” I smirked as a hologram projected out of her shoulder into the air above the table. It was an emblem. A golden bird inside a broken triangle. The Terran Symbol from Starcraft. Which meant absolutely nothing to the unimpressed woman.

  “I’d rather have Credits, thanks. Or Peggats, either way.” She waved her hand and tried to get rid of the hologram but it just changed to something else. A naked girl. Specifically, a 3d image of her own naked body. On the left side were some numbers and letters in Mandalorian. When she read them, she didn’t get upset. Just looked up at me and asked, “Are you serious?”

  “Think about it, Vhonte. Why be a Bounty Hunter when you could be a General?”

  “A General of a Clone Army? That’s ridiculous. The Republic would never allow it.” She sighed and shook her head, “Besides, why the hell would I want you to make an army of Clones based on my genes?”

  “Jango’s gonna do it.” I smirked.

  “You made him this offer first? And he actually agreed?” She raised an eyebrow.

  “Of course not.” I shook my head, “He’s going to take an offer from Count Dooku to create a Clone Army for the Galactic Republic. He’ll probably end up asking you to help train them.”

  “You have to be joking. There’s no way… That’s absurd…” She looked at my face and then back at the Clone, which turned into many clones. They were naked at first, but then they were wearing thick and heavy Marine power-armor. If their round helmets weren’t transparent, it would be hard to tell that there were actually women inside. Most of them were holding heavy gauss rifles, which were essentially electromagnetic railguns that could fire an insane amount of metal spikes per second. Others had canister rifles or even blaster rifles. The suits were much bigger than the girls inside, which actually made them a lot safer than if there were beefy dudes in there. The armor plating was thicker and more random bullshit could be hidden in the armor.

  “How is it so strange? I’m sure you’ve seen the signs by now.” I shrugged my shoulders and watched my kittens finish the last of the food on the plate. Then they started fighting and wrestling with each other. Knocking my glass of water off the table. Though it wasn’t real glass, just transparent plastic. It bounced a few times without breaking but it did make quite the mess. Which the kittens quickly started cleaning up on their own.

  “I’ve heard some things but…” She looked at the huge four-legged gray mechs in the hologram and asked, “Are those Basilisk War Droids?! There’s no way you have those!”

  “Of course I don’t.” I rolled my eyes and complained, “But Mandalore has the schematics to make them. With enough money and resources, not to mention a few stupid Droids, you can have your own fleet of Star Destroyers.”

  “Star Destroyers?” She chuckled and shook her head, “Now I know you’re just frakking with me. Even the Republic doesn’t have any operational Star Destroyers anymore.”

  “Which is why they’re gonna start building them for the upcoming war.” I yawned and shook my head, feeling my dreadlock tendrils smacking into shit, “Anyway, I don’t do mechanical bullshit. I’m a biotech specialist. I can give you as many Clone Soldiers as you want or need, but if you can’t do the rest, then what the fuck do I need you for?”

  After all, I had a lot of other options to choose from. I just thought it would be really fucking ironic if I had my own army of Mandalorian Clones to make the Clone Wars a little more hilarious.

  “Father, a sandstorm is approaching Mos Espa.” Izsha suddenly whispered into my mind. I stood up and looked over towards the window.

  “What is that, two sandstorms in a month?” I shrugged and turned back towards the tiny ginger girl that was watching holograms of her own Clone Soldiers fighting and winning against the Clone Army of the Galactic Republic.

  “I’ll take the job. Jobs…” Finishing off the glass of green goop, the stood up and put on her red helmet. Looking up at me at an angle, “A General in your army, huh?”

  “A General in the Terran Dominion.” I corrected the woman, “But yeah, I’ll probably be your boss’ boss.”

  “Oh? Then you’ve already got somebody else lined up to deal with the paperwork?” As she said that, I couldn’t help seeing a few figures flash through my mind.

  “Don’t worry. There are plenty of talented people out there.” I looked towards the sandstorm again, “Whether they can actually live up to their potential.”