In the morning, although we were up early, the whole manor seemed abuzz with excitement. When we sat down for breakfast with the Issakainen clan, we quickly figured out why.

  “We've decided to have a ball in your honor!” announced Pardy. I groaned, but Kara was bouncing with excitement.

  “A ball!” she shrieked. “Can I dance, too…in a gown?” Everyone laughed except me. Dread was unfurling in my stomach and I wished to be anywhere but where I sat.

  “Of course you can!” clucked Pardy and I had a sudden desire to growl. My child knowing me, turned only to me with her big, brown eyes.

  “Can I, Mama? Can I?” she asked, pleading with her whole demeanor.

  “Well, we’ll have to see. There’s a lot to learn…” I started, hoping to put her off.

  “Oh, I don’t mind! You have to learn, too. I remember how you always had to learn the latest dances for your own balls,” she said turning her attention to her food. I caught Kaarlo smirking at me and could have killed him had he been within strangling distance. With the instincts of a peacemaker, Pardy addressed me.

  “Sorry to surprise you, Aebbe, but word of your arrival has already gone all around town and we may as well have a formal place for everyone to come and see you or we’ll be having to beat them all from the threshold!” she told me, her eyes gentle. I wondered if I’d see any anger in her, but it seemed she didn’t harbor any ill will toward me as Kaarlo had said.

  “I know all the latest dances,” Gentric, Kaarlo’s oldest son, said in a matter-of-fact tone.

  “Then you can teach me,” said Kara in response, missing the look of horror that crossed Gentric’s young face, because she was still intent on her plate.

  “That's a great idea, Kara,” confirmed Pardy with a small smile and I joined in smirking at the poor boy.

  “Nice of you to volunteer, Gen,” Kaarlo added. The boy’s mouth was agape because if he thought his father was going to save him, that idea was gone with his statement. “Polly will also help you!”

  “Dad!” whined Pollinia who was just a year Gentric’s junior.

  “Now, now. It will do us all some good to review the dances. Not all of us are as sure as Gentric here,” Pardy said in a reassuring tone. That pretty much let everyone know that no one was getting out of dancing lessons.

  ***

  The ball would be in a few short days and the whole manor was a hive of activity in preparation. As promised, there were dance lessons each day. I didn’t find them as tedious as I thought I would, perhaps because my daughter was so entranced with them. I had refused to wear a gown and slippers, so Pardy arranged to have some very fine trousers, a shirt and deep blue matching vest made for me just for the occasion.

  I tried to avoid Kaarlo as much as I could. I was too unsure of my own emotions and didn’t want to muddle my mind further, but he caught me in a corridor alone and took the opportunity to approach me. He convinced me to follow him into his study which happened to be nearby.

  I hadn’t been in that room since before I’d left for the Blood Year. It smelled much as it had of books and old leather. Now added to it was the lingering scent of pipe smoke. I remembered vividly finding traces of poison on the floor. The carpets were the same, but looked well swept and clean. Kaarlo sat down behind his desk and indicated I should sit as well.

  “Pardy and I have discussed this at length and we both agree that Kara should spend some time here in Wellswood. We will give her a proper tutor, teach her refined manners, lessons on running a household, all the knowledge a lady of station would need,” he started. When I opened my mouth to protest, he pressed on. “She can be trained in sword, dagger, and bow, also, as long as she wants.”

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  I had to look away from the intensity of his stare at me. It was my father all over again. How well I could remember his derision and the tyranny of his choices for me. I saw no regard in Kaarlo’s gaze to me now, only the stern resolution that men have over women’s lives. I couldn’t bear to be in his presence one more second.

  “Absolutely not. Don’t ask me again!” I hissed as I left the room as quickly as I could, leaving the door ajar behind me. I heard him call my name, but the rage simmering through my body did not allow me to hear it.

  Meal times became difficult to handle with their whole family. I’m sure everyone noticed the change. Even the youngest children were quieter around me these days. I spent as much time as I could tending my horses and watching Kara’s sword training. She and Gentric would often train together and it was pleasing to see them go through the sword forms as Collen called them out. Gentric had more practice and this showed in the fluidity of his movements and the ease with which he held his heavy sword. But Kara was a quick learner and very eager which made up for some of their differences.

  One of these days while I watched the sword practice from the side area, Gavendor joined me, puffing on his pipe.

  “I don’t suppose you have to go to this ball thing?” I asked Gavendor as we watched Kara learning to hold a sword and some stances with the manor’s sword master, Collen.

  “The ball?! Oh, nay. I’d used to see to security, but I’m not even for that these days. I’m just a retired old soldier now,” he said, chuckling.

  “What of your wife, Gav? I thought you’d married?”

  “Oh, yes, we had some good years together. A fever took her from me last winter. I expect I’ll be joining her soon,” he stated as if he were making a comment on the weather.

  “Gav…” I started, not sure of what to say.

  “No, it’s alright. I’ve lived a long time now. Seen a lot of things, Aebbe. I’ve seen monsters turned into trade partners. I’ve seen good men turn sour. Sour on their own family. And I’ve seen good men make mistakes, but still be good men,” he looked at me. “I know you’ve seen these men too, Aebbe. Don’t be confusing the one with the other, lass.” He limped away from me, leaving me to my thoughts.

  ***

  One afternoon, I was looking for Kara. I had not found her in the practice yard where I’d expected her and was padding through the manor, when I found her in Pardy’s parlor of all places. She was sitting next to Pardy on a couch with a pair of knitting needles in her hands, her face scrunched in concentration eyes firmly on her work.

  “There you are!” I said, but she didn’t look up. “What are you doing?”

  “Kara asked me about my shawl and when I told her I’d knitted it, she wanted to know how I did that. So here we are,” she said with a smile. I noticed then that her daughter Pollinia was sitting in a nearby couch with an embroidery hoop in her hand, also working.

  I sat down next to Pollinia and looked at her work. It was an intricate and colorful scene of wildflowers.

  “This is lovely, Polly. But, are those bluebells? They are actually bluer and the snaps are a darker red than that,” I told her.

  “Really? I’ve never seen them in real life! Could you show me?” she asked.

  “Of course,” I told her, somewhat surprised at her enthusiasm. “They don’t bloom until summer though.”

  When I looked up Pardama was looking at me with her head cocked to the side and nodding.

  “Walk with me, Aebbe,” she said. “Polly, help Kara if she gets stuck, okay?”

  “Yes, mother,” she said. She was apparently looking for new colors to add to her scene.

  Pardy put her arm through mine and led me toward her bedchamber. We passed the door to Kaarlo’s bedroom and a wave of guilt hit me. She pulled me into her own room. I noticed the door between her and Kaarlo’s rooms was open. There was a comfortable couch near the back window in the room and we walked to it and sat down side by side.

  “Aebbe, I was angry with Kaarlo. Very angry at first. Then I realized it hadn’t been planned or schemed and, of course, dear Kara is a blessing to us all. It could not have been easy to have her all on your own. But you don’t have to be alone anymore. What we are offering is stability and security. She would be surrounded by her family. I…I don’t know if we will tell our children of her…ties to us. You need to be part of that conversation, I think, but regardless, she will be treated as such here,” she said in a very kind tone which annoyed me. My eyes brimmed with unshed tears. “Kaarlo deserves to have some role in her life. You know that is true.”

  “This is not the life I ever imagined for myself. I can’t do this! This is not who I am,” I told her more sharply than I had intended. “We don’t need any of you!”

  “This is not about you, dear Aebbe. I would have thought that you, of all people, would appreciate being given choices,” Pardama told me, placing a hand on my arm. My mind railed against her words. I wanted nothing more than to pack up myself and my child and leave Wellswood and never return. Anger boiled up from inside me so hot I thought I might combust where I sat. I jerked my arm away from her, jumped up and ran, before my tears might fall or before I might say something to the Lady of the house that would be wholly unacceptable.