Beep* - - - Beep* - - - Beep* - - - Beep*

  It was too soft and spread out to be the highly annoying alarm clock that his mother got him for his birthday because he was always late for his job. Yes, he was still living at home at the fine age of 24. Joe opened his eyes and looked around. There was neither an alarm clock nor his mother nearby. In fact, he wasn’t even in his house. Joe was in a rather boring and generic hospital room with a saline drip hooked to his left arm and a heart monitor hooked up to his chest. It is worth noting that the window was on his left side (your right as you look at him). Gentle sunbeams washed over his face and body as he glanced around the room gathering his thoughts.

  A door to his right side (your left) opened up and an old, grandmotherly doctor walked in.

  “Well, if it isn’t our little miracle! How are you feeling? If you’re feeling anything, you should consider yourself lucky. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of anyone surviving a 75 story plummet! You must be more than half cat.”

  Joe simply stared at her.

  ...She cleared her throat. After a moments pause, she began to check his vital signs. “Well, your completely healthy. No reason to keep you here. I’ll begin your paperwork in the next hour”

  Joe simply stared at her.

  She stared back… “Maybe I should call in the psycholo…”

  “No, I’m sorry, thank you for your help!” Joe quickly interrupted when he realized that he might have to stay a few more days in the hospital if he didn’t talk. At least one thing was clear to Joe right now: He wanted to go home and think.

  “Okay, let me know if you need anything. I’ll send the nurse in as soon as we are done.” (Doctor)

  Joe nodded his head and turned and looked out the window.

  She muttered something about the luck of weird people as she exited the room.

  When the sound of the door closing reached Joe’s ear, a switch flipped in his head, and everything that had happened in the last couple of hours came flooding back in one cohesive whole. He sat up with a start! ‘I transmigrated right back into my own body and life!’ He didn’t know if he was lucky or unlucky, cursed or blessed, but he knew that everything was different, only it was exactly the same.

  He had a system! When he remembered this, he smiled!

  “System activate!”

  As he said those words, a light began to shine over his left shoulder (your right). As he watched with mouth wide open a voice that sounded like Dudley Do-Right spoke.

  “Greetings hero!! I am the Professional Maximizing System, or P.M.S. for short. The perfect system for heroes, saints, and other well established humanoid-type world leaders. I amplify your potential to the maximum so that the world can clearly see how amazing you are. I simply can’t wait for you to experience everything P.M.S has to offer!!”

  “What?” Joe said, keeping with his M.O... “My system is P.M.S?!? ... I have P.M.S.? ”

  “Indeed, good sir! But don’t say it too loudly, or others will be very jealous!! Who doesn’t want all that P.M.S has to offer. But only heroes of great standing are allowed to access this top rated system. You must have accomplished much good in your past life for them to have entrusted me into your care. You will have P.M.S for the rest of your life!! Isn’t that great!”

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  As the voice spoke and small humanoid figure emerged from the light over his left shoulder. P.M.S. had angel wings and a halo over his head! “I am the Angel of P.M.S, and you can call me Bob.”

  “Bob? Your name is Bob?” (Joe)

  “No, Bob is short for ‘Best Of the Best’. It is a title I earned from the Bureau through 5,000 years of developing heroes”. (Bob)

  “Bob... P.M.S..., okay then… Bob is PMS?

  Bob gave a cheery, optimistic, and ignorant nod of his happy little head.

  So, what exactly do you do?” (Joe)

  “We work with what you give us. When you do good-deeds you earn points. Things like helping an old woman cross the street gives you 1 or 2 point, but saving the world from cataclysmic disaster gives 1,000,000’s of points. I will assign you missions to help you earn good-deed points. First of all, I will scan the surroundings and detect wrong doings, suffering, and the like, and then I will give a mission that must be accomplished within a certain time frame. Failure to do the mission results in a deduction of points. Also, doing bad deeds will deduct points, but I don’t think I need to say such a thing to a hero like you. I won’t assign a mission higher than your class rating.” (Bob the P.M.S angel)

  “Class rating?” (Joe the confused protagonist)

  “Yes. Class ratings are either F, D, C, B, A, A+. Skills and stats can be purchased by using Good Deed points. The higher your stats and the greater your skills, the better your class rating will become and the more good deeds you can do earning you even more Good Deed points. This is the P.M.S. cycle! Isn’t P.M.S. the best!” Bob smiled smugly while puffing out his little chest and fluttering his fluffy wings.

  “Stats?” (Joe)

  “Yes, after I scan you, you will be able to see your status screen. You will see your stats and skills and current number of good deed (GD) points. To level up stats it takes 10 Good Deed (GD) points for a 1 stat point. The cost of Skills start in the 100’s of GD points, but some cost million’s. Don’t worry about your current status. My last hero started with 3 in all his stats, but ended up with tens of 1000’s before the end.” (Bob the smug P.M.S overlord)

  “Points can also be used to give P.M.S. complete control over your life for 1 hour at a time. But you have to yell out loudly, ‘P.M.S. is the Best’. PMS will then take over your body, causing you to do things you never thought possible, and helping you accomplish your missions”.

  Joe stared at Bob for a few good moments as he tried to process what was going on.

  “So, wait a second, who judges my deeds as good or bad?” Joe said with a suspicious look in his eye. He didn’t trust angels that had fluffy wings.

  “Me, of course!” Said Bob “Who else but the best of the best gets to judge the deeds of man and determine their rewards. Don’t worry, I go strictly by the manual and don’t deviate from it in the slightest”.

  “…” (Joe)

  “…” (Bob)

  “Who wrote the manual.” Joe said, feeling even more suspicious than ever before.

  “… um…, yeah about that, it was officially accepted by the bureau 5000 years ago, so it...It’s official…”(Bob)

  “You wrote it didn’t you?” Joe said with crossed arms.

  “…” Bob took his halo off for a second and scratched his head as his wings dropped a bit. “You know, normally I don’t have this conversation, in fact, this is the first time.” “Yes I wrote it.” Bob put his halo back on, as he lowered his eyes to the floor.

  Joe slowly lowered his head back on his pillow and closed his eyes.

  “Here, let me scan you for now. Check the system out and we will talk soon.” (Bob)

  A blue light enveloped Joe’s whole body for 10 seconds. Afterwards a floating screen appeared before his eyes. It looked like a floating flat screen t.v. with a touch-screen.

  “You should know that your the only one who can see the screen or me, and no one else can hear me talking to you” (Bob)

  Joe looked at the screen

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Joe Brown  Age 24

  Occupation:  Currently Jobless

  Class Rating: F

  Stats

  Strength   4   (typical blue collar strong)

  Agility    3   (like a plumber)

  Endurance  4   (Typical American)

  Perception  3   (Believes what He sees on TV)

  Intelligence  3   (see above)

  Wisdom   2   (see above)

  Luck     N/A  (System error, contact bureau)

  Skills

  No current skills

  Good Deed Points

  0

  Active Quests

  No Current Quests

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  As Joe read through the information on the screen with a less than thrilled face, he’s eyes settled on one detail he hadn’t expected

  “Jobless!!!?!?, Oh no! Don’t tell me that I’ve been fired… Mom’s gonna kill me..” (Joe)

  Bob wrung his hands together as he looked at Joe and his screen. “Not the best and not the worst I’ve ever seen starting out. Not to worry, you won’t have to worry about things like jobs soon if you stick with me”. (Bob)

  Bob’s eyes narrowed as he looked at Joe’s luck stat and the words system error. “Huh, that’s a first. I wonder what it means?”

  Just then the door to Joe’s right and your left opened and Samantha walked in her hands holding a box.

  “Hi Joe. Glad to see ya doin’ good. I bought your stuff with me, they left it out on the street. I guess you got fired. They said you violated OSHA standards. I didn’t want to just leave your stuff there.” (Samantha)

  Samantha was Joe’s childhood friend. They had known each other since 4th grade, and had a deep understanding of each others personality. There were both best friends, and there was absolutely no chance of either having a romantic interest in each other. That was just the way they were, and they were both happy about it. It was something that neither of them wanted to mess with. They were that rare kind of friend for each other that you could talk to about anything. And, of course relentlessly mocking the other was standard fare.

  “What’s wrong, Joe? You don’t look so well” (Samantha)

  “… I have P.M.S.” (Joe the overly honest friend)

  [Catch us next chapter after Samantha recovers from her hysterical laughing fit]