~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  ‘Ding’ -2 points for lying to mother’

  ‘Ding’ -2 points for lying to father’

  ‘Ding’ -2 points for sleeping in late’

  ‘Ding’ -4 points for causing parents to worry and lose their sleep’

  ‘Ding’ Current total of Good Deed Points -10

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  As Joe woke up, a series of messages appeared before him. He scratched his head as he read each of the glowing red messages. With a flick of his hand, he waved them away and groaned. Just as he was about to roll over and go back to sleep, a happy-go-lucky little angel puffed into existence on his stomach with a small trumpet. Breathing in a big breath, that happy little Bob blew that trumpet with all his little might, sounding out a military wake-up tune.

  “AAAA, okay, I’m up, I’m up!!” Joe said as he started up so badly that he fell out of bed with a thump. “Why! Why would you even… ah, forget it. It's not worth the fight”. Joe got up and scratched his head as he looked around his room.

  “Good, your up. We have a lot of work to do.” (Bob) “I realized that you haven’t had the proper nurture that you need in this environment. That explains everything! HA! We are objects of our environment after all. Well, you can just look up to Uncle Bob, and I will show you the way!” He said as he pointed to himself with his right thumb.

  “…” (Joe)

  “Not to worry, I was expecting this reaction. Let’s just get started with your missions. I’ll show them to you now, and you can just get to work on them. Before you know it you will be leveling up, growing stronger and experiencing the joy of doing good.” (Bob)

  At that moment, a blue status screen popped up before Joe’s eyes.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Clean the family’s dirty dishes from last night +5

  Clean your room +5

  Go on a grocery run for your tired mother +5

  Talk with Dad and apologize to him +5

  Talk with Mom and apologize to her +5

  Find a job and get to work. +5

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  “You’ll notice that I was overly generous with the points today. I did that, because I realized that you needed some motivation. If you work well today, you will be able to purchase a status point by the end of the day and get stronger. If you do some other good deeds along the way, you might even improve 2 points. Isn’t that great!” Bob said, smiling from ear to ear.

  Joe blinked for a moment. “I need coffee first”.

  He got up and left his bedroom scratching his back side as he ambled down the hallway toward the kitchen. Oh, boy! What a mess. The Girl’s Club was in rare form last night. Coffee cups, cigarette butts, and dirty desert plates were everywhere. The trash was full to the brim with the plastic from fast reheat-able frozen food trays that had been used up in last night’s ‘confession’ binge. Thankfully someone had managed to set the automatic coffee pot the night before, so there was a pot of the Brew waiting on him. Joe poured a mug of himself. (a cup-o-joe [coffee...] for those of you who don’t understand.) As he leaned against the only clean spot on the counter tops, he sipped his coffee in contented silence. The silence was shattered by a call from the living room.

  “Joe! Bring me a cup of that coffee. I can smell it from here.” (Potato)

  Joe sighed but obeyed. There would be no getting out of this conversation.

  “You can do it!” (Bob)

  “…” (Joe)

  “Find the positive, that’s how it’s done.” (Bob)

  “...shhh” (Joe said, fixing Bob with a look containing as much ennui as possible)

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  “… I … um …” Bob sighed, but fell silent.

  “Better.” (Joe)

  Joe began the short but somehow long journey toward the living room. He looked upon his father, his Mr. Potato , and approached him with the coffee cup. His father did have a rather dull brown, potato like look to his complexion. He was dwarfed by the massive piles of newspaper, tabloids, and books that filled the shelves around his chair. He was like the captain of a star ship that never went anywhere.

  “Just set it there on the shelf and have a seat”, Steve the Potato said pointing to the love seat that was toward his left hand side. “I want to hear what happened to you.” As he said this, his fingers and thumbs pressed together forming a pyramid, and a devious smile lifted the corners of his lips up.

  ~~Fast forward~~

  Joe refused to share anything with his dad about dying or the system, the DOD, or dying, but he had shared the rest. After three hours and 10 pieces of graph paper filled out by his father in explanation; This is what followed.

  “There, see! It’s aliens. I’m sure of it.” (Potato)

  “… Okay, Dad, is there anything else you need”. Joe said as his posture continued to melt.

  “No, but you need to be careful. And, furthermore, why didn’t you tell me anything last night. I couldn’t sleep a wink thinking of all that might have happened”. (Potato man)

  “Yeah, about that,… sorry …” (Joe)

  “What was that, I couldn’t quite make out what you said? (Steve the Potato)

  “Welp, gotta run. See ya, nice chat and all, bye!” Joe said, as he dashed out of the living room.

  As he ran back down the hall to his room, Joe passed his mother coming out of the bathroom. Rollers were in her hair, and a cigarette butt hung precariously from the right side of her mouth. She was in her peaches and kittens bathrobe. She never wore that one unless she was truly unhappy.

  Joe’s mother spoke. “Joe, you owe me a conversation. Meet me in the kitchen in 10 minutes. No excuses. I need my coffee first”. She slothed down the hallway toward the kitchen and out of sight.

  Joe’s mother was named Claire, and when she said no excuses, she meant it. It was hard to figure out, but once she put her foot down, a rare experience, no one could stop her. Joe nodded in resignation, and shuffled into his room to catch his mental breath.

  “Wow, that was… ahem… Yeah, 5 points isn’t going to be enough for that one…” (Bob)

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  ‘ding’ you have 10 points for enduring insanity

  Current GD points = 0

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  “shhhh…” (Joe)

  “Yeah, I get it…” (Bob)

  Joe continued to sip his coffee, as he sat on his bed. After glancing around the room and sighing deeply, Joe and Bob stood up; one on the floor and the other on a shoulder where he had been sitting in silence. Joe patted down his clothes and headed down the hall after closing the door to his room.

  A white haze was slowly drifting out of the kitchen and filling up the foyer as Joe approached the fated meeting. She was probably onto her second pack already. He entered in to the kitchen with a steady shuffling pace. His mother, Claire, was sitting at the oval kitchen table with her back to the fridge facing the door he had just entered. She raised an eyebrow and motioned to the chair directly across from her with an open hand.

  “Don’t bother. I already know. I talked to Samantha this morning before I left the bedroom. You lost another job… And, you almost lost your life! What could be going through your head!”

  'through my head?' Joe glanced down knowingly at his knees… (refer to first paragraph of chapter 1)

  Claire watched him carefully noticing his apparently contrite posture and wisdom filled look. This calmed her heart a good deal. She sat there for a few moments puffing out smoke and smelling of old coffee. After a while she cleared her throat.

  “Ahem… That’s enough of that. Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

  Ah, a mother’s guilt! What a wonderful substance. What a powerful motivator of youth regardless of species or planet of origin. In fact, there were certain planets in other universes where ‘Mother’s Guilt’ was extracted, concentrated, bottled, and used by the ruling authorities to maintain dictatorships that lasted for 10’s of thousands of years. One such example was Karentor; a planet with a matriarchal society of short haired women who had taken over and now ran the planet with bold confrontation, lots of side eye, and a vast, overwhelmingly large supply of mother's guilt. All the surrounding galaxies trembled in fear.

  “...Sorry.” (Joe)

  “Anything else?” (Claire)

  “...I’ll go find a job.” (Joe)

  “When??????” Claire said, using a full bottle of concentrated mother’s guilt. For Joe, it was like staring down the throat of an angry old dragon, smoke and all.

  “Today…” (Joe)

  “Yes you will, but not until you do these dishes and get some groceries!” Claire got up and left the kitchen.

  Joe sat in silence for a moment.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  ‘ding’ you have 5 points for apologizing.

  Current GD points = 5

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Seeing the notification Joe had an idea.

  “Hey, Bob, old buddy old pal!” (Smiling Joe)

  “What?” (dubious Bob)

  “You said something about taking over for an hour, didn’t you?” (Hopeful Joe)

  “What?! O, that. It’s something we put in to help you get out of difficult moral quandaries and the like. It really isn’t meant to be used for this kind of purpose.” (Bob)

  “But can it be????” Joe said with his best puppy dog eyes activated. Joe actually did have really good puppy dog eyes when he wanted. It had helped him out of many difficult situations. However, he never used puppy dog eyes on his mother. She hated dogs. We’re talking Disney villain level of dog hate here. Never ever, under any circumstances show puppy dog eyes to Claire. However, this was Bob, not Claire. Bob was an Angel. Bob loved dogs.

  “… oooo…. O, alright, but just this once. It will cost all 5 points” (Bob)

  “Great! I want you to take over for dish cleaning and room cleaning!” (Joe)

  “…” (Bob)

  “…Well, what are you waiting on?” (Joe)

  “That’s not how this works. You have to shout the phrase loudly!” (Smiling Bob)

  “What, really? I thought that was a joke!” (Frowning Joe)

  “Nope.” (Hopeful Bob)

  “...ugh, great… okay… P.M.S. is best” (Hopeless Joe)

  “I CAN’T HEAR YOU.” (Happy Bob)

  “P.M.S is best” (Joe…)

  “I STILL CAN’T HEAR YOU.” (Joyful Bob)

  “… P.M.S IS BEST!!!” (Defeated Joe)

  “Hmm?! What was that”. (Potato)

  In that moment, something truly weird happened. Not that everything else wasn’t weird up until this point, but at least Joe had been able to process everything from a mostly human standpoint. However, now, that all changed. Joe was suddenly the little angel, and Bob was the man standing in the kitchen. Of course, to everyone else, Joe looked and sounded like Joe. But now, Joe was on Bob’s shoulder.

  “Nothing, Father, just excited to do the dishes is all.” (Fake Joe/Bob)

  “Father?! ... You feelin’ alright?” (Potato)

  “Never better.” (Joe/Bob)

  With that, Joe/Bob got to work on the dishes. As he quickly and skillfully cleaned every dish in sight he sang to himself. “if it hadn’t been for puppy eyed Joe, I’d been happy long time ago…”

  Joe was beside himself with frustration… literally and figuratively.

  “Bob, if you don’t stop singing that, I’m gonna poop on your shoulder.”

  end Chapter 4