Void was struggling to process what I was saying. “The end of the world? Why didn’t you lead with this?”

  “I didn’t want to worry Doun,” I said. “He usually doesn’t take it well. Besides, you just sat down. Who starts a conversation like that?”

  Void pressed a finger against each temple on her head. “Why are you talking like that? You just met us.”

  I sighed and explained the time loop I was stuck in and what would happen in three months. I told them about my special ability, Mulligan, and how it related to an old sports term back on Earth. It was, as far as I know, the reason I was constantly reliving the same three months. I knew I had to stop the apocalypse to break me out of this torturous existence.

  “It’s true,” Lia added. “He knew a lot of things about my past I never told him.”

  “And who are you?” Void asked.

  “I was a castle slave maid. The king gave me to Oliver and,” Lia started.

  Void growled low. “Slaves? I’m supposed to trust you when you own a slave?”

  “You have it wrong,” Lia quickly interjected. “Look at my neck. No collar.”

  Void looked at Lia and noticed the clear absence of the slave collar. She immediately relaxed. “Still, how do I know she isn’t easily deceived by her savior?”

  “I, too, trust his Lordship,” Tizek announced.

  “Oh, did he tell you this, too?” Void asked.

  “No, I just learned now. But I trust him. He saved me from the corrupt Guard,” Tizek smiled.

  The first time around, I had winced at the statement. Tizek had just insulted the institution Void worked for. Her eye twitching in irritation helped make me think she was offended. Then I later learned the only reason she was sequestered to night duty, and doing paperwork at that, was she was an uncorruptible Guard in a corrupt organization.

  Void rolled her eyes. “You’re going to have to do better than that.”

  “Alright,” I smiled. “You’re Void, 26 and a Guardswoman.”

  “No kidding,” Void deadpanned, clearly unimpressed.

  “You’ve been stuck on night duty for the past eight years because you refused to take a bribe on your first patrol from a street hustler selling scam bracelets,” I continued. Now I was getting somewhere and Void suddenly went quiet.

  “You’ve stuck it out with the Guard since it’s a stable income and you think you’ll be able to expose the corruption easier from within,” I said. “You like pet rabbits and wished you had one. Your favorite color is turquoise though you don’t wear it because you think it’ll make you look soft. You secretly sing in the tub when bathing.”

  Void began leaning forward and her jaw fell partially open in shock. She was starting to believe me.

  “The reason you don’t have any siblings is because Doun had his two,” I gestured at my crotch, “Torn off during an Exterminator job when he was 21. That’s why your parents retired and opened The Gnashing Teeth.”

  Void’s eyes widened as I spoke, the reality of what I had said sinking in. I then leaned in close to whisper in her ear. This was my final stroke to get her to believe my story. “And have nothing on under your shirt or shorts right now. You don’t wear undergarments when you sleep.”

  Void gasped and looked back down at herself. While I would have appreciated seeing her one of her firm girls airing to the wind, her chest was secured under her top. She also didn’t have any previously undiscovered holes in her shorts. “That all could just be a lucky guess,” Void fumbled, clearly trying to deny my story.

  “I could tell everyone about the scar on,” I started.

  “No!” Void waved her hands animatedly. “Alright, I believe you. Why me?”

  “Well,” I began. “I did mean it when I said I think you’re cute. You’ve got the right kind of rough edges and have a heart of gold. Underneath your tough exterior there’s an emotional girl who wants to be accepted. You’re competent yet are awkward. It’s adorable.”

  Void shook her head in bemusement before lowering her eyes in embarrassment. “You said we dated?”

  “Every time I met you. How could I not? The three of you have been the best part of my coming to this world, especially you, Void” I said. I decided to leave out the part where I avoided her for the last few centuries because I got tired of seeing her skin melt off her body. Lia looked at us like she was engrossed in her favorite drama while Tizek was still a little out of sorts from his binge drinking and losing interest.

  “I,” Void fumbled her words. “Not that. I mean why me? Why are you coming to us to help save the world?”

  I leaned back and prepared to place an arm on the back of the booth. I paused and made sure it was my left. I didn’t want to come on too strong and put an arm around Void right now. From her perspective, we did just meet. “There are a few reasons. I like you three. You three will develop into surprisingly competent Exterminators. And, most importantly, you’re the only ones who ever believe me.”

  “Really?” Lia asked. “You’ve never gotten to know anyone else?”

  “No other girlfriends to ask?” Void added.

  “No. You’ve been the one and only. You, Doun and Mira have been a bedrock for me,” I said. “Fact is. Whenever I bring this up to anyone else. I get mocked, ridiculed and abandoned no matter what facts I know. Frequently, I get tossed into prison and sold off as a slave. Sometimes I just get my head lopped off. You three are the only ones who trust me. Well, there is a fourth, but I try to avoid him whenever necessary.”

  “Who is the fourth?” Lia asked.

  I took a sip of my juice. “The Gully Jack. He gave me a little code I can tell him that will make things easy.”

  “You know the lord of the underworld in Leoren? Who is he?” Void asked. I could see she was in Guard mode.

  “That’s a secret. I won’t tell you his real name or what clan he is. All I can say is I’d rather not interact with him unless it’s entirely necessary,” I said. “So, do you trust me on this?”

  “You are a great lord!” Tizek exclaimed excitedly. “You will always have my blade.”

  “You don’t have a blade,” I said.

  Tizek looked at the table. “When I get one.”

  I was about to rain on poor Tizek’s parade about getting a blade when I was interrupted. I was loving these little moments of unpredictability.

  “Food’s up!” Mira said as she approached our table with four plates, two of them expertly balanced on each arm. She deftly slid them on our table and pulled out cutlery from her apron.

  I quickly took a wooden knife and fork and cut into the steaming meat in a thick red sauce on my plate. I placed the meat in my mouth and enjoyed the tender venison’s juices as they exploded in my mouth. In the moment of joy, my mind wandered back to another strange aspect of this world. There were deer, the animal, and the deer-tribe, the people. The locals had a strong understanding the two were different. I found it strange, even after centuries of living here, that the deer-tribe would actually hunt and eat deer, the animal.

  “Mira, you are easily a food mage. I expect you must have some kind of secret spell to make food this good,” I moaned as the flavor of rosemary and red wine reduction washed over my tongue.

  Mira giggled. “Thank you. We don’t have that kind of magic in our world. I’m happy you like it. Void, I think this one’s a keeper.”

  “Mom, you just met him. Both you and Dad are trying to pawn me off on him now,” Void protested.

  The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

  “Oh hush. No one who likes my food can be bad,” Mira said with a huff.

  “Everyone likes your food,” Void countered.

  I was enjoying watching the bickering. The two of them did this a lot and it was how the pair bonded. Lia was slowly chewing her food while Tizek had his entire roast in his hands and was chowing down. I recalled the times I tried to teach the frilled-clan man table manners. It never stuck so I just let it be.

  “So, what have you four been talking about?” Mira asked us, her eyes watching Void closely.

  “Oh, I just invited Void to come with us and join the Exterminator’s Guild,” I said. It was true, I just left out the apocalypse part.

  Mira gasped. “Void! You have to accept. He’s a hero and he’s here to combat a great evil. You’ve been languishing in the Guard for too long.”

  “Mom? Aren’t you supposed to worry about my safety and tell me to not join the Exterminators?” Void said incredulously.

  “Oh posh. We didn’t object when you joined the Guard. Besides, how else will you Advance? You’re still at zero and haven’t even figured out your rating,” Mira said, her finger wagging for emphasis.

  Void scowled. “That’s because the Guard…” She paused and seemed to have a revelation in her head.

  “Because the Guard what?” Mira said with a circular wave of her hand. Void’s mother was trying to get Void to admit the obvious.

  “Because the Guard is a corrupt stain and they wouldn’t even notice if I didn’t show up for work,” Void said, finally recognizing the last eight years of her life were a complete waste.

  “Great! Then we can go sign up n…” I paused and looked at the delectable roast on my plate. “Right after lunch.”

  “Can I at least get changed first?” Void asked as she picked up her own utensils.

  I looked over her again. She was still wearing her sleepwear since no one developed a clothes beam spell in this world. “Why? You match us perfectly.”

  Void gave me a glare while Mira snorted out a laugh. “That’s why I keep telling you not to come down like that,” Mira said after her chuckling subsided.

  After our meal and conversation between Lia, Tizek and Void to get to know each other better, we set out to our next destination. Well, after Void got changed into her boots, dark work slacks and a grey shirt. I never was able to convince her to match our eclectic uniforms.

  We walked about an hour to a shop in a square situated in a middle-class neighborhood. The square was mostly nondescript. A couple of food carts, small roadside vendors and street performers made the forested plaza home. In the surrounding buildings were cafes, tailors, a woodshaper and, our destination, an Exterminator’s supply shop called Exterminator’s Excitement.

  By now, the gawking at my presence had subsided. I was like Spider-Man in New York. Oh? You saw Spider-Man? No big deal, he was perched on the side of a billboard in Time’s Square eating a hot dog. We’ve all seen that. I wasn’t exactly doing a whole lot to make for an interesting conversation topic, so people started to ignore me.

  “How did you ever find,” Void started when she saw the shop then shook her head. “Stupid question, you’ve done this before.”

  “Well, you were the one who suggested it,” I replied. “I was wasting a lot of money buying my gear at the Victory Square shops.”

  “I don’t blame you. The new Guilders always end up getting fleeced there,” Void said.

  I felt ashamed at the time. It was like if I drove down to Magic Kingdom to buy a Disney t-shirt instead of at Wal-Mart.

  “I’ve never been in a shop like this before,” Lia said as she stared at the storefront grown out of a large oak tree. “Well, except when I got caught.”

  “I’m going to get my blade,” Tizek said as he dreamily looked up at the entrance. He was as excited as the name of the shop. It wasn’t going to be fun to let the poor guy down, but it was for the best.

  We entered the shop to the hollow tinkling of the wooden bell above the door. The inside was a standard shop in the city. Because of the rampant risk of shoplifting, nothing of value was ever left out in the open. The place looked more like an Apple Store than a Target. Display cases had wooden plaques with pyrography images burned into them to show off the store’s wares. Catalogues sat on surfaces for additional product.

  Everything of value was kept in the back. That is how Lia was so easily caught. It was painfully obvious a teen in rags rooting around a storage room was there to steal stuff. Jummi was one of the oddities to keep anything for sale out front, mainly because it was predominantly trash.

  Behind the service counter was a middle-age coyote-clan man wearing a green collared shirt and tan slacks. He was Armond, the shop’s owner. He thought his outfit made him look sophisticated. To me, he looked like a mall retail worker.

  Armond turned up and saw us enter and his eyes widened. “Oh! The hero and his…entourage? You’re quite an unusual mix. What brings you in to my shop?”

  “Heya Armond,” I said then gestured to Lia and Tizek. “I’d like to get them some decent clothing. I also have a list of things I’d like to get. We need gear to join the Exterminator’s Guild.”

  Armond squinted at me. “How did you know my name?”

  “I suggested your shop. My parents knew your Dad and always talked about this place,” Void said, saving me from my little mistake. She was always quick on the uptake.

  Armond brightened. “Who are your parents?”

  “Mira and Doun.”

  Armond brightened even more. “Ah! It was a shame what happened to your father. Your parents were always great customers. You’re welcome anytime.”

  Armond called on a pair of attendants to bring Lia and Tizek to the back for measuring while Void started browsing through a weapons catalog. Armond looked at me next. “Will you be requiring new clothing as well?”

  I looked down at myself. “I could use a pair of boots. The shirt and shorts are fine. They fit my aesthetic.”

  Armond leaned over the counter and peered at my feet. “You have unusual feet. I’ll have to take measurements if we have nothing in stock. Unfortunately, they look like wide children’s feet. I may have a pair or two in the back to fit you.”

  I knew he had two and I already knew exactly which pair I wanted. “I trust you on that.”

  “What else can I get you today?” Armond said. He pulled out a black slate and a quill. A small blue prick of light appeared on the end of his quill as he prepared to write down my order. He was channeling his internal magic into the device.

  “Alright, this is a long one,” I started. “A greatsword, a flanged mace, a buckler, two rapiers, a recurve bow, 20 hardened mahogany arrows, four sets of full leather armor with torso padding, four padded coifs, four wooden helms, four monster cleaning daggers, a starter Healer set and a starter Rogue set.”

  “Do you want your weapons enchanted?” Armond asked.

  “Durability for both the blades and armor,” I replied

  Armond’s hand whisked quickly over the tablet’s surface as he wrote. I let him catch up and then he stopped to look at me. “Anything else?”

  I leaned in close and whispered low. “Four poison delivery daggers, four doses of Heartstop poison and a turquoise vest for the lady over there.”

  Armond squinted. “What do you need that for?”

  “Because she looks good in turquoise and it’s her favorite color,” I whispered back.

  “No,” Armond replied. “Not that. The poison.”

  “In case of emergency,” I said. “None of us can fight and I’d like something in case we get in trouble with a monster.” I didn’t tell him the emergency monster was a giant interdimensional squid and I needed a quick way to end everyone instead of dying to the green mist. I asked for four because I never knew if Mulligan triggered on my death or at the point the green mist poured out.

  “I’ll load and sheath them for you. It’s a dangerous poison. One prick and you’re done,” Armond warned. “And also be warned, all sales are registered with the Alchemist’s Guild. If you use it on someone, we’ll know. Each vial has a unique alchemical signature. Keep them safe, if you report it stolen and someone turns up dead, you’ll still be the main suspect.”

  “Fair enough,” I replied. “It’s not something to mess around with and you don’t want people willy-nilly killing.”

  Armond gave a nod of approval and took out a paper. He used quill to write down four different serial numbers on the line he read from his black slate. “Place your finger on the circle and sign. Do you know how to mana sign?”

  I pressed my finger to the document of sale for the poison and willed my mana. The seal of Florida appeared in the circle. “A castle mage gave me the rundown.”

  Armond hummed and nodded as he calculated up the price. “The price comes out to 87 gold Sovereigns. I rounded down the price to the nearest Sovereign for a hero’s discount.”

  That was a fair price. I tried to haggle a few times in the past and he wouldn’t budge. I eventually learned he was basically selling to me at cost. The enchantments, controlled by the Enchanter’s Guild, were the big expense. I pulled out my pouch and counted out the coins. After Armond verified their authenticity, he swept the coins into his box.

  We were now down to ten gold coins. It was still a good chunk of change, but being an Exterminator was expensive and we needed four of those coins for next week.

  “I’ll head on back and get your things,” Armond said before disappearing to the back.

  While I waited, I went over and stood next to Void who was still flipping through the weapon catalog. “Anything you like?”

  “I’m sure you know already,” Void said as she examined a metal arming sword.

  “Doesn’t mean I don’t like hearing you telling me yourself,” I said as I read the description. It was a steel blade.

  Void gave a brief smile. “I like this one. But it’s ridiculously expensive. All the metal weapons have gotten pricey lately.”

  “There was a mana flare at the iron mine,” I explained. “It’s disrupted the supply until the Exterminators can clear out all the monsters.”

  Void’s hands pressed into the catalog paper and her small black claws wrinkled the pages under the pressure. “I can’t believe I wasted so much of my life doing paperwork. I’m so disconnected from the rest of the world that I wasn’t even aware of the mana flare.”

  I gently placed my hand on her back. “Hey, it’ll get better. Well, except for the apocalypse thing.”

  “Do you think we have a chance this time?” Void asked.

  I hated this question. She always asked it at some point. “I don’t believe in lying to you. You’re tough and can handle it. I have very little hope it’ll be solved in this run.”

  “How do you do it?” Void asked as she turned her face to mine. “How do you not go mad from all of this?”

  “I have in a sense,” I replied. “In fact, I’ve been narrating everything in the first person in my head for quite a while now.”

  Void blinked. “What? Narrating? What do you mean by that?”

  “It’s like I’m talking to an audience in my mind,” I said. “Imagine a narrator in a play at the theater talking to the crowd. I think I’m doing this to keep sane. If I treat this like a story, maybe there will be a happy ending.”

  “Wow, that’s…strange,” Void replied as she closed the catalog and set it back on the table.

  “The other thing keeping me going is you, Lia, Tizek and everyone else I’ve met. Sure, this world is a mess. Slavery, corruption and class division are a huge problem. But there are good people worth fighting for. I think I’m able to hold on because, each time I go through, I’m getting just a little closer to figuring it out,” I said. “Sure, I don’t know my progress, but it’s always possible some little thing I run across could be the key.”

  “I see why I keep falling for you,” Void mumbled to herself. I let her believe I didn’t hear it.

  “I have the things you asked for,” Armond called from the counter. I looked over and he loaded up the top with the merchandise. At the same time, both Lia and Tizek came out from the back looking far more presentable.

  Lia was wearing a blue top with dark slacks to go with her sturdy boots. She looked like a proper, pretty young lynx-clan woman now as opposed to a bum.

  Tizek, well, was Tizek. He also had a yellow shirt and dark pants along with boots. He looked uncomfortable in the outfit since his people usually went around shirtless. He had to be convinced by one of the attendants this was how things were done in Leoren.

  On the desk along with the gear were two pairs of boots. One was a basic pair of black boots. The other was a pink pair with little floral designs sewn into the leather. Armond looked apologetic. “This is all I had that looked like it would fit you. You’d have to get a custom pair made otherwise.”

  I looked at the boots and knew exactly which pair I wanted. I picked them every time. My hand hovered over the black pair before quickly darting over and grabbing the pink ones. “These look good.”

  “Are you serious?” Lia asked. “No, of course you are. Those boots are probably the key to something important later.”

  “Nah,” I said as I removed my rubber clogs and slipped my feet into the boots. “I like the inner lining and they’re more durable than the others. You guys don’t need socks so I have to pick what doesn’t chafe.” I wagged my now pink and flower covered feet. It also helped it fit with my eclectic attire.

  “Who is the vest for?” Void asked. She was clearly interested in the color.

  “Why, for you,” I said.

  She was taken aback. “Me? Why?”

  “Because you look good in turquoise and it’s your favorite color,” I said.

  She stared at it. “I can’t wear that.”

  “Please, you look good in it,” I stated. “Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks and enjoy life. You need to get out of the metaphorical paper-pusher department, too.”

  Void picked up the vest like it was going to bite her and stared at the cloth. She then relented and slipped it over her shirt. It really did look good to add a splash of color to her dull grey-black everything. She looked at herself in a mirror in the changing booth and looked surprised. “I see your point.”

  “I agree with Oliver,” Lia added. “A bit of color makes you pop.”

  We took a few moments in the changing booth to get into our leather armor. Now we finally all looked the part of Exterminators. Well, at least as far as my pink boots would get it. I slung the backpack with all the bits and bobs I bought and pointed to the canvas wrap with all of our weapons in it. “Tizek buddy? Mind carrying that? We’ll get ourselves situated after we sign up at the Exterminator’s Guild.”

  “I am at my lord’s service!” Tizek yipped. He was really excited to be in armor and hold a weapon, even though it was in a cloth bundle.

  I placed my old rubber clogs on the counter. I would miss the old boys, but walking around in them wasn’t feasible. They’d wear down on the rough road in under a month and you don’t want to get into a fight in them. “Can you do anything with these?”

  Armond picked them up and looked the clogs over. “They look like poor footwear. I doubt I could move them for much. How much are you asking?”

  I knew the clogs were pretty much worthless here. Aerosolized plastic, while an impressive scientific advancement on Earth, wasn’t useful in a fantasy magic world. Just because it was from my reality didn’t make it automatically better or impressive here. “Nothing. I figure you can get a few coppers as an oddity from them. To offset your discount.”

  Armond handed them off to one of his associates. “Here, clean these.” He then gave me a grateful nod. “Thank you for shopping at Exterminator’s Excitement.”

  “And thank you for not scamming us,” I said with a big smile. Armond smirked at the statement, knowing exactly what I meant.

  “Alright, it’s time to go sign up to be professional critter killers,” I announced. We all left the shop to head on to our next destination.