Tempokai

  If you could do anything, the world would have turned into an erotic manga by now. You'd be in your own world of phalluses and breasts and tentacles - and I don't just mean on your computer screen! It's not like they're real; it's just a fantasy world running through your head. You would become a god, albeit a fwed one. No human is perfect and has everything you want. So what's wrong with that? The best thing about being a god is that you get to py God; you get to do whatever you want. What's good for me is good for everybody else.

  Pfft. What a horrible being I am to think so little of my fellow man. But I'm not going to tell anyone about this; at least not until I find someone who believes me. There are people out there who would have sex with anything that moves, but none of them know better than I do. It's... well... pretty weird.

  I once saw an old woman who had her privates chopped off when she was young and then reattached over her urethra. She has never been able to pee normally since. And she voluntarily chose this way of life. How much more disgusting can it get? Of course, she couldn't tell anyone about it, even though she lived to such a ripe old age. Nobody would believe her anyway.

  Or what about a guy down south who had his testicles removed? He wasn't sick or anything, he just didn't like having balls. His wife divorced him and married another man, and some other women came along to raise their kids and make a new home for themselves. Fucking hell, you'd think the whole world was covered with nothing but men without balls. Imagine how many perverts we would have! I certainly wouldn't want to marry one of those people.

  But enough of that, I shouldn't dwell on such things. Time to get back to work. I wonder what kind of bizarre things will happen in Japan next week. Maybe something really weird will come out of the closet and surprise us all - something with tentacles and breasts.

  ***

  And it fucking happened.

  I still can't believe it myself. When I first saw it, I thought maybe I was dreaming or something, because I couldn't believe my eyes. Then I looked around and realized that no one else knew either.

  My friend of a friend of a friend found a porn magazine with a tentacle monster raping a woman.

  A real porn magazine with a tentacle monster raping a woman.

  I know. You're ughing right now. CGI tentacle monsters aren't exactly new.

  But this was real, and it wasn't a movie. My friend of a friend of a friend showed me the cover. Even he couldn't believe his eyes.

  The picture on the cover showed a naked Japanese woman being attacked by a giant squid monster. It was hard to make out the details, but it appeared that the creature was penetrating her vagina. The woman's face was contorted in pain, with tears streaming down her cheeks. Her body shook violently as the beast entered her.

  It was a horrible sight. But it wasn't a fantasy. It was real.

  Still, I had to look again. A few weeks ago, I might have dismissed it as an eborate hoax or a Photoshop job, but I couldn't shake the feeling that it was real. I even tried searching for more online news stories about it, but nothing came up. So I went to the source: my friend of a friend of a friend.

  He lives near the publisher, which isn't too far away. He went and talked to the publisher directly. The publisher said that they hadn't pnned to print the magazine yet, but the guy who took care of the production accidentally threw it in the printer. They were trying to figure out what to do with it, but they weren't sure if it should be sold in stores or not.

  After I heard this, I figured there must be something wrong with the image. I asked my friend of a friend of a friend if he could confirm its authenticity, but he admitted he couldn't. He only said that the publisher told him that the picture was authentic.

  Okay, so maybe it's fake. But it was not fake enough to be not fake.

  Why would they lie about something like this?

  It was a crazy idea, but I was convinced that the publisher was lying. This was too unbelievable to be true, and it had to be a hoax. And I did like every 25 year reporter would do, to check the facts.

  Only I wanted to know WTF is going on, so I pnned a covert operation.

  For several days, I kept tabs on the publisher. I wanted to know his routine. Once I got inside his office, I was ready to pounce.

  Last night, after getting off from work, I sneaked into the publisher's house. He had a basement, and he entered through a small door on the bottom floor. I waited for him to return, and once he reached the top of the stairs, I pounced.

  It was easy. All I had to do was pick the lock. Thanks for lockpickingwyer's amazing videos.

  The publisher was shocked when he saw me. But it was too te for him. In a matter of seconds, I had cuffed him and gagged him.

  That's when I went up to his room. Basement room. I peeked around the corner, and what I saw made me freeze.

  My friend's friend's wife was tied to a chair. She was naked and her legs were spread. The tentacles of a huge octopus monster were pumping furiously into her pussy. Her face was contorted in ecstasy.

  What the fuck? I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I was afraid to move, but I couldn't help looking. If I wasn't a pervert, I would have electrocuted that thing by now.

  As I watched, the tentacles retracted. As they retreated, the monster pushed two eggs into the woman's womb.

  Fuck! I didn't know what to think. My friend of a friend of a friend was right. So I took my taser and smashed the monster's head.

  Then I untied the girl and brought her downstairs.

  "Are you okay?" I asked. "Did that thing hurt you?"

  She just stared at me with her mouth wide open. She was in high heaven.

  "Yes, it hurt," she said. "But it felt so good."

  No shit, dy. You should probably see a doctor after that thing fucked you up the ass...

  I turned back to my friend of a friend of a friend's wife.

  "Let's call the cops," I said.

  But before we could dial 911, the editor started screaming. Something was happening to his arms and legs. His wrists were tied behind his back, but now he was filing around. Fucking hell. Another round of tentacles sprouted.

  I looked at the girl. She was shaking with fear, but I had to calm her down.

  "Rex," I said. "We're going to be okay. I just need to..."

  Fuck. My electroshocker is dead. No battery.

  "We're going to die!" the editor screamed.

  Another set of tentacles came out of his body. They grabbed his cock and he sprayed cum all over the pce. Fuck! It was still hard. Oi, focus!

  I had a police baton in my backpack. It was loaded with pepper spray. I activated it and pointed the nozzle at the publisher's crotch.

  A cloud of white smoke came out of the tip. The editor coughed violently and his eyes bulged. He had a perverted look on his face as he tried to breathe.

  The tentacles became angry. They pulled out of the editor's body and moved towards us. The girl panicked. She screamed with joy, but there was no time for that. Not when we had to run for our lives.

  I pulled her up and ran for the stairs. We made it out of the basement, but the monsters were after us.

  ***

  By the time we reached the street, it was pitch bck outside. The rain was pouring and the thunder was loud. Why I chose this time to investigate, I don't know. Maybe I thought that since it was dark, the cops wouldn't find anything. But that's not why I'm a cop.

  As we ran, I noticed that the girl's breasts bounced with every step she took. They were bigger than I had imagined, and they jiggled like crazy. How could I not stare at them? Oh God, how can I live without knowing if they are real?

  There was a light in the distance. Maybe a firehouse or something. I yelled for help and that's when we saw a patrol car.

  Great. Just great.

  ***

  At least we weren't alone. Two cops jumped out of the patrol car. One had a fshlight.

  "What's going on?" one asked.

  "Help us!" the girl screamed. "We're running from a monster."

  The cop was skeptical, but he called for backup anyway. A few minutes ter, more cops arrived and formed a circle around us. They had their guns out and their hands on the triggers.

  "Where's your monster?" the first cop asked.

  "There, in the publisher's house."

  The cops shined their fshlights in the direction of the building.

  "Shit," said another cop. "I thought it was a joke..."

  "I agree," said the first cop.

  The tentacles have assimited the editor. They grow out of his neck. His head is still attached, but the rest of him looks like some kind of squid or octopus.

  "We've got to kill it," the second cop says. "Get the dogs and SWAT ready."

  That's when the tentacles released their grip on the editor. They retreated. He fell to the ground, motionless.

  "Oh, shit," said the first cop.

  They shot at the tentacles, but hit nothing.

  "That won't do any good," said one of the policemen. "We've got to stun it somehow."

  "You mean...?"

  A cop grabbed a stun gun. He pulled the trigger, and a blue bolt came out. It hit a tentacle. The creature twitched and then stopped moving.

  "Hey, it worked!"

  He fired another bolt, and another, and another. As we watched, the tentacles slowly shrank. They retreated into the editor's body and disappeared.

  Soon, SWAT vans appeared. Their lights fshed and their sirens wailed.

  They were wearing hazmat suits, so they had no problem handling whatever crap we found in the building. Well, almost none.

  "My name is Lieutenant Anderson," said a man wearing a pstic mask and gloves. "What the hell did you find in there?"

  "A hentai girl's wet dream." I told him about the publisher and the girl and the tentacles. "I think he was a pervert."

  Anderson ughed. "Sounds like a bad porno."

  "It was worse than that," I said. "He wanted to make a pornographic movie based on the Cthulhu mythos."

  "What?"

  "Yeah. There's something wrong with these people!"

  ***

  Lt. Anderson was right. There was something terribly wrong with the Lovecraftians. I already knew that, but I learned it better that night. The cops took the girl to the hospital and I went home.

  I was exhausted. I didn't get much sleep that night. This would have been an excellent article, but I was forced to sign NDA forms before I could see what I found. I wish I could tell you all about it, but I can't. Sometimes a journalist has to make sacrifices.