TAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW!
The sound of a high, sharply pitched horn blared through the cavern.
A creature careened out of the fungi towards them. It was a large red...
fungus monsta? thought Gob the instant he saw it.
It looked just like the fungus that was growing around them, except it was obviously more monster than plant. The creature had no body sections, but was just a large, fat lump with two stumpy, clawed legs and an enormous, cavernous mouth the entire width of it's body.
The mouth was hard to look past, and was full of sharp pink teeth with a fat wet tongue that flicked around, slobbering saliva all over everything in it's path.
Up behind the oversized mouth and two beady, angry little black eyes however, was a rider blowing the long note on a hand held horn.
a puky goblin iz ridin da fungus! thought Gob.
Gurbbbbllllllaaaaaarrrrrr!
The giant fungus creature spat and gurgled a guttural roar as it came at them. It was big, twice Gob's height at least, and a bright mushroom red with white spots and a glowing ring of luminescence around it's middle. It was grossly fat, but the stumpy little legs seemed powerful enough to throw it, bounding, forwards at an astonishing speed.
Without even consciously thinking of it, the splinter in Gob's hand throbbed with a sharp stab, and a notification popped up. Le?n and Kylie both saw it too, and even in the heat of the moment, gave him confused looks.
"I'LL FROW IT" yelled Gob, "LEON, YOO CHOP ITZ LEG OFF, KYLZ YOO BERN IT!"
He pulled out his flask.
"TO KRUNCH!"
Gob shot upwards as he grew to roughly the same size as the bright red fungus hopper.
The creature itself didn't seem to care at all, but the goblin rider's eyes went wide and he pulled back hard on a set of reins he was holding that were attached to an odd sort of a saddle.
The hopper wasn't the sort of beast whose momentum could be easily slowed however, and the slobbering creature ignored his rider and lunged at Gob with a savage snap of it’s full width jaws. Gob grabbed it on both sides of its head, dropped to his back with a resounding crash, and bodyfrew the creature over himself.
GREEN FUNGUS v GENERAL
The General and Stella had sprung forwards the moment they had heard the horn blow.
A large luminous green living fungus on two legs with a crazed looking Goblin rider was bounding their way, crashing through the forest.
Ruff! Bowar grarl roawar!
(stelladeathslayer loves to play with mushroommonsters!)
The Orc could feel her powerful muscles under him. Not tense, not at all concerned. She wasn't attacking, she was toying! They easily had the initiative, and she bounded forward and
thwack!
smacked the creature on the side of it's body with the bottom of her paw, knocking it over, quickly following up with a dart forwards with one of her heads to chomp off one of it's legs.
BLUE FUNGUS v SWARM
The big black rat was poised, ready. Tense, but also calm at the same time, as was his swarm.
The swarm benefitted from a cumulative defensive bonus when in formation and there were few attacks they would not get an opportunity to save against. They had faced some terrifying creatures in the Shadow Wastes and prevailed together.
A great, hulking blue fungus with phosphorescent purple tiger stripes flung itself out of the forest at them, leaping into the air on two short but powerful legs, and opening it's maw wide as it came. There was a stunted maniacal Goblin clinging to it's back laughing wildly. The fungus monster looked like it wanted to swallow their entire formation in a single bite, and the mouth might have been big enough to do just that, but as it approached, the swarm all sensed the same thing: evade. As one, the formation sprang backwards in all directions away from the monster, who's gaping mouth snapped shut on nothing but air.
GREEN FUNGUS v GENERAL
The Goblin rider had been flung off his mount when Stella smacked it. The giant dog squatted back playfully on her front legs, and as the fungus hopper tried to struggle back up again she smacked it back over onto it's side.
Roaw bowarror rarl!
(stelladeathslayer can play this game all day!)
The Orc dismounted and charged into the fungus forest in the direction he'd seen the Goblin rider flung.
It was dazed and looked to only just be recovering and getting up. It heard the Orc's approach and sprung up, a short rusty sword drawn. However, as soon as it saw the hulking white Orc approaching, it dropped it's weapon and raised it's arms to shield itself.
"Don't!" it screeched, "We can take you to the Night Council!"
BLUE FUNGUS v SWARM
The swarm was fast, and in the instant the blue hopper's jaws snapped shut on nothing, it was their turn, and they all sprang forwards, swamping the beast with their force of numbers, crawling all over it, stabbing, biting, clawing, dragging the rider from his mount. Despite the savage cuts, there was no blood or ichor from it's wounds, and no exposed muscle or bone. The creature was entirely fungus.
gurgbllaaaaaarrrrrr
the beast gurgled from under the swarm
"Nooooooooo...." the rider wailed as he himself was overcome with the surging vermintide.
The fungus monster's tongue flicked out with a wet whiplike
Crack!
and a few of the swarm were thrown back, one of them badly injured by the lash, but the tongue was quickly severed by another swarm warrior and it flopped lifelessly to the ground.
The giant jaws opened wide in an attempt to snap a mouthful of the rats surging all over it, but no sooner had it opened than slits were cut through it's gullet and the head was bisected, top jaw from bottom. Even then, the two halves of the head jerked and spasmed, the beady little eyes of the fungus darting around for a victim until it was hacked by the swarm into pieces so small that that it was nothing more than fungus compost on the forest floor.
SHREE!
RED FUNGUS v DEATH SLAYERS
Even as the red fungus flew through the air from Gob's bodyfrow, it still tried to snap at him, as if being airborne was of little concern to it. With a surprisingly agile twist it managed to turn its body around mid-flight, ready to land and charge again, and might have, except that it crashed into one of the tall fungus trees. The Goblin rider was flung from his saddle with a shrill scream and tumbled off into the fungus forest.
It was enough for Le?n, he flashed across to the creature. It was already regaining it's footing and seemed oblivious to the fact it had lost its rider, but suddenly gargled in pain as the Elf severed one of it's legs, then roared again as he severed it's other.
The hopper writhed and spasmed on the ground, snarling and snapping with its maw, and flicking it's wet tongue out around it, but it was clearly now not able to move from where it was. The stumps of it's legs were only an extension of the same fungal material that it's body was made of, and as they watched, the legs even started to grow back.
“Kylie, fry it!” said Le?n urgently.
She summoned a bright red flame.
“No, no, no!” came a shrill and desperate voice from the fungal forest. It was the rider, limping and stumbling towards his battlemount.
“Don't! Please don't!” the Night Goblin dove towards the hopper, “Calm Squik, calm!”
Grglgglurggurglurrg...
As soon as the hopper beast heard its name, it seemed to stop snapping and started a pitiful sort of shaking, lip smacking, guttural gurgle.
Kylie didn't fry it.
TAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW! TAWWW TAWW!
The rider blew his horn again and screamed at the top of his lungs,
“RIDERS, RIDERS STAND DOWN, STAND DOWN!”
It was too late for the blue fungus, the swarm had already shredded it beyond recovery and the rider lay dead next to it.
The White Orc emerged from the fungus forest just as the second horn sounded. He was holding up the green fungus rider by the scruff of his chain mail shirt. He threw him towards the fungus monster Stella was still smacking with her enormous paws.
The Goblin shrieked with terror at being so close to the three headed dog, but desperately ran to the green fungus and calmed it with a touch.
"Calm, Tix, Calm."
Bow roawar bow woar. Grrrrr....
(ruin stelladeathslayer's game. not happy.)
The Orc jumped up on her back again, and looked around at the battle trying to find the source of the second horn blow.
The swarm were scurrying around tending to their wounded warriors, their attacker clearly dealt with.
Gob and Le?n walked at a distance from the red hopper, who had grown its stumpy legs back surprisingly quickly, and was now standing once again. It's rider was on it's back, keeping a restraining hand on it, and Kylie was hovering to it's side with a bright red flame dancing around her outstretched arm ready to burn it if it decided to step out of line.
They walked it over towards the General, the swarm hissing at it as it came. The rider looked at them terrified; it was hard to miss the body of his dead companion lying on the ground in their midst, and the decimated pile of blue fungus shavings all around them in the ground.
Stella had reluctantly backed off playing with the green fungus and it was also recovering it's limb while the terrified rider calmed it with soothing words.
"General," Le?n called up to the White Orc with a wry grin, gesturing at the rider on the red hopper, "this one seems to be in charge. He was the horn blower. He's offered to take us to the Night Goblin ruling Council."
"So did this one," answered the White Orc, pointing at the green rider. He addressed the red rider, "What's your name, Goblin?"
Gob hung back while the White Orc and Le?n spoke to the Goblin riders and thought about what had just happened. Not the hopper battle, that had been interesting, but short. He wanted to think about the Splinter of Insight.
He hadn't been very excited about it when the Master had given it to him, after the developments he'd seen in Le?n and Kylie. But he had to admit, what the splinter had allowed him to do during the hopper battle had been incredible, not to mention extremely effective... they'd taken down a big beast in perfect sync together, with no damage to any of them.
His insight had been more powerful than his actual powers.
"You look thoughtful." said Kylie flying up and sitting in the top of his head.
"i iz finkin about mi new geer. de splinta ov insite." he answered.
"Yeah, it was amazing!" she said, "It basically told us what to do to defeat the monster!"
"da masta sed it can orso look at mi stats an help me mak dem betta so dat even tho i iz not alined i can start 'unlernin' sum of dem. he sed wen i look at a stat den da splinta wil help me undastand if iz good or no good."
"Really?" asked Kylie, "So have you tried?"
"No." said Gob.
"When was the last time you looked at your stats anyway?"
Gob shrugged, "i fink mibby wen we woz at da ice carsel wiv ze cont."
"Gob!" she exclaimed, flying off the top of his head and hovering in front of his face, "Stats are like personal hygiene! You have to attend to them daily!"
He raised an eyebrow at her.
"Ok." she admitted, "Bad example. Your personal hygiene is the pits."
Gob sniffed under his arm, making her laugh.
"Ok, come on then." she said, glancing over to the Orc and Le?n who were still discussing things with the Goblin riders, "Let's see them."
She gave him a funny look.
This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.
"wot?" he asked.
"Gob, these gains are phenomenal." she said, "I've only known you..." She looked like she was doing some mental arithmetic, "barely two months, and you've gone from absolute zero, to NEARLY LEVEL THREE! Do you have any idea how unusual that is?"
He shook his head.
"Of course you don't." she said shaking her head, "Ok, let's choose your worst stat and inspect it. What's your worst, least productive stat?"
"romanz." said Gob.
"Oh, bless!" said Kylie, "Still heartbroken?"
"foreva," said Gob.
"Alright then, go ahead and get some insight into romance. As bad as it sounds you're probably right, it isn't really a stat that's likely to help you as you progress." she admitted.
Gob looked at the stat.
"Well that's interesting," said Kylie, "Actually that's really great! So while it's horribly heartbreaking, the stat really doesn't contribute to anything you want to develop, but at the same time won't disadvantage your overall xp. So the only question now is, how do you unlearn a stat?"
"da ova fing iz dat i hav to balans da splinta by helpin out ova peepl wiv der stats."
"Oh right." said Kylie, "What about... me?"
"wot yoo need help wiv?" he asked, "i fort da masta fix yoo oredy?"
"He certainly helped," said Kylie, "and so did you, Gob. But there is something else... it's dumb though..."
Gob simply looked at her encouragingly.
"I can't help but feel guilty about... leaving Gervais and going on this adventure. I've got this stat, guilt, that nags at me. Especially any time I start using my new Arcane blessings instead of the Bright blessings he helped me learn."
"sho mi yor guilt stat!" said Gob.
"That's true!" exclaimed Kylie. Guilt is a mix of mostly positive memories, dragged down by the fact that I'm worried I'm here because I've done something wrong!"
"but yoo didn." said Gob, "jervase sent yoo away. he chose. so wy yoo guilty?"
"I don't know!" said Kylie, "But now I understand where that stat originates from, I guess I can work on it..."
"What just happened?" Kylie asked him.
"i juz got anova feelin point, an orso a crapstatz point." said Gob, "i neva got a feelin point befor... i fort i wood ony eva git sevin..."
"Gob!" said Kylie, "What if, by using the Splinter of Insight to help others you aren't just balancing it's power, but also levelling your crapstatz stats!? That might mean unlimited stat corrections! That might mean you could cultivate your own power by correcting your own stats... indefinitely! That's insane!"
"it woz juz wun point kylz, i fink yoo shood calm down a bit..."
"No way am I calming down! This is like that time when I told you you had a 5xinitiative multiplier and you were like
"What's big?" asked Le?n rejoining them, "Not this troll... he's tiny!"
"i haz got bigga clors dan yoo, flowa pot." growled Gob.
"Good luck figuring out which Elf to cut with them!" laughed Le?n, tapping Gob on the back of his head even though it still looked like the Elf was in front of him. The Le?n that Gob had been growling at disappeared suddenly, and the real Le?n was standing behind Gob.
"Le?n, don't play around with that." said Kylie, "That skill creeps me out. We were just working on understanding Gob's new Splinter of Insight."
"Oh, yeah that. That was actually awesome Gob. Make sure you use it on every enemy, it puts you at a massive advantage..."
"Oh it does a lot more than just that Le?n," started Kylie.
He interrupted her, "You'll have to tell me later, we're on the move again. The Goblins have agreed to take us to the Goblin Council, and they think the Goblin horde will join the battle against the Lich Queen. We're leaving right now."
"i hope da puky goblin hord iz betta at fitin dan dese wuns were." said Gob, pointing at the hoppers and their riders.
"I wouldn't get your hopes up," said Le?n, "but on an open battlefield numbers count for a lot, and if it's one thing Goblins always have in their favour, it's numbers..."