“Are you completely fucking insane?” Pan sputtered.

  Holt leaned back in his chair, a confused expression covering his face. “I had thought that would be obvious by now. I’ve trapped you and ninety-nine others in this world against your will. In front of a live audience, in thanks to your streaming capabilities. Three of those I’ve trapped are now dead, entirely because of this game. In terms of Earth, I’m ruined. My company will be destroyed in the stock market, and then in a court of w. My name will be used in lessons to the masses that the ultra wealthy are nothing but an oppressor, viewing those beneath them as only a source of amusement. I’m meddling in forces beyond your understanding, and quite frankly, beyond even mine. So, yes, I am, as you put it, ‘completely fucking insane.’ I thought that was a given by now.”

  She tried to maintain eye contact, but there was something there in his gaze that normally wasn’t present. An intensity. Oh, he cimed madness, but there wasn’t any there that she could see. No. There was a quiet, intense determination, a will. She could almost feel it pressing against her, and she flinched away.

  “Well,” he asked, “do you want to hear what I want you to do?”

  “You ever hear about the illegal mod community for the Gray Gear, the stuff that ran Galnt Stand II and Immortalized?”

  “A little. Some of my own techs were involved in it. We wanted to deconstruct the gear while making our own. Figure out what they did right, and what they did wrong, while revolutionizing the whole setup.”

  “Yeah, well, there was this one guy, Johnny Fives, assuming he’s even real. It’s some Dark Web creepypasta story. No one knows if it’s real or not. And the story goes, he wasn’t happy with how the Gray Gear worked. You put on a helmet, lie down somewhere, and you get transported to a game world. Your body is locked in a sleep state while you py. But Johnny Fives, he thought, ‘What if I want to be aware of the real world, and still interacting with it, while pying the game?’ No idea why you’d want to do that.”

  “Perhaps he wanted things to be the way they used to be,” Holt said. “Years ago, back when I was a child, you would py a game on a PC, or a console, and still be able to interact with people around you. Not that many people did. Maybe he had a girlfriend he was neglecting, and just wanted to have a conversation with her while pying his game.”

  “Stupid way to do it. He could just invite her into the game. Or not py at all.”

  Holt spread his hands in an ‘I don’t know’ gesture, but he smiled at her.

  “Well, for whatever reason, Johnny Fives decided to do it. Figure out a way to keep his brain in the meat space while still being in the game space. Put his brain in two spots at once, at the same time. And according to the story, he did it. But there was a price.”

  “Extensive neurological damage,” Holt said. “He quite thoroughly broke his own mind. The symptoms vary from telling to telling. Some say he permanently split his consciousness in two, some that he had a stroke and died, others that he paralyzed himself, gave himself a neurodegenerative disease like Parkinson’s, or that he was driven insane. Yes, I’m aware of the story. Is there a point?”

  “Icarus,” she said. “I guess I could’ve just recounted that story, in hindsight. Okay, so there’s this guy named Daedalus, and–”

  “Spare me, I know that story, too.”

  “Point is… you know that some part of me wants to be someone else so badly, that you’ll wave that carrot in front of my face, and I’ll stupidly chase my dream right until my brain breaks, or the wax holding my wings together melts.”

  “You are predisposed towards self-destruction, yes. You and many of your fellow pyers.”

  “Well, I don’t want what I want. I’m not going to destroy myself for…” she gestured at the briefcase, “... that.”

  “We all destroy ourselves for our dreams.”

  She bit her lip, and stared at the briefcase. She’d made a mistake, looking at it. She’d told the story of Johnny Fives to keep her mind off it, what y inside, But seeing it there. She was so fucked up for wanting this. It was a serious invasion. What would Otter even think, someone out there wanting to be her that badly?

  “She saved me once,” Pan said numbly. “I was pying Galnt Stand II in my offtime with some friends. Hardcore character. You die, and you’re gone, all your stuff, xp, everything. Not usually my thing, but it was my hyperfocus at the time, you know? I’d gotten to the midgame. And I thought I’d try my luck against the Inevitable. It’s this–”

  “I know what the Inevitable is.”

  “Right. Competition, and all. It was me and three friends. William, Phillipus, and Moss. It was te at night, we were getting a little sleepy, but I thought it’d be a good idea to do an Inevitable run. And, well, long story short, William got bitten and turned into one of those things. For all intents, dead, but the game puppeted his corpse to try to kill us. Phillipus had flown on ahead to scout, and was separated from us. The kid in our group, Moss, was just being an idiot and screaming, probably about to die. I was supposed to be the leader, and normally, I can lock in. But not that time. No, I panicked. I’d never done that before, but the Inevitable are… terrifying. We thought we were all done, about to make our, heh, galnt stand, and then in swoops Pandemona.

  “We had no idea who she was in the moment. Found out ter, after the clip went viral. At the time. we just knew she was kicking ass and nuking every single one of those Inevitable fucks. We rallied, and the rest of us didn’t even up dying after all. And you should’ve seen her. I’ve never seen someone look so alive, not in a video game, not in real life. This big smile on her face, like this was her purpose. I thought to myself, ‘What would it be like to be that happy?’”

  “And you think happiness equates to being someone else?”

  Pan shrugged. “You probably have it all in that psych profile of yours. It’s not great, being me.”

  “In my experience, it’s not great being anyone. But I also understand that sometimes it’s worse for others. I can’t tell you whether or not if it’s better trying to be someone else. All I can do is give you the option.”

  “You know you’re enabling what some people would call unhealthy behaviour, right?”

  “I’ve committed worse crimes before breakfast. Probably even today’s breakfast. What do I care for the opinions of others?” He said it glibly, with a smile, but Pan knew a lie when she heard one.

  “What do you want?”

  “Something small. Something easy. It won’t hurt anyone, least of all yourself. If anything, I’m helping you progress.”

  She didn’t know if she trusted that. Holt might be acting all sympathetic now, but he was a snake oil salesman. There was no way he was doing her a favour and rewarding her for doing so.

  “What do you get out of this?”

  “I move a pawn to a more favourable position. I get to feel good increasing your chances of survival. I make you more inclined to listening to my recommendations in the future. I get to annoy someone who doesn’t particurly care for me. Pick a reason.”

  There was none of that usual smile of his. If anything, he looked kind of tired.

  “Fine. What do you want?”

  “Go back to the ocean. And take a deep breath.”

  She waited for him to continue, and then when he didn’t, said, “Wait, what?”

  “Exactly what I said. Breathe in the water.”

  “I’ll drown, you colossal twit.”

  “Nah.” he said with a wave of his hand.

  “I need to be able to breathe air. Breathing in water is, well, it’s not the opposite of that, but it’s pretty close.”

  “You’ll be fine. Trust me.”

  “I’m having trouble trusting the man who trapped me in a death game.”

  “If I wanted to kill you, I think I’ve already demonstrated that I can. Easily. Unless you think I do this for fun.”

  “I absolutely think you engage in psychotic behaviour for fun, since I can’t think of any logical reason to expin your actions.”

  He sighed. And then reached across the table, pulling the briefcase back to his side.

  “Hey, wait, don’t be so hasty.”

  He simply closed it, snapping it shut, not even bothering to look at her.

  “Just tell me why you want me to do it. What does me sucking in a lungful of ocean water do?”

  He paused, running his fingers along the case. “Because it’s not ocean water here.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It’s all you’re getting out of me. Make your choice.”

  DorenWinslowe