Chapter 1: Unusual Desolation (Part 1)

  Tsinghua University is a prestigious university, and like Peking University, it is the dream school for many young people who are eager to learn. The campus is home to top students from all over the country, and its grand architecture gives off an atmosphere of profoundness and vastness. Every year, new students who just stepped into the campus would feel a bit at a loss, just like Liu Laolao when she first entered the Grand View Garden.

  But at this moment, Long Bao did not have the same emotional excitement as his classmates. His classmates all had their own families, people who cared about them, and a stable source of livelihood. But what about him? He was an orphan, without parents or grandparents, without anyone to care for him. He was an orphan who didn't even have enough money for tuition, let alone living expenses, and was struggling to make ends meet in a strange and unfamiliar place.

  Every student in the university is dressed in bright clothes and has a radiant complexion, while Long Bao's earthy and simple appearance is desolate. Without exception, all students are outlining a beautiful blueprint for their future life, but Long Bao's black eyes focus on how to survive, not on comparing external things among students, nor on seeking knowledge from this treasure trove of knowledge, nor on evaluating the beautiful scenery and pretty school flowers in the campus. What he thinks about is so simple yet so necessary.

  Bacon said that knowledge is power, and knowledge can decorate. This sentence is indeed an undeniable truth, but such a truth has a crucial premise, which is survival. Only when survival is not threatened, does knowledge seem important to people, can give people strength, and can decorate people. Knowledge is only a spiritual need, not a belly need. For the belly, what is needed is food.

  How difficult it is to survive! In such a secular economic society, if you still want your survival to live out your own dignity.

  Wen Li sat stupidly in her dormitory, hugging a cute cartoon pillow.

  Why is he like this? Why? I just lost a bun, does it deserve him to get so angry?

  His angry look was really frightening, the cold light in his eyes could be like a sword, piercing deeply into my heart that longed for his tenderness at this moment. It made me shiver with fear.

  Wen Li heavily slammed the pillow on her thigh, heartless! Heartless! Growing up this big, no one has ever scolded me, everyone spoiled and protected me. Why should I be afraid of him? Afraid he won't care about me? Hmph! Others are so tired from military training, their waists and backs ache, but he never came to comfort me. Instead, because I lost a bun, he scolded me for not knowing the value of hard work, not knowing how easy it is to waste food! Do you think I don't know to cherish food? Do you think I don't know that my parents' money doesn't come easily? Is this bun too bad-tasting?! And still dare to glare at people with such eyes! You just don't know how others will feel hurt by your behavior!

  Wen Li thought and thought, feeling really sad in her heart. I miss Mom so much, it would be great if Mom were here.

  A girl's tears come easily and before she knows it, her face is covered with them.

  Huang Qiuya walked in with her lunchbox.

  "Huh, Wenli, why aren't you going to eat?" Huang Qiuya put the lunchbox on the table and asked in surprise, "Don't you want to eat? Are you uncomfortable somewhere? Come, let me take a look."

  Seeing Wenli's face didn't look right, as if she had just cried, she walked over and stroked Wenli's shoulder, saying softly: "Are you homesick?"

  Wen Li shook her head, hesitated for a moment and then nodded again.

  "Come on, not eating is not okay, or thinking of mom will have no energy," Huang Qiuya is from Jiangsu, she is as beautiful as Wenli, but more fashionable than Wenli. She and Wenli are in the same dormitory and have become good friends. She tried to make Wenli laugh, saying: "Let's eat together, I caught three pounds today, there's enough food, I can't finish it by myself, let's eat together, or else I'll waste a lot."

  Don't mention the food and dishes, it's fine. Perhaps Wenli saw someone in the dormitory and stopped crying. But now Huang Qiuya brought up this sensitive topic of food and dishes again, Wenli's grievances that had just calmed down were stirred up once more, and she burst into tears with a "Wu" sound.

  Roommates who returned one after another all joined in to comfort her.

  Girls are the most sympathetic, and also the easiest to be infected by group effect. You have sad things, I have sad things; you miss home, I miss home too; military training is so tiring that I even want to drop out! While comforting her, Wenli cried non-stop, and many others followed suit. In the end, almost all the girls who came to watch had red eyes, but actually, except for Wenli herself, nobody knew the reason and origin of this crying.

  The five girls from Room 415 finally knew the reason and angrily dragged Wenli to find Longbo.

  I'm sitting on a cement bench by the playground edge, hugging my knees with both hands, looking gloomy.

  How can I make money? The tuition fees for one year are so high, all of which were paid by Uncle Wu. Eating here is very expensive, and if you don't save money, a day's meals will cost 4 or 5 yuan. With the little money I have on me, it won't last long. What should I do when the time comes? The 200 yuan in the meal card was also given by Uncle Wu to buy. After finishing these, I'll have to buy my own food. If I still eat like before, two steamed buns and a bowl of porridge for breakfast, six liang of rice and one yuan's worth of dishes for lunch, eight liang of rice and one yuan's worth of dishes for dinner, then I won't be able to afford food for long.

  In the current situation where it's hard to earn money, I must first control my increasingly difficult-to-satisfy stomach. The elderly say that the stomach is a piece of skin, and the more you eat, the thicker it gets. Starting from tomorrow, I will only eat one mantou for breakfast, and congee is no longer allowed; lunch and dinner can only be four liang (a unit of weight), and vegetables are the most expensive dish, five yuan per serving.

  In a few days, it's Wenli sister's birthday, Wenli sister likes to read books, so I have to buy her a good book as a gift. Additionally, she has been asking me to give her a copy of Xu Beihong's "Galloping Horses", so I need to buy some xuan paper... this will cost dozens of yuan...

  While I was analyzing and calculating my financial situation and solution, Shi Wei from the same dormitory rushed over to me and shouted loudly: "Long Bao! Many beautiful girls are looking for you! Come quickly."

  Looking up, oh, it's Wenli sister, and Huang Qiuya. I know Huang Qiuya, Wenli and I had dinner together with her at the restaurant. The other two or three who came together I didn't recognize. This is not surprising, I've never been to Wenli's dormitory before, the aunt guarding the door doesn't let me in.

  "Wen Li, you're here?" I stood up and walked over to greet them, smiling at Wen Li and asking, "Are they your classmates? Hello."

  The sky was still not dark, the clouds in the west were still faintly reflecting the dim and dull light of the setting sun, hazy and unclear. The outlines of the surrounding scenery were no longer very clear, as if emitting a kind of mysterious and vague tone. Wen Li's classmates stood in a semicircle in front of me, Shi Wei had been squeezed to one side, Shi Wei looked at these girls who were arranged in a peculiar encircling formation with a strange expression, feeling vaguely that something was not right.

  I looked at their silent expressions, wondering what had happened, and with a somewhat embarrassed tone, I smiled at Huang Qiuya: "Huang Qiuya, hi. How come you all came to the playground together today? What a coincidence, look."

  The girls still didn't say a word, using eyes that seemed like they could kill to glare at me furiously.

  I looked at Wenli with inquiring eyes, but Wenli lowered her head and didn't look at me. I had no choice but to turn to Shiwei instead.

  Shi Wei quietly pulled my sleeve, leaned his head close to my ear and whispered: "Long Bao, just now they came to the dormitory looking for you, asked me, I saw your fellow villager Wu Wenli was here, so I brought them here. That Huang Qiuya looks quite arrogant, you'd better be careful, I'm leaving first." It seemed that Shi Wei, who didn't want to be a witness to some incident, had sensed something was not right.

  The irrelevant people left, and under their cold gaze, I wanted to break this uncomfortable silence again: "Wen Li, what's wrong with you all today? Why isn't anyone speaking?"

  "Xiang Longbiao, don't pretend to be deaf and dumb! You're pretending not to know about the good things you've done yourself!" Huang Qiuya blurted out these words as soon as she opened her mouth, rushing towards me.

  What have I done? I don't know what they're talking about, and I'm getting more and more curious: "What's this good thing you've done yourself? I don't know what you're talking about. Can't you speak clearly?"

  Huang Qiuya and the others saw me like this, their anger grew even stronger, chattering away: "Speak! What did you do to Wenli today?" "Just a broken rice bowl, and you scold her so ruthlessly?!" "Wenli was so good to you, but you..." "Do you still have a conscience? Is your heart black?" "Wenli is heartbroken to the point of death, but you're acting like nothing's wrong! Pig-headed fool!"...

  Wen Li's tears fell like a stream, and with a sob, she turned her head and ran away.

  "You little rascal! Don't ever come looking for Wenli at our place again! I'm warning you!"

  It turns out that it was all about the steamed bun incident, and they came to me in such a big way to vent their grievances. I couldn't help but laugh and cry at the same time. Wenli took a bite of the steamed bun and threw it away, and I have always been against wasting food, so I scolded her a few words at the time. Maybe my tone was a bit heavy, but wasn't what I said reasonable?

  I come from the countryside, and I have experienced hardships since I was a child. I clearly understand the difficulties of farming. A bun may not be worth much money, but it takes a lot of sweat and time to produce it! From plowing the land, loosening the soil, sowing seeds, fertilizing, watering, pest control, harvesting, carrying wheat stalks, drying, threshing, grinding flour, kneading dough... all these steps require good weather. I have personally experienced the hardships of agricultural production, and I have no reason not to cherish every grain of food. Food is for eating, not for wasting. Now that I'm tightening my belt, how can I not stop Wenli's behavior of not treasuring food?

  I'm speechless.

  Perhaps due to physical growth and development, since I started my food-saving campaign, I've been feeling very hungry every day. Even though I just ate, it doesn't take long before I feel empty and uncomfortable in the stomach. In order not to consume the limited food on bodily exercise, I cancelled my daily morning runs and afternoon single-bar activities. Every day is now just canteen, classroom, library, dormitory.

  I sometimes wonder, did my few words really hurt Wenli that much? On Wenli's birthday, I excitedly held the birthday gift I had prepared for her - a painting of Xu Beihong's galloping horse and a copy of "Roland's Little Language" which cost over 20 yuan. I waited at the dormitory building until Wenli and her roommate came out. Before I could even say "Happy Birthday", Huang Qiuya let out a sharp voice: "Hey, the glorious laboring people have arrived! Are you going to lecture us again, Wenli?"

  I stared at the independent girl in surprise, and under her cold sarcastic gaze, I couldn't think of anything to say. My words stumbled out for the first time: "Today is Wen Li's birthday... I... came to give her a gift."

  "Get out! Stop fawning all over the place, it's disgusting! I'm telling you, stop being so full of yourself! Wen Li, Wen Li! You can't just call her that!" She said fiercely, gritting her teeth.

  Wen Li lowered her head and walked forward.

  I hastily picked up the things and shouted: "Wenli! This is for you! For you!"

  Wen Li hesitated for a moment, Huang Qiuya walked up and put her hand on Wen Li's shoulder, giving it a gentle push, and the few of them continued walking forward.

  My hand hovered in mid-air for a long time before slowly coming down.

  When I read this, I feel that Confucius is indeed one of the greatest thinkers in the world. Socrates, when faced with a shrewish woman, only dared to say "after thunder comes heavy rain" - such words that completely lose a man's dignity and abandon his masculinity. Plato, when facing the woman he admired, talked about spiritual love - although they are also great thinkers, they are absolutely cowards, without any masculine vigor, completely lacking in virility. On the other hand, Confucius' one sentence encompasses all women's primitive classic behavior: "Women and small men are hard to cultivate!" Comparing women to small men is simply a divine invention. What are small men? That's what women are.

  At this moment, I once again experienced Huang Qiuya's demeanor. Standing there and enduring the constant flow of girls' gazes and whispers, all I could do was use this phrase to excuse myself in my heart as I turned to leave.

  The library bell rang, preparing to close. I was squeezed among the crowd and came out of the library. In the cool autumn night, the autumn wind blew against me. Lifting my eyes, the stars were infinite, and a half-moon hung in the dark sky.

  I really miss Wen Li, her soft voice, soft smile, especially when she smiles, her lips slightly curled up, and her nose slightly wrinkled. The brightness in her eyes is just like the moon in the sky. I haven't seen her for two weeks, since her birthday, she hasn't come to eat at San Shi Tang again. Usually, she would run all the way from the Biological Engineering Department to San Shi Tang to eat.

  In the library, there are my most delightful books. I am crazy about those thick and famous works of literature, history, and biographies. Reading originally has such a great benefit - it can make people forget hunger. Every time you are fully immersed in reading, your brain will numb the reactions of your other physiological organs, making you not feel the physical needs for a long time, especially the stomach.

  Looking back on the days when I used to read, I rarely had such a strong feeling of needing food. Although life was bitter in the past, we had land, crops and vegetables on the land, and I could often go hunting with my dog and catch fish to improve our lives. Corn stalks, sweet potatoes, and peas were always available to fill my stomach. But now, all days have to rely on the little property I have left and the living allowance that school regularly puts into my meal card!

  The more I miss life, the hungrier my stomach becomes.

  Recently, I have been dreaming of eating meat and eggs, running wild rabbits on Bear Mountain, and eating fish caught in the river. The letters from teachers and several classmates always evoke my homesickness, their blessings make me miss my distant Grandpa Qi infinitely.

  I've lost weight, but I'm a bit taller now. It's been a long time since I last got some sun like before, my face is no longer as dark as it used to be, that dark skin has faded a bit. But my legs have started to swell slightly, and when pressed, a shallow pit appears.

  From my high school physiology and health textbooks, as well as the books I've read, I know that this is due to a lack of nutrition and protein. Aunt Zhang from the third canteen often gives me extra vegetables, and sometimes even adds some stir-fried meat, but that can't solve anything, on the contrary, it makes me crazily yearn for eating that huge piece of white, tender, and fatty meat with skin, taking a bite, my mouth is filled with oil!

  I am not a follower of vegetarianism, on the contrary, I feel that my body has a strong need for animal fat and protein. My stomach is like a bottomless pit, its urgent demands have affected my entire freshman year's historical evolution process. Watching those city classmates who always complain about buying meat without lean meat when buying vegetables, and then casually throwing the meat into the trash can; watching those spoiled girls who can't finish eating the meals they bought and throw them away, I am so eager for these people's rice bowls to be my stomach, I am so fervently hoping that they are Wen Li. Wen Li sometimes gives me the meat and unfinished dishes from her bowl to eat.

  Looks like this is a profitable business!

  I never thought that I would write an article about how college students should view food due to my intense passion for food and extreme disdain for classmates wasting food, but after finishing writing it, I submitted it to the City Evening News and it was actually published on the third page of the October 21st edition. The editor's note even gave a very high evaluation! Of course, what made me happiest was that the remuneration was actually 40 yuan!

  In the past, the manuscript fees were all taken by the teacher on my behalf, and they were very small. Moreover, the teacher usually bought reference books for me with that money, and I never cared about it. Now I've found a way to earn some pocket money!

  I ate two portions of steamed pork with rice and a pound of food, regardless of how surprised the few MM sitting across from me were, I had a good time indulging in gluttony.

  Elated beyond measure, extreme joy begets sorrow, these two idioms are my best interpretation of this incident.

  At night, due to the sudden happiness that my stomach couldn't handle, I had diarrhea. The diarrhea was so severe that my hands and feet were weak, and I felt dizzy and lightheaded.

  I had planned to start writing my magnificent creation for survival and for the sake of my stomach on the second day, but under my gloomy mood, my brain simply wouldn't listen to commands. My body, which was already in urgent need of nutritional supplements, suffered a severe setback due to the invasion of this illness, and I had no choice but to skip class, forcing myself to eat the porridge and eggs that Shi Wei had made for me, with a bland taste in my mouth.

  Go out for a walk, bask in the sun, and maybe it's good for your body to recover. So I slowly walked out of the school gate and headed east along Donghu East Road.

  In the second half of October, Changsha is no longer that hot. This famous fire city is very prosperous in business. The streets on both sides of Donghu East Road are all lined with shops and restaurants, especially the latter. The wooden signboards standing outside the gate are filled with various dishes. These must be delicious, I think, and can't help but smack my lips.

  Suddenly I saw a sign at the entrance of this restaurant written in red paper: Recruiting two part-time workers, requiring hard work and endurance, under 25 years old, with preferential treatment.

  Heaven helps those who help themselves!

  At the age of 14, I relied on this Tsinghua University student ID, my sweet mouth and not-so-short stature to secure my first job in life under the scrutiny of a restaurant owner. From 11:30 am to 1:30 pm and from 5:30 pm to 8:00 pm every day, for four and a half hours, I could earn 13 yuan, and the boss would provide me with lunch and dinner. In the restaurant, my job was either delivering take-out or washing endless bowls, which was very easy work for me.

  For freshmen, the school has always been relatively strict in management. Instructor Zhang Yuren had already taken notice of me for skipping classes consecutively. On this day half a month later, at exactly 11:10, he blocked my way in front of the side gate of the school.

  Oh no! How did I run into Teacher Zhang here?! What should I do? Turn around and go back? No way, he's already seen me! Then what am I supposed to say to him? Tell him that I skipped class because I was hungry and went to work? That would be ridiculous! Say that I wasn't feeling well and wanted some fresh air? He'll definitely ask why I didn't go to the school hospital if I wasn't feeling well, but instead came out here to play. What should I do?!

  The bicycle that had been slowly approaching unknowingly came to a stop in front of him as I pondered anxiously, and I called out: "Teacher Zhang!"

  Teacher Zhang stared at me with a normal gaze, and I was still standing on the car. To be honest, I really didn't think that in this situation I should immediately get off the car.

  My eyes have betrayed my panic, my palms are sweating, I've never been stared at with such contempt, suspicion, hatred, distrust and disdain before, not even when I was being beaten by others, their eyes only had hate but not this kind of bone-deep humiliation and punishment.

  "Get down!" Teacher Zhang pointed at my face and shouted, "You get down for me!"

  It's all over! It's all over! I'm sure it was because I skipped class and he found out. My blank mind couldn't think of anything, and I stiffly got off the bus.

  "Where are you going? Tell me, where exactly are you going?"

  My heart feels like it's been punched again.

  "Long Bao, you're really too bold! Why didn't you attend this philosophy class?" Teacher Zhang asked.

  "I, I have something to say, sorry, Teacher Zhang." All the teachers in my eyes are very tall figures, I have always respected them, and I said these difficult words with some tension in front of Teacher Zhang.

  "Sorry? Sorry has nothing to do with me! Long Bo! You must live up to yourself, live up to your parents! Coming to university is not for having fun, it's for studying! If you want to have fun, don't come to school!" He was extremely angry at me, his tone and expression stern.

  Teacher, I'm not doing it for fun! Really! I just want to earn some money! How could I do it for fun? The loud cry in my heart is unknown to the teacher, and I don't even know how to defend myself. It seems like all defenses are unnecessary. I lower my head, feeling very sad.

  "Let me tell you! Many classmates have reflected, and the teacher in charge has also reflected that you often skip class! Don't think that just because you got into college, you're something special. Don't think that just because you're still young and don't understand things, you can do whatever you want. Don't think that just because you're smart, you can skip classes. This is only your freshman year and you're already so arrogant! You..."

  Am I really such a student? Is this still a student? It's simply not a thing! When intellectuals use human language to educate people, they can actually be so penetrating! With my ears being forcibly filled with these heart-piercing words, I'd rather scream "Enough!"

  Enough! Enough! Enough! Suddenly, the images of all the people I know and don't know appeared in my mind, my head is spinning, so tired.

  I still don't know how I could have shouted out the "Enough!" that had been repeating in my heart hundreds of times, and when my ears suddenly picked up these two words, I was shocked to realize that this terrifying phrase was actually my own voice! It was actually coming from my own mouth!

  Teacher Zhang was stunned! I was also stunned!

  Teacher Zhang never expected that I would dare to say such serious insults to his teacher's dignity! I also never expected that I would dare to say such words that would bring trouble to myself!

  Teacher Zhang's face turned pale and he turned around and left.

  Rushed to the restaurant, the boss was about to get angry, I quickly picked up the take-out bag that had been packed and left.