0107 Twin butterflies dance in front of flowers (below)

  10 o'clock at night.

  The bathroom is eerily quiet.

  Liu Youyou's charming and gentle demeanor was on full display as she leaned over the edge of the bathtub to scrub Ye Cai's back.

  Ye Cai is very slender, with a delicate skeleton, and even the lines on her back are soft and gentle. For Liu Youyou, using a towel to scrub her is also a kind of enjoyment.

  She had just been messed up by Ye Cai a few times, and was still in a daze with a strong smell of fish. Ye Cai cleaned her up with a sullen expression, looking somewhat self-abased and dispirited.

  She suggested that Ye Cai also be comforted, but was refused with a shake of the head. Ye Cai forced a smile and said, "Just rub my back, it's fine."

  Perhaps this is a kind of relaxation for the brain, Ye Cai's eyes were dull and lifeless, her eyebrows slightly furrowed, her cheek pressed against the back of her left hand, looking numb and pale.

  Liu Youyou gradually became aware that Ye Cai's condition was not right, so she asked if she was dozing off. However, Ye Cai shook her head and remained noncommittal, which made Liu Youyou take notice. She understood that Ye Cai wasn't a simple little loli without her own thoughts or opinions, but rather someone with deep-seated concerns. Once those emotions erupted, the feeling of despairing powerlessness was enough to leave one bewildered and at a loss, even losing confidence in life itself.

  She thought about it, and her hands involuntarily slowed down a lot. Ye Cai turned his head back and saw that she was thinking, so he asked: "What do you think is the meaning of your existence?"

  Liu Youyou was taken aback for a moment, then smiled and said: "What meaning is there? Isn't living just living?"

  Ye Cai slightly pursed her lips and expressionlessly explained: "To put it simply, what are you living for? What is sustaining your life?"

  Liu Youyou's eyes were distant and her smile was stiff: "Living is just living, what's with the sudden question?"

  "Is living just about existing? Taking a bath, sleeping, waking up to have breakfast, going to school or work, having lunch, then finding entertainment, chatting, dating, watching movies, anime, or playing games... and the day is gone. But when lying in bed, can't sleep, the mind is either chaotic or empty. At that moment, it's confusing, isn't it?"

  The subconscious problem that had been evading her all along was now being brought up by someone right in front of her, making Liu Youyou's heart tighten and a sense of dazed fear emerge. She rolled her eyes in annoyance and cursed, "What are you mumbling on about with your nonsense?"

  Ye Cai's expression changed and she smiled wryly, saying: "Indeed, it is a heavy problem that makes people want to escape."

  Liu Youyou's heart was in a flurry, her face icy cold. She tossed down the towel and stood up from the bathtub with a splash, saying: "Wipe yourself."

  Yè picked up a towel and slung it over his shoulder, smiling and asking: "Where are you off to? Looking for fun to pass the time?"

  Liu Youyou's back, which had been heading towards the room to listen to music and calm down, suddenly stiffened. Her eyes flashed with shame, fear, and anger as she quickly turned around, her apricot-like eyes glaring furiously, and her small fists clenched tightly.

  Facing the angry color of Liu Youyou, Ye Cai still smiled with a pure and innocent smile, with a bit of Su Xiaoxiao's charm.

  "Who do you think you are? You think you're so clever, huh? Ah?" Liu Youyou's eyes flashed with pure hostility and anger, as if she had been struck at her vulnerable spot.

  With a splash, Ye Cai got up, took a towel to wipe his body, his face was lazy and dazed, he muttered: "Huh, you're like a walking corpse, although your studies are good, but your heart is not strong enough, what's the point of having faith, haha..."

  Her shoulders kept heaving up and down, her eyes were red and puffy from crying, her mouth was pursed in a scowl, with an angry and resentful expression.

  "Save it, what's the point of getting angry? Is dignity worth a few bucks? Aren't we just puppets controlled by society and family anyway? What's the big deal about admitting it openly? And me, I see things clearly, but similarly... Hmph..."

  With a thud, Liu Youyou fell to the ground, as if she had lost all her strength.

  Ye Cai's words pushed open the forbidden gate hidden in her heart, and the darkness that poured out from it, representing an unchanging and desperate despair, carried with it a few strands of pale and hypocritical happiness. Perhaps darkness is the predetermined color of life, a vast and inescapable river of suffering leading to extinction, while paleness is like a small boat, the people on which are constantly threatened and persecuted by the dark river, yet still celebrate the preciousness of life through the path of death, beating drums and gongs.

  Wiped dry, Ye Cai didn't bother to care about the despondent and bewildered Liu Youyou, who was kneeling on the ground in a daze. The slender and gaunt figure left the bathroom with an icy and emotionless back.

  Back to her own room, she immediately went to the closet and started looking for pajamas. The original question was in front of her again: a pure black pajama or a light yellow one with a rabbit pattern, which one should she wear?

  What is cuteness?

  She picked up that set of Tussardi pajamas and Ye Cai fell into deep thought.

  Why does it seem like now there's less of an urge to wear it compared to before?

  Cuteness is a self-deceptive appreciation and joyful mood?

  That's right, cuteness is a manifestation of something beautiful, an emotional sustenance for people who feel inferior and think they are ugly in their subconscious mind! And what we call beauty is just a physical expression, why should individuals with thoughts be confined to this concept? Indeed, does material determine consciousness?

  If one could put aside material desires and focus on elevating their spiritual realm, they shouldn't be bothered by these mundane things, right? But isn't a person made up of protein? That's material too, so why would there be thoughts?

  Damn it, I'm going crazy...

  She raised an eyebrow and shook her head, then picked up the black pajamas and put them on. After dressing, she seemed to want to verify her in-depth analysis of good things, so she ran to the fitting mirror to take a look.

  Just tilt your head and look at it, it seems like this, neither good nor bad, but always feel...

  Moe moe da!

  That's right! I'm very cute, and whatever I wear is cute too! Because I just look very cute!

  In an environment without external gaze and pressure, Ye Caiqin couldn't help but make a few mischievous and playful expressions, then stared blankly, raised her eyebrows, and fell into confusion.

  Why am I sometimes focused on dressing myself up? Does this mean I'm very confused? Hoping to satisfy my empty heart through others' recognition that I'm cute.

  Thought? What is thought?

  Why serve Chairman Mao and material needs?

  Is thought an appendage of matter?

  The soft footsteps broke her reverie, and she turned to see Liu Youyou with a dazed expression, her posture disheveled and lethargic, as if she had just escaped from hell.

  Ye Cai blinked her eyes and asked: "What are you doing here?"

  Under his messy bangs, his eyes were empty and he stared at Ye Cai in a wooden manner, mumbling: "I'm really indecisive, right? Ah? Ye Cai?"

  "Hmph... You're too narrow-minded!"

  Ye Cai slyly smiled and ran over, pulling the other to the bedside, getting a hair dryer to blow her hair, humming loudly, fragrant hair dancing wildly, but unable to blow away Liu Youyou's bewildered expression.

  "I suddenly feel that living is so meaningless..."

  With a sigh, Ye Cai turned off the hair dryer and took a deep breath, saying: "Yes, living is very meaningless, because we've never thought about what our ultimate goal in life is."

  Upon hearing this, Liu Youyou raised her eyes and looked at Ye Cai with a thoughtful expression.

  "In the past, we found it hard to realize that our lives were numb, but suddenly, I became a girl, and as a result, the nearly twenty years of cultivation of masculinity in my family and society became meaningless. We didn't even have the chance to be puppets. The chauvinistic ideas that had been instilled in me since childhood - getting married, having children, earning money to support the family - all lost their significance.

  I want to tell you, I think that gender is originally a meaningless thing. Why do women represent gentleness, weakness, and sentimentality? Why do men represent strength, grandeur, and the need to be silent and strong in the face of difficulties? These are all just societal ideas that have been instilled in us, and as we grow up, they become ingrained in our minds.

  We find it hard to turn back and realize this. From birth, once our gender is identified, our families start cultivating our personalities based on our gender. If you were raised as a girl from the moment you were born, your family would give you the freedom to be spoiled and emotional, they wouldn't scold you for being too sensitive or weak when you cry at the age of ten, but instead comfort you gently.

  Would you still be silent and reserved now?"

  Liu Youyou blinked and said, "I basically understand, but I still think it's meaningless to be alive. It's like seeing a star 100 times bigger than the sun coming towards us, but nothing can change."

  With a sigh, Ye Cai let out a breath and fell onto the bed, equally perplexed, unable to give her an answer.

  Liu Youyou playfully teased with a smile, picked up the hair dryer and started doing her own hair, like a married old mother, complaining and scolding in a casual tone: "You, from childhood you liked to think about so many messy things, when you were young and foolish, saying you wanted to build a paradise without pain or crime. Now, have you come to your senses? And, and tell me, I'm a walking corpse, huh? Have you ever seen such a beautiful and spirited corpse?"

  Ye Cai smiled bitterly, lying on the bed looking down at Liu's slender back from the corner of his eye, and said: "Perhaps you don't even know yourself, but you're avoiding this issue again. Your body needs something, so you think about it in that direction. Do you dare to admit it?"

  She stared blankly ahead, too lazy to bother, and flipped her eyes white, as Liu Youyou continued to blow-dry her hair.

  "I suddenly feel that I'm quite shallow, thinking that everything can be seen through to the surface and deeply thought about. It's like during puberty when sex hormones are most active. Perhaps material things won't determine thoughts, but they will definitely influence them. I was thinking, perhaps all people on this earth, their ideals and goals, all sorts of strange ideas, are all products derived from the influences of historical currents. In short, they're all based on material foundations, just like sprouts growing in the soil of the past. Without a foundation of what came before, we can't even imagine things, because there's no reference point to fantasize about."

  "Thoughts, endless and boundless, intangible and infinite in possibility, are humanity's most precious and mysterious treasure. You can't even imagine it, you're truly speaking nonsense."

  "But no matter how high you can jump, where you jump, or how you turn in mid-air, there must be a starting point."

  After some thought, Liu Youyou nodded in agreement, and what Ye Cai said seemed to make sense.

  "So, I think that humans are simple, consisting of three parts: body, soul, and experience. The body is our shell, container, and outer packaging, while the soul is our motherboard, the core hardware that runs the shell. Experience is the coding written on it, and different experiences will write different codes on the soul. Therefore, everything we can think of in this life will be experienced, or coded, just like the soul is just a tool without self-awareness, carrying goods. I wonder, what were we at the moment when our consciousness was born in our mother's womb? Perhaps that was the original us, the purest us."

  Liu Youyou was stunned for half a day, suddenly turned around and stretched out her hand to Ye Cai, saying: "Do you think it's clearer, more thorough, or meaningful? Or do you think you've figured out the concept of life and want to return to the purest state through suicide?"

  Ye Cai couldn't help but laugh mysteriously, blinking her eyes, and said: "Since you suggest this to me, then shouldn't you be moved by what I say? Otherwise, why don't we die together?"

  She knelt down and rushed over, hugging Liu Youyou's waist, looking up with a pure and innocent smile, saying: "Let's die together, okay?"