I and you are the same

  Rational thinking and emotional thinking are forever complementary, without emotional experience, one cannot get rational liberation. However, the posture of reason will produce contradictions with the people around him and again give rise to strong emotional feelings.

  Of course, this may be an immature expression.

  What is called immature is actually the panic and unease shown when lacking the ability to cope with sudden situations, despite trying to appear profound and wise.

  Not long ago, he was determined to treat Ye Cai with a rational and calm attitude, but at this moment, he was stimulated by the cute and soft attributes, and his rationality was completely lost. The cold little guy was once again stimulated by the strong contrast between Ye Cai's cute appearance and her contemptuous and mocking attitude, which pierced his fragile heart.

  No, she was indeed self-abased and lonely. Every time she rolled over on the bed with Ye Cai but couldn't completely possess each other, she felt a sense of annoyance rising from her heart.

  To put it bluntly, every time a man's soul awakens, he can't (doesn't have the organ) strongly grasp and pluck the leaves, which makes her feel an unexpressed anxiety and anger.

  As the male partner in her relationship with Ye Cai, she has been burdened with a heavy responsibility and pressure that is invisible to others. Every time she realizes this contradiction, she feels deeply powerless and anxious. Yes, at least for now, she is still a weak girl, perhaps the identity of being a man's girlfriend is too heavy, too ridiculous and too forced on her.

  But she was not willing to be confined in the weak body of a girl, so when they were intimate with each other, she would often stubbornly and strongly avoid this topic, suppressing her anxiety and waiting for the return of her majestic life as a man.

  However, the topic was brought to the surface now. Ye Cai ridiculed in front of her nominal boyfriend, the "man's heroic spirit" she had been guarding and expecting, making her feel stunned at first, with a desolate and bleak color gradually filling her eyes, and gradually doubting Ye Cai's love for her, until disappointment.

  She raised her eyes, gave a frivolous and disdainful smile, rolled her eyes weakly, and said: "Yes, that's right, a man's heroic spirit... I just want to fuck you..."

  Ye Cai was shocked and speechless, being struck by that dirty word, wanting to vomit but her tongue was tied. "Damn it! I used to be a man, ah! You're capable of doing such a thing, but even I feel disgusted!"

  However, upon further reflection, she felt a bit relieved and helpless. Ah, wasn't Cold Xiao a playful and arrogant Luo Li?

  She turned this conclusion over in her mind several times, and again felt a bitter and desolate feeling, a sense of powerlessness about the difference in their living philosophies. In her self-mockery and sarcasm towards others, it was - no way, everyone is not in the same realm anymore, thinking heights are different, can't communicate.

  However, Leng Xiao didn't notice or care about her supposedly intelligent and transparent thoughts. After being rough and rude, she felt complicated and terrible inside, feeling self-loathing and disappointed in her feelings towards Ye Cai. She immediately gave a disgusted look, seemingly unwilling to see the annoying and disrespectful little fool beside her again. With a self-abandoning tone, she pouted and said: "Forget it, I don't want to think about it anymore. Anyway, it's not going to work out, so let someone else worry about it. From now on, I'll just wander the world alone, and when I'm free, I'll go practice boxing. It's quite carefree."

  Leng Xiao's words, though seemingly careless, were laced with a hint of mockery, and carried a detached tone that was both hurtful and infuriating. Ye Cai listened with a face as cold as frost and eyes that shone like dark ice, all her pain and anger pouring out through the clenched fist grasping the bed sheet, as if one more provocation would have her grab a knife and start slashing.

  At this moment, Leng Xiaoyao got out of bed, whistling softly, and walked to the chair in slippers. However, when facing the clothes that were casually piled on the back of the chair without any order, separating their clothes became an embarrassing and awkward task.

  This shows that under her indifferent and leisurely false appearance, she still deeply loves Ye Cai, to the point where she can't bear to let him see this scene that foretells their farewell. However, the reason for the emotional problem is too complicated, and the temporary contradictions that have arisen make it difficult for people to save face. In the end, after repeatedly recalling Ye Cai's infuriating sneers and disdainful appearance, she firmly made up her mind and attitude.

  During that stiff period, Ye Cai must have seen it in the eyes of those behind her back. So she didn't pretend to be calm and leisurely anymore, lest she would become a laughing stock again. She angrily separated their clothes, throwing each piece onto the bed without looking back, her eyes filled with anger and resentment towards Ye Cai's wrongdoings.

  Pajamas, fists, and suit pants... fell around Ye Cai like raindrops, sometimes speeding past with a fierce momentum that contained anger, making Ye Cai even more furious. He clenched his teeth, his cheeks slightly bulging, his slender body trembling violently as he grasped the quilt tightly. His eyes were wide open, spewing out thick and chaotic cold fury.

  She told herself to calm down, took a deep breath and shrugged her shoulders, closing her eyes as she tried to convert all the pent-up anger in her chest into carbon dioxide and release it from her body.

  Just then, in the midst of confusion and panic, she was slapped with a coarse, slightly cool suit jacket on her face. The anger that had been building up suddenly collapsed and burst out violently. She grabbed the suit jacket and threw it fiercely at the equally furious figure walking away from her.

  "What's wrong with you!!!!?"

  With a soft thud, the suit slid down from Leng Xiaoyu's stiff back and fell to the ground. After all, it was just a piece of clothing, no matter how hard she threw it, it couldn't cause any real harm. But the thunderous roar of rage in her voice gave Leng Xiaoyu a strong shock that shook her soul. She was stunned for a moment, perhaps bewildered as to what attitude to take in response to the outburst of anger.

  The man's icy angry and deep posture, or the little girl's hurt and wronged pitiful posture.

  She felt bewildered, and in this bewilderment, she concretely sensed the specific feelings of desolation and sorrow - in the end, it seemed that not only had her body changed into a girl's, but even her way of thinking was quietly changing?

  Don't even have the right to choose?

  Even reactions after being severely damaged need to be carefully considered?

  Is this still a normal person?

  She asked herself repeatedly, and the feeling of grievance and helplessness gradually surged out from her heart. Her shoulders trembled slightly, and she couldn't hold back a muffled sob. Perhaps she was tired of pretending to be strong, she knelt down on the ground, struggling to protect the strength and dignity that she thought a "man" should have. She leaned against the back of the chair, her lips trembling as she held back tears, but eventually burst into loud crying.

  The sobbing sound echoes, as if it is lingering in the cold and desolate palace, a mournful and helpless dirge.

  However, there is a bit more coquettishness and arbitrariness in the tone, although it expresses sorrow, resentment, and self-pity at times, but it's enough to hear that it's not just a bleak mindset of bowing down to fate, but rather a complex negative emotion brought about by being a man with a woman's heart. In the past, they would usually take care of family and friends while unconsciously burying it in their hearts, but under this circumstance, it is deeply excavated and then let out freely, making people feel a sour and uncomfortable feeling in their hearts.

  Not to mention the laborers who, after digging deep into the soil with an iron shovel, wipe their sweat and wait for the spring water.

  Ye Cai, who had been maintaining a cold and angry demeanor in anticipation of Cold Xiao Yu's icy and sarcastic treatment, was taken aback by the latter's sudden display of vulnerability and despair. He couldn't help but twitch at the corners of his mouth, feeling a mix of emotions, including a hint of relief. After all, no matter how much Cold Xiao Yu tried to act like a man, she was still a delicate girl at heart, and her distress was something that Ye Cai could deeply empathize with, having experienced similar pain himself.

  She carefully got out of bed, gentle and pitiful, trying to support the kneeling and wailing Leng Xiaoyu back onto the warm bed, but was awkwardly pushed away by Leng Xiaoyu.

  "Ugh, don't pull me, I'm a hopeless case, sooner or later I'll completely become a girl, sooner or later I'll be screwed by men... Don't bother with me, anyway you're disgusted that I'm a girl, why bother? I'm not even a guy anymore, I'm almost completely becoming a girl, I won't be able to hold on to you..."

  Ye Cai listened with a flushed face, it turned out that this guy was feeling miserable and helpless because of the change in thinking mode. He let out a bitter sigh, as if he couldn't help himself, and dragged Cold Xiao to the bed with all his might.

  Suppressing Xiao Yu's awkward and disordered resistance, she gritted her teeth and scolded in a stern tone: "What are you thinking? What kind of nonsense is this? Can't you... not treat me like an ordinary girl?! I... damn it!"

  Propping himself up with the last of his strength, he kicked against the bed frame and finally managed to drag Leng Xiaoyu onto the bed. He didn't dare let go, instead hastily wrapping his arms around her waist as she tried to scramble off the bed again. His body was limp, his brain oxygen-deprived, and his breathing uneven, but he trembled with effort, lifting his head slightly to whisper in Leng Xiaoyu's ear: "I'm... just like you!"

  "Huh?"

  Leng Xiao was suddenly stunned by this sentence, and she fell asleep on Ye Cai's body in a daze. At this time, Ye Cai, who had just finished speaking and was like a deflated balloon, really couldn't bear the pressure anymore. He lazily pushed her and hinted at her, tiredly saying: "Go to sleep, I'm so f**king exhausted..."

  She was taken aback for a moment, and then thought of Ye Cai's frail body as thin as dry bones. So Leng Xiaoyao obediently turned over to the side, facing Ye Cai sideways, quietly wiping away her tears while pondering the connotation of Ye Cai's words in her heart.

  She hadn't figured it out yet, but Ye Cai, who was panting slightly, seemed to be uneasy as he turned his head sideways and said lazily: "Don't forget, I used to be a man too. What you're thinking now, I thought the same way back then. The feelings you have now, I had them too..."

  It's a bit of a nagging tone, but Cold Xiao thought that not responding would be impolite, so she blinked and exclaimed in surprise: "Really?"

  Just now she was crying so painfully, but in the blink of an eye she became lively and playful. This sudden and strange change, even a ghost would know that she was pretending to comfort people. Ye Cai couldn't help but smile wryly, patted her back against Cold Xiao's fragrant shoulder, and said: "Turn around, let me look at you."

  After pinching and twisting for half a day, several rounds of entanglement, Leng Xiao Ya finally let out a coquettish hum, quickly turned around, but it was an extremely icy face.

  Ye Cai seemed to have seen through her mood, with a sly gaze staring at her with a bad smile. At first, she could still respond with a disgusted and disdainful look, but after a while, Leng Xiao couldn't take it anymore, her mouth corners involuntarily curled up higher and higher, and her eyes could only shyly drift to the side.

  Just like the bad smile emoticon performed by Dan Huang in Baidu Tieba.

  Yu Zai, who couldn't help but smile, gave a slightly disdainful glance and, in line with his eccentric mood, suddenly pulled Leng Xiaoyu into his arms. He took a deep breath and said, "Don't panic, don't rush, don't think too much. If you have anything you don't understand or are afraid of in the future, be sure to tell me..."

  This tone of being pampered by others made Ling Xiao, who was nominally Ye Cai's boyfriend, feel a bit annoyed and dissatisfied. Just as he raised his head and face, before he could react, he was suppressed by Ye Cai's helpless expression.

  "I've told you not to panic or rush, next, I'll explain it to you carefully, for people like us, the specific psychological state...I think that after listening, you will probably be able to face yourself and make the most relaxed and rational life choices..."

  Facing oneself?

  With an air of superiority, unclear and severe, cold and small waist herself pondered for a moment, ultimately really curious about Ye Cai's specific mindset, so pretended to be honest and obediently nodded, with a sense of suspicion and speculation, prepared to carefully listen to Ye Cai's explanation and analysis.

  （……）